Chapter 6: 5. Sinful nature

The next day, Goldie woke me up at first light and dressed me in a white and blue dress.

She had a somber expression as she did so and wouldn’t meet my eyes. It made me worried, but I complied. After yesterday, I felt as if I might be in a lot of trouble.

She picked me up and I tried to grab Darkie, but she stopped me and shook her head. It made me slightly anxious to leave without my plush, but from Goldie’s expression, there was no room for argument.

I felt a pit in my stomach from the thought, but I let go of Darkie’s black and golden paw.

As she carried me out of the room, I couldn’t keep myself from looking back as Darkie’s small black blotch of a shape becoming smaller.

[Don’t worry, I’ll be right back.]

“Okay, I’ll wait for you!”

His shape disappeared as we rounded the corner of the doorframe.

Goldie carried me through the estate on the same path we had yesterday, but instead of the dining room, she carried me through the front door of the estate to a horse-drawn carriage.

Inside was my mother and father.

They looked at me with a stern and disdainful expression as Goldie sat me on the opposite seat of the carriage and draped a blanket over my legs. She left the carriage and waved at me weakly as she closed the door.

I was left alone with my parents.

Normally that would be something to be happy about, but now, I felt like a small animal in a cage. The warm smiles my mother usually gave me were gone, replaced by a spiteful expression. My father’s usually wide open arms were folded on his chest instead of holding me as I fell asleep.

As I sat there under their judging gaze, the carriage departed.

The trip took what felt like hours. I wish had been allowed to bring Darkie along. It would have made the trip that much more bearable.

Maybe he was the reason they got mad at me last night? But why? He’s a good bunny… I never brought one before so maybe there was a rule about not having toys at the table?

The carriage came to a stop and the coach driver came to open the door. The outside light blinded me for a moment, but after he helped me out into the daylight, my eyes adjusted and recognised the church of Meiriem where we usually came to worship once every few weeks or on holidays.

My parents started walking and I tried to grab my mother’s hand, but she pulled away with an annoyed expression. I looked to my father hoping he would help me, but he had already walked away. I tried to follow on my unsteady legs, but no more than 10 steps later, I lost my balance and fell on the rough pavement. It left painful bruises on my knees and hands.

I was roughly made to stand back up on my feet by my mother. She reluctantly dragged me by the hand as I struggled to keep up with her pace. I followed as best I could, but I still lost my balance a few more times earning glares from both my mother and father.

We crossed the large arches of the church into the lobby and continued into the main atrium.

Facing the door was a large water basin with sculpted statues of a man and woman representing the dual nature of Meiriem’s love. I was told that the water of this basin is filled via a miracle from the gods themselves and then blessed by Meiriem’s kinsmanns every day. My father dipped a finger in the water and traced a line down the center of his face. He dipped it once more and then traced another one down my mother’s face and then my own.

We proceeded toward the main altar where two kinsmanns waited. As my father approached, they bowed their heads slightly and my father did the same.

They exchanged a few words, they then escorted us through a hallway at the end of which a large oak door stood. One of the priests pushed the door open. My mother released my hand and, with my father, entered the room.

I tried to follow them, but the other kinsmann held me back by the shoulder.

Before I could see what was in the room, the door closed and I was left with the kinsmann. As I wasn’t familiar with him, I didn’t want to hold on to him, but I could feel my vision spinning slightly as I tried standing still.

I held on for as long as I could, but after struggling to stay on my feet, I still fell backward. The man reflexively caught me. Despite the veil covering his face, I could see his embarrassed expression.

He guided me by the hand to an alcove where I could sit. From this height, I could look through the window in the opposite direction.

An older kinsmann came by and started talking about something with the one escorting me, and dragged him away some distance down the hallway.

Through the window, I had a view of the church gardens.

Fall was already well on its way. The flowers had faded for the most part and been cut, while the trees were now shades of yellow, orange and red.

I could see birds digging through the leaves looking for seeds and worms. A black bird with an orange beak landed at the top of the window where a small venting trap had been left open.

The bird looked around for a second until it locked eyes with me. It glided down to the floor at my feet without breaking eye contact.

My gaze was transfixed with it.

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I looked into its deep dark eyes and imagined the wind going across my cheeks. I could see the top trees and the houses far below as I flew high in the sky above them.

As I tried to look deeper into this vision of freedom in the gleaming dark eyes of the bird, it let out a loud caw. A caw so loud I could hear it in my bones and my soul.

The first and only sound I had heard in months.

As I tried to call out to it, I saw the oak door open and the bird flew away. The world went back to its usual silent self.

The young kinsmann came back and helped me off the alcove. I then followed him into the room my parents had entered a moment ago.

A large altar showing two foxes intertwined on each other was illuminated by windows far up the walls giving it a mystifying appearance.

In front of the altar, my parents were on each side of a man.

I recognised him. He was the bishop who usually conducted the sermons in this church. He was an older man with greying blue hair. He wore no veil and instead a small square hat balanced on top of his head. The way this square stayed in place was a mystery to me

He motioned me forward with a kind smile as the kinsmann accompanying me released my hand and took a step back. I walked forward until I was only a few steps away from the bishop and did my best to stand straight.

The bishop brought his hand to my face and lifted my chin. A motion I felt was just customary of Kinsmann considering it seemed to be the only thing they ever did when I met them.

He looked straight into my eyes. I felt a chill go down my spine as his piercing blue eyes stared right into mine.

He said something, but as I couldn’t tell what he was saying and didn’t want to say anything stupid, I remained silent. He released my chin, but kept his gaze locked with mine.

He moved his lips again without breaking eye contact, but I still waited.

I could feel my knees buckling slightly from standing up and still for so long.

Hopefully he’s almost done, I’m just about to fall over.

I scratched an itch on my arm as he kept on staring at me. He crouched down and brought his face right in front of mine. I resisted the urge to pull away, but I could feel my balance failing me. He brought his hand to my side and he moved his lips again, but I was already at my limit.

[I’m sorry but could I take a s…]

He slapped me.

The strike was so strong that it sent me flying to the floor.

The pain immediately brought me to tears. I could feel the stinging on my face where the palm of the bishop had struck me.

The kinsmann that had escorted me until now tried to help me up, but was stopped in his tracks when the bishop lifted his hand toward him.

He told something to the people in the room. Their expression immediately turned sour.

My own parents looked at me with disgust and disdain. He made a dismissive movement of the hand in my direction and said something to the other kinsmanns present.

It wasn’t a moment later that I was picked up and put under someone’s arm.

I was carried roughly through the church and before I knew it I was thrown roughly on the grounds of the entrance.

The coach driver ran to me and started picking me up while glaring at the kinsmann that had just discarded me.

This one said something to the coach driver while spitting on the ground in front of him. The driver could only bite his lip in response. He picked me up from the ground and carried me to the carriage.

We departed immediately, not waiting for my parents.

I sat there, on the coach bench.

Crying, confused and in pain.

What did I do wrong? Did I offend the bishop? Ela told me that those who offend the church are punished harshly… Was this the punishment..?

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