Chapter 52: Chapter 51: Nonexistence

We’ve been on the road for a few minutes now. Jessica had picked me up quite some time ago, and we’ve been on the road ever since. I looked out the window while enjoying the nightly scenery. At least I would be if I wasn’t seeing the blackest night.

“Why do I have to wear the blindfold?” I mumble. 

As soon as I entered her car, Jessica held a strip of cloth to me and told me to tie it around my head and cover my eyes. I protested, but she threatened that she’d back out on our deal if I didn’t put it on. Against my will, I grabbed the blindfold and tied it around my head. I was planning on keeping it loose so I could peek out the bottom, but as soon as I tied the knot, Jessica leaned over and made sure the knot was securely tightened.

Ever since we left Ty’s house, I wasn’t able to tell where we were going at all. I wanted to ask way sooner why she had me blindfold myself, but I was afraid that she’d take that as an excuse to turn back. However, I’ve been sitting still with no access to one of the major senses of my body for far too long, and I think I deserve an answer.

“Simple really.” Jessica said with a snarky attitude. “I can’t have you remembering the route. Imagine what would happen if-”

“If I decided to hurt her again?” I interrupted her. “I wasn’t planning on doing that. I was a dumbass kid, but that’s all behind me. I’m not the same Karina since I was back then.”

I could hear Jessica snicker. I could only imagine what her face looked like from beyond this obnoxious blindfold.

“You’re definitely different.” I could hear the sarcasm from a mile away. “It’s just you haven’t changed much from what I saw.”

Except I have changed. True, I still crave for sex every now and again, but that’s just who I am. I can enjoy what I like while also seeing how others can’t enjoy the same things. Especially after what I did to Tiffany. It was a harsh lesson that I had to learn, and because of it, I know I’ll never make that mistake again.

The car stopped, and I placed my hand on the blindfold and was about to take it off. Before I could, Jessica grabbed my hand and placed it back in my lap.

“We’re just at a red light. After this, we’ll be at her house.” 

I sigh and lean back in my seat. There was a bit of hope that I could at least see the lights of the streets, but there was nothing but pitch blackness. It reminds me of a torture method the CIA would use on war criminals to get them to confess to crimes or to snitch on their bosses. 

The tactic they would use is they would blindfold their captive to blind them, place earmuffs over their ears to deafen them, and to plug their nostrils to get rid of their ability to smell. How could something like that be considered torture, though? Well, when the senses of the human body are dulled to near non-existence, it affects the brain in numerous of ways. One of the most common ways being that it’ll trick the brain into believing the falsity that it doesn’t exist. At least that’s how I take it as.

All the reports say about what happens is the subject loses parts of their sanity and soon develops critical mental illnesses after the torture is over. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend what happened to them, and the scariest part of all, the ones affected by it can’t even comprehend it.

The idea of nonexistence scared me. It haunted me, slowly trailing behind, whispering sweetly into my ears. What would it feel like to never exist? An even better question popped into my mind. What would have happened if I never existed to begin with?

I have an idea of what would happen. Tiffany would never have been scarred for life. My parents wouldn’t have had to waste more than half of their wealth paying off my stupidity. Everything would change around me. That’s not me being egotistical, either. It’s just that whenever someone is born into the world, whether they like it or not, and whether they accept it or not, they change the world around them so drastically that their nonexistence would change the course of history. 

That’s what keeps me up at night. I’ve tempted the idea of ending my life before, but every time it comes to mind, I think about what my nonexistence would do to the future. Even the most insignificant speck in the universe changes the world in some way. That’s what I never got about people that say their decisions don’t matter. That sentiment is born out of ignorance, not knowledge. 

That’s why I continue living, accepting my mistakes. The reason I continue to smile and try to make other people smile too is because whether they like it or not, they were put on this world for a reason. Even if there is no God in the world, and we were all born due to sheer coincidence, there was a purpose in our being born. Our existence changes the world, and I hope no one forgets that fact.

The car stops, and I think it’s another red light again. That was, until Jessica spoke up.

“We’re here.” 

I remove my blindfold in less than a second. I had been so busy delving through the temple that is my mind that I forgot that our next stop was at Tiffany’s home. Hell, I forgot what the original thought I had was. All I know is that I began repeating to myself the purpose of my existence. 

The blindfold fell to my feet, and I stepped out of Jessica’s car. The house we stopped at was a normal looking one story home that didn’t look out of place among background homes in those sitcoms where the main family lives in what could be considered a small mansion. I always thought it was weird that people said their homes were so unrealistic until I actually went out into the world myself and saw what they meant.

Jessica stepped out of the and rubbed her hands together. For some reason, despite it being summer, the wind decided to pick up and cool the temperature by nearly twenty degrees. It reminded me of that fateful day, and in some ways, I’ve come full circle.

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Jessica, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible, walked to the house, and I trailed behind. The metal of the gun nudged my ankle with each step I took. My eyes burned from the lack of sleep and the breeze rubbed against my skin, causing my arms and legs to break out in goosebumps. 

As we walk closer to her door, I wonder how she is now. True, she kidnapped Ty, but she can’t be that far gone. Hopefully. If she is, then how will she react when she sees me? We haven’t talked, much less seen each other since that incident. Last time I saw her, she lay on a hospital bed, knocked out from the pain constantly prodding at her. As much as I want to save Ty, I need to apologize to her and to what I did to her. Maybe if I never did that, then Ty’d never be in this situation.

My existence and decision to choose free will, combined with my ignorance and ego, caused this. I was put on this world, and these are the effects of my continued existence. 

Jessica knocks on the door three times loud enough to wake up anyone in the home. “Tiffany, it’s me, Jessica. Open the door!”

Well, it’ll take some time for her to open it since she’s most likely asleep. That’s what I would say if the door didn’t creak open as soon as Jessica finished her sentence. It opened a slight crack, just enough to peer inside, but not enough to make anything out. Tiffany didn’t stick her head through the crack. The door remained cracked, and no one appeared on the other side.

“Tiffany?” Jessica said as she looked through the crack for any sign of life. All the lights were turned off, except for one outside the line of view. It lit up just enough that I could see the outline of a shadow that looked like someone was in there.

Jessica sighed and grabbed the door handle. “She’s still probably scared of you. Let me talk to her.”

I was about to nod, but once I processed what Jessica had just said, something didn’t add up. Why would Tiffany hide from me when she doesn’t know I’m here? I would get it if she knew, but she didn’t. Not to mention the door opened as soon as Jessica knocked, which means she was waiting for us.

Jessica opened the door and stepped inside. The realization kicked in immediately, and I knew we weren’t getting out of this intact.

“Jessica, wait!” I yell, reaching to my ankle. 

“What?” Jessica turned around, halfway inside the door. As soon as she turned to me, a shadowy figure leapt out from the side of the door and knocked her aside the head. Jessica’s eyes went white, and she collapsed to the ground. 

I pulled the pistol out of the holster, but as soon as I looked up, I already had a gun pointed at my head. Standing at the doorway, Tiffany stomped her foot on Jessica’s back while pointing a gun at my head. I wouldn’t even have time to shoot before a hole appeared between my eyes. 

“Hello, Karina.” Tiffany said. Her voice sounded the exact same since the last time I saw her. It was as if puberty kept her growing, but denied the access to a voice deeper than a ten-year-old girl’s. “Long time no see.”

Strangely enough, she was smiling. It was a genuine smile too, one that if we were in different circumstances, I would’ve welcomed with open arms. However, there was a gun pointed at my head and I’m sure that smile held much more secrets than a long time greeting. 

“Hi, Tiffany.” I say in a strained voice. “How long has it been?” 

“Well, the last time I saw you I was in immense pain, and there’s still a bit of an ache down there, so I assume it hasn’t been too long.” 

I reached for my gun carefully, praying that she wouldn’t notice. She raised her gun slightly higher, capturing my attention as she began walking toward me. 

“I wouldn’t think about it.” Her smile disappeared and her voice changed. This new voice sounded lifeless. Like the dead began walking and conversing among the living. “Raise your hands.” She demanded.

If she fires the gun out here, there’s no way no one will hear it. It’s a gunshot, for fuck’s sake. There’s going to be at least one person in the neighborhood to hear it. Despite that obvious knowledge, Tiffany showed no hesitation at all. Her finger twitched on the trigger, and I knew from that moment that she didn’t care. She’ll kill me, even if that means she’ll be arrested a few minutes after. 

I raise my hands and lower my head. There’s no way I’ll show her my face. I want to live. I don’t want to die. 

Something slammed against the back of my head, and a new blindfold covered my eyes, turning the world dark.

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