The princess, Ninaev, is trying to fulfill my wish to make someone else's request come true. However, my position is very delicate. I was carried up as a godchild. I myself was proud that I was a child of God, and I was doing as I pleased. I am the one who is supposed to be disposed of. In fact, I was in a position where I should have been executed. That is why I could not move freely.
Master Ninaev took me to Ananaro, a remote land. I live in a mansion there. I was not a godchild, but the fact is that I was out in the open as a godchild. They say there are many possibilities to be used.
I had never thought about that possibility because my life had been going so strangely well until now. But thinking about it again, the reason I was so fortunate to live in the village where I was born and raised was probably because Lelunda was a special existence as a godchild. According to Ninaev-sama's research, the village where I lived was in trouble because of the lack of crops, and they had to ask the government for assistance. When I lived there, there was no such situation. That's why I was being paid a lot of tribute. But it was not my power. Maybe it was Lelunda's power.
When I realized ...... that Lelunda was gone, I didn't care at all. I didn't care at all. I wonder what Lelunda thinks of me. What kind of life did Lelunda lead in that village? What was she thinking about? I was a family member of ......, but I didn't even know that. I didn't even know she was my sister. A child I didn't even know was my sister.
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my sister.
I thought my mom and dad loved me. But as soon as the country was in turmoil, they said she disappeared somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I don't even know where they are now.
My family. I realized again that I am not special, that my family is different from the ordinary. My family is strange, I realized.
At first, the people in the house where I am now spending my time shunned me because I was an egoistic girl who was considered a godchild, but when I gradually approached them, they started to smile at me. People around me used to take it for granted that they would approach me. That is why I felt uneasy about approaching them myself. But when I tried talking to them with encouragement from Ninaev-sama, they laughed at me.
I had been the one that everyone came up to me and acted as if I was special. I'm not sure what to do about it, but I'm sure I'll be able to find a way. I was pampered, but they all just liked me because I was special. So when they found out I wasn't a godchild, there was no one by my side. Only Master Ninaev has been by my side. Even though ...... I could have been abandoned or killed.
I have lived my life as I wanted until now. I have just said what I think and been fulfilled, without thinking deeply on my own. I have rarely thought and worried on my own.
What would have happened if I had grown up thinking I was special? And when I grew up and realized that I was not special---I was glad that I didn't. I had made a mistake. I did what I wanted with the belief that I was special. Maybe it was a good thing that I found out early on that I wasn't special.
I start by helping out as much as I can in the mansion.
Ninaev-sama told me that I should start with what I can do because I might get into trouble if I said I wanted to make a wish without thinking about it.
I am therefore learning about common sense while helping in the mansion. In this way, I have learned that I do not know common sense. I do not know what is normal or usual. I want to learn them and move so that I can be of more help to others. I want to do the best I can so that I can give back to someone for all the selfishness I have been.
Alice, I see you're doing well. I'm glad you're doing well. I'm glad you've settled into the house.
Ninaev-sama smiled at me like that. I was happy that Nyunayev recognized me. The only princess who made the decision to take me in even though she knew I was not a godchild.
When I was convinced that I was a child of God, I behaved badly towards Nynaev-sama. Even though Master Ninaev was driven to the frontier because of me. And yet, he made friends here and accepted me. He was having a hard time because of me, and yet he's still laughing at me.
I think he is a much, much more amazing person than I am. I want to be a great person like him. I am too embarrassed to tell him, but that is what I am thinking about as I live my new life here.
I look up at the sky from inside the house.
I wonder if my sister and Lelunda are alive under this sky. I hope so.
--- My sister is taking a new step forward.
(The sister of the godchild girl was taking a new step forward in a remote place. (And she looks up at the sky and thinks of the child girl.)