Chapter 114: -Special: An immoral mother’s feelings.

-----PoV:  Shimejima Reiko-----

Once Kouta left, I put down my tablet, and reached down aside my pregnant belly, and began to rub my clitoris.  The freshly taboo feeling of my son deep in my ass, has me all worked up.  I can’t… deny my feelings for him anymore.  My son… my son was inside of me.  This time not as a baby, but as a man.  

I… I knew what I was doing was wildly wrong.  Having him suck on my breasts to make my milk flow… to have him stick his fingers inside of me, not because I needed to be stretched out, I could do that myself, but because I wanted to feel a man inside of me… and this last one… was complete bullshit.  Constipation?  Sure a little, but… I tricked him.  I tricked him completely into fucking my ass.  He was so big… so much bigger than his father.  Did he get that from my side of the family?  I don’t know… I don’t care!  I need him inside of me now.  I’ve come this far, with Ruru’s help.  I just need him to take me as a woman.  Then I can let all this pent up stress out.  I’d even let him come inside of me.  I… want him to come inside of me.  I want him to make me his woman.

What am I saying!

I take a deep drag and exhale, I need it so badly, I’m shaking from what I’ve done...

“Kizuna… you are okay with your mother doing this, aren’t you?  You can be close to your Onii-san… and I…”

The door opens, and the small form of my son’s pregnant lover enters.  She climbs on the bed and crawls next to me, giving me a lover’s kiss.

“Reiko-san, how was it?”

“Ruru… I… had him in my butt.”

“It was good, wasn’t it?”  She says smiling as she takes my cigarette and has a drag for herself, before handing it back. “I can’t wait for tonight.  I finally get to have him again.”

The girl before me is the second woman I’ve ever been with.  The first being the person my now ex-husband has reconciled with.  Nakada Shiho.  I knew her by the last name, Furusaki in highschool.  It seems she was married at one point after I stole Ryohei, and she had a child with him before she left her husband, and that child was the one my husband at the time had stepped out on me with.  I was prepared to forgive him for it, I had my own infidelity of course, but … it turned out my unfortunate son had begun to date her.  When I arrived at Narita airport, I immediately got a call from the hospital saying Kouta had received a concussion.  I went there immediately and met her.  A cute girl named Shiori.  She immediately called me Mama.

I laid in the hospital bed with Kouta, he looked like he had grown up so much.  I could hardly recognize him at first.  For the last few years, he’s been holed up in his room, so I haven’t seen him much.  I saw Kanae when she visited, and she was full of bitterness as she has been since she was six.  I can’t blame her.  I was only ten when I began to despise my own mother, only Kanae was always overprotective of Kouta, to the point of threatening me multiple times.  So I let her be.  I distanced myself, as much as I didn’t want to, to keep their peace.

Over the next couple days, I came to like the girl named Shiori very much, but then an incident happened.  I was feeling youthful talking with her, and Ryo and I went on a double date with Kouta and her to Shibuya, since we live close to it.  We had so much fun, even though I was lagging behind a bit because I was so pregnant.  At the end, we went to a love hotel.  It was a shared idea between us.  I had told her what a wild girl I was with Ryo back then, doing things like that with friends, and she conspired with me to do that together, as a family, as a way to bond.

I needed any kind of bond right now that would hold my family together when I had to talk with them on Sunday.

What I hadn’t expected was when she kissed me suddenly.

I liked it very much.  Both of the boys came almost immediately and I felt like such a tease!  Serves Ryo right, thinking there was anyone better than me!

But, it seems my worst fear came true.

I was going to come clean.  I was prepared to beg for forgiveness and give whatever concession I could to keep the family I had basically abandoned.  I was done with my job.  I was done being Daitokuji Junpei’s relief while overseas.  It’s not like I was his exclusive relief, anyway, and it’s not like he didn’t press me even when we were countryside either.  That man was insatiable… It was hard to sneak him into my home, I rather we did it elsewhere, but he would come over unannounced sometimes, and it happened.  But I realized at the end, I wasn’t able to go to a higher position than where I was, and I had made enough money over the years to be happy.  Being pregnant now, with the chance it could be either Ryo or His baby…  I was done.  I just wanted to settle down and live the rest of my life trying to salvage what I had, if it was even possible.

I was hit with some major damage when I sat my family down that sunday.

My husband admitted to sleeping with her… and possibly getting her pregnant.  Shiho!  My worst fear came true.  He might have stuck around… at worst, I would have had to let him see her a few times a week.  Honestly, if he would have stayed, I would have dealt with it. Maybe we could have even become friends in some capacity again. But, Kanae had dealt the killing blow to my family.  My dear Kanae who always hated me, certainly the curse of women born to the Shimejima line, the desire to rebel against their mothers too hardwired into the genes, admitted to sleeping with her brother.

I wasn’t surprised. In my own family, and branch family, that wasn’t an uncommon thing.  I really didn’t have an issue with it.  What I did was with Ryo’s reaction to it.  Ryo is a down to earth commoner.  When he got up and hit our son, and Kanae bared her fangs at him over the fallen body of her brother, I believe that was the final straw for him.  He walked out.  Then shortly after, with a smug look on her face, Kanae too left with Kouta.

I was devastated.

For a whole week, I was alone in the house with my demons.  For a whole week, I called Ryo… and got no response.  I couldn’t call Kanae.  I was so desperate, I finally got ahold of Kouta, hoping he would give me a second chance… and he did!

He came home the next Sunday, only… he had changed lovers.  He was now dating a suspicious silvery-blue haired half foreigner girl named Umeko.  She was friendly enough, but there was something off about her.  It wasn’t bad, just… she seemed like she was putting on an act.

Still, Kouta seemed madly in love with her, which was quite surprising, considering how dedicated his former girlfriend was, staying with him in the hospital.  Yet, how could I say anything?  I couldn’t risk alienating the only person I still had left to call my family!

And he stepped up to the plate like a real slugger.

From what I learned, he had been living at one of those computer cafe’s in a private room at first, then stayed with his girlfriend at night before he returned. He did everything to give me the chance to prove I honestly wanted to be a family.  He even named the baby, calling her Kizuna, a word which means ‘Bonds.’  She was the bridge to the new family unit we would become. 

I also began to see Kouta in another light… one I was strangely hesitant to accept at first.  While I had nightmares about Ryohei, Kouta lay next to me in our bed, whispering sweet words, as if he was Ryohei, trying to calm me down.  It only had the opposite effect… I found myself being attracted to him.  Me!  His forty-one year old mother… attracted immorally to her eighteen year old son… it was crazy, but I knew it wasn’t the hormones… I just… saw him as a man.  Maybe it was the blow from Kanae.  That she could so easily do it with him, to spite me… had opened up some dark part of my heart.

I wanted him too.

I was suffering for a man inside of me.  That part I will attribute to hormones.  I was always incredibly horny in my later months of pregnancy, and Kouta had asked his father to come see me.

I was happy Ryohei came.  Only Ryo… had made love to me with such dispassion… It left me broken as a woman.  We had twenty three years of marriage together, and he treated me worse than a stranger.  I was a broken wreck.  I had asked Kouta to stay, and I am so glad he did.  He soothed my broken heart, and I had fallen even more in love with him… as a mother and a woman.

What Ryo had said to me, was that he was going to live with Shiho from now on.  He didn’t want anything more to do with me.  That I had cheated on him for so long… he thought I was the lowest scum that could exist.  He might be right.  I couldn’t refute it.  I even said it would be okay, just to visit me from time to time, but he refused.  He said he would have the divorce papers signed the second they were in front of him.

It was over.

My family, aside from Kouta was gone.

However, a little while after, Kouta brought a young woman home.  Her name was Yoragata Ruru.  She was a tiny thing!  I thought she was a little girl, but as it turns out she was twenty!  She also liked to smoke and drink, and was already an established Author for those books Kouta liked to read.  As it turns out, my son had impregnated her, and she was over a month along already.

The best part was that she was such a sweetheart, and a true Hanshin Tiger’s fan!  That was a big deal in our family.  Now, there was an issue with her, in that because Kouta was seeing that Umeko girl, he couldn’t be with Ruru.  He wanted to so badly, and so did she, but Kouta was determined to be monogamous to Umeko-chan.

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So, Ruru stayed at my invitation, and even slept with Kouta and I on the large bed in my room.  What I didn’t know about Ruru, was that she was open to love with a woman at the same time as a man.  So, Kouta and her had a talk, and she made an advance on me.  Before Ruru, I had only played at girls’ love with Shiho back in highschool, before Ryohei entered the picture.

I would have loved just once to have been with Shiho completely.

But Ruru was generous with her touch, while Kouta remained oblivious.  She even dared to steal his seed in front of me.  The worst part was her inviting me to steal it for myself.  I… I felt the fire in my loins… and I dared to!  I did!  I took son’s son in my mouth after she had taken it for herself, and then she… what she did… it pushed me over the edge.

Kouta remained unaware of that night, but that’s when Ruru said to me, she was perfectly fine with me doing what I wanted.  She had shared him with Kanae, though not at a time when he had consummated with her.  So… she thought, it might be different if it was with me.

On days Kouta didn’t sleep with me, Ruru did.  I had such fun learning a woman’s body.  Ruru asked how much I had played with other women and seemed surprised that I hadn’t at all.  Ruru… was the first woman I slept with.  Her tiny little body… was so easy to please.

Ruru was big on kissing and eating me out, I loved to tease her breasts, and play with her tiny ass.  I would wear her out very easily!  But she was so tender and cute, I couldn’t help but hold on to her protectively.  

She even showed me a marriage form she had signed with Kouta!  So I vowed to call her my daughter from that point on.  She also began to help me hatch a plan to have Kouta capture me.  And it was working so well.

The first time was almost legitimate.  I had been receiving the first signs of milk coming in, and I had purposely not milked myself, so I could press Kouta to do it.  At first he was a bit standoffish, but I managed to get him to suckle me.  It.. made me feel sexy again!

Then I had convinced him to do a perineal stretch, under the guise of a medical treatment, and he had cooperated.  I almost came… if it could have gone on a bit longer… ah how frustrating!  He was even touching my clitoris, and I had taught him a technique that I liked alot too… I almost… tried to find a way to have him put it in, but I knew the time wasn’t right.

I had tempted him… by telling him to take what he wanted.

That just about came to pass when I managed to get him to fuck me in the ass.  God… he was so much bigger than Ryo… I… managed to come.  He didn’t see me rubbing my clit with my left hand, just my right was gripping the sheet so tight… 

and that brings me to now.

Kouta has his lover and her younger sister living in the house.  It turns out their mother was sexually abusive, at least to the older one, and Kouta care enough to invite them into our home.  

I’m no good with cooking, that was always Kanae’s department, so finding that the Umeko girl was good at cooking was a bonus.  Ruru also was enamored by that fact.  It’s not wrong to say I spent quite a sum ordering food everyday.

Then there was the reappearance of Shi-chan, who was Shiho’s daughter.  She was upset at the behavior change of her mother since Ryo came to live there… it seems she was staying at various friends houses just to not be home at night, so Kouta fed up with an assault that happend to her at a friends house, decided to be at odds with his lover, to allow Shi-chan to stay here.

I learned Kouta is able to be loved by many girls… Umeko-chan, Ruru, Shi-chan… even myself.  Kanae as well, no doubt.  We all want a piece of him, and I wonder with a house full of beautiful girls, if I too can turn his head, and his affection to myself if only for a short while.

I need his love too. I decided.

Ruru is a hungry lover and a partner in crime.

She loves to milk me with her lips, then kiss me afterwards.  She has no problem making love to all of me, and then lie in my arms afterwards telling me how beautiful I am, and playing with me teasingly.

If it doesn’t work out with Kouta… no even if it does… I want Ruru to stay in my life as well.

She will occasionally disappear from time to time.  She has a part time job in Akihabara at a some kind of cafeteria which she wears costumes for, and a monday meeting with her publisher.

She’s talking with me about the future.  She is taking Kouta to Osaka for a weekend trip to meet her family, and disclose her pregnancy.  She says not to worry about Kouta, as her family is open about the type of love she has with Kouta.

Afterwards, she is going to help with the final attack.

How to have Kouta seduce me, and make his mother his lover too.

The thought of Kouta… going in the hole he came out of… makes me so crazy.  I can’t stop lusting about it… even now.. I’m still rubbing myself as I imagine it!  Even after Ruru… I’m still unsatisfied.  I won’t be until he makes me his woman.

I’m an unforgivable woman, yet that’s who I am.

Kanae, we are more alike than you can imagine, so just come home.  Let’s share in our love for Kouta… I’m sure we can find somewhere we can meet and return to mother and daughter again.

Though you hate me, I’ll always love you.  I’ll always love you and Kouta, from the bottom of my warped heart.

I hold Ruru, who is sleepy, and put my breast in her mouth.  She kisses it so softly, and drinks from me.  Kizuna will be born soon, and my time to frolic in my son’s garden may become more difficult.

Yet the most disturbing thought I have, is after Kizuna is born.

I want Kouta to keep filling me up… and I want to bear his beautiful child too.

I come thinking such a dirty thought.  So I light up another cigarette, and rub some more, unsatisfied, unsatisfied, unsatisfied.

I’m a filthy whore.  I should be trying to get Ryohei back, or even search for new love, but I have what I want here, I just need him to take it… to take me.

(Special Secret:  Reiko really doesn’t have to worry about working.  In a seperate account from Ryohei, she has saved 80,000,000Yen over 17 years working for the company. That’s including her severance pay, but not her pension, which is about 3,100,000Yen a year.)

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