Chapter 69: Kouta won’t be blown (away)

I was about to rush over to Ruru’s as the urge to use the toilet was increasing.  Nakada-san had finally vacated the bathroom, but only in a towel.  One around her body, and one around her hair.

She quickly fled to the room, and it puzzled me only for a moment as I made my own quick passage into the restroom to relieve myself.

Why didn’t I just go with her in there?

I thought she might actually attack me.

I mean, ok, but that borders on golden play right?  We are definitely not at that point, in this stage of the relationship, me being angry or not.

I’m pissed at her, not pissed on her.

cough

When I exit the restroom, it’s only a few moments until she exits the bedroom, fully clothed.

I know she wants to say something but I just point at the sofa.  I’m sitting on the chair, and just being quiet.

We’re both being quiet.

She’s looking at me with a bit of apprehension.  I feel that’s the correct emotion for right now, because I’m apprehensive too.  This was why I wanted Ruru around, so I could focus my thoughts, or she could help start this conversation, since I hadn’t even begun to think about where to begin.

She’s squirming for a bit, then starts to say something.

“C-can I get a drink?”

…

“Go ahead.”

She gets up calmly and heads to the kitchen.  When she returns she has a cherry cola for both of us.

I’m surprised it’s not a beer.

She hands me mine, and she sits back down on the sofa.  She spots Ruru’s pack and does her delinquent duty.

I cross my arms, and just sigh.

Ruru still hasn’t returned.

Whatever!

“Shi-chan… I’m extremely upset.”

it’s all I can begin with, because I have so many feelings, there aren’t appropriate words to convey them all in a single package.

She lowers her head.

“I got a message from Kanae.  She says it’s all her fault.  But no matter what she says, you have blame to share with her.” I say calmly but sharply.

She keeps her head lowered.

“Please don’t leave me.”

“Did I say that I was… even once so far?”

“No.”

“...”

“Let me ask you a very simple question, to help me understand you a bit better…  If i was to go to another woman’s house, and have sex with her, without directly confirming it with your voice, how would you feel?”

“That’s not a fair question.”

“And why not?”

“Because it’s what Kouta chose to do.”

“...”

“How is that an answer?”

“Kouta.  How do you want me to answer it?”

“With common sense.”

“Even if you say that.  If it makes Kouta happy to do that, then I don’t feel I have a say to tell you to not do it.  I keep telling you this body is for you.  This heart is for you.  Whatever you do, just don’t discard it.”

“Grr…  You are supposed to say it will make you heartbroken if I do!!!  You are supposed to say ‘NO!  I’D HATE IT IF YOU DID!’ or ‘DON’T KOUTA! DON’T DO THAT TO US!’...” I yell in frustration.

She’s quiet.

Is she understanding it yet?

“Just come back to me, afterwards.  It’s painful to be alone.  Even with just Kana-chan here… it was so lonely without you, wondering why you never came back home.”

“... you are completely mental, aren’t you?”

She takes a long drag from her cigarette.  If she exhaled, I didn’t see it.  It was like it was consumed by her entirely.

“I don’t know?  Are you trying to ask if I’m normal?  Kouta… I don’t think that word can ever apply to me again in my whole life.” She looks at me with the eyes of a dead fish for a moment. “It wasn’t just what you were shown that night in the hotel, Kouta.  People can get over something like that after a while with support and counselling, like I had.  No.  Something else got into me because of that, and it made me… become no good.”

She’s shaking her head and holding her arms, lost in thought.

“Kouta.  You said something to me back then, that if you hadn’t, I was most likely going to end my life.  I had people who would care for me, but in the end, I had trouble caring for myself.  I chose to believe in your words, and choose living over ending it all, because I couldn’t help but wonder, if in doing all that you said you would, if I could return to being a human being again.”

She takes another drag, and puts it out.

“That’s why I act how I do. I have to. In exchange for your promise, I have entrusted this life to you.  It comes used, and on occasion likes to play around.  I saw your figurine collection in your room, so I know you love playing with them, otherwise they would be boxed up, right? Well that’s me, only I am forever unboxed.”

She points to herself.

“I’m also still a person too Kouta.  I have to wake up every day… and worry.  Worry if I can find you.  Then when I found you after all this time, I now have to worry if I’ve done anything that day to chase you away or have you discard me.  I do my best to make every day you spend with me a thrill, because until now, I haven’t been able to find what a thrill really is…

When you told me to, Kouta, from the text,  I was sad you wanted to share me, but I was also excited.  I.. wanted you to see my face, Kouta, this lewd face that can only imagine you making her feel good.  When you told me what you saw, when I was with Ryohei, and how you reacted because of it, I wanted you to enjoy what you could from it, without having to hide to watch in comfort or feel ashamed.  I wanted to enjoy it for you, and I wanted you to enjoy watching me to your heart’s content.  Afterwards, of course I would be yours to reclaim, not that I would have been stolen away. I’m yours, Kouta… I’m yours and  I… I…  am no good.”

She leans back and throws her arms out, sinking into the sofa.

I on the other hand see Ruru who is at the slightly opened porch door listening in.

I was watching Nakada-san so I didn’t notice at first.  How much did you hear Ruru?

I make a motion with my hand for her to come inside. She immediately makes for Nakada-san, sitting next to her and giving her a hug. “Shi-chan!”

“Ruru-chi!” Nakada-san captures Ruru’s head and puts it between her breasts where she is hugged tightly, and kissed all over her head.

“So, you two have talked a little?” Ruru asks, climbing into Shi-chan’s lap, and putting Shi-chan’s arms around her, while sitting to face me.

“Just a little.” Shi-chan says.

It’s only a little said between us but also a lot left unsaid. I really wish right now I knew what the younger me had said to her.  I want to ask it right now, but Ruru is here.  

“Have you eaten today, Shi-chan?”  Ruru asks.

“Just a cup of noodles.” she says “Kouta always thinks of me and buys the super spicy deluxe bowl for when I’m too lazy to actually cook.  When I woke up this morning, Kana-chan was gone... so I haven’t had a chance to eat breakfast. It was just the noodles for lunch, after I left Kii-chan’s house and came back here.”

“Kouta.  Can you make us some food?” Ruru says as she looks at me with ravenous eyes. 

“Guess I don’t have much of a choice.”

I haven’t seen Ruru eat, just the bite of my hotdog she stole since we left Senpai’s after a late breakfast. “What do you all want to eat then?”

“Meat.“ Ruru chimes up!

“Kouta.“ Nakada-san says expectantly.

Why am I on the menu?

“Denied.” I say, making an “x” with my hands.

“Then I change my order to Kouta-kun as well!” Ruru raises her hand and shakes it about.

Why did meat get removed as an option?

“Stop joking, or I’ll let you starve.” I say punishingly.

“Nooooo~~~” It’s the cry from the heart of Ruru.

Serves you right too.  We’re supposed to be getting our things and going, not consorting with Shi-chan after everything that’s happened.  At least let me get my feelings sorted out first before having to deal with this on only a dry run.

In the fridge, I see a number of tupperwares that have some meat which is marinating, and some other prepared things like vegetables, and pickled such and such.  Kanae was always good about planning out meals for a few days ahead.

I’ll thank you for this much alone, Onee-chan.

So I take them out of the fridge, and begin to cook up some of the marinated pork and beef together with soy sauce and miscellaneous diced vegetables that I just threw in from a random container without even looking.  Then I found some leftover rice in another, and proceeded to stir fry it with some chinese seasonings, and a bit of oil.  When I finished cooking both dishes, it ended up looking pretty good.

“Someone set the table.” I call out.

The two of them breeze past me in a moment and grab plates and utensils and refreshments, and everything, setting up the table in the living room.

I bring the two dishes out separately, and Ruru serves us.

I hear the sounds of beer cans cracking open, and can see them being poured into clear glasses.

Ruru couldn’t find a cherry cola in the fridge, but there was half a case of creme soda, so she went with that instead, and poured me a glass of it.

Afterwards, Ruru and Nakada-san were sitting together, and I was apart from them.

Ruru and Shi-chan both had tears in their eyes as they cried out how good the meat was.   They were exchanging bites of meat and rice and seemed so happy to be eating.

I just shook my head.  Gluttons.

I thought Ruru was supposed to be on my side here?  Why are you letting her off so easy by being this friendly?  Did you decide something behind my back when you went out by yourselves earlier?

Maybe Ruru was an esper, because she seemed to have read my thought with perfect accuracy.

“Kouta-kun.  Can we stay here tonight instead?”

Why? Weren’t we going to go to Hiromi’s place? Did you pick up a key, so you could be my main lover without objection?

…

“I’m not saying you have to do anything with Shi-chan.   You can stay mad at her.  But don’t abandon her, okay?  She can sleep on my side, or if necessary in the living room.  Right Shi-chan?”

“UN!  As long as you are here…. I’m okay with anything!”

…

“...”

“Yay~ Kouta isn’t going to abandon me<3”

She says it in a low voice to Ruru.

…

I think it’s time for an introspection.  I need to determine why I love Nakada-san.  Is it just because she is attractive?  Was it all the eroticness, the sex?

Do I genuinely love her?

“Nee~ Kouta.  How about we do something you want to do?”

“What I want to do?”

“Right.  Like we can watch an anime or something.  You only really do that with Ruru-chi.  And I just watch tv with Kana-chan or browse stuff on my phone.  I want to get to know Kouta’s likes too.” Shi-chan says happily.

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“Oh!  That’s an excellent idea Shi-chan!”

Watch an anime? Together with Shi-chan and Ruru?  It might calm me down.

“I know a good BL series!” Ruru suggests.

“Hell no.”

“Muu~” Ruru puffs her cheeks.

“Hmm.  What to watch with two girls?”

“How about a romcom?”

“Okay, but what?”

“Leave it to Ruru!”

She pulls out her laptop and loads a streaming service she has an account for.  In a short while, we’re watching a classic harem style anime.

I think we binged a few too many. Ruru has passed out next to me, and Shi-chan is laying on her lap.

My hand moves to her ribbon and pulls it off.  Her hair spreads out.  I’ve only seen it like that a few times.

She’s actually quite beautiful with it down.

I run my fingers through it.

I hear a quiet ‘Nihehe~’  but that’s it.

It’s gotten dark, but it’s still early. So I close the laptop and leave the two sleeping flowers alone in the living room, and head into the hybrid office.

Now is the best time to finish any remaining work I have.  After I do, I find myself opening an eroge, and playing it.

It’s a familiar one I have.  This one has a character like Shi-chan. She’s universally disliked by most otaku, because she’s a used goods character, and on top of it, her route is actually hard.

There’s even a scene where if you haven’t chosen properly, you get her stolen away, then end up with the default heroine as your only remaining option, and it leads to only an okay ending.

Choosing the right options are hard, because they require you to be okay with her doing a lot of wrong things.  You can prevent the betrayal by choosing to trust her when you really shouldn’t.

Everything points to her betraying you if you select it.  But your trust is rewarded.  She marries you in the end, and you have two children together, as you go on to become a famous person.

I know the correct answers, but every time I choose one, I wonder if I could really make those choices in the real world.

I don’t notice that she’s at the doorway.

I don’t notice that she is naked.

I just suddenly see her move in front of me, and she sits on my lap and hugs me.

“You can me as mad as you want at me.”  She says as she wraps her arms around me. “I just want to be in your arms for a while.”

So I quit paying attention to the game, and allow her to embrace me.

“Why don’t you think of a way to clean me to your liking.  I hate that Kouta is thinking I am so dirty, even though I am.”

Clean her, huh?

Can you clean someone who’s done that?

I think of the last time, when her mouth was dirty… and then she kissed me.

The situation is the same. A fun idea dawns on me, taken from a certain monogatari anime.

“Bring me a beer and your toothbrush then.”

“...?”  She seems confused at the reason why. But she gets up off of me anyway, and leaves the room.

On the spot where she sat naked on me, there is some residue.

‘Shi-chan is a creature of sex’

This line repeats in my mind.

yare yare.

When she returns, I have her sit seiza, and I open the beer can, and dip her toothbrush in it.  

“Open your mouth wide.”

She does so.

Where to start?

“Alcohol kills bacteria, so I’m going to scrub your mouth clean.” I tell her.

Very meticulously, I brush her teeth with the bristles which drip with Asahi. I slowly work on the back molars on the left, working my way to the front.  Then I dip it again, and work on the right side to the front.  Bottom, then top.  Then I have her close her mouth and I work on the fronts of her pearly whites.  Lastly I pull her tongue out, and scrub the bristles on her tongue from the very back, almost to the uvula, and to the tip, then I lift it up and scrub underneath.

When I’m satisfied, I put the toothbrush into the beer can to sanitize, and close her mouth.

I put my forehead against hers.

“It really hurt me.  Seeing that.  Don’t you ever do it again.”

She doesn’t say anything, but a couple of tears leak from the cheek side of her eyes.

“Thank you Kouta, for cleaning me up if only a little.”  She gets up from seiza, and leaves the room.

I return to my game, and save it.  Then I look out into the living room.  Neither her nor Ruru are visible on the couch.

I peek into the bedroom, and those two are naked and holding each other as they seem to be asleep.

My son is feeling good at the sight.

So I go inside, have a seat on the chair, take It out, and….

I cannot allow myself to partake of her, not yet.  I have to punish her first somehow.

Shi-chan must be able to sense it.  She’s looking at me, and I’m not stopping.  I’m staring into her golden eyes and beating my son furiously.

She gets to her knees, and crawls over before me.

This girl!

“Open.” I say.

She does.

I put my son near her open mouth, and I let it out into it.

“Don’t swallow.”

I let it all gush out, until she’s taken every drop.

“Close your mouth, and swish it around.  Mark every part of your mouth with me.”

I watch as her jaw muscles move, and there is movement just below her jaw on her neck which moves counter as her tongue fulfills my demands.

“Open.”

She opens again, and I can see multiple sticky threads of my cum pervading her entire mouth.

“Swallow.”

She closes her mouth and moves her tongue, before gulping.

“Open.”

She opens her mouth, and there is visibly much less.  She has obeyed me without fail.

“Get in bed.” I say, as I undress to all but my boxers.

I climb in, but see she has gone to Ruru’s side.

Iie down in the futon and make my arm be wrapped by Ruru.  It was simple enough to do.

Then I pat the side of the futon.

I have to do it two more times before she figures it out.

She moves to my open side, and latches onto me, my arm sliding between her breasts.

“Good night.” Is all I say, as I close my eyes.

I’m not the least bit tired.  But I feel just the tiniest bit better.

What is her punishment?

I won’t have sex with her.  

Not for a while,  I will mark her like this until I am once more comfortable with her being mine, and only mine.  Until then, we will talk in small amounts, and I will come to terms with knowing her better.

Yes.  That is how I will proceed.

Am I selfish and mean, and cruel for this?

Yes.  I want to hurt her, just enough that I feel better.  I too am no good, I am a shitty person like my father.

Even though I say I’m not tired.  I fall asleep at some point.

I am woken up at night time, by Ruru.

She has a big smile on her face.

She nestles her body into mine a bit more.

“Would Kouta-kun like to have me?”

I would, and I do.

“Today isn’t a safe day, Kouta.”  she says as she takes me into her raw. “So please pull out when it’s time.”

We make love, and I pull her close to me, as I lick and suck on her tiny breasts.

When I feel it, I let her know.  She pulls off just enough that I can shoot it all over the outside of her pussy.

“That felt so good<3”

She rolls off me, and taps Shi-chan awake.

“I have a present for you.” she says, and shows her cummy pussy and thighs.

Nakada-san look at me, and then at her thighs, and crawls between them licking it all up.

I watch Nakada-san finish what I was unable to.

Ruru comes, and Shi-chan rests her head on her freshly licked clean area.

Sigh.

I can’t count on Ruru after all, can I?

(Secret 58:  Ruru looks far cuter holding Kuu-tan, the jellyfish plush Kouta owns.  Between the two of them, they are holding it seductively between their breasts.  Kouta just smiles, and snaps a picture for his personal collection.)

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