Chapter 1: Can We Talk

“Babe…”

 

I was quiet. It felt like I had just had one of the worst days of my life, but then again, I had often had this feeling. Today was just… I could have used a pick me up. Instead, here he was, readying himself to tell me that he was having doubts about our relationship. At least, that was what my mind was telling me.

 

“Nathan? Baby, are you listening to me?”

 

“N-no, sorry. What did you say?”

 

“I said I wanted to have a talk with you,” Anthony repeated himself. I could only glance up from my hands that were balled up in my lap to meet his eyes just for a split second. Maybe this time, my negative thoughts were right. Maybe he was going to break up with me. I couldn’t handle that today, but if I somehow got him to put it off, I would only lay in bed, thinking about the inevitable.

 

“Anthony… I’ve had a terrible day. I know. I know I always have terrible days it seems, but today really was horrible. I got written up at work for being insubordinate, and a warning for being late so many times. I had to call you out of work to come and jump start my car,” I sighed. That wasn’t even the end of the unfortunate events that took place today. “I’m not sure I can handle anything else.”

 

I could feel my nose redden as tears began to sting my eyes. I closed them in an attempt to stop the onslaught, my shoulders tensed, and I bit my lower lip. I could hear shuffling, and then I felt Anthony wrap his arm around my shoulders. He pulled me against his chest. I could smell a mixture of body spray, sweat, and cigarettes. Had he started smoking again? I put the question in the back of my head as a sob formed and worked its way out of my throat. I was a crier. I could never really stop it from happening, no matter how hard I tried. It was much harder when I was being comforted. It just made me pathetic.

 

“Shh, shh baby. I’m here. We are going to get through this together, me and you. Nate and Anthony,” the brawny man cooed as he held me in his arms. There was no doubt that he loved me, and I loved him just as much. Regardless of only having been together for six months. We had been close friends for the better half of our lives. We moved in together after two months of dating each other, and thus far, it has been a wonderful experience. He was always there for me at the end of a bad day, or a meltdown, and I loved him that much more for it.

 

“I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry I’m like this,” I whimpered against his chest. His response was to pet the back of my head while planting a firm, reassuring kiss to the top of it. His free hand rubbed along my arm, up and down. His hands were so warm. I just wished I was a better person, for him. He deserved the world, and I always attempted to give it to him. In my own way at least. I just hoped he could see that I was trying. I was trying so hard to make sure that he stayed happy. While that sounds like it wasn’t a natural thing, or like it was a chore, it wasn’t. I was just plagued with the fear of him leaving me. With the idea that I just wasn’t enough for him.

 

“Sweetheart, I love you the way you are. I promise you; you are everything to me,” Anthony whispered against my temple. I wrapped my arms around his waist as he had me firm against his chest. I was beginning to calm down. It was as it usually was. I just needed a good cry, and a little reassurance. Today had been an inconvenience. Nothing more, nothing world ending. I still had my job, and the opportunity to improve. I was already thinking of ways to help me get to work on time. I wasn’t in a lifelong career type of position, but I still didn’t want to lose my job. Not just yet.

 

I shifted a bit, lifting my head to face Anthony. I removed one of my arms from his waist to wipe my tears away with the back of my hand, and sniffled, sucking the snot back into my nose. I could only look into his eyes, as he looked back into mine. I could tell there was something he wanted to say, probably what he wanted to talk to me about. My eyebrows raised, and I sat up completely.

 

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“What was it that you wanted to talk about?” I looked away, focusing on the kitchen door that was stationed behind him. I was suddenly too afraid to look him in the eyes anymore. I just knew he was going to tell me he couldn’t deal with my drama anymore, that it had taken its toll. I knew he was going to say he wanted out.

 

“Well,” he started, but was interrupted by a thumping noise coming from the bathroom. I turned to look in the direction the noise had come from. My brain immediately began to formulate a scenario. He was cheating on me. I had happened to come home early today. Maybe this was what he was hiding from me.

 

“Anthony- Is there someone in the bathroom?” I returned my gaze to his face and glared.

 

“No, no. Not someone,” he was interrupted again by a small little bark. It came from the bathroom. My eyes widened. “I found him in the alley behind our building. I couldn’t just leave him there…”

 

His voice had trailed off. He was a big child. I stood up and walked to the bathroom door. I was hesitant to open the door, but I did so slowly. Out rushed the cutest, dirtiest puppy I had ever seen. The small pup ran around my feet, his tail wagging furiously as he sniffed my legs. I stooped down to pick him up and he shied away from me. I clicked my tongue and held my hands out, and after a few moments of hesitation, the adorable little thing walked into my hands. I lifted him, holding him to my chest, and his little tongue licked all over my chin and neck.

 

“Oh, my goodness,” I whined out. “Babe, he is so cute!”

 

“He is! Can we please keep him? I checked and we have enough saved for a pet deposit, and I just know we would be great pet parents,” Anthony responded as he stood up and made his way towards the puppy and me. I was already in love. I couldn’t tell what breed he was, just that his little puppy wiggles had made their way into my heart so quickly.

 

I took a deep breath, still holding firmly onto the little guy, and thought about everything we would be taking on by adopting this stray pup. It wasn’t a small responsibility, and I wasn’t the best at adulting. Anthony had been the one that took care of things like finances, bills, healthcare. I often called him a big child, but that was only due to how sweet, caring, positive and happy he was. In truth, I was the child in the relationship. I couldn’t even cook.

 

“Are you sure we, er I, can handle it? I don’t want to mess up!” I looked up into his eyes as I spoke, only glancing down at the puppy as it whimpered.

 

“Babe, as long as you can help provide for him, help me teach him, help me keep him safe… There’s no way you can mess this up if we do this together.”

 

I smiled, the biggest smile I had smiled that day. He always knew what to say to reassure me. I stepped closer to Anthony, and he wrapped his arms around me, sandwiching the wiggling puppy between the two of us. We were a little family.

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