Chapter 1: Jiraya, birth of the pervy sage (Part one)

“What a beautiful night. If you were here, I am sure you would have loved it.” A man mused. He had spiky white hair that flowed violently down his back, a strong figure with bad posture, and a wise ora about him however, his face was plain. He had a simple scroll to his side, only a foot long, and a cup that had some leaves resting inside.

The ninetails attack on Konoha and its subsequent defeat had taken place a few months prior. The village was under repair but seemed barely phased by the Kyubi’s attack save for a few ninjas dying and the death of the Hokage, military wise. “I know how you can’t handle your sake very well. So, I brought you some tea instead this time. Drink up Minato.” He said almost suggestively, as he unraveled the scroll in his hands and a flask escaped with a puff of smoke. He then opened it serenely and poured it carefully into the cup. The wind blew calmly, as the leaves danced in the moonlight. Jiraya poured some of the tea onto the ground in front of him, placed the cup and flask on top of the scroll after which they disappeared, and stood up to leave. As steam left the ground he poured, on his hands were directed over to his eyes. “It should have been me.” He muttered to himself, walking towards the village. Leaving the third training ground.

                “Minato… It should have been me.” Hiruzen said to himself. “I’d rather die then to have dealt with this paperwork at all. I knew the Jutsu too I should have taken the initiative!” he groaned, almost falling off his chair as he stretched. He then looked expectantly at the door before a knock was heard. “Come in.” “Please excuse me Hokage Sama. I have news regarding the search for Tsunade.” The visitor announced. “Why didn’t the ninja I sent report to me themselves?” Hiruzen pried. “She beat them up. They are all in the hospital, it seems she has solidified her stance on not joining. She ought to go into the bingo books for desertion and treason.” The visitor said shaking her head in disapproval.

“Relax. I understand this is stressful, and as Hokage I have the responsibility to do what’s best for the village.” Expectant eyes lay on Hiruzen.  Which is why, I will leave her to her devices for now. Let sleeping dogs lie. Maybe when she’s in millions of Rio in debt, she will come back.” “Or seek employment from Orochimaru. I doubt neither you nor I could handle that paperwork.” The secretary muttered. “You are dismissed.” He said annoyed. “Thank you.” She responded. “Hmmm. I may need to look into some forbidden Jutsu for this… Wait would that be an abuse of power? Are there rules against it… my head.” Hiruzen groaned touching his temples.

The sun sent warning of its rising as Jiraya, wearing his full Sanin gear face paint and all, patrolled the borders of the village along with another ninja. He had white hair and a head protector with a strange leaf like symbol covering one of his eyes. “Why is there a Sanin on guard duty?” The ninja asked. “Same reason a jonin is, Kakashi.” He responded. They then suddenly stopped; their weary eyes focused on a bandit camp.

“Listen up.” One of the bandits pronounced fist reaching into the heavens. “Konoha is weak, don’t let them fool you. Just the other day, I saw with my own eyes their chunin getting beat up by a blonde drunk. A nobody, surely more then their pathetic Hokage perished in the battle against the demon. All we have to do is….” The bandit stopped dead on their tracks as a liquid suddenly fell from above them and covered them completely. “I got my liquids all over such a pretty lady. It’s a shame that she was a Konoha enemy. “Who are you!?” Another bandit demanded. “What is this?!” The female bandit exclaimed. Jiraya knocked on the tree branch he sat on, portraying a dead expression as he looked down on the camp that began to scramble for weapons. “Great toad oil burst.” Jiraya said, just barely audible. The woman started to scream just before she burst into a liquid which quickly got all over the camp. They all scattered in fear whilst periodically one of their men would explode without warning. Some rolled on the ground to get the oil off them, and some ran towards Jiraya begging, pleading. “Mercy, please I have a new born son” a bandit begged before exploding. Only one was left. One man, crying uncontrollably. He was then taken out by Kakashi.

“What type of Genjutsu did you use on them? They couldn’t even see me.” Kakashi asked. “That would a question for me.” A small toad jumping onto Jiraiya’s shoulder announced. “And its for toads only, so don’t look at it with that eye of yours.” The frog exclaimed. Kakashi nodded losing interest. “I wonder why you didn’t kill a single one of them though, Jiraya.” The toad whispered as it focused on one of the now dead bandits with blonde hair. “Gas. Guess I am getting old.” Jiraya muttered. “Now, lets go file this report in with Shikaku, Kakashi. There is someone I plan on meeting.” Jiraya said seriously.

The sky offered was a bright day, Jiraya covered his eyes as he looked from building to building with the words gambling on them. “She must be here somewhere.” He muttered. “If I may, Jiraya Sama. I have great respect for you, but why go against the Hokage’s orders and pursue Tsunade?” A voice pondered. “He specified seeing her to persuade her into returning. I just want to talk with one of the few… With my former teammate. That’s a more appropriate word.” He said as if to himself noting the disappearance of the person he conversed with. “Wow, he must have been in a hurry.” He thought as he walked along the streets, seeing flamboyant women surrounding men who dressed rich. Laughing hysterically. “I believe it’s the one at the edge of town, that’s what he said in the scroll right. Which end of town though, and why was he in a hurry suddenly it isn’t like I’m doing anything wrong.” Jiraya thought to himself his face frowning. “Man, I’m hungry, I guess not eating solid food for a week will do that to you. I think a late lunch is in order!” He said to himself a bit louder. Suddenly, his nose took over. It scanned the scent around him and he found his body following a particularly alluring aroma. One that directed him towards a shop. Jiraya sat down at a table in the shade. He then signaled for the worker who attended to him. Just as he finished his order, he heard a loud shout to his left. “You!” The shout accused towards Jiraya. “It’s you, so they sent a pervert to get me back into the village?! Pathetic! The old man must be going senile.” Tsunade proclaimed as Shizune ran up towards her with a sleeping Tonton in her arms.

“Tsunade, you’re mistaken. The leaf didn’t send me,” Jiraya shook his head as a content smile arose. “I was just passing through and thought of having something to eat.” He assured her, half-truth though it may be. “At a restaurant neighboring a bath house?” Tsunade asked drunkenly, suspecting her former teammate. “Ah, hot springs. I should have brought my binoculars.” Jiraya scorned internally, his face cringing, before noticing the attention the people were lending the two Sanin and sighing. “Maybe if I leave for a bit she’ll calm down. Looks like my spy is already back from his disappearing act.” He noted as he glanced into the audience. “You’re so cruel Tsunade! After all we have been through? My heart. I need to mend it in the alluring waters of the hot spring. Good Sir, hold my order please!” Jiraya pronounced with a huge grin. “She’s upset about something else, I’m sure. I’ll have to be more careful next time.” He reflected as he walked toward the hot spring only to be intercepted  by Tsunade. “I lost a million Rio, after annoying Genin came to pester me, and now you? I can only deal with so much.” “You don’t have to deal with m…”

“I mean really, such a pathetic village shouldn’t be pestering me so thoroughly. Don’t think I don’t notice all the spies that are probably in cahoots with you…” “I guess I need to hold a workshop on improving tactics.” Jiraya noted as Tsunade continued, “If you don’t get them to back off, I’ll get my moneys worth for the Rio by beating you for every penny I lost.” She said glaring at an awkwardly smiling Jiraya. “Maybe I’ll just skip town, Good Sir cancel my order!” Jiraya announced much to the Chefs annoyance. “Beat him up for wasting our time!” The Chef yelled. “Pervert. Sending men after her! I thought he was strange!” A woman shouted from behind the crowd. Jiraya was bewildered. His mind began to focus on why he was in this situation. “Is this karma coming into play? I guess I deserve…”

Without warning Tsunade struck her former teammate clear out of the street. The crowd’s jaws fell to the ground in shock. Shizune began to panic, and her pet pig awoke from its slumber. “Pervert, I’ll teach you a lesson you won’t ever forget!”

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“What, why!?” Jiraya thought as he flew into the air. He then landed with a thud. “Blondes…” he remarked. He groaned in painfully and tried to get to his feet, but Tsunade appeared a way off from him. “Tsunade, you’re drunk. Please I’ll leave you alone so stop it.” He said simultaneously noting the pain involved with talking in of itself. “I don’t want to hurt you but I will if you…” He leaped to the side narrowly dodging a tree that was thrown towards him. He pulled blood from his mouth, formed hand seals, and summoned a toad to his side. A female toad tall and colourful appeared next to him. “Jiraya you bastard!” Tsunade yelled. The toad took one look at Tsunade then shook her head and dispelled herself leaving Jiraya helpless. “I was only joking about hurting you, I’d never do it…” He winced while smiling nervously.

Night fell soon, Tsunade was now lazily hitting Jiraya, whose windpipe was too damaged to scream, while on top of him. “I… hate you…” Tsunade announced shocking Shizune who sat a way off with a variety of beverages and fruits along with Jiraiya’s spy and a small group of people horrified at the sight... Tsunade then stood up from her position and spat at Jiraya. She then began walking away, her hair swaying side to side and her hazel eyes barely focusing as she walked towards Shizune. It then began to rain, however it seemed to only rain over Jiraya. The blood he was covered in being diluted. “She… hates me. Of course.” He smiled weakly as he pondered, miraculously staying conscious throughout the whole ordeal, his was a sad and small smile hidden by the distracting bruises adorning his body. The medics then ran over towards Jiraya, as though a seal had been removed preventing this action and he was later rushed towards the local hospital.

Several weeks later.

“What the hell was that Jiraya Sama?” His spy asked. “What do you mean? Please be straight, my throat.” He said lowly. Jiraya’s body was covered with bandages, his eyes and mouth being exceptions. That and his wild white hair, making him look like a ghost. “My deepest apologies. I mean, why did she attack you so mercilessly? Even if she was intoxicated that was horrible. The medical ninjas I called over cried out of fear when they found her beating you. And aren’t the Sanin equal in strength? I understand the slug princess can heal herself, but her clothes as well?” “I can’t hurt her.” “You could have defended yourself?! You would have died; she broke 3 quarters of your damn ribs she should be in prison. Wasn’t she supposed to be afraid of blood? Are you an exception? I don’t understand this at all…”

“It’s Ok. I deserve it.” Jiraya muttered. The spy then stood up. “The only thing you came here to do was check on your friend. You didn’t deserve to be hospitalized for over a month and have you’re pathetic excuse for a former teammate not only wish to introduce you to kami and not even have the decency to heal you! Jiraya, she spat on you. She hates you! She said it to your face! Or do you not recall, perhaps it was your bleeding ears or the concussion she gave you that prevented you from processing the words?!” The spy shouted shaking with rage, his eyes closed. He then opened his eyes, and in looking at Jiraiya’s stoic face rushed off in frustration out of the room Jiraya was in. “You’d think I would learn some medical ninjutsu with how often I end up here. Naruto… I suppose I’m not ready to protect you if I can not even bring myself to oppose a friend like Tsunade. Just how many bonds will become weaknesses…” he thought. “My next main character should have no real connection to women. A real Casanova. I must have been in a slump; I couldn’t even enjoy the female nurses here!” Jiraya mused aloud this time.

“Feeling better?” A voice rang from the window. Jiraya startled looked to see Shizune. “What did you hear?” Jiraya asked recomposing himself. “Might need to add sensory training to the list. I’ll ask the great toad sage if it’s in the prophecy.” He noted, learning a lot from this experience. Shizune made her way to Jiraya and bowed apologetically. “Please forgive me. Jiraya Sama, Tsunade Sama was drunk, incredibly so. She couldn’t even remember the whole day much less meeting you. I rushed her away from the village before she could get the chance to find out. I came to meet a friend, she’s a nurse. She informed me you were here, and when I saw your spy, I wanted to know if you’d made good on your promise to my lady.

I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions like she did, nor should I have let her do this to you either.” She announced.

 “I hope you aren’t apologizing on Tsunade’s behalf. I can’t blame you for much, I do have a poor track record.” Jiraya said as he began to cough and get up startling Shizune. “What are you doing?” Shizune gasped. “Leaving, I’ve been away from Konoha too long.” “But you’re injured, moving is too risky!” She insisted. “Oh, and whose fault would that be?” Jiraya asked rhetorically as he packed his things and got changed out of view of Shizune. “If you weren’t like this, then no one would have even assumed you would peep!” Shizune yelled, her fists balled. “Oh, I suppose you may never see me again. You would want to get some things off your modest chest.” Jiraya mentioned as he sat down beside where Shizune stood, holding a scroll. She was yet again startled but began to shake and continued. “Tsunade told me of all the times you peeped around the village. Shameless, disgusting. Have you no respect for women at all? The books you write, the lack of manners or class. I know she was wrong this time, but you are and always will be a pervert!” She got out as she shut her eyes. “A bit presumptuous, no? I didn’t know you could see the future.” Jiraya remarked as he bent over and lay the scroll he held onto the ground. “But, if you have more. Please continue. He said scratching his head. “Do you think this is funny?” She said confrontationally, backing away slightly in disbelief. “You aren’t taking this seriously at all. Tsunade Sama was right. Any woman would find you repulsive too even be around.” She said making her way out of the room towards the door. “Goodbye Shizune. Such a foolish girl.” This stopped her dead in her tracks. However just as she turned around furiously 3 men appeared out of nowhere into the room above the seal the Sanin set. “Jiraya Sama you sent for us?” one of them asked. “Finally, not as fast as Minato’s flying thunder god but it will do.” Jiraya stood and got in-between the three men. “I’m no pervert, I’m a Super Pervert!” Jiraya said posing, avoiding contact with the men who tried their hardest to keep a straight face. “Oh, tell the staff the bill is on my spy, Shiatzu.  Thanks!” Jiraya grinned as he disappeared. Jiraya then reappeared into a hospital in Konoha. The four men stood on a complicated seal that had a radius of 4 meters. Jiraiya’s knees then buckled as he began to cough extensively. The tree men panicked and fell back as they called for a nurse. Jiraya held his throat as though he was suffocating.

 

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