I'm in a foreign land. I don't know the language and don't know anyone here.
I did not arrive in Bangkok until noon the next day, due to the layover in Taipei City. It was the mid-day sun and it felt hot, even though it was in the middle of November, the temperature was at 87°F.
I needed to figure out where I was going to live. I did not want to stay in a hotel because that was going to cost too much money in the long run. I needed something cheaper than that. Wait! What are those one places backpackers always stay at when traveling around Europe? Oh, yeah! A hostel... I wonder if they have them here in Thailand. I started googling on my phone for hostels nearby:
Bangkok Hide
3-Star Hotel
$5
886 Sukhumvit 50 Aly, Phra Khanong, Khlong Toei, Bangkok 10260, Thailand
This place seemed to be the cheapest one I could find, so it'll have to do. I flagged down a taxi and because I did not know the language, I just showed him my phone screen and gave a thumbs up. The driver nodded and headed off to my destination.
I gazed out the window and I took in my new home I would be living in for the next few months. Bangkok showed signs of being overcrowded and there was traffic everywhere we drove. Google maps indicated it was only 28 km away from the airport, but the traffic wasn't helping with that. The thought kept occurring to me, was this still the right idea? Should I just go back home? No, I can't. I'll just change my number and call my mom as soon as I can. I'll just have to come up with a reason why I'm in Thailand. God, she's going to freak out when she hears this.
The cab had stopped and the driver jumped out of the car to help me with my bags. I looked around, "Where is this place?" It seemed like we were in some side street that had a bunch of homes selling goods out on the streets. I don't know if the driver could tell I was confused, but he pointed down an alleyway. Okay, so it must be down there. I thanked and paid the driver and left down towards the sketchy back-street. I hope the walk isn't too long because with all my luggage and this heat, I think I might pass out. As I was walking, I noticed how much greener it was over here. Even though the city had so many people everywhere you went, it felt like at times I was in a jungle with all the trees and plant life.
I had almost passed the place when I noticed a tiny sign that read, Hide Bangkok. Phew, I actually made it. Now let's hope they have rooms available. As I walked inside, I got a nice breeze of air conditioning. This place actually seemed really nice. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but for $5 I guess I was expecting something more rundown. I saw a young girl standing behind, with what looked like a service desk.
"Hi, I don't speak Thai." Jesus, I could've sounded less like a tourist. She started giggling at my remark, "That's okay! I understand some English. Can I help?"
"Oh, ummm, yes. I don't have a reservation, but I would like to stay for two weeks."
"That's okay! Let me see what we have available." She started clicking around on the keyboard in front of her, "Do you have a preference on your room?"
"What do you mean exactly?"
"Ummm, like sharing."
"Oh, right! No, not really. I guess I prefer sharing with girls if that's possible." I hate men right now, so I would prefer to avoid them at all costs. That is what I wanted to say.
"Ah, it looks like we have a standard 4 bed private ensuite."
"That's fine. I'll take it."
After paying for the room and getting the key card, I headed towards my temporary living space. I scanned the card up against the lock and opened the door. The room was small, and there were already 2 other girls inside... And of course they both have the bottom bunks. I should've expected that to happen. One of the girls quickly got up from her bed and greeted me, "Ayye! Are you goin' to be livin' wit us?" She had a funny accent, I couldn't tell where it was from.
"Oh, yeah. I guess I am for a bit."
"Right on! Are you American?"
"Yes I am." I didn't want to be rude, but I really wasn't in the mood for talking. I should've just paid more and got a private room.
"Nice! Welp, the name is Beth! Yo name is?"
"You can call me Tabi."
"Welp, it's nice to meet ya Tabi!" She reached out her hand, I hesitantly put my hand out and she gave a firm grip and started shaking it. Beth was odd looking. Not in a bad way, she just looked like someone from a comic book. She is tall with olive skin, blonde hair and dark brown eyes-They almost looked black. I'm jealous of her body, she has to me what seems like perfect curves. I'm a bit of a twig right now, but if I could just put on a little more weight, I would be content with that.
"So Tabi, what brings you to this beautiful country?" Damn it, I haven't even thought of my story yet.
"I, uh... Trying to find myself, I guess?" She had this intense cackle, which made me kind of laugh along with her.
"Sorry, sorry! I did not mean to laugh! That was jus an AMAZING answer!"
"Oh, ha! Thanks!"
"Welp, I'll get outta ya hair! I have shite to do anyways. Oh, and don't mind the mouse over there... You won't get a word outta her." Oh, so she's talking about the girl who's been sitting on her bed this whole time, with her giant headphones on, looking at her laptop.
"Understood. Thanks!"
"Not a probs!" As Beth was waltzing out the door, I stopped her, "Hey Beth!"
"Wassup?"
"Do you speak Thai by any chance?" There goes her cackle again, "No way Tabi! That shite is too hard!" Fuck, I'm screwed. She must've noticed the trouble in my expression because she spoke up again, "... But don't worry Tabi! Everyone in this country is really welcomin' and yud be surprised to find they can understand English well enough."
"Gotcha! Well, thanks again!"
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"Sure thing man!"
Once I was finished settling in, I knew I needed to take a shower since it had been two days since my last one. After I was done, I felt much more relaxed and wanted to sleep except I did not want to mess up my sleep schedule. Maybe I should get my number changed first. I called my cell service provider and explained to them my situation, not the real situation, but just that I moved to Thailand and I need a Thai number. You would think it would be an easy fix, however that phone call lasted me an hour.
After finally resetting my phone for the 5th time, everything was set. I knew I needed to call my mom... I just don't know what I'm going to say to her. Maybe I should wait to tell her anything, except how the hell am I going to explain to her the number change? Damn it. I'm going to just have to call her. There was an outdoor commune area for guests staying at the hostel, so I decided to go there.
I was vaping like crazy, I usually could go a while without using my vape pen, but these past 24 hours have been a living hell, I felt I deserved this. I looked down at the time, it was 2:28 p.m. That means it was probably midnight, so she's probably still awake. She's always been a night owl, kind of like how I used to be before the accident. I started calling and she immediately picked up, "What's wrong?"
"Jesus! Is your mom-intuition going off?"
"So I am right! There is something going on?"
"Mom... Please don't freak out."
"Tabitha, what's wrong?" I tried my best to steady my breathing, "I'm not in Japan."
"Well, I know you and Hinata went on vacation. Where'd you end up going?" Fuck, I really haven't talked to her since then.
"About that... Ummm... We broke up."
"WHAT?" Don't cry Tabitha. Hold back the tears and remember to breathe.
"Mom, please! I'm not in a good place right now."
"I-I'm sorry! I know... I didn't mean to freak out like that, but what happened sweetie? How are you doing? Why aren't you in Japan?"
"It's uh... It's hard to explain because it just happened all so suddenly, but I promise I'll tell you everything when I can! I just left Japan... I couldn't be there. Not with him..."
"Did he hurt you?"
"What? No, he didn't. He just lied about something and-and I needed to leave."
"I see... So, where did you go?"
"... Thailand..."
"Jesus Tabitha! Thailand? Are you kidding me? Why didn't you just come home?"
"Because I can't mom! I just can't!" My voice was starting to get shaky. I hated yelling at my mom. She's always been my number one supporter and has had to deal with my shit for a long time now. It was silent on her end, "Mom... I'm sorry for yelling... I just-I don't know what I was thinking. I can't go back home yet. It's barely been a year since James has been gone, and I feel like I've accomplished nothing in that time. I want to be happy. I want to find my purpose again... I-I don't know."
"Tabitha, I can't say I understand I how you are feeling, but I can tell you this much; I'll always support you. No matter what you decide. Of course I want you to be happy. Fuck Hinata! That asshole hurt you and you've already been hurt enough. If you need more time then that's fine, but can you promise me something?"
"Ok..."
"Can I come visit soon? Obviously get yourself situated first, but please let me see you. I just want to make sure you're okay." I was squatting down at this point, thinking about how much I missed my mom. This made me start to cry.
"Y-yeah mom... You can come visit me. I would really love that."
"Okay, that sounds good to me."
After that, we attempted to talk normally. She filled me in on some at-home gossip and got me feeling better by the end of the phone call. I felt grateful that I had someone like her in my life, let alone, her being my mom made it even better. We said our goodbyes and hung up.
Though moving to Thailand was probably a stupid idea on my part, I knew I needed the challenge. I've said it a thousand times already, I wanted to be happy. I wanted to feel like I could move on and find enjoyment in the things I used to love before James left. In that second of thought, a gust of wind picked up. I observed the petals that were once lying still, flowing around on the floor. One petal in particular stood out to me and I bent over to grab it before it flew away. I peered at it for a long time, until I was startled by a voice, "Ratchaphruek."
"What? I'm sorry!"
The stranger pointed to what I was holding in between my fingers, "Ratchaphruek."
"Oh... This is what it's called?" I held up the petal. They nodded, "Golden tree." Oh, I looked back down at the petal. So this must be from a tree around here. It was pretty and the color was so vivid. Maybe I'll keep it, for a good luck charm. I turned back around to face the stranger, "Than-" Huh? And just as suddenly as they appeared, they were gone in an instance. I wonder who that was.
I opened up the back of my phone case and stuck the petal inside. I'll keep this petal with me at all times, as a reminder on why I came to Thailand.
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