Chapter 140: CH 139

    “Currently, you have nothing except for your appearance.”

     “That’s right! And Choi Lee-kyung likes small and cute things.”

     “……”

     Seo Dawon turned to look at me before turning away, biting his lips. Anyone could see that he was holding back his laughter. Jung Garam and Kim Olim were too agitated to see that, though.

     “Um…” I started.

     “And also, Hyung had always only dated girls! Choi Lee-kyung’s a man!”

     “It was only a week ago that you promised to try and fix your obsession.”

      “Excuse me…”

     “If it’s like this, won’t you start dating a girl after reviving?”

     “I won’t forgive you if you do something like that.”

     “I’ll kill you for real……”

     “Please….! Listen! To what I’m saying!” I yelled, eventually.

[Clack Clack!]

     Only then did the overheated atmosphere subside. I sighed and addressed the eight red pupils staring at me, “I…would like it if Seo Dawon and. I could speak alone. At least at first…”

     “……”

     “……”

     “Okay. The irrelevant people should get out of the way.” Seo Dawon said, adding unnecessarily mean words and pushing the momentarily calmed Jung Garam away, before approaching me. I was a bit startled when Seo Dawon placed his arms around me, but, like that, I was dragged into the master bedroom.

Slam–

     As soon as the door closed, I removed Seo Dawon’s arm from me and crossed mine. He, still utterly aloof, stepped down coolly.

      However, every time I retreated one step, he just approached me by the same amount. It was as if he was trying to not allow more than a certain distance between us. I was concerned with that attitude, but I ignored that and began to talk, “You…”

     “Choi Lee-kyung.” Seo Dawon called my name and cut me off. I shut my mouth at the unexpected interruption; he, without being roundabout, spoke straightforwardly, “I wasn’t joking yesterday.”

     “That…”

     “That’s what you wanted to hear, right?”

     I would definitely be angry if I heard it was all a joke. I nodded reluctantly, and Seo Dawon lowered his eyes. It was as if he were carefully choosing his words, so I waited without rushing him.

     After a short silence, Seo Dawon continued, slowly speaking, “And, I’m sure you’re curious as to why I did what I did…”

     “Yeah…”

     “But, it’s hard to put into words my feelings for you.”

“…Why?”

     “It’s my first time feeling like this. I’ve never felt this way before.”

     “……”

     ‘Is that because he kissed a guy?’ The thought suddenly crossed my mind. Well, I floundered a lot when I first realized my sexuality; I was confused and wanted to deny everything…

     However, Seo Dawon’s following words were somehow strange.

     “That’s why—just in case–if I suddenly try to attack or imprison you, I’ll show you how to stop me.”

     “Um….What? W-What did you say?”

     “If I become weird in a different way, I’ll tell you how to reverse summon me.”

     Honestly…Didn’t he mean to say something emotional…? Something like ‘he fell in love with me,’ or ‘he was momentarily swept away by the atmosphere?’ What sort of out-of-the-blue thing was he talking about?

     The change of subject was so off kilter that I was momentarily rendered speechless. Seo Dawon looked at my flustered self before sighing and walking one step closer.

     However, for some reason, I felt a bit terrified of his approach. I instinctively retreated, but the rapidly tensing mood would not relieve itself. Seo Dawon moved slowly, driving me into the corner.

     “W-What is it…Wait a minute!”

     “Your body is responding to my bloodthirst. It’s natural–there’s no reason to think that it’s weird.” Seo Dawon muttered slowly, watching me step backwards.

     I was asking you to explain why your bloodthirst had risen or why you’re approaching me like this though!

      However, as the atmosphere felt like it was tightening around my neck, the courage to joke or shout left me. Now, drenched in cold sweat, I stepped back towards the bed.

      “So, Lee-kyung ah, remember this feeling well. If I suddenly approach you like this or say something strange to you…” Before I fell onto the bed, Seo Dawon grabbed my shoulders and whispered gently, “Say [—-]. Understand?”

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     “What……?”

     “Since it’d be troublesome if you say it by mistake, I ‘locked’ it. You’ll automatically be able to speak the word when necessary.”

At those words, my legs lost all strength and I flopped onto the mattress.

“You, really……”

     “I’m sorry. There’s not much I could say to make the explanation make sense right now.” Seo Dawon apologized with a face that didn’t seem sorry at all.

     A little while earlier, the Mage placed a strange suggestion on me. I had no idea what exactly it entailed, but my head kept imagining the eerie feeling of being forcibly held at knifepoint.

      I vividly felt anxious about what would happen to Seo Dawon if I were to say [that word] that I could not pronounce at the moment. I couldn’t stand the idea that such a creepy thing may occur against my will. I lowered my face into my two hands. “What the hell…are you doing.”

      “I’m doing what’s necessary…..something that must be done even if you despise it.”

      In the end, Seo Dawon had no desire to explain. Whether I misunderstood him or hated him, it was as if he were telling me to feel however I wanted.

      Bracing myself for dismissal, once again I asked him, “Why…to me…Haah…”

      “……”

     “Why must you go this far… It makes me think you’ll be hurt by me.”

      “…Because, that’s how I want it.”

      I was stunned at the unexpected answer.

     It was true that Seo Dawon has often made me feel anxious or intimidated. I had thought that his personality was terribly oppressive and that he was a perfectionist.

      So, while I thought that Seo Dawon was coercive, I thought he was ignoring me because he thought my abilities were trivial. Days that were spent happily, days that he suddenly became cold despite what I thought was a progressing relationship. I remembered being swayed between those two moods and asked, hopeful, “Perhaps… the scary way you crave for my being…is that the reason why?”

      “Mm, like what?”

     “That… When I say something or mumble, you stare intensely at me. When we lock gazes, you turn your head away…” 1

      “I don’t know about that.”

      He’s pretending to not know. However, throughout this conversation, it seems like I’ve found some clues about his extreme behavior.

      Seo Dawon is holding in some dangerous impulse–an urge he has no control over. But, it must have been tolerable at first? That feeling must have gotten worse as time flowed on…

      ‘…….It must be incredibly painful.’

      Even with that personality, I was able to grasp some hints with my dense head; perhaps his feelings are exploding after being patient for such a long time? If so, what’s the cause? Was Seo Dawon exposed to any serious harm or curse while I remained ignorant?

      ‘……Curse?’

      At that moment, a name flashed across my mind. ‘Koo Hui-seo…?’

      So I hurriedly asked, “Are you injured? Or…”

      Seo Dawon answered obediently, “It’s not something like an injury. Perhaps it’s more like a penalty. For now…”

      “……”

      “But, I think I’m drawing closer to the limit of my self-control.” Seo Dawon said calmly, before sitting with a thud next to me.

      However, even after revealing all that, he had no further words to add. Now, rather than being frustrated by his incomprehensible attitude, I thought that he must be constrained by some circumstances. Before I asked, he was unable to say it…And even if I asked, he was unable to express himself properly…

       “What that exactly is… I guess you can’t really tell me.”

       Seo Dawon did not confirm nor deny and simply stared at me. By those actions, I was convinced of my guess.

      ‘It feels like he’s under some ban. He’s not allowed to say whatever it is by his own mouth…Or perhaps there are specific conditions to his silence.’

      “Then… Then maybe…does kissing me bring you some relief?” I asked.

      If so, then does skinship improve or have a big effect on his obsession with ‘me’? Seo Dawon’s random kiss could be explained through this logic.

      I looked at him, that thought lingering in my mind.

     But, pausing for a moment, Seo Dawon answered with a chuckle, “Does that make sense? That was something I just wanted to do.”

     “W….What?”

     “What kind of mental illness could ever be cured with kisses?”

     “No, I mean…”

     “Are you a doctor?”

TL: There’s a lot here but, to sum it up–

Dawon’s bloodlust had gotten worse through time–he did something and was perhaps…penalized for it? I’m just as blind as many of you guys–maybe he tried to go against the system? Similarly, Seo Dawon seems to be confused as to what his feelings entail. (Understandable, there’s so many influences on him, he must be just as confused as MC).

Poor MC though. I wouldn’t know what to do with what essentially amounts to a remote control to a kill button or a shock collar.
FootnotesThis is intentionally vague btw. What Choi Lee-kyung is saying could be symptoms of a crush on someone, but also could be reminiscent of Seo Dawon’s obsession for his blood/body/everything. 

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