Chapter 321: We Might as Well Not Fight or Meet

She was the Flower Addict, the most beautiful of the three Addicts. When she heard the terrible news, she did not hesitate to change into a pair of regular robes and rode on her white horse to the Wilderness. She did not rest for thousands of miles and her face was caked with ice and dirt. She looked extremely haggard, and compared to her usual attractive appearances, she was indeed ugly.

Prince Long Qing did not turn around to look at her face. His gaze moved from the sunlight in the east to the dark night in the north. He could smell the faint stench from her and his heart twinged. He knew that his fiance was a stickler for cleanliness and could imagine how difficult her travels were as she sweated even in the freezing winter.

He was suddenly annoyed due to the emotional pain and physical weariness. He lowered his head and looked at the ugly wound and said indifferently, “I had a dream once.”

Lu Chenjia did not know what he had wanted to say. She just held him in a loose embrace and pressed his gaunt and dirty face against hers.

“On the last few steps when I mounted the back of the mountain at the Academy, I dreamt deeply. I faced one of life’s most difficult decision in that dream, but I did not think for too long. I reached out to hold the Taoist Sword by my waist.”

Prince Long Qing looked at her hands that encircled his chest and said hoarsely, “Then, I pulled out the sword and plunged it into your chest. I did not turn around even though you looked at me so sadly.”

There was a sudden assault of wind. Lu Chenjia’s body stiffened slightly, but her hands that embraced him tightened slightly as well. She could hear emotions that frightened her in that indifferent voice of his.

“It hurt me as well, but I did not regret it. I believe that it was the right choice.”

Prince Long Qing lifted his hand with difficulty and pointed to the gaping hole of a wound on his chest. He said, “I spent many years in that dream, and then, a wooden sword pierced through my chest, just like how I had pierced your chest with a sword in my dreams earlier. I did not die. A flower grew from my chest. It was crafted from gold and was so beautiful, it was perfect. It reflected the light of Haotian and was so dignified.”

“The gold flower on my chest was the compensation that Haotian had given me for giving up everything for him. I held the Taoist Sword in my hands and walked on the path of light with the blooming gold flower on my chest. However, what made me sad and regretful, and even angry, was that I had paid such a heavy price in my dream, and yet, I did not make it to the end. Why was that so?”

Prince Long Qing’s eyes reflected the rays of light from the east that was rising slowly. They looked like ghost-fire, devoid of any human emotions, and were filled with despair and questions about life.

“Why was it so? Was absolute light absolute darkness? But everything I’ve seen and what my Taoist Heart had felt was light! Why did Haotian put me through such turbulent trials? Does he think that my Taoist Heart is not determined enough? My performance since I was a child was perfect, why did I have to endure such setbacks?”

The light in his eyes faded and was replaced by an indifference that was reminiscent of the darkness that first met light in the north. He fell silent for a moment before laughing maniacally. He lifted his right hand and covered the gaping wound on his chest that looked like the lips of a dying old man. He said, “It wasn’t until Ning Que shot an arrow through my chest on the snow cliff, and when there was no blooming of a gold flower and only the blossoming of blood flower filled with despair, did I realize. I realized that there was no perfect existence in this world. All that pride and glory in the past were just footnotes for the final destruction. Just like how the more beautiful the carving on the structure of the Taoist temple was on the Peach Mountain, the more sad one would feel when it falls.”

Lu Chenjia’s hands which embraced him started to tremble. She could not understand what Long Qing was saying. While his words were clear, the meaning behind them was pieced from shattered logic, some of which were completely incomprehensible. One could only feel the despair and the resignation behind them.

Prince Long Qing said slowly and forlornly, “I know that you truly pity me, but I no longer have the right to accept your pity now and forevermore. So don’t pity me, but just talk to me.”

He pushed Lu Chenjia’s hands away and said, “Do not worry that I will kill myself. Even though there is nothing that I will miss in this world and I have lost all hope, I will not seek death. That is because Haotian seems to think that I have not been punished or tortured enough and does not want me to die.”

Prince Long Qing was very weak due to his injuries. When his fingers touched the back of Lu Chenjia’s hands, she did not resist, but simply loosened her hold on him.

Lu Chenjia knelt by his side and looked at his face dazedly. He was no longer handsome, and his side profile was exceptionally cold and ugly. There were no tears or sadness in her eyes, as she looked on, but only love and pity that came from the bottom of her heart.

“You’ve said that nothing was perfect in the world, that means that there is nothing that cannot be changed. No matter your injury or your cultivation in the future, you will definitely be able to return to normal. The Hierarch Lord would definitely be able to heal you. I have also asked Aunt for the way to the Xuankong Temple, the Bhadantas from the Buddhism Sect would definitely have a way to treat you.”

Prince Long Qing replied, “When a man is on the brink of death, his Taoist Heart would apprehend many things. I have never been as weak as I am now, but I have also never understood myself as well as I do now. When my sense of perception was destroyed when I broke the realm, I had lost all hopes of continuing with cultivation in this life. The Hierarch can’t, the Divine Priest of Light in the You Prison can’t, and not even the silent guy in the Buddhism can.”

“Do not hold on to false hopes. Nobody can change my fate.”

He looked at a random spot afar and said, “I should have forgotten the four words that the Headmaster of the Academy left me on the rock outside the Wooden Door to the back of the mountain of the Academy. But I thought of them again randomly days before when I was on the brink of death. The fours words read, “A Gentleman shouldn’t fight.” I did not understand the true meaning of these words then, but thought that I knew them very well. That was why I sneered at them and fought even more. I have finally understood today, that the Headmaster of the Academy was talking about my character. And a person’s character would decide his fate.”

“I have been fighting my entire life.”

“Even though you all do not know the true relationship between myself and my brother, Zong Ming. But I was indeed fighting with him, and everyone knew about it, that we were fighting for the throne of the secular world.”

“I fought in the Revelation institute. I fought for the position as the first disciple, because I did not want to be bullied and laughed at should the Divine Lord who loved me lose power. I fought for credit.”

“I fought in the Judicial Department department as well. If I didn’t fight for power with an opponent like the crazy Tao Addict, would I be able to of equal position as her? What right would I have to be seated above God Moyu in the future?”

“I have once shone brightly, I have once won. I thought that they were all spoils from my fights. Now that I am at the bottom of this pit of despair, did I understand that the Headmaster of the Academy had already seen through everything. He had seen that my sins and despair were the results of my fights.

“I might as well not fight.”

Lu Chenjia knelt beside him weakly and listened to his mutterings with a lowered head. The strands of hair flying on her forehead moved like the lifeless grass of the Wilderness. Her face was pale and colorless.

Prince Long Qing laughed dazedly, his pale smile looking devoid of hope. He said, “Did you know? I once thought that I was really the defender of the light. No matter how many people I have killed and how much bloodshed I have caused, my Taoist Heart was still clean because I was assured that I was doing Haotian’s will.”

“Since I was the defender of the light, and since I was doing Haotian’s will, I would, of course, have to be a perfect person. That was why I took great care with my appearance, my clothing and the way I spoke. I rarely drank so I wouldn’t lose control. I treated others warmly and was strict with myself. I was particular about my disposition, and even though I dealt with the annoying remnants of the Devil’s Doctrine, I have never attacked them on the sly. I had obviously reached the back of the mountain of the Academy first, but because I wanted to show that I was gentlemanly, I waited a long time for Ning Que. And in the end, what greeted me was a shameless enemy.”

Prince Long Qing looked at the faint sky and said, “I thought I would definitely die after I got injured. However, for some odd reasons or another, I didn’t. I thought, could it be that Haotian had not abandoned me and that he was just steering me in another direction? So I tried to walk towards the darkness. I didn’t care about anything else anymore. I gathered all my energy and courage and raised that hunting knife. I tried to strike at a little Desolate Man boy who was only 12. But do you know what had happened? I didn’t succeed.”

“I was willing to abandon the light and had shamelessly surrendered to the darkness. But when I walked to the other side, why did I not succeed?”

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A fearful expression crossed Prince Long Qing’s eyes as he muttered, “This is not the story of a believer of Haotian, or a story of someone who had fallen to the dark. It is not a story full of pain and hope. It is just… a story of a man that had been forgotten by Haotian.”

“The struggle between light and darkness is indeed bitter. Surrendering to the darkness is even more so. But it is so full of vitality. It is alive. But what about me right now? I wanted to surrender to the dark, yet, I was refused. I wasn’t even qualified for Haotian to abandon me. I am just a tiny creature left in the Wilderness and forgotten by Haotian.”

He coughed painfully, and scrunched up like an old man, as if he was about to become one with the pile of snow in the Wilderness.

Lu Chenjia looked at him dazedly. The sadness disappeared from her gaze as she slowly stood up and said calmly, “I’m going to kill Ning Que now.”

“Is there a point?” Prince Long Qing struggled to stand up. He turned around and cradled her haggard but beautiful face. He rubbed his dirty fingers on her skin and said, “There is no point.”

Lu Chenjia looked at the face before her and realized that it looked foreign to her. Her heart twinged painfully and she bit her lips lightly. She knew that she would never be able to bring Prince Long Qing out of the wilderness if she did not get rid of the despair and demons that plagued his heart. And she knew that there was no way for him to return to the man he once was.

She had known Prince Long Qing for many years. From the palace of the Yuelun Kingdom to the Revelation Institute. They had been in love for many years and he knew very well of the burning passion beneath the Flower Addict’s cold and aloof outward appearance. He could guess what she was about to do and backed away from her, creating a distance between the two. He bellowed with an unusual coldness in his expression, “Don’t try to knock me out.”

“I am a useless man, but I do not wish to ask you not to pity me and to stay away from me like what other useless people would say. Can’t we just have a simple conversation? Why do you have to do such disgusting things like what happens in the theatre? Do you want me to cry like an idiot?!”

Prince Long Qing’s voice was hoarse as he bellowed at her angrily.

Lu Chenjia looked at him with a pale face. She held her hands at her chest as if she was begging, or as if this action would sooth the pain in her heart, or as if she was proving to him that she wouldn’t knock him out.

All was silent in the cold Wilderness.

After a long moment of silence, Prince Long Qing calmed down. His face that had once been perfect was devoid of vitality and hope. He spoke in a slow manner and in a cold and despairing tone, saying, “Don’t pity me. don’t make me feel as if you are pitying me. We might as well not meet if this is so.”

Lu Chenjia did not say anything, but lowered her hands that were on her chest.

Prince Long Qing turned around and picked up the branch that had broken into two and continued walking towards the north.

Lu Chenjia fell silent for a moment before following him towards the north.

Long Qing was severely injured and walked really slowly. He did not walk more than ten feet even after a long time. He fell thrice along the way, and the tree branch was tossed far away during his fall. He did not have the energy to pick it up, and the wound on his chest tore open again. Blood seeped through his thin shirt and froze into pearls of blood in the winter winds.

Lu Chenjia followed behind him. Her face grew paler, but she did not move forward to help him.

Prince Long Qing was tired. He sat down on the hard ground of the Wilderness and picked up a handful of snow from the ground and stuffed them into his mouth. Then, he tried to stand up and continue towards the north. However, he did not manage to stand upright before falling to the ground heavily once more.

He struck the ground beside him angrily. However, he was so weak, he did not even manage to make the snow on the ground flutter.

Lu Chenjia watched him silently from behind.

Long Qing knew that she was behind him. He panted for a moment before yelling, “I have said my piece. You’ve already seen me, so why are you still following me? I will die before you if you follow me anymore.”

Lu Chenjia’s body trembled before she caught herself. A spark of determination crossed her face. Even the most beautiful flower had thorns, and she had a threshold to her patience.

She looked at the back of the man who was more like a dog and yelled, “Then I will watch you die!”

Prince Long Qing stiffened.

Lu Chenjia’s face was pale, but she was determined not to cry. She yelled, “We have been together for so many years, but you have refused to allow me to see you clearly until the very end. Will you not let me watch you die? I really want to see you. If you want to die, die before me. I will bury you and marry someone else when I return to the Central Plains.”

Long Qing fell silent before laughing maniacally, “You’re really one crazy woman. Even if you wanted to marry someone else, no one would marry you.”

Lu Chenjia shouted, “I would marry someone else. You’d be dead by then, so you don’t have to worry.”

Long Qing was silent, then, he continued northwards.

Lu Chenjia did not say anything else, but continue to follow him northwards.

The snow horse trailed behind them tiredly.

From dawn to dusk, the winds in the Wilderness started once more.

The piercing cold wind.

The falling snow.

They walked on together.

…