Chapter 25: Chapter 20: I’ve got Talk No Jutsu-ed?

I suddenly woke up on my bed.

“I-I Remember…. How could I’ve forget about my dad’s death?”

Tears start streaming down my cheeks. All the emotions I felt the moment my dad died is flooding back into my mind. I feel weak, there’s a void filled with pain on my chest.

“It was a traumatic experience, it’s normal your mind blocked it”

I quickly look at the direction of the voice. It was Zenshin, he was sitting on top of my computer desk.

“Ze-Zenshin?”

“It’s me, hi, I already saw your old human form, from the last dream you had, even though you almost immediately changed to your new form when you realized it wasn’t real, now you’re in human form again, this memory is so strong it’s overwriting your new form. Yeah, traumas aren’t something anyone should be messing around”

“W-what are you doing here?”

“My friend, you somehow managed to pass by the anti-monster barrier and when you entered the church, you just collapsed on the floor. So it is obvious I would’ve come to see what happened to you. True, I didn’t expect a trauma of death and blood, it’s a little poor combination with you, in my opinion, you are a dragon, soon a wyvern, you’re basically what a normal human in this world would call a …”

“Can I have a moment alone, Please?”

“Oh, of course, if you need me just call, I’ll be just out of the door”

Zenshin jumped off the desk, landing on the floor, and walked out of the room. The door closed behind him by itself, but I think it’s some sort of magic he’s using.

After a few seconds, I couldn’t hold it any longer. I started crying my eyes out, all the pain, all that emotion I felt is coming out. I’m lying on my bed, face on my pillow, sobbing uncontrollably.

Why did it had to be him? Why that monster of a man had to be born in the first place? I-I was so powerless to do anything, I couldn’t stop him and I couldn’t save my dad, I just stood there, watching him die. I… I…

 Suddenly the door burst open and Zenshin enters the room, with a determined look on his face. That caught me by surprise, it stopped my mind from thinking about anything for a couple seconds. In those seconds, Zenshin spoke.

“Stop it”

He said with a commanding voice.

“Stop… what?”

“What you are doing right now, I know you must be in a terrible pain, but you can’t enter in this depression spiral, not right now, he… it can still return and finish the job, the more depressed you become, the weaker your mind becomes and the easier it is to corrupt or destroy it. That skill of yours is strong, but it’s not omnipotent, it can’t protect what doesn’t want to be protected. It is a skill after all, it’s now a part of your soul, and if your soul is weak, that means the skill is also weak”

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“He? It? skill? Soul? I’m not understanding”

“Sigh Listen, right now you are in danger. Do you remember how dangerous your skill [Instincts Overdrive] is?’

I nod at his question.

“Good. That skill somehow gained a consciousness, I don’t know how, it was supposed to be impossible for something like that to happen. An error in the world, probably. I just sound crazy, but I literally don’t have any other explanation for that, that’s how absurd it is. I have lived for thousands of years and I’ve never encountered something like it…”

My face probably looks like a question mark, because Zenshin suddenly stops talking and gave another sigh.

“What I’m saying is, your skill somehow got a consciousness and wants to finish the job of corroding the rest of your mind. Normally it would be hard for him to do it because of your mental resistance skill, but when you’re this… I will say depressed, but it’s not the right word, vulnerable, that’s the right word. When you’re this vulnerable, your mental fortitude drops, your mental resistance skills get weaker, meaning it’s easier for him… I’m calling it a he now, yeah, I’m calling a skill a he. Anyway, it’s easier for him to corrode your mind. Do you understand it?”

“I-I… yes, I do. But how can you expect that I just shrug away this feeling? It’s not something I can do that easily! How would you feel if you suddenly remembered that someone you loved was killed right in front of you and that you totally forgot about it until years later?!”

I shout at him angrily. I’m not an emotionless monster that can remember such things and just meh it away! My chest hurts, and I feel there’s a void inside of me feeding of this emotion and getting stronger each moment.

Zenshin looks like he’s caught off guard. His mouth opens and closes, his eyes are wandering around. He’s looking like he’s trying to think about something to say. He suddenly closes his eyes for a moment before opening them again, looking right into my own eyes. There’s something in those eyes that makes me want to listen carefully what he’ll say to me, like there’s a flame of determination behind those eyes.

“Look, I’m not saying for you to be apathetic, what I am saying, is for you to be strong, don’t let this emotion consume you. Everybody has to bear with something they wish never happened, but they pull the strength to keep moving forward from what they still hold precious, a mother that lost one of her sons must keep moving for her other children to keep on living, she can’t let the sorrow eat away herself, she must fight it for the rest of her life, for that feeling will never truly fade away. Now, you may say that you already died, there’s nothing here for you to keep your own fight against this feeling, and I have to agree with you, you don’t know nothing about this world yet, no one to call family or friend. But I must say, the word you must focus is “yet” you can’t throw away this second chance you miraculous received for something that happened on another life, you must live your new life to its fullest. Use your past experiences to help you grow, but don’t let them drag you down. Stand up against this feeling, awake for your new life and explore this world, there’s so much for you to learn, so many people for you to know, so many friends to make, you can’t let this emotion stops you from living your life. Everybody loses someone that are special for them, that’s why you need to be strong and stand up. Don’t ignore the feeling, embrace it”

This time it’s me who’s caught off guard. I don’t even know where to start processing what he just said to me, it’s too much for me to handle at once.

I spent a few minutes processing what Zenshin told me. He is right, in everything, I can’t find any flaw in what he said to me, but it is still hard for me to cope with everything. This feeling is so strong I feel it’ll devour me at any moment, but I need to give this world a chance. Zenshin told it himself, this feeling will never fade away, and I already want to give up before I lose control of my emotions, but I can’t. I may not know much from this world yet, but maybe I’ll find something here worth living for.

I’m only 17 years old, if you count my entire life, and I’m talking like a 45-year-old guy. All of this really messed up with me…

“Okay, I’ll try”

Zenshin gave a gently smile at me.

“Thanks, now what do you think about waking up and getting away from this village before those men find us?”

I nod. Zenshin nods at my nod and everything around us starts to break down and dissolve into nothingness. I start feeling my real body again, my senses begin to return to me and I wake up.

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