Chapter 65: What Defines Me

I started to think about my mental problems from an objective point of view.

I am an obsessive controller with a low tolerance for frustration, I want everything to be completely under my control and I lose my mind when something doesn't go as planned, which makes me stupid and impulsive.

That could create Madness of Control, but if I cling to the idea of ​​controlling everything then I will end up dying due to an unexpected situation, this zombie world is a perfect example that things get dangerous when unforeseen events arise.

On the other hand, I am an obsessive-compulsive who seeks perfectionism in my actions and tasks, everything I do must be done to perfection whether it is cooking, training, having sex, or murder, I do not tolerate my own mistakes and I always seek to improve.

The Madness of Obsession is a path that suits my personality, but it could also end up killing me or having me discard my harem due to my obsession to keep going at all costs.

The Madness of Fury and Madness of Power are discarded since they are the most destructive and unstable, although they will give me a huge increase in power, the force without control is useless.

Madness related to lust or sex is also ruled out, if I drown in carnal pleasures I will neglect the search for improvement, and one day I will run into a wall that I will not be able to overcome and it is possible that I will meet the entity that put the curse on me.

Madness related to responsibility is an absolute NO, I have the obsession to finish every mission assigned to me, fulfill my promises, and follow my responsibilities to the point of taking care of my useless family and fixing the disasters of several women who harass me just because they have been devoted to me. If my obsession worsens I will die of a migraine.

The madness of Transcendence was striking since it is the constant search for improvement, but that will make me abandon any responsibility, emotional ties, and possessions in order to obtain power and I really do not want to leave my harem that has cost me so much to build.

The madness of Greed is not good either since I will obsess with taking all the wealth and women that I can find which will lead me to have innumerable enemies and I will never be able to have a peaceful life.

Even if it takes me a million years of hard work I want to be able to take a damn vacation and that's why the Insanity related to exertion is out, my mind is already too upset with my addiction to work and if I get worse then I will die from overwork.

I kept looking at the scene where Saeko was listening to Rin and Kaede's explanation about the situation. Saeko easily understood that it was a test for the girls and that Miku was not a traitor despite encouraging this conflict.

Saeko sighed and smiled wryly. - "He's quite selfish, but that's okay, he accepts my flaws so I'll accept his"

"Right, Onii-chan is a selfish villain, but I love him" - Rin nodded.

"Nn, Onii-chan a villain" - Kaede nodded.

I'm so bad?

Oh come on, I'm building a base and I plan to save thousands of lives, even if I'm doing it just to gain the authority of this world and make it a haven for my harem they should at least give me some credit.

"By the way, Saeko, do you know what Onii-chan's greatest wish is?" - Rin asked an unexpected question.

"Wish? Luis has never mentioned something similar to a wish or a goal, it seems that he only seeks to survive, strengthen himself and pick up women "- Saeko shrugged.

Saeko, Rin, and Kaede are the only women in this world who have seen my true personality as I need trusted helpers.

Although I have also been sincere with Mikoto she still sees me as someone kind who seeks to help others, at this point I think Mikoto knows that I am amused by the suffering of people and I have no problem with sacrificing innocent people, but she is in denial.

Although the fact that I am labeled a womanizer is problematic because I cannot deny it, at some point I began to enjoy building a harem despite all the headaches that come with it.

But a wish?

Hmm, I hadn't thought about it.

"I know" - Madness moved in front of me.

Madness is formed from my deepest traumas, fears, obsessions, disorders, and desires so it is not uncommon for him to know what my greatest wish is even if I don't know myself.

"Let me see" - I nodded and formed a mental connection with Madness to show me my inner desire.

What I saw was a farm in the countryside far from civilization, only extensive meadows were visible to the horizon where cows and sheep were quietly grazing without concern for the world. There were various dogs, cats, rabbits, and other animals that were running or sleeping happily.

I looked at Madness. - "Are you telling me that my greatest wish is a peaceful life in the country?"

"Yes woof" - Madness shook as if nodding.

I do not know what to say about it, it is very inconspicuous but understandable. All my life I have been working like a pack mule so a life without work is something I cannot think about, but at the same time I am sick of the noise of people, the problems caused by money and power conflicts.

A place secluded from the world with various animals sounds nice… Wait, what is that?

I looked at the picture of the farm and saw several people working to feed the animals and tend the crops.

They were Shigure, Kaname, Honoka, Saori, Renka, Yuka, Rimi, Rachel, Mildred, Izayoi, Midori, Kyoko, Shizuka, Chizuru, Chika, Saeko, Mikoto, Chikage, Nao, Kurumi, Takashi's mother without Takashi, Rin, Kaede, Miki, Megumi, Alice, Yuki and a couple of women from my homeworld, all of them wore a wedding ring except for the little girls.

They weren't all the women I'm involved with, but they are the ones I like the most. This is troublesome, I am really becoming fond of too many women.

"Tsundere" - Madness seemed to laugh.

I hit Madness and kept staring at my wish.

"You have to be screwing me!!" - I kicked Madness for showing me this shit.

Why the fuck is my sister in inner desire?! I hate my fucking family that only brings me trouble!

Well, at least my father and mother weren't there, they really tire me, plus my sister didn't wear a ring so I don't have incestuous desires, that's a point in my favor.

That was still acceptable, my sister is a spoiled brat but it is still tolerable since she was almost kidnapped she has stayed at home and takes classes online plus I give her money to buy stupid things on the internet so she doesn't have to expose herself.

Side note, kidnapping her was a scenario I did as I had had enough of having to murder every perverted idiot who stalked her on the street and the kidnapping generated just the right trauma for my sister to obediently stay home.

What really made me feel strange was seeing Shizuka, Saeko, Mikoto, and Shigure pregnant.

Do I really want to build a family?

It sounds troublesome, babies are a headache that I don't want to deal with.

Whatever, if this is my inner desire just telling me I need a break, I thought I'd see something to help me choose a path to Madness, it's disappointing.

Saeko, Rin, and Kaede kept talking, then the two girls said goodbye and went to the warehouse to clean it up.

They both girls took mops and began to clean the intestines and blood from the floor and ceiling.

Why doesn't Kaede use her vectors to make the job easier? I need to teach her that her skills are not only good for combat, maybe I should teach her to cook.

Looking at the girls I thought about the previous conversation with Saeko.

It is true that I am selfish, my internal desire is a peaceful life with the women that I like the most in my harem. But what about the rest of the women?

Discard them?

It seems that the women in my harem were with me because they are the ones I like the most, either because of sex, personality, or because they just seem nice to me.

The fact that all 4 pregnant women were the only ones I admit I've fallen in love with shows that I have my favorites.

Can I discard other women in order to make the women I love happy?

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No, I can't, I'm too selfish and I want to keep what I feel belongs to me, the fact that the rest of my harem is not in the dream does not mean that I let them lead their lives, knowing me there is the possibility that they were dead or something similar.

I am selfish even with the people I love, if I think about it selfishness is the root of my obsessions.

Taking what I want no matter who I'm hurting, harming others for entertainment, ending innocent lives just because they get in my way, dragging those around me into an abyss of trouble, and refusing to back down due to my stubbornness to always keep moving forward.

That's right, I'm a selfish bastard that even when I help others it's for my own benefit.

I protected my family since I have the obsession to fulfill my promises and responsibilities, if something happened to them I would feel that I failed in my duty, I protected them so as not to feel guilt and not out of affection.

I struggled to raise money to deal with debt so that one day I could get away to a place away from everyone and have a peaceful life.

I accepted this journey as King of the Harem to obtain power and wealth, thus having a carefree life as well as being surrounded by beautiful women.

In the end, my actions have been guided by selfishness and an obsession to move on.

I went crazy when Sayo was about to die because I wanted that nurse in my harem, just because of that, I couldn't bear the idea of ​​being denied something that I wanted, I have had to endure that feeling of frustration for too long.

"Pffffff hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" - I started to laugh when I realized how childish I am.

I'm 17 years old, but I'm like a damn little boy who throws a tantrum when he drops ice cream.

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" - I am absurd, immature, but above all selfish.

Madness came up to me and started rubbing my leg like a happy dog.

Instead of kicking him, I patted what looked like his head.

"There is a way, the only way that we know and the only way that we will always travel" - My smile grew.

"Forward" - Madness began to tremble as his body deformed and grew.

"The path of obsession where there is no back, left, right, up or down, only forward" - I kept looking at Madness that did not stop growing, now he reached the height of my chest.

"Without stopping" - Madness's body began to take the form of a four-legged creature with a head and a tail.

"A path that we will travel forever because it is a path without end, a path without a goal or an objective, a path without purpose or reason" - My hand continued to pat the head of Madness, which was now a true head.

"Endlessly advance" - Madness's body was now eight feet tall, but since it was a four-legged creature then it would be larger if it stood on two legs.

"The path I chose is the path that represents me, the path of an obsessive idiot, the path of a childish man who does not accept reality, the path of a pessimist who rejects the world" - Despite the height of Locura, he kept his head down so I could keep patting him.

"Take it all" - Madness's body was covered with a thick fur as black as the abyss, her face, neck, the inside of her ears and stomach were covered with a bright white fur that contrasted with the darkness which instead of being beautiful was disturbing.

"The path of selfishness, a path where I will do what I want, and even if I give in to the demands of others today it will be to take advantage of them tomorrow, it is a path where I do what I want and take what I want. - Madness's eyes were bright blue like dying stars in the night sky, his mouth parted with a sickly smile that showed large and sharp fangs.

"Smash enemies" - Madness's legs were those of a dog, but his toes were long almost human with long black nails resembling the claws of a raven.

"The path I chose is the Madness of Selfishness, the most human madness" - I looked at Madness, who was now a giant dog out of a nightmare.

Madness looked at me, his big blue eyes seemed to contain an infinite amount of depravity and willpower, they were eyes fed by my obsessions.

[Madness energy has evolved successfully]

[Energy: Madness of Selfishness (50%)

[Extreme freedom leads to depravity, a path where desires are fulfilled along with nightmares, there is no goal in life and the goal is the endless path itself.

The only thing that is known about this type of Insanity is that those who possess it require great willpower or they will end up committing suicide due to the uncertainty of the future and existentialism]

Very suitable, worrying but suitable for me.

Madness and I smiled, I'm sure if someone saw us smile at this point they would have PTSD.

"Look" - Madness kept smiling while he looked in the direction of the heart that represents my soul.

The curse that surrounds my soul had begun to grow when I chose a path to Madness however the sea of ​​black blood in the sky had descended as the flames on the ground grew. Blood and flames engulfed the vines and prevented them from growing too large.

"It seems that it is a good path that I chose" - It is good to see that my Madness can now contain a bit of the curse along with the Rasen.

The interesting thing is that next to the blue flames were purple flames that should be the Anti-Rasen.

Although getting the weapon with soul power is mandatory to contain the curse, it makes me feel proud that I was able to stop the growth of the curse with my own power, after all, Insanity is part of me even if he is an annoying idiot.

Well, it seems the time to wake up is coming. My new version of Madness has almost completely repaired my body while all my blood is black blood so I will be able to use defensive abilities all over my body.

Being a lunatic is convenient enough, but I'll find a psychiatrist anyway, maybe, possibly.

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(Author's comment):

I realized that the scale of power in this world is very unbalanced for ordinary humans and if it continues like this the human race will be exterminated in a few months.

The next chapter will be short as it is only to give the human race a chance to survive ~

On another topic, there are many comments that want Madness and Navi as waifus, there was even someone who threatened to send me images of Boku no Pico if I did not turn them waifus.

* crying noises*

Navi is a fellow traveler and Madness is part of the MC so if they turn waifu and they have sex it would be like masturbating, a little strange.

Coming to this I want to know the opinion of the readers even if you do not make them waifus.

I will put two comments in this paragraph, if you think that Navi and Madness must be waifus, please like the comment that says "Waifu". If you want them to continue as asexual partners, like the comment that says "Hey Listen!".

One more thing, in this paragraph I would like you to put suggestions for the name of Madness since my naming sense sucks.

Anyway, a hug <3

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