Chapter 5: 1.4

“Stop! Don’t commit any more sins!”

Sin…!?

“…You can’t do that anymore.”

Minori looked stunned. Why? What’s wrong with you?

“I even sent her fruit. Bananas, melons, etc… I also sent matsutake mushrooms that the guys in the forestry engineering department gave me. So what’s wrong with me?”

“Well… I’d say your existence.”

NO!

“W..well if you’re going to say that…”

“Hmm?”

“If you’re going to say something like that, tell me what I did wrong! Give me details! Be specific!”

“Huh? Kosaku, what are you saying?”

“Come on. Tell me what’s wrong with sending an eggplant to a girl? What’s wrong with eggplants?!”

“I didn’t say that eggplants are bad. It’s more that… you know … sending it anonymously to a young girl.”

“Don’t say that! Don’t say eggplants are bad! Don’t ‘Diss’ eggplants! So then why? Why do you say that? You are a farmer, aren’t you Minori? Don’t you think you are insulting eggplant producers all over the country? How would you feel if someone said that about the crops you made? Answer me now!      Why can’t she have an eggplant?”

“I..it’s their ….. dirty shape…. I’m sorry…”

“Whaa? Eggplants have a dirty shape? What is so dirty about it? Explain it so that even an idiot like me can understand.”

“Because… it looks…. Um like one of those…”

“Huh? Looking at a plump, shiny, black eggplant makes Minori think of what? Come on, spit it out already.”

“A… a… a p… a peee… WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME SAY!”

It looks like Minori is starting to regain her common sense. Dang it, I had her going for awhile…

Kei put his hand on his forehead with a flabbergasted expression, “…Kosaku, did you know what you were doing from the beginning?”

“I realized what you were saying eventually.”

Everyone knows that an eggplant looks like …. that. And the person who was sending it to Yuka-tan was… AHHHHHHH. I should die.

“….Well it doesn’t matter, but don’t get the Young Master involved. Stupidity is infectious.”

Yoshida-san, who seems to have come all the way to the dormitory to look for the wallaby, found Young Master in the corner of the room putting my T-shirt in his mouth. She picked him up.

Livestock farming doesn’t just teach about cows and chickens, but also pet animals. There are people who get jobs at pet shops after graduating. There’s some trivia right?

“I’m not so sure…”

Yoshida-san left with the Young Master, who was waving bye-bye with his front paw. With a bright red face Minori takes continues.

“Even if Yuka Kusakabe retires or whatever, you still need to do the morning crop training duty! It’s not just your fault. You’re both liable!”

“That’s why I’m saying I won’t go… I’ll be here with Yuka-tan all alone. With the pure and cute Yuka-tan… aheh ahehehe…”

“Yuka-tan sounds like a total slut.”

“LOOK HERE YOU DIRTY RADDISH!”

I shed my pillow case skin, pushed Minori over and straddled her on the ground. I’LL KILL HER!

“Fuck you Minori! There are things you can’t say. You are crossing the line!”

“It’s not my fault for telling the truth! I just called a slut a slut!! She’s a SLUUUUT!”

“Dammit! Yuka-tan isn’t a slut! Take it back!”

“I’m the only one who is seeing the reality! Most idols are nothing but ditzy women with empty heads. Every night she’s asking ‘Was it good for you too?’ in bed with some hot actor. She must have suddenly announced her retirement because of pregnancy.”

“Shut your dirty mouth you [The editorial department has decided to remove this part of the story for rating concerns] and bury you in the fields!”

That’s when my hostility turned into murderous intent and I tried to strangle Minori.

“C’mon. Snap out of it Ko-tan”

The tears in her eyes made me stop.

“M..Minori…. You’re crying…?”

“Of course I’m going to cry! MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND IS WRAPPED IN A HOMEMADE IDOL BODY PILLOW WEARING NOTHING BUT HIS PANTS, and shut himself up in his room!”

Indeed…

“Ko-tan likes idols, b..but it’s ok… sob. Just think about the rest of us. Don’t just think about yourself.”

Sniff. Hick. Minori was sobbing. Seeing my childhood friend’s warm tears finally woke me up.

“…Sorry, Minori.”

I rolled off of Minori and gently petted her head as she cried.

“I’m going to go.”

“Did I hear right…? Let’s get ready to…”

“I’m going to go help. To help Yuka-tan.”

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“……Huh?”

“Yuka-tan must be in danger! There are unscrupulous producers who are pushing for physical relationships, and crazy stalkers who are sending strange items in the mail, and other crazy people.”

“Aren’t you talking about yourself there..?

Kei said something logical there but I choose to ignore it.

“Oh yeah! I forgot something important! That Yuka-tan is suffering while I’m just sitting here! I can’t just feel sorry thinking about myself, I need to consider Yuka-tan first and foremost! Minori! I understand what you mean now!”

“…….”

Minori’s face had lost all expression, I think it’s because of how deeply she was moved.

“That’s why I asked you Minori! Let me go to Tokyo now! I’m the only one who can save Yuka-tan!”

“……”

Minori was silently trembling for a bit. And then, “Alright then, go.”

“Minori..?”

“OK already.”

Minori stopped Kei from saying anything and put both her hands on my shoulders.

“If you love her that much I won’t say anything else. If Kosaku is doing what he truly feels he needs to.”

“M..Minori… Thank yo….”

“YEAH RIGHT. You expect me to say that?! You fucking shit!!”

Thud

There was a dull sound as Minori’s knee slams into my crotch.

“W… why… would you do that…?”

“Hey, who’s the idiot who is trying to give up on their job even though the farming season is about to begin? Who is trying to skip their practice duties just to be a nuisance to others? If you go to Tokyo, go after you graduate. You damn idiot!”

Like at the end of a hentai manga I’m convulsing with drool coming out of my mouth, as Minori keeps yelling and grinding her foot in my crotch.

“Well Kosaku? I’ll forgive you today, but the next time you do this I’ll tell Tamanuki and the guys in livestock to have you castrated! You get what I’m saying!? Nod if you understand!”

This is messed up! Seriously messed up!

“Dammit we are super late! I don’t want the seniors to blame me, it’s Kosaku’s fault. C’mon, let’s go.”

“At least…. Let me put on my uniform…”

“Those who don’t work don’t wear the uniform. Now c’mon!”

Thus, I was not even allowed to wear the training uniform. I was thrown out into the field wearing only a pair of shorts.

*****

“Hey! Everyone!”

The homeroom teacher’s tone seemed strangely tense this morning.

“Listen Listen! Sensei bought a super expensive base oil for a facial massage yesterday. I tried it out. And it was super… um… My dry face has become moist and smooth, you know? Sensei thought it’d be wasteful to only use it on the face. And like, it’d be better if I used it on my whole body right? But you know… that’s not enough. I wanted the most expensive and highest grade camellia oil. But with my salary I can’t afford that stuff. I mean any kind of oil will do right? So I came to a conclusion. I should just go full BUKKAKE! Salad oil! Whole body oil! Chili oil! So I spray it all over my face and body. Rub rub rub rub rub. So smooth! My skin is shiny like a new born baby! It’s very light. This is a true story! I feel like the other teachers are going to make fun of me. I took pictures in front of a mirror. I strike bold poses for my photo session. And… um… OH YEAH! …. Um that was all just a fantasy… I want to die…”

Everyone in class just sat there in an awkward silence after that monologue. That wasn’t the end though.

“On the floor there were umbrellas and newspapers. I was laying them down for awhile … but … My hair too… it looks like wakame seaweed. And then in front of the mirror… I’m holding the digital camera and making an M shape with my legs and making a cute face…”

OH GOD, STOP IT! The student’s will to live is already down to 0. Heck my will to live was already down to 0 before I came to class….

“…O yeah. We have a transfer student starting today…”

“A transfer student?!”, says everyone in unison.

Everyone becomes lively again suddenly.

“…Yes… that’s right. She’s a very beautiful young woman…”

Hey, it’s not like the empty hole in my heart can be filled. Dammit! Give her back. Give her back to me. My Yuka-tan…. give her back!”

“Why is Hata-kun only wearing pants?”

Becky’s simple question wounds me like a dagger and I break down in tears. I don’t need this!

“Anyways, why don’t I introduce you to her? Come on in Kinoshita-san!”

As Becky says this I hear the classroom door open with a bang. By the way I’m laying facedown on the floor, I can’t see anything. I don’t care anymore. But when the transfer student enters the room…

“….whoa”, the classroom whispers.

Clearly the air has changed. The eyes of all the students are on the transfer student. She was the only person moving in the classroom. Everyone including the cow stopped breathing for a moment.

Huh? What’s happening…? What kind of student could create such an atmosphere?

“Wha..what’s ha…”

She was standing in front of me as I lifted my face up…

“Yuka….-tan…”

She was there… My Goddess who I thought disappeared.

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