Chapter 13: 12: DP

12: DP

After much thought, I’m pretty sure I can make a monster that lays metal eggs if I place them in underground caves. If I do it right, they could even saturate the place with enough of the right mana, to make veins of metals appear and grow within the ground in the area. However, making this work properly requires convincing people to fuck the monsters, or get fucked by them, and I’m not sure how to do that. I don’t think putting signs in asking people to have sex with monsters will work.

Making a new method of mining iron or other metals is going to require more divine points as well, I think. Right now the only sources I have are myself and Belle. I really need to figure out how to get more people to enjoy my monsters… and I can’t be too obvious about it, or those crazy cultists that summoned me might show up. I have no idea what they’d do, or how they’d try to make me work for them, but I don’t think I’d like it. Kingdom killing is not on my agenda, and I hope it never is.

If I want to gather divine points, it’d help if I knew what people in town did. Sadly, I’m really not good with socializing. In fact, I’d be more inclined to just stay in my room and not leave, than go out and start conversations with total strangers… I miss my computer. I miss being able to look up information online. 

Noticing the sun rising outside, I realize that a good start to information gathering may simply be to eat some breakfast downstairs and listen in on conversations in the dining area. It’s a little weird how I don’t get hungry or tired, but I can still sleep and eat. 

…

While I didn’t learn anything useful about how I might harvest DP in this town, I did hear an odd conversation between farmers:

“Somedays, I miss the way things were when the evil god was still around.”

“Oi, don’t spout such blasphemy. You could get into serious trouble with the church for that.”

“It really was easier to farm though. Plant wheat, wait for it to turn into a monster, kill the wheat monster, and collect the wheat. Reaping all the wheat by hand is so much harder on my back.”

“Travel is a lot safer though, so traders visit more.”

“Let me know when they bring something to make my back better.”

I swear this world has to be weirder than any fantasy story I’ve read before… except maybe the one where everyone depended on monsters for food, but were trying to exterminate them anyway. At least the people in this world aren’t dependent upon monsters, even if they did benefit from them. Letting monsters gather resources, then hunting them down, does simplify things.

Sadly, while this gives me some idea of what people would like, it doesn’t solve the fundamental problem of convincing people to fuck monsters. If the three ladies who’d brought me here were still with me, I could perhaps have asked them to help me convince people to make use of a sex powered tool or monster that would help people with tasks like harvesting wheat. Unfortunately, the left rather quickly, and their destination is not one I care to visit: A place with a barrier… I wonder what Belle is going to do about lil dee?

*sigh* I can think of all sorts of horrid evil ways to solve the problem. Creating tentacle monster traps, or sending them to infiltrate bedrooms at night, but I don’t want to do things like that. Heck, I could probably make more of those mimic slimes and have them get me small amounts of DP spying on people, but even that feels icky to me, and not at all what I want to be doing. 

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Maybe if I had the guts to just go up to people and ask them to try out my tentacle monster sex toys, this wouldn’t be such a problem, but I really do not want to deal with all the people who’d inevitably end up thinking I’m crazy. Plus, I’m worried about how quickly my presence could be found by those evil ladies who summoned me, if I do something like that.

… oh, and I tried out the pizza that caught my curiosity earlier, tasted like teriyaki chicken pizza. The food here is some of the weirdest cultural mix-ups I’ve seen.

...

Inn Keeper’s view

Seeing that young lady looking so despondent for several days, I finally decided to ask them what their trouble was. Turns out, she’s a mage making sex toys! Of all the crazy mages I’ve met, she’s got to be the craziest. Still, I asked if she could make something for men. I may be lucky enough to be happily married, but I know plenty of men who aren’t. 

Took less than a day for the young lady to show me what she’d come up with, and immediately I saw problems. It was far too obviously weird looking. Dark purple, and just plain weird. Anyone who saw that would ask questions, and that’s one of the last things a person wants to happen when a sex toy gets left out by accident. 

Thankfully, after I explained the problem to her, and we discussed some ideas, she came back the next day with something much more reasonable. The new one looks like a pouch, except when opened, instead of empty space, there’s a very nice looking vagina. Of course, I had to accept one myself as a gift to try out before I could make recommendations to anyone else, and I can confidently say it’s the best hole I’ve ever fucked… I’ve not actually fucked anything else but my wife and my hand, so maybe that’s not saying much, and I’d still rather fuck my wife than this pocket pussy if given the choice. The way she growls when I get her into bed is the best… not that that’s relevant right now. 

What is relevant is I’m definitely going to be able to find buyers for this lovely thing, and if I can talk her into letting me handle the sales, I won’t have to worry about whether or not she can pay for the room. If she were to try selling them on her own, I don’t trust she’d have any luck. She’s way too cautious about the topic of sex to be selling sex toys.

…

Lae’s view

While I’d believed sexual pleasure would be liked enough that it shouldn’t be too hard to get customers long term, I wasn’t expecting the problem of finding customers to just solve itself like this! I also didn’t realize the inn keeper was a man. He’s so beautiful, I just assumed… thankfully he wasn’t bothered by it, and explained his beauty was a consequence of disrupting a mage that was creating the (apparently now famous) beauty spell that all the lady nobility pay for now. Apparently he actually likes the look and his wife does too. Kinda makes me envious. I’m pretty sure he’s better looking than I am. At least I’ve got a bigger chest… damnit, why do I even care about that?

***Author Note***

Rolled dice to determine traits of the inn keeper, and rolled a 1 for their masculinity. Did more rolling and determined that their feminine looks are entirely unintentional, and not the result of something they did. The person who did cause it, also didn’t do it on purpose. So, magical mishap it is! Apparently this inn keeper has hosted a number of interesting individuals over the years.

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