Chapter 28: 27: Change

27: Change

Sadly, a night of peaceful thinking wasn’t enough to find any proper answers. Instead, all I learned was how much I enjoyed Alpha’s attentions. They were careful not to be too distracting, but every time I tried to think about the really deep questions of what I am and what I want, I found my attention drifting back to where I most wanted Alpha to stroke me, or press down on me. Every now and then it felt like a ripple of pleasure would flow through me. 

Rather than saying I was distracted, I think it’d be more accurate to say that I just couldn’t muster the will to really get the answers I needed. As if I unconsciously didn’t want to find them. Why do I feel this way? There must be something I don’t want to accept. Some truth about myself I’m unwilling to face.

*sigh*

At least people are coming to visit me again. More miracle working to do! 

“Please let me serve you!”

A woman was bowing deeply before me. She’d just entered the room, and this is the first thing she does?

“Y-you don’t need to bow!”

“The Church of Light has lots of priests and other servants, but you don’t. I want to help you and spread our faith in you!”

“Oh. Um, that’s kinda…”

I wasn’t sure what to say. I don’t have a doctrine or a list of rules or anything. What are my priests and advocates even supposed to do?

“I can offer my body if that’s what you desire.”

Such kindness. She didn’t really sound like her desire was to be a fuck doll getting filled by tentacles all day. Yet, she was clearly stating a willingness if needed. Was this dedication?

“How can I refuse such cuteness.”

“W-what? I-I’m 34!”

“To me, such behavior is cute. Age doesn’t matter.”

I then pulled her into a gentle hug… and tried to ignore that she was bigger than me. As I held her, I was reminded of the words I was told by the dream demon I’d summoned a couple days ago: “Keep spreading love, and you’ll become a god of love.” This led me to ask:

“Will you accept my love?”

“O-of course! Shouldn’t I be giving my love to you though?”

“Come.” I took her to my bed as I thought about what I was about to do.

My thoughts were then interrupted by Alpha. “Do you need me to go?”

“You can stay Alpha. My love isn’t something I seek to keep private.”

Oh god, that felt embarrassing to say. It was true though. I knew instinctively it was true. Yet, the thought of having an audience was still embarrassing. The idea of Alpha watching didn’t embarrass me, but the thought of strangers watching did… but I didn’t dislike the thought.

“Oh, I should ask before continuing: what is your name, love?”

It’s really awful that I forgot to ask this of the dream demon I summoned a couple days ago. Don’t want to make that mistake again.

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“Vivian.”

“And you want my love? The love of a monster god?”

“Yes, I…” Tears? Why is she shedding tears?

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, yes. I’m sorry, I just… I’m overwhelmed. I-I wanted to serve you and help you and worship you and convince others to as well. I didn’t even imagine you asking to love me… I want you. Yes, I want your love, please.”

“Happy tears?”

“Something like that.”

I kissed her… and then I kissed her more. For the first time, I spent all my attention on giving someone else love, affection, and pleasure. I couldn’t do this with Alpha, because Alpha didn’t want it. Vivian did want it. Vivian did enjoy it. Doing this, focusing so much on someone else… it felt right.

...

Alpha’s view

I knew this was going to happen, but I couldn’t stop watching anyway. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I didn’t have Lae’s attention. I could try to steal it back, but that would just make Lae upset. I always knew I couldn’t monopolize her forever. I always knew this would happen someday. That knowledge didn’t make it any less painful though. 

The one thing that did help make it better, was that I could tell it meant a lot to Lae. I was finally seeing bits and pieces of her true form, as green tentacles would sometimes burst out from under her skin to better provide pleasure to the woman she was now making love to. They never stayed out long though. They’d retreat and the hole in her skin would close and disappear as if it had never been there. I don’t think Lae even noticed it was happening.

It hurt to watch, yet I knew Lae needed this. I had to either accept it, or leave. Making Lae stop would hurt her. I did not want to hurt her.

…

Vivian’s view

I had faith in the light when I was young. However, following the angel’s advice, got me into trouble a lot. I kept getting into fights and became a loner. Eventually I stopped listening, but it was already too late to fit in. Thus, I lived a very lonely life. No one really understood me, and I didn’t really understand them. I’d resigned myself to being alone my whole life. 

One might think that by this time, in a village full of people with little faith in the church of light, that I’d not feel so alone anymore. Yet that simply didn’t come true. I get reminded often that people think I should look for a husband and have kids. Older women tell me I’ll regret it if I don’t. I don’t want kids. I don’t want a husband… I don’t really know what it is I DO want.

When I was young, I do remember wanting to be a priest. Wanting to serve god and bring light and good into the world. Losing my faith killed that desire. Yet, learning about Lae, and getting to know James, and even having a short chat with Annabelle, I began to believe that Lae might be a god worth following. A god who’d be worth serving. At the very least, if I start early, I might be able to help shape what sort of church is created for her. Also, seeing the porn James has just makes it more clear to me what I’m missing. I do have a sex drive, I just never found anyone I wanted to have sex with.

...When I found myself in bed with Lae, being loved by a woman and cared for and caressed in ways I’d not even known were possible before… it was like getting something I didn’t even know I needed. Her loving embrace, the way she gently touched me, held me, stroked my body in ways I’d not experienced before. It wasn’t the overwhelming pleasure I’d seen in James’ porn, but a gentle introduction to feelings I’d long desired without even realizing it. If I could experience this love every day, it’d be heaven.

***Author Note***

The day Alpha had been dreading from the beginning has arrived. Originally, I’d never planned on Alpha falling for Lae in the first place, but it somehow happened anyway. They are not a good match for each other, because they have incompatible long term relationship goals. Alpha wants to be at the top, the one in charge, the center of it all. Lae, however, is a god… and I think I can’t go into more detail about Lae without potentially spoiling something.

Vivian was partly the result of a bunch of die rolling. Ended up with a fairly mundane request that has large impact on things. Best idea I could come up with for that was asking to be a priest or similar role. It’s mundane, because it’s technically just asking to be hired, but large impact, because it’ll shape the future of Lae’s church in the physical world (the recently summoned dream demon is handling things in the dream world).

P.S. I’m bad at smut and am not really trying at all in this story. When I tried to write smut, I ended up with . Despite the content, this is a story where I’m not trying. For some reason, it really does not come naturally to me. If you want smut, sorry, this isn’t a smutty story.

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