Orochimaru narrows his eyes at the twins, causing Tsunade to dash forward in front of them to block any potential retaliation from him. He has enough Gates open to do some serious damage even without chakra. He stands up, wipes the dust off his clothes, and chuckles.
“I sssee now. You’re both right. I could have developed invisibility jutsus and memory alteration jutsus to accomplish a similar effect. For those as strong as we are, it is indeed an item of convenience that would only serve as a distraction from the pursuit of true power. Now I feel sssilly for making a big ruckus.” admits Orochimaru with a slight smile.
Tsunade snorts and says, “Good! Now stand still so I can give you a good smack.”
Sighing in defeat, Orochimaru puts his hands up in surrender. She’ll give him an even worse beating if he tries to escape now. The public looks at Tsunade weirdly since, from their perspective, she is talking to no one. Without a care for whether everyone thinks she is crazy, Tsunade walks up and gives Orochimaru a hard smack on the noggin. He uses his Gates and his body modifications to dull the shock as her fist impacts his skull and his neck stretches comically downward to cushion most of the force of the blow by allowing his body to ragdoll as his skull is planted into a small crater in the ground.
Tsunade sighs, “Ahh! How satisfying.” Then she turns to the twins and barks, “Li, I respect you dearly, but this isn’t the time for riddles. That item is far too dangerous in the wrong hands. Where did you send him?”
Lo and Li shake their heads. Tsunade deactivates her wood armor and all of her Gates, but clenches her fists in frustration. She calls out, “Kushina, Minato! Say something. They sent your son off into the sky alone without anything!”
Kushina says, “Hm.. that did happen, but isn’t it normal?” proving that Naruto not only has the Ring, he is also wearing it.
Still buried headfirst in the ground, Orochimaru desperately pumps whatever chakra he can muster into his brain to mitigate his concussion, but he cannot resist giving a high-pitched laugh after hearing that. He is either still woozy or suddenly became a much more expressive person after understanding that most will pay him no attention.
Fugaku and Hizashi do some damage control by explaining to the surrounding elders what is going on with Tsunade. Eventually, they are forced to admit that Orochimaru, who the crowd had now forgotten about, is an invisible enemy that only the strongest of them could see and Tsunade had just defeated him. The crowd is slightly disbelieving, but have no choice with even Might Duy and Danzo agreeing for once.
Tsunade walks by the twins and quietly says, “Lo and Li.. meet me in my office in a little while.” She rubs her forehead and gives ‘the look’ to Jiraiya, who shivers with fearousal at what is about to happen. They both jump away in the same direction.
Minato looks worriedly at his wife, who seems somewhat lost and absentminded. He puts an arm around her protectively and chuckles in self-deprecation at the priorities of those who are immune to the Ring. He’s already starting to forget what Orochimaru had said just minutes ago and his wife knows she has a son, but thinks anything, however outrageous or dangerous that happens to him is normal! Minato pulls Kushina back home and immediately decides to get back to training. Losing his sense of reality is a major wake up call for getting stronger.
Danzo helps Orochimaru get up, only understanding the situation from Fugaku’s explanation. He keeps periodically forgetting who he is holding and why, until he reminds himself, which scares the living shit out of him. Inundated with thoughts of how Konoha would survive if some other town or the Spirits managed to get their hands on the Ring, he pulls Orochimaru away to interrogate him on the best way to retrieve the Ring.
At least he plans to, until Orochimaru chuckles and pushes him away mid-air. Danzo attempts to locate him, but his target keeps disappearing and reappearing from sight until he vanishes. ‘Damn it! Orochimaru has no need to cooperate with us anymore. It’ll be impossible to track him down. Will I really have to work with that numbskull musclehead to retrieve that Ring?’
Might Duy pretends he knows what is happening. He knows that the Ring is somehow responsible for some mindfuckery, but he thinks everyone affected just isn't putting enough effort into their training. So after Danzo leaves, he goes up to Lo and Li and says, “Yosh! Good job!” before also leaving.
Lo and Li smile awkwardly. They are also internally worried about the path they had chosen, but the decision has been made and there is no turning back now. They start walking over to the nearby Hokage’s office leisurely, not wanting to anger Tsunade any further. They’ll be there waiting for when she’s done.
~ ~ ~
Naruto jolts awake and finds himself on a small grassy knoll in a woody swamp. Whatever jetpack he had on his back is no longer there. He glances in panic down at his finger and sees the Ring. “No way!”
He tries to pull it off, but it doesn’t budge. He doesn’t want this damned Ring anymore, but it came back to him! Even looking at it makes him have flashbacks of Orochimaru’s kunai on the back of his neck. Wallowing in self-pity, he tries to get his bearings. Looking around, he sees towering trees, mud, green water, and the occasional critter. “Looks like I’m in the middle of nowhere.. that’s just great.”
Naruto’s stomach growls. Today had really been all too stressful for him. All he wants to do is go back home and eat ramen. He even contemplated giving up his ultimate goal. Almost dying puts a dumb goal like fucking all attractive women in perspective. In the end, he figures it is a good goal to reach for, without the Ring, at least. The next time he makes a rule and is allowed to take it off, he’s going to throw it away somewhere deserted. Here would be good.
He checks around to see if there is any danger and seeing none, deposits all his chakra in the Ring. He sees it glow and wonders what he should say. There are so many possibilities, but his foremost impulsive thought is getting petty revenge on Orochimaru, before feeling cold sweat down his back at the thought of how cruel any retaliation from the scientist could be.
Wavering back and forth for quite some time with what will be his last ever wish, he plans to say something perverted like ‘It is normal for all women under 50 years old to go topless.’ but imagining Tsunade’s towering rage at him if she notices anything wrong, he also chickens out on this angle. Eventually, he settles on a ‘public service’ type wish.
Naruto declares, “It is NORMAL for women to have nice squirting orgasms that feel twice as good as before whenever they cum.”
‘There.. Granny Tsunade can’t complain about that. Women won’t have to deal with boring sex anymore. And sex will be extra messy.. hehehe!’
Although Naruto’s wish is made with good intentions, it is unknown whether it will solve more problems than it will cause, especially with him leaking a little of his fetish for watersports in there.
Naruto smoothly removes the Ring now that it is discharged and sighs with relief. He chucks it in the swampy water and watches it sink with complicated feelings. Only having picked it up today, he ended up cumming on Ino, engaged to Hinata, injuring his dick, and turning the town upside down by effectively changing reality for most people.
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He checks in his pants for how good of a job that his mom did, and is relieved to find that his penis and balls are back to normal as he remembers them. Looking around, he still feels a dull throb from his stomach so he decides to find something to eat. He doesn’t remember how to make a compass with the survival jutsus he learned in school, so he figures he will just wander in a random direction.
Naruto tries to jump, but he finds that the earth has swallowed his feet. He exclaims oddly, “What the-“?
Then he hears a woman’s voice from behind him, “What’s this trinket you are scared of and seem so eager to get rid of? A Ring?”
He turns his neck around and sees a middle-aged petite woman in yellow and green robes. She is standing on a platform of solidified mud in the middle of the swampy water with the Ring in her hand. “Hey, stop! Don’t put it—“
It is too late. The lady looks at the Ring on her finger and says, “I can feel the metal, but I’m not able to manipulate it. Curious. Why shouldn’t I put it on if you threw it away like trash, kid?”
Naruto groans and says, “You don’t understand.. that Ring is evil!”
The woman does a bicep curl in his direction, causing the mud at the bottom of the pond to raise and solidify. She starts walking towards him, “You’re telling the truth, but there’s only such things as evil people or beings in this world. Weapons and items are blameless. What’s your name, kid?”
“N-n-aruto.” He mumbles as the short lady walks up to him. He finds that there is something especially intimidating about her gait and the way she carries herself. Discipline! Something his mom is always trying to drill into him, but he entirely lacks. This is the reason he doesn’t even bother trying to fight back. She walks past him nonchalantly and greets him, “The name’s Toph. Hmm.. you remind me of my younger one, Suyin.”
Toph shoots back around and shouts right under his face, “BACK STRAIGHT! ARMS FLUSH TO YOUR SIDES!”
Naruto is scared out of his wits and immediately complies. Then he feels confused. He doesn’t consider Toph normal even though she is wearing the Ring. ‘How am I immune to the Ring? I’m nowhere near strong enough.’
“NARUTO!” shouts Toph. He snaps back to attention and she continues, “I can tell from miles away that you.. are a pussy-ass bitch, to put it lightly.”
Naruto’s eyes twitch.
“But I’m interested in your body.”
Naruto’s eyes widen comically.
“Not like that, you idiot kid.”
Naruto slightly relaxes in relief.
Toph explains while poking his body, “Your spiritual body is hard. Your muscles and bones are very dense, but I can tell it’s not because of your Root chakra. I need to study that. In return, I’ll teach you how to be a proper man. Maybe, if I’m satisfied, I’ll introduce you to my daughter. How ‘bout it, kid?”
Although Naruto feels sort of awkward that a stranger has kidnapped him in the middle of nowhere, he is not excited about going back to Konoha and meeting the two people he fears most, Orochimaru and Tsunade. He is also extremely hungry and cannot imagine finding anything resembling ramen to eat nearby. He hesitantly nods and his stomach growls loudly.
Toph looks at him and says, “Good. I have your consent.” She says that last phrase in a tone that hints at how his consent is just a lucky bonus, and not exactly necessary. He internally sweats at how he dodged the bullet on that one. Then he asks, “Hang on. What do you mean by spiritual body?”
“Oh.. you don’t know?” mutters Toph as she bends down to pick something up. She grins, shoves a finger length still-wriggling slug in his mouth, forces his mouth shut, and says, “Welcome to the Spirit Realm, kid. Get used to the grub if you can’t go back to your physical body. Chew and swallow cleanly now! No puking or I'll beat you up.”
Naruto swallows arduously and feels tears float up in his eyes. He has pus, blood, and residue mud in between his teeth! He went from one hell to another!
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