Chapter 5: Chapter 5: Of Gossip

Many questions arose in the mind of the little girl as she advanced through the forest, following the usual trail back to the chapel. What did she need, exactly? How was she supposed to take them all back? Was this actually a good idea? Gabi’s brain was particularly bothersome that day, probably because of this chance to talk to people who didn’t seem afraid of her at all. A rarity these days, especially when the emotions replacing that fear were not malice or anger towards the Witch’s very existence.

Perhaps they had not seen her hair? Maybe that was it? Gabi checked her habit and made sure she was wearing it properly, concealing every little lock of devilish red hair–all seemed to be in its right place. Good. Sighing in relief, she reminded herself to check such important details before talking to people in the future. This time she just got lucky!

But no matter how much she tried to avoid it, she would forget anyways, and she was aware of that. But this didn’t mean she couldn’t at least try to be responsible about it!

Just keep trying and eventually things will stick together. Like, uhm… like when you put honey in the middle of two pieces of bread. Those stick nicely together. Actually, it’s sort of inconvenient, isn’t it? You can’t add more stuff to the bread if it is stuck together, and––

…There she was again, thinking! Thinking useless, incorrect thoughts again! As she walked back into the Chapel grounds, Gabi smacked her cheeks a few times for good measure. Focus, girl. Focus! Get to the shed, grab the tools (which tools? ANY tools!) and go back to the demis’ cart.

The little girl walked from the luscious green of the forest into the cold ground floor of the Chapel’s backyard. There was a little garden with potatoes, carrots, and radishes (that she had already watered), a nice pile of lumber neatly standing near the tree trunk they used to cut them on (she had already finished her turn there too), the chicken coop (that was fortunately closed, now that was another lucky break!) and, finally, the shed.

An old, flimsy little shed it was. Built from the remains of the ill-fated barn the nuns had tried to get running some years ago, right after its destruction when both the mule and the cow they had managed to buy escaped and broke the foundations on their panicked run.

Gabi patted the fragile red wall and sighed. She didn’t remember who the one in watching duty that day was, but she remembered how that girl had been distracted talking with the others outside, giggling and gossiping about the fisher boy in Gwynedd. She also vividly remembered how those girls pointed at her and shifted the blame on her shoulders… Gabi shook her head, no need to remember that. She was going to get spanked anyway, for some other reason. Probably.

And the destruction of the barn ended up being a blessing in disguise anyway! Now they had the girls go to Gwynedd every Sunday to buy milk, eggs, and such. And the times Gabi got chosen to go, she always was either sent on her own or with Sister Arianna, the sleepy one. Those were pleasant times…

With another heavy sigh, the redhead pushed the door of the old shed and after looking around the dusty shelves, she collected the tools. A hammer, clamps, some nails, a saw, and a crowbar. There was no toolbox, but there were some discarded cauldrons to carry it all! 

Pots are always so useful!

Gabi patted her chosen cauldron with some affection as she filled it up with stuff. Pots, she always tried to have one in hand or at least in sight! Perfect for shoveling, storing things, serving food or even to wear on her head, as a helmet! The girls loved to smack the cauldrons and make them ring like bells, especially when Gabrielle was wearing them.

Joke’s on them! I like the gonging sound much better than their blahblahblah!

With her cauldron full of good things, Gabrielle nodded to herself and walked off the shed–– but not without looking at the huge wooden mallet sitting on the side of the room, completely on its own. Almost as if it had a sort of aura separating it from every other object in there. It had no face, but Gabi could feel it smirking. Mocking. Challenging… Just like the days she was forced to carry it around, barely able to lift it a few inches.

The many dents on the dirt floor were marks of her futile struggle against the mallet’s mighty weight, and the many times she was chastised for taking way too long with the mashed berries. That mallet was evil, loaded with ill intent, and Gabi knew it very well! So she simply ignored it. Disdainfully lifting her nose, she just kept walking while pretending she had never acknowledged its presence in the first place.

It knows what it did.

As she walked back out, Gabrielle heard the crowd in the chapel moving and chattering–– the people were going back home after a long day of praying. And that made Gabi’s eyes suddenly sparkle with excitement: she could enter again! And with some luck, she could grab a loaf of bread for herself! 

Surprise bread! Maybe with some actual filling this time!

Her body took a sharp turn and trotted right back to the main building, looking for the door on the side and then slowly opening it, just a bit, to peek inside.

The last members of the congregation were already leaving, the girls had to be outside and properly say goodbye to each of them while Father supervised them. And the nuns, four of them at least, were just sitting on a bench to rest after the service–– The pile of bread was unattended, drying up and hardening by the sun not too far from the secondary door… Yes, perfect. Gabrielle nodded to herself.

Target spotted.

Making sure the things didn’t jingle on her cauldron, Gabi silently approached the bread table and reached for the first one. She looked to the sides, just to make sure she wasn’t seen before actually grabbing a piece. The coast was clear.

Yum yum, come here little bun…!

Right as Gabrielle pulled a piece of bread, the voice of Sister Tasce made her doubt for a second.

“That damned wretch..!!”

Gabi’s spine shook from top to bottom before tensing and straightening up, just like it did that night. Fear almost made her jump, and she probably would have if not because of her petrified body. Had she been discovered? So quickly!? How!? Taking a deep breath, the girl slowly turned around–– but when she looked at the nuns, her fears dissipated slowly. They weren’t looking at her at all! They were just complaining to themselves, bickering in a semicircle.

They did that a lot, honestly.

“Lower your voice, damn it. The Father will hear…” Sister Marina’s voice was the raspy one, Gabi knew that well. She used to smoke a lot in public but stopped when the other girls kept trying to steal her pipe. “I don’t want any more trouble, we had enough at night already.”

“More?? After cleaning that mess, I really don’t think we can get into more trouble.” Sister Tasce’s voice was so high-pitched it was almost painful to listen to. Gabi really felt thankful for her usual, taciturn attitude. “Seriously, Father can suck it. If he wants to give me trouble for complaining, he can go get another bitch for his troubles.”

Gabi did not know what was the Father supposed to suck, and when did he get a dog, but she quickly understood this conversation was none of her business. With a renewed appreciation for her own stealth, Gabrielle just focused on putting a few more pieces of bread on the cauldron. The demis were hungry after all that work, so maybe they’d like some surprise bread.

With a cauldron full of rusty tools and hard, bland bread, the girl was ready to leave – when suddenly the voice of Sister Corintia said something that forced her whole body to lock in place once more, as cold as a statue.

“It was a complete failure that night. Just like all the others… sometimes I wonder why we bother.”

A failure… that night… they were talking about the last attempt to ascend…

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If her body was stiff before, now it almost felt like her very flesh was squeezing the bones in place, a sense of guilt poured down her back as Gabi’s eyes widened. They were talking about her, there was no doubt in her mind.

“When was the last time we got something good? Last month? Last year?” Sister Corintia had that sort of voice that made her sound like she was complaining all the time, even if she wasn’t. But she meant it this time, that much was for sure. “If anything it feels like these attempts are getting worse.”

Worse? Was she really doing that bad? Gabi felt a hole grow on her stomach as she clung tighter to her cauldron. Thoughts were pushing inside of her skull, reminders of her constant bad behavior. Of course she was doing badly, she had been squirming too much, and maybe she screamed too little compared to the others… 

She couldn’t really force those things, screaming and crying weren’t impulses that came naturally to her anymore! Not after learning to ignore those needs! Was she wrong in trying to take it all in? Or maybe she had been just thinking too much? They told her not to, and here she was doing it again! 

She wanted to leave so badly, run far away from these words, but simply couldn’t. She needed to hear more! Maybe something among their complaints could make sense out of her situation, and explain things. Give her hints on how to improve!

“Father says he has been having good advances with the others though.” Sister Marina tried to pacify the situation. “But we would have to ask Ari for confirmation.”

The others kept ascending while she stayed here, failing time and time again… Gabi had thought of asking about these things to the nuns directly but, the times she had tried to speak of it had always ended in more punishment before she could even explain. She was forbidden to speak about it, to anyone. 

So she was completely alone on this one.

“Ari’s still sleeping. Seriously, she’s always sleeping lately.” Sister Alejandra was always very worried about Sister Arianna–– Gabi liked her, honestly. Both of them were the youngest nuns and the only ones who didn’t really push her around.

Mostly because they were either with each other or sleeping. No time to get into Gabrielle’s case, really.

“Well it doesn’t really matter if those others are working so well, does it now??” Sister Corintia whined again. “We’re the ones having to deal with the constant failures, while Enrico can count the good ones on his own!!”

“Don’t be disrespectful to Father, Corintia.” Sister Marina’s voice grew gelid in an instant. “He knows best and you know it. He’s the one working the most.”

“Objectively incorrect!!” Sister Tasce was not satisfied at all. “I swear, I can still smell the blood and the burnt hairs on me. Last night was just disgusting…!!”

Gabrielle blinked, raising an arm to sniff it. Did she really smell that bad? Of all the things people yelled at her, they didn’t usually talk about smells, and she always made sure to stay clean! In a way, being clean and lacking the fish-like stink of the other girls was her greatest pride.

But she did bleed a lot though, in general. It was kind of a problem to be honest: even if her wounds tended to close fast, she often left a mess… maybe she should try to bleed less? Somehow? With enough pressure she could make her body push less blood, or just have less blood in it? Her breathing grew faster and more nervous, as she tried and failed to think of a way to bleed less…

“It doesn’t matter. We threw out all of last night’s refuse.” Sister Alejandra sighed. “Thanks to the Saints, for having a river so close…”

Father always forbade them from going to the river, the nuns were the ones in charge of getting water and throwing the trash around–– Gabi narrowed her eyes, thinking that maybe she should start cleaning herself in the river more often, then? She snuck around to do so when people were not looking, anyways. She’d need some more.

She never knew when new attempts to Ascend would be made though, so she would just need to bathe every day! Even if the water was very cold, she would have to put in the extra effort. 

“Look, all I am saying is that if we keep failing like this, and making so much trouble while we are at it, people will notice.” Tasce’s voice trembled for a moment. “And girl, let me tell you, they will start asking questions we are not ready to answer. In fact, even if we were ready, they would not like the answers, and before you know it we’ll all end up excomulgated! Or even worse, burnt by Genesis!!”

Gabi gulped a bit louder. Burnt? Genesis? That had to be the first time she heard that word, and she immediately disliked it. The implications were just too heavy and, more importantly, it felt like it was something dangerous not only to her but to everyone in the chapel. 

She’d need to ask about that to Sister Arianna next time she saw her.

“Look… don’t worry.” Sister Marina’s tone was so cold, that it made Gabrielle’s spine tremble again. “Father will be working on the Good Ones, and when he starts getting results… we won't have to worry about anything else. Alright?”

No one answered… she was probably giving them The Eye. People talked often about that, when Sister Marina’s face grew darker and imposing, the look in her eyes was so terrifying even Gabi could still remember it vividly. And so, she didn’t turn back at them. She simply didn’t dare.

"We are not failing again. Trust me.”

Gabrielle didn’t need to hear another word: she somehow forced her legs to move once again despite the tension and slowly walked out of the chapel with long, heavy steps; once she was outside, free from the chapel and the bickering old crones, she ran like hell. There was a sudden weight on her shoulders and a pressure on her chest, air simply couldn’t reach her lungs–– and when it did, it hurt as it pushed so mercilessly into her closed throat.

Weak sunlight flashed through the trees as Gabi blindly rushed into the forest, for a moment only hearing her own desperate breathing as if the entire world had become distant, confusing, and violent. Even the voices in her mind had fallen completely silent, her thoughts now taking the form of a chaotic, colourful mess; one that hurt her mind’s eye when staring into.

When the exhaustion and the pain peaked in her body, the little girl had to force herself to stop right in the middle of the forest, all to try and calm herself down. Her breathing was shaking everything in her world, her ears were ringing and her hands suddenly started squeezing and scratching her own cheeks as she tried to stop this outburst, not even noticing when she started or why. She couldn’t allow herself to cry again, not two times in a week!!

Stop, stop stop stop stop stop…!!

But why did it suddenly feel like it was all her fault…? All of it. The failures, the frustration of the nuns, the disaster that had been last night, and the incoming fire of Genesis, whatever that last thing was. It was all her fault.

And that if she didn’t do anything, things would only get worse for everyone involved…

Unable to even reach on to the hope of her new plans for “Illumination”, Gabrielle fell to her knees and clung to the dirt itself, her body now a mess of heat and emotion. She didn’t even notice the habit falling off her head, and honestly she couldn’t care any less even if she did. The red of her hair couldn’t compare to the fire burning her heart down.

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