Chapter 44: Selfish

I tried distancing myself from Al after that. I needed time to think.

For the next several days we played a game of cat and mouse where he would try and track me down and I would do my best to hide. I was doing a fairly good job but it was incredibly difficult because he knew the castle better than I did.

I couldn't hide in the library, my quarters, or the stables because he would look for me there.

Mariela wasn't much help either because when she wasn't having tea with the queen and Rosenia, she was holed up in Franz's office taking on some of his workload. I hid out in there a couple of times before Al came looking for me.

It was incredibly awkward. When he knocked on the door and poked his head in, I dove underneath the desk and scrunched myself into as tight a ball as I could considering my cage and corset.

"Alpheus, what brings you here?" Mariela asked serenely, as if her friend had not scurried beneath her abandoning any semblance of dignity.

"I am looking for Katie, have you seen her?" he asked in a gloomy tone. I could very easily imagine the accompanying sadness in his eyes.

Guilt threatened to break through the cracks of my resolve but I still hadn't figured out what to do yet so I couldn't bear to see him.

At meal times we didn't talk much anyway because the rest of the royal family was present and I always somehow managed to slip away afterwards.

"I'm afraid not," she lied smoothly. "I do believe she mentioned she was tired out from her lessons this morning. She may be resting in her chambers."

"I already checked there," he sighed dejectedly. "Thank you anyway. Good day, Mariela."

"Good day, Alpheus."

My heart took several minutes to return to its regular pace after he left. That was nerve-wracking! I crawled out once I was sure the coast was clear and Mariela scrutinized me.

"Why on earth are you hiding from your fiancé? I thought you got on quite well."

I couldn't tell her about how we were in a novel that was meant to go a certain way but she did know more about me than anyone else here so she might understand if I explained it partially.

"You know how different my world is from this one. I have no desire to be a princess. Once I have helped Franz achieve his goal, I do not intend to stay in the palace. It would be better if Alpheus stopped relying on me so much."

Mariela was so taken aback that she dropped her fountain pen in shock.

"I can understand why you wish to leave but…are you mad?! How exactly do you intend to defy a royal decree? You would have to leave the country!"

Awareness dawned in her eyes.

"Is that why you have been so curious about my homeland? You plan to go there? What about the wedding? It is only two weeks away! You are not a member of the royal family as of yet but once you are, running away is—"

"Treason, I know."

She reached for my hands and clasped them tightly, looking more serious than I had ever seen her.

"You cannot do this. I know better than anyone how frustrating it can be in this place but if you get caught you will be killed! I could not bear to lose you that way and neither could Alpheus.

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"It may have taken me a while to adjust but I am making the best of it here, you can too! Things will get better inside the palace once Franz in in charge so why do you still want to go?"

"I can't tell you," I said with my eyes downcast. "Please just believe me when I say that I am not supposed to marry Alpheus. It is better for everyone this way."

"You are wrong," Mariela said coldly, dropping my hands.

"You see what you wish to see and no more than that. This kingdom needs you. Alpheus needs you. And I…I need you too. Running away is not only foolish and cowardly but incredibly selfish. I did not think you were that sort of person but it appears I was mistaken."

My eyes stung. The one person who knew the truth of my identity—the one person here I thought might actually be on my side—and she accused me of being selfish.

I was trying to do the right thing! If I was really selfish, I wouldn't have bothered going to the extra effort of trying to get this story back on track. I would leave the plot in shambles and let Sigmund win because that was the easier thing to do.

"You don't know what you're talking about," I sniffed.

Franz walked into the office then and smiled at me in surprise.

"So this is where you were, Katie! Alpheus is looking for you."

He then noticed the atmosphere in the room and the fact that the two of us were standing across from each other facing off and his smile immediately dropped.

"What happened?"

"Nothing of great significance," Mariela said loftily, like the princess she truly was. "Katie was just about to leave."

I stiffly exited the office, my hands balled into fists. I believed that she would keep my secret but felt that I had lost a trusted confidante.

Now what was I supposed to do? I was even more alone and confused than before. I hadn't found a way to get Al to fall in love with Marcy or care about anything other than our supposed escape plan.

The wedding loomed before me and it would be much more difficult to obtain a divorce than it would be to run away while I was still single and unattached.

Did I have to stay until Franz's plan was complete? I had already contributed the main idea that Marcy had.

In the novel she helped smooth over the little details since she was a commoner herself and understood how they thought but I couldn't do that anyway since I was in the body of a noble.

If I left now, Al would be lonely again. With any luck he would turn to Marcy for companionship since they were already on friendly terms.

The only problem with leaving now is that I had no way to get out of the country. Security was tight and I hadn't left the palace grounds once since coming here.

As the princess-to-be, I met almost every lady of high standing during tea parties held by the queen. With preparations for the wedding underway and the weight of my bridal lessons, the royal family had not attended any social gatherings as a group.

Unfortunately that would be changing later this evening. Madame Chalaise deemed me fit for public consumption and a grand ball would be held to celebrate the engagement and impending wedding.

I absolutely dreaded it. The more people that knew my face the harder it would be to escape.

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