Chapter 69: I'm a Bad Person

I was so embroiled in my bitter, self-reflective thoughts as I walked that I didn't notice the subject of said thoughts was standing a few feet in front of me until he spoke up.

"Katie, I was wondering where you got off to! I think the snow has been cleared enough for us to go riding, do you want to go?"

Al looked happy to see me and had a relaxed smile on his face. The very sight of him brought me to tears. I lost control of my emotions and launched myself at him, dangling from his neck since this body was so tiny.

"Al!" I drew out his name with a sob.

He stiffened momentarily in surprise before tightening the hug so I didn't fall. "What's wrong? You're acting like you thought I died or something."

I couldn't speak as the tears rolled down my face. My thoughts and feelings were all tangled up in knots.

He deserved to be happy. He hadn't done anything wrong but everyone treated him terribly! Including the people he loved the most.

Why couldn't anything be fair in this world? How was I supposed to fix the plot now and leave him with someone who had never loved him?

"Come on," he said quietly. "Let's go back to our room."

He held my hand and led me as I furiously swiped at my waterfall of tears and snot with the other. My head was down so no one else would see. I didn't want to embarrass him.

Back in our room he wrapped me up in a blanket like a sad little burrito and sat down on the couch, patting the seat next to him. "Can you tell me what happened?"

I shook my head and let out a tiny 'no' before joining him as the tears kept coming. Al lifted the blanket bundle that was me onto his lap and loosely held me in place as I rested my head on his neck.

"Cry it all out then. I've got you," he said softly.

His kindness, which I did not deserve, made me cry even harder. I didn't know what to think anymore so I selfishly let him hold me and comfort me until I ran out of tears.

"I'm a bad person," I whispered.

"Who told you that?" Anger tinged his tone, like he was ready to pick a fight with anyone who insulted me. It made me feel worse.

"Nobody. I just am."

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"Well that's not true. You happen to be the kindest person I know." Yes, and that was the problem!

"You're surrounded by terrible people so anyone would seem kind by comparison," I laughed bitterly. I should know; I was one of them.

"Not for much longer though," he said optimistically while rubbing my back over the blanket. "This time next year we'll be out of here and away from the terrible people."

Would we really? Could I get away with disrupting the plot by kidnapping the Prince Charming character just to protect his heart?

Though I was the last person who had the right to even talk about protecting his heart. He had given it to me and I planned to throw it away because I didn't want to stay in this fake marriage.

Even if I did get him out of the country like he wanted, it was highly unlikely I would be able to shake him. Shibatsu wasn't all that large and a blonde blue-eyed girl would stand out. If I took Al with me I would be stuck with him for the rest of my life.

Would that be fair to either of us? I shouldn't have to spend the rest of my life with someone I had been forced to marry who I saw as only a friend. At the same time, he deserved to be with someone who was just in love with him as he was with her.

Our relationship was unbalanced. Neither of us would ever be truly happy together because we wanted something the other couldn't provide.

"Al...about that," I hedged. I wasn't sure what to tell him.

I didn't want to get his hopes up but I couldn't confess to my plan either. Especially since I couldn't explain that I had originally intended to hand him over to Marcy but changed my mind based on new information that didn't match the book.

"You're going to keep your promise, right?" I asked quickly before biting my lip. I hoped he remembered which promise because I didn't want to say the 'D' word out loud right now.

"What promi—oh. You mean letting you go live your life once we get out of here."

I couldn't bear to look him in the eye but his tone was sad enough to pierce my heart anyway, especially when he dropped his arms away from me.

"Am I so horrible that you never want to see me again?"

No! That wasn't it at all! I would love to stay in contact with him if not for the fact that no decent sort of man would want a woman who was still close with her ex-husband. He would never be able to move on either if he saw me all the time.

If anyone in this ridiculous novel world deserved happiness, it was Alpheus McLeod. I wanted him to be happy almost as much as I wanted to go back home.

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