Chapter 1: Pilot

In IMP City lies a tower where a group of misfits are having a work meeting.

We see Blitzo, the O is silent, pacing in front of a white board.

"Alright, now I know business has been a... bit slow lately." Blitzo states.  "Yes, its no one's fault. Okay, I'm not naming any names here.. Moxxie. Now does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?" He asks his team.

Sitting next to Loona is a Hell Fox by the name of Sylvester.  Sylvester has red hair along with red fox ears. A brown hat with a single light brown stripe at the base. He has his left eye closed, for some strange reason he always does. And his right eye has yellow sclera with a red pupil.

He's wearing a white button up shirt with a slightly loose red tie. He also wears black gloves and a brown trench coat that's tattered at the bottom. And dark brown pants.

(Basically a male version of this.)

A flintlock pistol rests on the table in front of him as he's snapping his fingers, trying to light a cigarette.

After a few seconds the tip of his pointer finger lights on fire and he lights his cigarette.

"What about a carwash?!" Millie says with excitement.

"This is hell Millie, no cares about cars being clean here okay?" Blitzo says then he becomes excited. "Oh, what about a billboard."

"We can't afford a billboard, sir." Moxxie says

"Helpful, Moxxie, really." Blitzo says with sarcasm. "Really glad you're in the room right now." He pushes Moxxie away.

"Nobody even really reads billboards." Sylvester says, he has a slight Australian accent, and a pen hits him in the nose and he growls at Blitzo.

"Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?" Blitzo pulls a remote out and turns a a nearby TV.

A commercial starts playing. Showing everyone killing someone. Sylvester's way was putting a flintlock on their eye and pulling the trigger.

Blitzo has a bowl of popcorn, Loona takes a piece.

"Those were good times." Blitzo smiles.

Millie takes a piece of popcorn.

Moxxie face palms. "I don't need any reminding, sir. Considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches."

"Uh, hey excuse me." Blitzo looks back at Mooxie and stands up. "What's obnoxious about a super-fun jingle, all right. It's a fun distraction when an advertisement spitting bullshit." Everyone sits back down and Blitzo goes back to the head of the table.

"People, love musicals, sir." Millie states.

Blitzo points at her with a smile on his face. "Exactly, Millie, and we're basically doing a musical." Blitzo then glares at Moxxie. "Are you gonna crush my musical theater dreams like my dad did?"

"You have a dad?" Sylvester asks and another pen hits his nose.

Blitzo continues. "Because right now, all I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me. Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside."

"Are you trying to crush his dreams, Moxxie?" Millie asks her husband.

"I- What?" Moxxie looks to his wife in confusion.

"I thought I knew you." She leans in close to Moxxie.

"I can't believe you Moxxie, after I made you Employee of the Month."

"Okay!" Moxxie yells. "Sir, I'm sorry a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theater. Nobody actually likes the jingles."

"It was kinda nice." Sylvester says.

"Shut up, Sylvester. You'll like anything if someone paid you too."

Blitzo plays the commercial.

After the commercial.

"I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault." Moxxis says. "Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. It's very simple."

"Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie." Lonna says as she taps away at her phone.

"There goes Moxxie, again." Sylvester rolls his eyes. "Blaming his problems on someone else."

"What?!" Moxxie yells.

Blitzo goes over to Loona. "Yeah, we don't blame our screw-ups on Loona, okay." He hugs Lonna, causing her to growl at him. "She didn't do anything wrong."

"Are you kidding me sir? She's awful."

After a series of explanation of how awful Lonna is.

"I still don't see how she's awful." Sylvester says in confusion.

"That's because you two are close friends!" Moxxie says. "You two cause so much chaos." Sylvester just flips him off.

"At least I have friends." Sylvester says.

"Loona is a valued member of our family and we don't get rid of family."" Blitzo explains.

"We aren't a family, sir." Moxxie rants as Blitzo walks over to him. "You are the boss, we are the employees, you treat her like she's some troubled teenager, she's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones." Lonna flips him off. "And with Sylvester-"

"Why are you bringing me into this?" Sylvester asks.

"You sometimes treat him like he's a fragile object. He's just a crazed gunman!" Moxxie says and Sylvester growls at him.

"That is offensive." Blitzo says and he walks over to a window. "Without homeless people and crazed gunman, I wouldn't have half the joy and laughter I do in this life." Blitzo stares out the window and a couple gunshots are heard down on the street.

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"While we are on the subject of 'family', can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work."

"Come on, it's not that big of a deal." Millie says.

"Excuse me, what!" Moxxie then goes on about stories of Blitzo. "Just stop doing that." He glares at Blitzo.

"I don't see what the issue is or it there something you don't want me seeing." Blitzo raises his eyebrows up and down a couple times.

"No!"

Loona and Sylvester snicker to themselves.

"Your baby wiener haver."

"Sir, what you say and how you act is totally INAPPROPRIATE!"

"Calm down, Moxxie." Millie pats his shoulder. "Or your gonna have another panic attack."

"I AM CALM!" Moxxie yells and Mille pets his head, while he whines like a dog.

"Shhhhh, there, there."

"What the fuck." Sylvester whispers to himself.

"Look, I don't judge the boring couples stuff you do outside of work hours." Blitzo claims. "So don't judge me."

"Oh, I do judge you sir." Moxxie states. "Quite a lot actually."

"Mox, he's our boss." Mille says.

"No, it's fine, Mills." Blitzo waves off the insult. "Your husband is just, how do I say this without being offensive, retarded."

"Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad single life?" Moxxie asks his boss.

Blitzo gets close to Moxxie. "It actually does."

"The only reason you have a wife is because your easy to manage." Loona insults.

Millie slams her hands on the table. "No he's not, you bitch." Loona growls at her.

"Hey!" Sylvester yells. "Loona's not a bitch, she's a lovely lady."

Loona smiles. "Exactly. He understands me."

"You guys are all fucking assholes." A child like voice is heard and the group looks over to the side of the room.

"Oh, shut up kid, you're lucky to witness this." Blitzo says to the kid.

"Uh, this company is such a mess." Moxxie says as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

"All right let's get back to talking about my outfit."

"Nobody was talking about that." Loona says.

"That which is why I'm trying to get that ball rolling so, how does it look, it's good right?"

"It's been a little hell having to pretend to be paralyzed-" Be pulls the wires off his body. "so you fuck shits wouldn't kill me. But now I want that, I want death!" He points to Blitzo. "You are a selfish, greedy, clown and I'm a kid, we're supposed to like clowns. Even the creepy ones."

"Hey now, that's not very-" Moxxie starts but the kid interrupts him.

"If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit."

Millie slams her hands on the table again. "That's my husband your talking to."

The kids laughs. "That's your husband? I figured you for a slut, but I didn't know you needed it that bad!"

Sylvester laughs and the kid suddenly points at him.

"And you are just an asshole who simps for a dog."

Sylvester growls at the kid. "I don't know what simp means, but I don't like it!"

Then the kid points to Loona. "And you!"

"What about me?" Loona asks.

The kid crosses his arms. "Nothing, I don't talk to dogs. I'm a cat person."

"Wow." Blitzo is wide eyed then he glares at the kid. "You know kid, you kinda are a piece of shit."

Everyone agrees with him.

Then Loona's phone goes off. "Oh, fuck, guys. I just got a text from out client, guess he was the right target after all."

"Who?" Blitzo asks.

"Him." Loona points to the kid.

"Me?" The kid asks.

"Yup."

"They wanted us to kill an actual child?" Blitzo asks.

"That's what they're saying."

"Well, I always wanted to kill a kid." Sylvester says and he grabs his flintlock and aims it at the kid.

"Wait-" The kids brains get blown out.

"Huh, I guess there is a god." Blitzo says and then everyone starts to kick the kids body.

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01-11-2022

1621 words

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