Chapter 6: C.H.E.R.U.B

Inside the meeting room of I.M.P. Blitzo shoots the TV after watching a CHERUB commercial. 

Sylvester is leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed and a cigarette in his mouth. Loona is sitting next to him, sleeping.

"Nice one, B!" Millie cheers.

"Gimme another, Mox." Blitzo orders.

Moxxie nervously sweeps away the flaming debris and puts another old-fashioned TV onto the stand. He turns it on with a scared look on his face. The 666 News logo appears. Blitzo pouts gunpowder into his flintlock. "

"Eh, not feeling it." Blitzo says. "Next!"

Moxxie switches the channel. A demonically dressed Betty Boop appears in black and white, dancing erotically with prominent, bouncing breasts, holding a pitchfork. Moxxie flinches in anticipation. Blitzo and Millie look bored.

"Uh-huh. Keep going, keep goin' keep goin'..." Blitzo orders.

Moxxie switches the channel again. Wally Wackford appears on the screen dressed in a white suit and a black top hat, holding a cane.

"I say, I say, are you lookin' to get work making crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets? Wally whacks his can on the wall at either side of him, producing graphics for "CRAZY CONTRAPTIONS" and "GOOFY GADGETS" as he speaks. "WELL, call me at Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea Factory,-"

The Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea "Factory" ™ title appears against a similar circular background of classic old cartoons. The panel with the title then falls over forwards, landing with a cartoony horn sound. "-where you make the things and i make the money!" Wally moves close to the screen with a pleading look. "Please! I'm very desperate!"

"Bingo!" Blitzo yells and he shoots the TV, scattering debris.

"WOO! You're on a roll, sir!" Millie cheers.

Loona snores and drools while sleeping in a chair. She has one foot up on the table that twitches in her sleep. A plastic cup with her name written on it and filled with water sits on the table next to her foot. She's woken up by a rumbling that makes her fall onto Sylvester's shoulder, which also knocks her cup over, spilling its contents.

Sylvester opens his right eye.

"Guys... do you feel that?" Loona asks.

Blitzo stands up. "Oh shit, is that a hellshake?"

"That's possible?" Moxxie asks.

Sylvester groans and slumps into his chair. "I'm to tired for this!"

"Alright!" Millie yells. "Don't panic, Moxxie!"

Moxxie's tail stiffens from being startled by Millie's sudden outburst. She then grabs his arms in an attempt to "Calm" him.

"I'm not-" Moxxie holds up finger quotes. "'panicking,' because hellquakes don't happen."

Loona roughly gabs ahold of Moxxie and shakes him. "STOP GETTING HYSTERICAL, FATTY!"

Loona slaps Moxxie in the face, sending him flying against the wall and slightly dazing him. "Sylvester, control your girlfriend!" 

Loona blushes.

"Fuck off, old man." Sylvester says as she falls onto the floor, face first. "It's too early for this."

Moxxie is knocked down further by what appears to be a wrecking ball made of black tubs. Part of the wall crumbles on top of Moxxie, crushing him.

As the dust clears, the wrecking ball untangles into multiple robotic tentacles and a supervillan-esque demon uses two of them to hoist himself into the room through the hole, covering himself with his cape. Loona growls whole on all fours and Sylvester stands up and pulls out his flintlock from his coat.

"Do not be afraid!" The demon says and extends his robotic tentacles.

"Please tell me you got that insurance thing." Blitzo says.

Millie takes out her black axe. "Who are you, and want?!"

Loopty Goopty extends a tentacle into a loop-de-loop and slides along it to the other side of the room. "I am Loopty Goopty!" He says in a singsong voice. "Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopiiiiish!"

"Coulda just used the door, dude." Loona points out. 

"Yeah, you didn't need to break down our damn wall." Sylvester grumbles.

"I am eccentric and must therefore do eccentric SHIT!" Loopty states and he does a wavy dance.

Blitzo sniffs him and flinches. "Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?"

"YEEEES! Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me HEEEEERE!"

Loona taps on her phone. "Just sayin'... the front door would've gotten you here fine."

"Yeah, now we have to take out a loan, just to fix the fucking  wall!" Sylvester shouts.

"Shut up, dear furries!" Loopty says to the two hell animals and they both growl at him.

Loopty Goopty appears in front of them and turns to Blitzo, and speaks in a singsong voice. "This is the man I'm gonna need you to kiiiill!" He holds up an old photo of an old bald man in a bed.

Blitzo takes the photo from Loopty. "Not even a shit's length of time in Hell and already plotting revenge. I can respect a man with that sort of passion! I'm Blitzo, the 'O' is silent."

Loona grabs Sylvester's arm and drags him away as she rests her head on his shoulder. Blitzo walks over to Loopty and shakes his hand.

"What 'O'?" Loopty asks, confused.

"Aww, thank you." Blitzo shakes his hips. "Now, what's the tea, sis?"

Loopty is even more confused. "The TEAAAA?!"

Moxxie's arm appears as he struggles under the weight of the debris. "Guys, help!" He says in a apined tone.

"Yeah, why are we killin' this guy?" Blitzo elbows Loopty. "I mean, what did he do to you?"

Moxxie's arm inches back and he squeals in pain. "LOSING... OX--!"

"He was... my business partner!" Loopty reveals. "You see, I was not always an old man!" 

An old film montage in brown shades depict Loopty's early life.

"My partner Lyle and I ran Lyle-Loopty Robotics, a technological empire!"

Lyle and Loopty pose with capes and spiral glasses on top of a tall building labeled "Lyle-Loopty Robotics". The building is surrounded by factories and columns spewing smoke. A line of text fades into view at the bottom of the screen reads "very dramatic re-enactment from earlier that day", with a question mark at the end joining it seconds after.

"Earlier today, we were testing a new machine intended to stop, or reverse, the aging process!"

The clips show Loopty putting wires together and Lyle tightening a bolt with a wrench. The two stand by a large white machine labeled "De-age-ifier." Loopty is briefly seen slapping Lyle on the ass.

"It could've saved all three trillionaires!"

Cuts to the interior of the De-age-ifier machine. The handle twists and the door swings open. Cuts back to Lyle and Loopty. Lyle puts on his goggles and the two step into the machine.

"Unfortunately, we neglected to test the machine on the poor, like we usually do. We were too sure of our own genius! But the machine was accidentally set FORWARD!"

The two men stroll into the chamber and close the metal door. A lever next to the door labeled "YOUNG" and "OLD" is set to "OLD" at the bottom.

"By the time we managed to get out... it was too late! At least... for me!"

The two men struggle to open the door, pounding on it. Both of them rapidly shrivel up and age. Loopty stares in horror at his shriveling hands. Lyle grows old and fat and slides to the floor. Loopty clutches at his chest as he suffers a heart attack, then falls dead to the ground, his leg twitching. A man opens the door, sees the two men, and motions for doctors to come in. They put a stethoscope over Loopty's heart, and they shake their heads somberly. A woman puts an oxygen mask over Lyle's nose and mouth. Loopty's body is zipped shut in a body bag.

"Now, that evil son of a bitch is going to take over the empire WE BUILT TOGETHER! Without me to share it with, he'll make all the goddamn money in the world and become the fourth trillionaire... and get ALL the credit!"

Scene cuts to Lyle laughing evilly as piles of money rain down on him.

Back to I.M.P. office.

Sylvester is sitting in a chair in the background with Loona sitting on his lap as she faces him. Loona is hugging Sylvester and resting her face in the crook of his neck. Sylvester as his eye closed as he rests his head on top of Loona's.

"Eeeh, that's not really evil." Blitzo points out.

"It's evil towards meeeee!" Loopty states.

Moxxie is still stuck under the rubble. He weakly reaches his hand out for help. "Everything... is going... dark--" He speaks in a strained voice.

"Now, get your crimson asses up above and send that heartless, no-good son of a bitch to Hell, where he belongs!

"Eh y- y- y- You do know, Poopty--" Blitzo gets Loopty's name wrong.

Loopty seethes. "Looooooptyyy!"

Blitzo sweats and holds up his hands defensively. "Of course! Of course... If we do kill him, though, and he ends up down here... y'know you will be stuck with him. Forever."

"Oh, trust me..." Loopty summons an array of weapons from his back on a series of mechanical armatures: a pistol, a rifle, a missile launcher, and a circular saw blade. "I'm counting on it."

Moxxie gives a thumbs up and speaks in a strained tone. "That's kinda hot!" Everyone glances at him.

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The I.M.P. crew are wearing wigs and disguises on a tour bus. Sylvester was to lazy to change to his human form.

Moxxie looks through some binoculars at Lylve's mansion. "Gee! I wonder whose house this is." He says sarcastically. 

"And to your right is the home of famous inventor, Lyle Lipton!" The tour Guide says.

The crowd 'oohs' and takes pictures with their cell phones. Blitzo removes his sunglasses, wearing a clown wig.

"Let's do it, gang." Blitzo says happily.

All three imps and Hellfox pull out their weapons: Blitzo a flinlock pistol, Moxxie an Assault rifle, Sylvester pulls out a flintlock and a musket out of nowhere, and Millie two sharp swords. The Imps and Hellfox jump over a fence and land in poses. Sylvester is standing behind them with his guns crisscross across his chest. 

"Let's kill this rich guy!" Millie says.

The four race over toward the windows.

"And here you'll find four tacky stalkers about to attempt a murder! Things like this could happen to famous people all the time!" The Tour Guide explains.

People snap pictures.

Blitzo, Sylvester and Millie dash over to the window, while Moxxie slides on his back. Moxxie peers through the window, joined by the sock puppet cat on Blitzo's tail.

"Wow..." Moxxie mutters.

Millie, Sylvester and Blitzo then join Moxxie in looking through the window.

Lyle Lipton is lying on his bed, an IV bag attached to him. A heart rate monitor sits on a shelf next to the IV bag. A TV screen and video player sit at the other side of his bed, connected to the bed itself. Lyle is holding a framed picture in his hands, looking at it sadly.

"That machine really did a number on him." Moxxie observes.

"Humans find all kinds of ways to screw themselves over." Sylvester comments. 

Lyle kisses the picture, his hands trembling. "Goodbye... my one true love." 

Lyle runs a finger down the picture lovingly. The picture in the frame is shown to consist of a stock image of dollar bills with a "Free Stock Photos" watermark over it.

 Lyle then puts the frame down and grabs the tube from his IV bag and begins tying it. "All the riches of the world can't fill the emptiness I'm feeling now that my shitty old body can't do anything of value." 

"Oh, fantastic!" Blitzo cheers. "He's gonna do our job for us!"

Lyle finishes making a noose out of the tube, pulling the knot taught.

"Should we go in there and tie it for him?" Moxxie asks.

"Well, if he pays us to." Sylvester says.

Lyle is about to put the makeshift noose over his head as the Imps and hellfox watch with drinks and popcorn. The noose glows white and a concussive force knocks the four back. Blitzo's cat sock is blown away by the blast, making him sad. Lyle adjusts to the light and sees the three Cherubs floating down gracefully in three rays of light.

"Oh lord, I'm being haunted by ugly orphan children now!" Lyle cries out.

Blitzo, Moxxie and Sylvester are recovering from the sudden blast of light. Moxxie rubs his head.

"Who the fuck are they?" Blitzo asks.

"Dear Satan, not these things." Sylvester groans. 

"Oh, no!" Moxxie says. "Sir, those are...." 

"Cherubs, Mr, Lyle!" The baby says.

"I hate filthy, stinking orphan children!" Lyle says as he shakes his fist at them.

The black sheep speaks. "We're here to convince you not to kill yourself, sir. To grant you a blessing, on behalf of those in Heaven... benefited by your amazing... technological advances."

"Oh, HEEEEL no!" Blitzo shouts in anger. He rolls up his sleeve, hoisting his flintlock pistol at the same time. He then marches in through the window, smashing the glass instantly. "Don't listen--" Misjudging where the floor is in relation to the window, Blitzo face-plants onto the floor, multiple glass shards sticking out of him. Moxxie and Sylvester enter through a door to the side, Millie peeking in.

"Lyle Lipton, it is out--" Moxxie glances at Blitzo before looking back at Lyle. "...humble opinion that you should continue the process to commit die."

"And can we hurry it up, I've got a roast in the slow cooker at home, and I need to check up on it soon." Sylvester says as he lights up a cigarette. 

"I mean, what do you expect to do with all this money now you're old... and gross?"

"Is that a serious question?" The female sheep asks. Keenie adjusts Lyle's bedsheets, revealing his wallet full of dollar bills. "He can help spread his wealth around with the people of the world! And so much good with it! And be so fulfilled!" 

Keenie flies around, grabbing Lylve's wallet from Cletus and happily throws Lyle's dollar bills into the air.

"Nnnno!" Lyle grumbles.

"He could pay for new hospitals and schools!" Collin says.

Lyle grips his blanket. "Why won't you let me die?"

Blitzo appears beside him. "Oh, sounds like ya need help offin' yourself there, buddy. Moxxie, what do we got for this fella?"

Moxxie reaches into his coat and tosses a variety of weapons to Blitzo and Lyle. They each catch an assault rifle, Blitzo also catching a crossbow with his tail. "I have some assault weapons, crossbow, hunting bow, Tommy gun, old-fashioned shotgun, revolvers in three colors, chainsaws, katanas---"

"He's classier than that!" Collin says.

Lyle points the assault file into his mouth, before Collin takes it from him. 

"There are still plenty of reasons to live, Mr. Lyle." Collin finishes.

"Yeah, right. Smells like he ain't been out of bed in months!" Millie sniffs Lyle. She becomes visibly ill, covering her mouth, and holds Moxxie by the shoulder as she vomits on the floor. Moxxie pats her on the back.

"There are of course plenty of reasons to live, but plenty of reasons to die." Sylvester points out. "Like how he's old and I need money."

"But Life can be beautiful at any age!" Cletus states.

"And we'll show him!" Keenie says.

The three Cherubs cheer. "Yeah!"

"NOOOOO--!" The demons yell.

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The three Cherubs roll Lyle in his bed outside to a hill overlooking a forest and a lake.

"Look around, Lyle." Cletus motions to the wilderness around them. "God's gift of nature is a wonder to behold, regardless of age!" He winks. "Or wealth!"

You are reading story One Helluva Fox at novel35.com

"If you were to end your life, you'd be missing aaaaaaaall of this!" Collin says.

Blitzo appears in a tiger costume.

"Mm-hm. You're gonna buy that load of shit from a bay and the sheep it fucks?" Blitzo does a suggestive gesture with his fingers, indicating sex.

Keenie covers her mouth and gasps. "That is so inappropriate!"

Collin blankly stares in disbelief, and Cletus gives a disappointed look.

Millie and Moxxie appear in cat costumes. Sylvester is behind them in a duck costume.

"Oh, kiss our ass, prude!" Millie flips a double bird.

Sylvester holds his hand out and Millie high fives him.

Blitzo shoves Lyle aside in the face and sits next to him. "Aaaanyway, take it from me, a fellow genius. Nature is no picnic up close."

Blitzo grabs a pair of binoculars out of nowhere. Lyle looks through the binoculars and sees an adorable group of bunnies and squirrels together. The critters are suddenly torn apart and eaten by a pack of hungry wolves.

"Ohhhh, noooo!" Lyle cries out.

Collin tries to tug his binoculars away. "S-Stop looking!"

Lyle holds onto the binoculars tightly. "I CAN'T step! I've never wanted to die more than I do now!

A bear swipes a wolf to the ground. It raises a paw to attack but is then crushed by a falling tree, cut down by a beefy logger with a chainsaw. A beehive lands on the man’s head and he screams, flailing his head to get the hive off while also throwing his chainsaw into the air. The chainsaw comes back down, cutting both of the man's arms off and causing him to scream harder, before his body is skewered from behind by the antlers of a charging stag as lighting flashes dramatically.

Everyone freezes in horror, Blitzo faking it before grinning smugly.

"So much violent." Sylvester says before he licks his lips. "I like it."

Cletus nervously floats down. "Uhhh, let's go check out someplace else!

Millie and Moxxie hold their hands up and Sylvester high fives them, the paws of their cat costumes squeaking.

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At a shopping mall Lyle's bed is pushed through the door hard enough to destroy both it and part of the wall surrounding it.

"Oh, lord! Where are we now?!" Lyle asks. "Let me perish!"

"We're here to show you another thing life is worth living for:childhood wonderment!" Keenie says.

Keenie motions to a crowd of kids cheering by a sitting Santa Claus. One kid wears a 'Craft Mine' shirt, while another eats his booger.

Why..." Lyle starts. "Look at those sweet, disease-ridden vermin. Th- Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood... and their middle-class existence! Such simple joy they have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this."

"Hey, dipshits!" Blitzo yells.

Blitzo and Millie are dressed as elves, while a grumpy Moxxie wears a Rudolph costume. Sylvester is wearing a Mrs. Claus outfit, with fake breasts and he pokes them. They stand by Santa with a kid in his lap.

"Wanna see whose lap you're sittin' on?" Blitzo asks the kid.

Blitzo grabs Santa's beard and rips off the costume. “Santa” is revealed to be an ugly, sweaty gnome wearing a “#Cuties” shirt and underwear, making a gnome noise. 

The kids scream and run in terror. Lyle sobs like a baby as Collin and Keenie cover his eyes. A concerned Cletus pushes the bed away.

"Santa's EVIL!" A boy yells.

"Bitch, haven't you seen Violent Night." Sylvester calls out. "Santa's a badass!"

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Lyle in bed in the woods next to a crude wooden sign reading "LOVERS' LOOKOUT"m a cartoon heart replacing the O in "LOVERS'". A small note underneath it, possibly written after the fact, rads "I guess..."

"Egh! This place reeks of TEENAGERSI" Lyle complains in anger.

"Lovers' Lookout, sir!" Cletus states. "We're here to remind you about possibly life's greatest joy of all!"

Lyle holds up creepy, trembling grabby hands. "Money!"

"No! Love." Collin sweetly says.

"I've never been in love before. I imagine it's quite nice!" Lyle states.

"It's not to latem sir! You can still find--"

The Imps and Hellfox arrive, wearing wigs and dresses. Sylvester's wearing a leather jacket with a red shirt under it and a pair of black jeans. 

"HA! Nice try, ugly." Blitzo pulls out a megaphone. "Hey, horny lovers! Which one of you would FUCK this old man?!"

All the cars speed away in an instant. Lyle deflates. dejected. 

Sylvester has his phone out and is texting Loona. [You, me, my place after I get back.]

[S-Sure!] Loona responds.

Collin gets into Blitzo's face. "You know, you four are so utterly c-c-cruel! We're just trying to give hope to someone in need!"

Moxxie puts a hand on his hip. "Oh.. and you three are so superior to us just because we want some selfish, greedy, authoritarian capitalist to keel over DEAD!" He throws his hands out for emphasis.

"You're makin' things too real now, Moxxie." Blitzo walks up to Moxxie with a spray bottle labeled 'PISS', adjusts the nozzle, then sprays it into Moxxie's face, causing him to flinch and hiss.

Inside of an auditorium. A woman dressed as a Viking sings opera on stage while wearing a fake unicorn on her lower torso. A well-dressed man plays a grand piano behind her. The cherubs and the audience are also well-dressed, though Lyle only wears a bowtie over his simple, sweat-stained hospital gown.

In the back of the auditorium is Sylvester, actually watching the show.

"Behold!" Cletus motions to the stage. "The wonder of art and music! Somethin' always there to comfort... entertain... and live for!"

Up above the stage, the three Imps look down from a catwalk near the ceiling. Blitzo wags his butt and tail like at cat!

"So... how do we make this bad?" Millie asks.

"We can't." Moxxie claims. "That's literally nothing bad about opera. That's fact.

Blitzo shakes his butt in Moxxie's face. "Unless we ruin it somehow!" 

With a mischievous grin, Blitzo grabs the spotlight and moves it away from the singer. The singer pauses and follows the light, resuming her song. Blitzo moves the spotlight again, and the singer again pauses to follow it.

She's not very good." Lyle says.

Blitzo chuckles softly and moves the light faster and faster around the stage as Lyle and the cherubs narrow their eyes in suspicion. Blitzo wiggles the spotlight around aggressively, then gasps as he accidentally breaks it off entirely. The woman sings a final high note before the light crushes her on stage, smashing her to pieces and splattering blood all over the stage. The audience, Lyle, and the cherubs scream, while the pianist nervously tries to keep playing, his face drenched in sweat.

"Aww, man. I was enjoying that!" Sylvester says in disappointment. 

The human next to him looks at Sylvester in confusion, since he's not hiding his hellfox self. Sylvester just stabs the guy in the head with his claws, effectively killing him.

"Well, at least we made it bad." Blitzo says to the two others.

The htree Cherubs fly angrily up toward the Imps.

"THAT'S IT!!" Cletus yells. "I HAVE HAD IT!! You three monsters and the hellfox have messed with us enough!"

"D'ooh, we're just trying to do our j-j-job!" Collin says angrily. 

"Well, so are we!" Moxxie states.

"EEENOUGH!" Cletus yells and he and the two other Cherubs summon golden crossbows and aim them at the Imps. "We are savin' that shitty old man's life, whether he wants it or not!"

"Well, someone wants that fucker dead, m'kay?" Blitzo states. "And he paid in advance, and I spent it all on this..." He reaches into his coat and pulls out a jewel-encrusted green horse figure wearing sunglasses and a 'MARE-AJUABA" cap. "...So he's gotta go!"

Keenie flies into Blitzo's face. "You all are such disgusting, loathsome beasts! Your kind is nothing but dirt that shitty dead people tread on! And now, you're trying to meddle with the lives of HUMANS?!" 

Millie pushes Blitzo to the side. "So are you! So why don't you shut your trap, you judgmental," She pulls Keenie by her necklace and snaps it back. "Cotton candy, tit-havin' BITCH?!"

"FILTHY DEMON CRAP!!!!" Keeni tackles Millie.

Intense opera music plays as the fight scene begins. Keenie and Millie roll over in a cat fight. Cletus and Collin shoot golden arrows at Blitzo and Moxxie who run away, drawing their guns in the process. Millie and Keenie roll off the catwalk. Moxxie sees them and jumps off of the catwalk, grabbing and swinging on a rope. He aims his pistol at Keenie, who is still fighting with Millie as they fall. Millie and Keenie exchange punches to the face. 

Moxxie aims up and fires at a rope which releases a sandbag. The sandbag slams into Keenie, separating her and Millie, and Moxxie swings over and catches Millie as Cletus and Collin chase them down, firing their crossbows. Millie grabs Moxxie's face and they stare into each other's eyes with lustful grins. They make out as they swing above the stage, Millie pulling two machine guns out of Moxxie's coat and firing as they spin rapidly. 

Blitzo climbs onto a catwalk and spots Millie's bra and Moxxie’s bow tie fly past him. The bullets hit and kill various audience members in the first two rows, but they all miss Lyle.

"This is getting awesome!" Sylvester yells as he's eating a bucket of popcorn and he licks his lips and moans. "All the lives being taken, it's so delicious!" 

Lyle starts a monologue. "It's all starting to make sense now! Life is worth living because we only get one! We must cherish it! If creatures far beyond this living world are going through these length over my life, then certainly it's worth living! Killing myself is not the answer! Plus... I'm still rich! I can buy all the things!" He pulls out two wads of cash in triumph. "I NO LONGER CRAVE DEATH!"

The audience claps happily for Lyle. Millie and Moxxie, spinning while firing their guns and being chased by Collin and Keenie, accidentally shoot a woman in the audience in the eye, killing her instantly.

Sylvester laughs and pulls out his flintlock pistol and starts to shoot people within the audience.

Blitzo runs along the metal scaffolding with his flintlock pistol. He jumps onto a bit of scaffolding holing some spotlights attached to the ceiling with a rope. He and Cletus point their weapons at each other. Blitzo attempts to fire but finds his gun empty, looking at it in shock. With a wide-eyed glance at Cletus, Blitzo throws the flintlock into Cletus’ face.

"Oof! You fuckerI" Cletus shouts.

Momentarily blinded, Cletus recklessly fires an arrow, severing the rope holding up the scaffolding Blitzo is standing on and that Moxxie and Millie are swinging from. The three Imps all fall with the metal scaffolding as it smashes onto the floor of the stage, narrowly missing the pianist and cartoonishly bending a board so it holds up the piano at an angle.

The pianist is startled and stops playing, then straightens his bow tie, drops his stool down onto the stage, and uses it to drop down from the bent floorboard. The board then sends the piano flying through the air, breaking in the process. 

Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Cletus, Collin, and Keenie follow the piano with their eyes as it falls. Lyle turns to see the piano flying straight towards him, screaming like a girl and scrambling out of his bed into a seat. Unfortunately for him, the piano suddenly shifts to his new location and crushes both him and a few corpses haphazardly shot and killed by Moxxie and Millie.

"Yoo! Holy shit, he's dead!" Sylvester yells as he stomps on the neck of a man and a crack is heard.

Moxxie grins as he sits tied up to Millie. "Well, well. Would'ya looook at that? You... did our job... for us. Heh!" Blitzo and the couple grin smugly.

Millie smirks and give the Cherubs two middle fingers. Sylvester walks over to them.

The cherubs are staring at Lyle's unfortunate death in utter shock.

Collin gasps in horror. "Ohhh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my Gooood!"

Keenie grabs Collin by the shirt and slaps him across the face a few times. "Get a hold of yourself, Collin! And do NOT use the Lord's name in VAIN!"

"THIS... ISN'T OVER!" Cletus yells angrily as he points to the three demons.

Blitzo, Moxxie, Sylvester, and Millie smirk as Keenie creates a portal to Heaven and the cherubs fly through, only to be mysteriously repelled back.

"WHAT THE---?!" Cletus yells.

A group of cherubs descends, composed of two bees, two sheep and Deerie, the leader.

"MM, yeah, no, sorry." Deerie conjures up reading glasses and a clipboard. "Cletus, but I'm afriad your actions resulted in the death of a human, I'm afraid you can't re-enter Heaven. Yeaaaaah, nooooo..."

"WHAT?!?!?" Cletus, Colling, & Keenie yell.

"Yeaaaah, mmmmm, sorry! Yeaaaaah, no..." Deerie says condescendingly

"Is there ...anything we can do?!" Collin asks.

Deerie files her hoof. "Yeaaah, nooo!" She chuckles. "Noooo, no, no." Deerie says 'no' while pointing her hooves at Collin, Cletus and Keenie.

Bu- But, we didn't mean to! We'd never! It was all-" Keenie points to the spot where I.M.P. was, only to find them gone. All three cherubs stare wide-eyed, Keenie's pointing hand trembling, whist the sound of a horrified woman screaming plays in the background.

"Anyway, sorry, guys. But those are the rules. Yeaaaah. Byyye!" Deeries does a happy wave before she and the group vanish through the portal.

"Wait! But--" Cletus flies towards the portal but it closes. He then breaks down into tears and clries.

.

.

.

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Back at the I.M.P. office, Blitzo claps his hands together. "Welp, the old man wanted to live again and we didn’t kill him, so we failed. Thanks to those fuckin' cherubs, he’s probably up in Heaven now, so... It’s a shame. All our client wanted was eternal revenge on his business partner. And now the two are forever separated, and now we gotta face the fire of fuckin' up."

"Grandpa did say Cherubs were assholes." Sylvester states as he lets out a large cloud of smoke, Loona leans her head on his shoulder.

"Sir... when are you going to tell the client?" Moxxie asks.

Blitzo holds up and points at his phone. "Oh, I already sent him a text, and... we're in good hands, 'cause texts don't make people angry."

On Blitzo's phone it shows that Loopty Goopty is called "Lupis" in his contacts. The text from Loopty reads “U fail, U die.", followed with Blitzo replying "sorry” surrounded by emojis, with "saxophone emoji" typed a line below. Moxxie looks worriedly to the wall behind him. He quickly scurries out of the way as a metal escalator proceeds to crash into the office.

"BLIIIIIITZO!" Loopty says as he descends the escalator.

"Looofaaaaa!" Blitzo says with worry in his tone. "We can explain everything. I was--..."

Another metal escalator crashes through the wall and squashes Moxxie as Lyle, now a mechanical demon with piano keys for teeth and a rolling ball in place of legs, arrives with a grin. Moxxie twitches stiffly in pain.

"Lyle Lipton?!" Blitzo, Millie and Sylvester yell in confusion.

"I don't understand." Millie states. "We thought you went to Heaven."

"Heaven?!" Lyle questions. "You don't make millions in technological advances in robotics by NOT experimenting on the poor!" He laughs.

"Oh, you n-good, HEARTLESS son of a BITCH!" Loopty then turns to Blitzo. "Thank you for reuniting me with my best friend!" 

"The only question now is what do two old genius robotic inventors do now that we're in Hell?"

Wally Wackford crashes through the ceiling. "Did someone say, I say, inventors?! Name's Wally Wackford, and I am lookin' for creative new people to exploit!" He realizes what he said and twirls his mustache. "I mean, employyy~"

"Everyone, STOP FUCKIN' UP MY WALLS!" Blitzo yells. "Moxxie's gonna have to fix all of this shit!" Blitzo motions to Moxxie, who is trapped, frothing at the mouth and groaning in agony. "Oh, chill out, Moxxie. If you kiss my ass any harder, you'll go right inside me. Satan's ball! First we deal with Heaven's table-scraps, now this?"

"I guess... you can say, you say, you have a... holey operation here, Blitzo!" Wally pronounces Bltizo's name as it's spelled.

Wally slaps his knee and laughs. Loopty scratches his neck awkwardly. 

"Get out." Blitzo says unamused.

Wally continues laughing, doubling over onto the floor. Lyle and Loopty glance at each other awkwardly.

"Oh! I say, oh!" Wally laughs.

"No, I'm serious. Get the FUCK OUT!" Blitzo yells.

Loopty, Lyle, Millie, and Wally all look at Blitzo, shocked and surprised by his sudden rage.

Sylvester and Loona stumble out of the room as they kiss each other.

---

(Should I genderbend striker? It'll add flavor to the story and a few back story scenes.)

02-08-2023

5629 words

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