Chapter 265: Breakdown (2in1)

My entire body froze up in place when I saw Mia sitting with Jenne and sipping on a tea. 

This sight was so unbelievable, so unlikely to occur, that my mind simply couldn't process it in any timely manner. 

And then, something changed. 

It felt what I called myself suddenly split into two. 

I could still control half of me... But the other half followed nothing but instincts alone. 

What was the worst part, though, was that it was the other part of myself that took control over my body. 

And so I stood in place, unable to move an inch with my brain overwhelmed by a shock. 

But then came the worst. 

The shock that this single image caused reverberated through my entire self, only to end up shattering the dam that I put over my past trauma. 

And all at once, the humiliation, the pain, the insecurity that I kept stowed away for all this time, they smashed right into my consciousness. 

My vision darkened as my body attempted to deal with the adrenaline overdose. 

My hormones pumped at their full capacity, sending mixed and chaotic signals to the receptors in my flesh. 

And there I stood, so motionless that I was slowly becoming an annoyance to the general flow of people in the street. 

'Just what the hell does this mean?' I asked myself, desperately trying to make sense of the situation. 

'She is cheating on you, with the very person responsible for your trauma!' the other part of me whispered into my ear, only trickling my insecurities even further. 

'Right, there was the welcoming ceremony a moment earlier. It's no wonder she ended up meeting Jenne!' My rational side once again attempted to give a logical explanation to what I was seeing. 

'Or rather, she could finally report to her true master after the situation forced them apart,' my other self spoke again, only pushing my body into a greater stalemate.

My flesh was petrified. With my other self in control over its movements, I could only grow increasingly aware of just how much I annoyed everyone around me, and thus...

Attracted more and more attention to me. 

And if anything could be even worse than what was happening, then it would be having Mia realize my presence right at this moment!

Then, I saw Mia gently raise her cup and take a small sip. The mannerisms were the same as they used to be back when we were together. 

The way she bent her hand, the way in which Mia leaned over the cup...

All those familiarities struck me and turned me vulnerable, only for Jenne's face to come into my view a second later. 

'She doesn't look troubled,' I thought, unable to believe my very own eyes. 

I couldn't tell whether it was just a bad angle or an acute observation.

And why one might ask. 

The answer was simple. Unable to move my body around, I couldn't just go to another spot to take a better look!

My vision darkened when my emotions continued to rush into my soul, disturbing even my magic flow. 

'Fuck, this is getting dangerous,' I realized a moment too late. 

If anyone were to strike me right now, I would be in no state to use my mana to defend myself... as this was yet another part of myself that my other self took over!

'What's the use of my power if I can't deal with something minor like this?!' I protested in my mind, trying to defeat the sense of powerlessness that continued to permeate deeper and deeper into my body. 

What was the use of reaching the stage nearing the absolute limits of what this world allowed if I could be broken down with a simple trauma?!

My vision completely went out, my mind not operating under the extreme stress of my memories. 

I raised my eyes only to see the shadow of the fat body of the whore who took my purity. 

I turned my eyes away, only to picture chains binding my limbs to a nearby wall. 

I shook my hands to ensure I was still free, only to realize that I couldn't move at all. 

With each passing second, my situation was only getting worse. 

'Fuck,' I cursed, as this was the one thing that I could still do. 'This isn't how our reunion was supposed to go,' I thought, feeling how my heart's beat rate continued to accelerate. 

Something squeezed down on my chest, forcing all the air out of my lungs. 

"Excuse me, sir," someone on the street finally took notice of my situation. 

Or someone was just bothered with me standing in the middle of the street. 

"Are you okay, sir?" the voice kept on it, turning into my last beacon of hope of holding on to my consciousness. 

I raised my eyes, my vision returning to a limited degree. Yet, the one thing in my body that I could move was my eyeballs. As such, the scope of how much I could judge my situation was pretty limited. 

"Sir? Can you hear me?" someone continued with their persistent attempts to get through to me. 

At the same time, someone came out from the restaurant where I spotted Mia. And from how they instantly looked over to me, it was clear that I was the reason behind their appearance. 

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'At this rate, she will notice!' I thought, desperate to get away from this place. 

I could deal with this trauma on my own. However, what I couldn't deal with would be showing up to Mia for the first time in months in this pathetic state!

"No..." a single, short protest managed to slip past my lips before my other self locked my mouth completely. 

And then, my fight or flight instinct took over, forcing my body out of the scene. 

I wasn't an ascender for nothing. 

With just my physical prowess alone, I managed to jump high above everyone's heads only to softly land on the roof of a random building. But rather than stopping to hide, I jumped again and again and again and continued to jump through the rooftops until I reached the outer wall of the entire city. 

As my body kept on escaping to God-knows-where, I only had a single desire left in my heart. 

For someone to embrace me, to ward off the coldness from within. The freezing cold oozed out of my heart as I couldn't stop seeing the one image that burned out in my eyes. 

The world around me turned dark. And for the first time since I appeared in this world, I felt like a child lost in the dark woods of the unknown.

'Just what was I doing,' I asked myself when my body finally stopped its mad rush, giving in to the extreme exhaustion. 

I rested my hand against a random tree to plummet right down to the ground. 

Right now, I had no strength left to fight. And judging from the area around me, the place where I ended up didn't bode well for a defenseless guy like me. 

My other self continued to pour toxic thoughts into my mind. It continued to uproot my trust in Mia, presenting me with scenarios of her with Jenne, her with half of the Skyladder sect, her laughing at me as she is pumped full of some stranger's sperm...

With each passing second, the images continued to worsen, all invoking the three feelings that my trauma left ingrained in my soul. 

Pain, powerlessness, insecurity. 

'To think that a simple puppy-love would get me good like that,' I thought, once again attempting to let my reason take over the control. 

A tear appeared in my eyes as my heart continued to bleed over what my other self was showing to my real self. 

Mia being secretly a slave of the Sangakarts. Mia getting held hostage to let someone get to me. 

My knees gave up, making me bend in half and vomit my stomach's content right under the tree I was resting below. 

'I'm in no shape to do anything,' I thought as snot and saliva hung down from my lips and nose alike. 

Once again, I attempted to regain control, only to be beaten back nearly instantly. 

For the next few moments, I only could sit in place and hide my face in my hands, hoping for this nightmare of an experience to pass. 

But no matter how much time I wasted in this way, my state didn't improve at all. 

'Rather than overthinking things, I should go and check my current limits,' I thought, desperate to take my mind off my trauma. 

I had no more strength left to fight it. Only after letting my mind refresh could I attempt to tackle this mental barrier again. 

Then it struck me. 

Maybe it was the mercy of whatever god that saw my plight, or maybe it was just a lucky chance. 

But all at once, I somehow managed to connect the dots. 

'Today was the welcoming day. And no matter what, Jenne would try to talk with Mia as soon as he could,' I thought, uncovering the truth of what I didn't see. 'If he turned over a new leaf, he would like to apologize. If he doesn't care, he will try to secure his back. And if he is up for some more trouble, he would surely try to manipulate her!' 

It wasn't that Mia did something bad by meeting with Jenne. Rather than that, it was a Jenne who was in a situation in which scoring a meeting with Mia could only lead to positive developments!

'Knowing that...' I thought, only to roll to the side and vomit all over the place again. 'Doesn't help,' I finished my thought before weekly raising my eyes. 

'That's right,' I continued to press the issue in my mind, sensing that it could potentially build some hope that I desperately needed right now. 'Shye most likely wanted to make herself a target,' I thought, recalling the content of Mia's letters. 

It all made sense now. The only reason why I wasn't attacked by Sangakarts was that Mia forced them to look the other way. And her meeting with Jenne was just the way in which the situation developed!

I thought that...

Only to end up retching by the tree once again. 

Despite logically concluding everything, even thinking about Mia would send a shiver down my spine and then to my stomach, revolting it in a process. 

Unknowingly, by separating from Mia and undergoing the trauma almost simultaneously, I allowed those two events to fuse, making the girl the trigger that released my trauma. 

'Unless I deal with this mental problem of mine, I will never be able to stand proud before Mia,' I thought, forcing myself to accept this sad but necessary realization. 

I would never be able to love her as I did if she would always be the harbinger of that massive pain from the past. That's why, in order for my feelings for her to be honest, I had to focus on dealing with my own problems before putting any of that burden on the girl. 

With that thought in mind, I struck myself in the chest as if in an attempt to invigorate my heart. 

I then cleared my thought before spitting all the snot that got into my mouth. 

'Let's not think about this for now,' I decided, pulling myself by bootstraps and raising my eyes. 

Now that I was dead-tired, the other-self of mine relinquished the control over this useless body back to my real self. 

'Right now, I need to learn just how deep these new powers of mine are,' I thought grimly, forcing my lifeless body to go forward, deeper into the forest. 

If there was anything that I learned in the simpler times of being just a contractor, it was that hunting worked pretty well for a broken heart!

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