Chapter 105: 101. Fears

“It’s been hard, hasn’t it?” The white version of Tomoka spoke with a tired, sad voice. 

 

“What are you talking about?” Tomoka felt uncomfortable. This version of her was completely different from Oditomnia. It was calmer, more collected and in a certain way, scarier. 

 

“You may hide it from everybody else. You may even try to hide it from yourself, but in the end you know full well what I am talking about” As it spoke her tone became gentler, like that of a sister consoling her sibling. 

 

“Tch, It doesn’t matter. Everything is going well and I will make sure that nothing goes wrong” Tomoka felt annoyed and even angry. Whatever this version of herself is, be it a hallucination or the third party mentioned by Oditomnia she didn’t care.

 

“Anger, the emotion that follows after denial. You and I both know this and yet you still fight against yourself” This time it’s voice became a bit mocking and amused which infuriated Tomoka. 

 

“And what would you know! You talk as if confronting my fears and paranoia would help with anything! This world is fucked to the high heavens! Now you come and tell me you know how I feel when you are some kind of illusion? To begin with What the fuck are you?” Tomoka was getting more and more annoyed by the second. 

 

“You already know that but sure, I guess I will state the obvious. I am a part of you just like Oditomnia. While she represents your hatred, fury and rage I am a more subtle part of you. I am the very representation of your pride, your strive to improve and, funnily enough, your laziness.” That last part was said with a bit of self depreciation as a smile adorned her face. 

 

“Then why are you bothering me about inconsequential things?” Tomoka still felt annoyed at this other self of her’s.       

 

“Inconsequential? Right, having Danzo live is inconsequential. Letting akatsuki do its thing is inconsequential. Letting Gaara suffer at the hands of his own father is inconsequential. Do you want me to continue listing the so-called inconsequential things that are happening?” This time it was my turn to become annoyed. 

 

“You know full well that if I mess things up then we will lose our biggest advantage.”

 

“A useless advantage if we do nothing with it. Not to mention, who cares? Are we not the great scientific genius Aurora Ambridge? Are we not the training junky Tomoka? You are letting your fear control you and that is something none of us three likes, after all, we are all the same.” 

 

“So what are you proposing? To throw caution to the wind and just wing it?” Tomoka was still in denial. 

 

“What if it goes wrong? What if, because of me, those I care for die!? What if… What if…” At this point Tomoka’s throat began closing up. Even though this place is just part of her mind she could feel how her throat refused to move. 

 

“What if we aren’t good enough? Is that it?” Hearing these words sent Tomoka into a rage.

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“Is that it? Is that fucking it!? What are you even-” Before Tomoka could finish the other one spoke. 

 

“Failure is part of the process. When you fail, then try again, and again, and again once more until it works.”   

 

“It’s not that simple you dumb cunt! We are playing with our life here! Not only that, we have the lives of those we love on our shoulders!” 

 

“And yet we don’t let them carry the burden with us. We have friends now, we have a loving family and more. Yet here we are, the same socially inept genius that tries to do everything by herself and fails miserably.” 

 

“I just… I don’t want to be alone anymore” At this point Tomoka’s eyes were full of tears. She hated weakness, no, she hated being weak. 

 

“We don’t have to be, and we no longer are. Just open up to those around you. Let them help, otherwise we will always be alone.” Saying this, the white Tomoka hugged the original. 

 

“We love those two, don’t we? It’s time for us to let them love us back” 

 

“I will try”

 

“Good” 

 

After that silence followed as Tomoka reorganized her thoughts. As much as she hated to admit it, this other version of herself is right. She had been procrastinating for far too long. She would do so no more. 

 

“Say, Oditomnia was born from a part of 682, what about you?” Now that the heavy and emotional topic is over Tomoka decided to gather some useful info. 

 

“two words, nai wa” After the white one said that it was as if lightning struck Tomoka. 

 

“SHIRAORI!?”  

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