Chapter 27: CH 27

Since Ying Xi Ze called and he was still filming with the crew, Lu Zhi Wei could conveniently ask about him, as well as how Sang Wan Ci was doing.

Ying Xi Ze said everything was going smoothly, everything was good.

Compared to when she first entered the crew, Sang Wan Ci seemed more like she was willing to forgive herself and not hold herself to those impossibly high standards, forcing herself to keep getting better.

It was just that after Lu Zhi Wei and the veteran actor finished their scenes, she would always look around after finishing a scene, as if she was looking for someone.

“She can’t be looking for you, can she, jie.” Ying Xi Ze joked over the phone.

But Lu Zhi Wei knew it wasn’t a joke.

Sang Wan Ci was looking for her.

Maybe it was because she was used to being able to see Lu Zhi Wei’s encouraging, approving gaze from outside the filming area whenever she was done with a scene.

In Lu Zhi Wei’s heart, someone like Sang Wan Ci needed to be praised and her hard work had to be affirmed, so that she could realise that in someone else’s eyes, she was like the stars and the moon.

Maybe in the future after she won the acting awards, she would no longer need such trivial words and acts of encouragement.

Like a child that had grown up, feathers on their wings growing in, they would realise that they could also spread their wings and fly unassisted.

“It’s such an honour to be remembered by such an outstanding teacher Sang.” Lu Zhi Wei laughed.

Ying Xi Ze: “Teacher Ying remembers you too, isn’t that your honour as well?”

Lu Zhi Wei said coolly: “No, you’re not as good as teacher Sang.”

Ying Xi Ze: “……

“Lu Zhi Wei, you’ve hurt an innocent young man’s heart!

“But seeing as you gave me such a well-knitted hat, I’ll be magnanimous and forgive you this once.”

Lu Zhi Wei smiled: “Alright, thanks to teacher Ying for being gracious. It’s good that you like the hat.”

Thinking about it, she couldn’t help but remind him: “When I’m not around, you must still adhere to the morals of being a man, you can’t fool around. If you like someone, you must only like them, do you understand?”

Ying Xi Ze nodded on the other end: “I know, morals morals, very good[1].”

Lu Zhi Wei: “Mm, good.”

After they hung up, Ying Xi Ze even went to take a selfie and boast on Weibo.

Caption: My jie knitted a small hat for me [rose] [rose]

His fans left their comments.

@Meow Mami Hong: Happy birthday baby [heart] [heart]

@The Frontline Alliance of Heartbreak: Good fellow, where did this sister of yours come from?

@Wanderer can, you can’t: This is a big hat [dog head]

@Amazingly Terrible Luck: This craftsmanship is too good, please don’t take something you bought outside and pass it off as an imaginary sister’s gift, sir [dog head]

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Lu Zhi Wei used her main account to like Ying Xi Ze’s post.

She was still a new actress, it wouldn’t cause any big problems no matter whose post she liked.

Then she opened WeChat and fell into contemplation as she looked at the words: “Teacher Sang”.

After she left the crew, the chat between her and Sang Wan Ci had frozen, stopped at before she finished her scenes.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to chat with Sang Wan Ci, but after leaving the crew, she didn’t know what she could use as a topic to disturb her.

They were friends.

Ordinary friends.

Far from the stage where they could disturb each other freely.

But thinking about Ying Xi Ze’s words, she couldn’t help but want to disturb Sang Wan Ci.

Even if she wasn’t in the crew, even if she wasn’t by her side, she wanted to praise Sang Wan Ci.

—— You’re very good, you’re excellent, you must believe in yourself.

Thinking about it, she opened the cat.

After a moment of deliberation, she sent that sticker of the cat peeking its head out.

Hopefully she wasn’t disturbing her rest, Lu Zhi Wei thought carefully.

After the sticker was sent out, she didn’t get a response immediately like the last time.

After about 10 minutes, Sang Wan Ci’s reply popped out on the screen.

[Teacher Sang]: 【Cute.jpg】

Just like before, she had copied her sticker.

This made her feel pleasantly surprised.

Her nervousness dissipated and even the desire to chat got even lighter and more intense.

[Lu Zhi Wei]: Teacher Sang, are you resting?

[Teacher Sang]: I just took a shower.

[Teacher Sang]: What’s wrong?

[Lu Zhi Wei}: Nothing much, I was chatting with Xiao Ying and you came up in conversation, so I’m presumptuously bothering you

[Lu Zhi Wei]: 【Cat sprawl.jpg】

[Teacher Sang]: What did he say about me?

[Teacher Sang] Something bad?

Seeing those two words, Lu Zhi Wei couldn’t help but laugh.

[Lu Zhi Wei]: Of course not

[Lu Zhi Wei]: He said you work seriously, your acting is getting better and I need to learn from you

[Lu Zhi Wei]: Our teacher Sang is indeed excellent to the point that everybody will praise her!

[Lu Zhi Wei]: 【Applause.jpg】

Looking at these four messages, Sang Wan Ci’s heart felt like the sun was shining on it, warm and comfortable.

She could tell that Lu Zhi Wei wanted to praise her.

Her fan, even if they were far apart, wanted to use her own method to encourage her.

Lu Zhi Wei waited for a few seconds before Sang Wan Ci’s reply came in.

It was two simple and clear words: [Thank you.]

Lu Zhi Wei couldn’t help but smile at her screen.

Lying in her warm blanket, she replied.

[Lu Zhi Wei]: Don’t be so courteous with me

[Teacher Sang]: You gave Ying Xi Ze his hat?

[Lu Zhi Wei]: Teacher Sang found out

[Lu Zhi Wei]: The worksmanship is a bit poor, the knitting is pretty ordinary, don’t laugh at me, teacher Sang

[Lu Zhi Wei]: 【Embarrassed.jpg】

[Teacher Sang]: It was very well knitted.

[Teacher Sang]: Better than what you can buy outside.

Seeing Sang Wan Ci praise her like that, Lu Zhi Wei’s heart felt a little proud as she rubbed the back of her head embarrassedly.

—— No no, it’s not that good.

[Lu Zhi Wei]: If teacher Sang likes it, I can also knit for teacher Sang

[Lu Zhi Wei]: Not just hats, anything is fine!

Seeing that, Sang Wan Ci suddenly felt Lu Zhi Wei was really amazing.

She had already trained her knitting skills to be able to knit anything, wasn’t that incredible?

Sang Wan Ci wasn’t stingy with her praise: [This is not an easy thing, you’re amazing.]

Lu Zhi Wei was very embarrassed.

[Teacher Sang]: You learnt it yourself?

[Lu Zhi Wei]: Mm, I did

[Lu Zhi Wei]: I had more time, so I could learn some random stuff

When someone was bored, they could even take tweezers and pluck seeds off a strawberry.

What more someone like her, aside from work, eating and sleeping, there was nothing else she could do with her spare time. If she didn’t find things to do, she would really be bored to death.

And besides, learning a handicraft was good, she could make things for herself.

As someone who could only rely on herself, she was exceptionally frugal.

If her clothes accidentally had a tear and it wasn’t too bad, she couldn’t bear to throw them away. After patching the hole and making some adjustments, it was a new item of clothing again.

Seeing the tailored clothes, she would also feel accomplished.

Like she was a designer.

A designer that nobody knew.

As for whether the clothes were ugly or pretty, it didn’t matter. As long as it fit her standard of beauty, it was good enough.

Even if people thought it was ugly, they wouldn’t remember it.

So why should she care about how others thought?

People live for themselves.

The opinions of others didn’t matter.

After all, other people couldn’t help her go to work or sleep, and they couldn’t help her live out this life, so what was the point of caring about what other people thought?

Even if she didn’t have this transparent physique, she would still hold fast to this belief.

Sang Wan Ci knew what she meant when she said she had “more time”.

She fell silent, the light in her eyes dimming, as if they were embers that could go out at any moment.

She wanted to comfort Lu Zhi Wei.

But when her fingers stopped on the screen, she couldn’t come up with a single word in her mind.

Lu Zhi Wei didn’t need her comfort.

Or more accurately, she didn’t need anybody’s comfort.

She was already a strong enough person to live until today.

And then she showed up optimistically in front of Sang Wan Ci.

The roiling emotions slowly settled.

Her fingertips became calm.

[Sang Wan Ci]: Very amazing.

[Sang Wan Ci]: When I need it, can you help me knit something?

[Lu Zhi Wei]: No problem!

It was a quick and carefree answer.

Separated by the screen, Sang Wan Ci felt as if she could almost see that radiant smile.

Just thinking about it made one full of strength.

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This upcoming Chinese New Year fell in February.

The crew of《Phoenix》 were able to halt filming before that to go home and celebrate.

But before that, it was the New Year.

This year, An City’s New Year celebrations had Meng Lian Yu as a guest.

Lu Zhi Wei was very free these days, she was waiting to start work after the Chinese New Year, so she had plenty of time to watch Meng Lian Yu perform.

Meng Lian Yu’s performance this year was still a song performance.

She had kept herself in good shape and she was filled with energy. Although she was already 40, she looked radiant and youthful.

Wearing a red gown and standing on the stage, she looked all sorts of mature.

Lao Wu was eating a fruit platter in the control room and looking at Lu Zhi Wei excitedly watching Meng Lian Yu’s performance.

Actually, he didn’t really get it.

Why did Lu Zhi Wei like Meng Lian Yu so much?

What was it that made her insist on placing Meng Lian Yu in her heart’s first spot even when someone like Sang Wan Ci was in front of her?

Was this a fan’s unreasonable liking towards their idol?

He brought up his confusion.

Lu Zhi Wei said matter-of-factly: “Of course it’s because our teacher Meng is good!”

Lao Wu: 【……】

It feels like there’s no difference between you saying or not saying it.

Lu Zhi Wei lay on her bed and adjusted her posture, hugging the leaf-patterned pillow she had made herself.

Her line of sight was still trained on the person on the screen.

“Because she’s not the same as others.”

She propped up her face on her hands, her gaze stuck on the television screen, but it seemed as if she was looking further into the past.

“She was the first person to reply to me.”

She had liked Meng Lian Yu since she was a child.

It wasn’t exaggerated at all to say that she grew up watching Meng Lian Yu.

Meng Lian Yu’s career had been smooth from the start.

Her popularity exploded the moment she debuted and she had remained popular until now, making her a veteran senior in the entertainment circle whose position couldn’t be shaken.

A popular person appearing on television was normal, not to mention Meng Lian Yu, whom everybody knew of at that time.

When Lu Zhi Wei was small, she would turn on the television and be able to see her.

Unexpectedly, she would hear Meng Lian Yu’s carefree words during her interviews.

“I can’t be bothered about how others view me. The life is my own, nobody has the right to interfere.”

“If you care too much about how others think about you, the only one tortured is yourself.”

“Even if you’re alone, you have to live your life cheerfully, that’s the only way to make sure you didn’t come to this world in vain.”

It was this carefree and sassy attitude that pulled Lu Zhi Wei out of the darkness of not being noticed.

She looked at the person on the television screen, smiling cheerfully, and a new question bubbled up in her heart.

—— Could people really live like that?

But she was still young, she didn’t know what to do, she didn’t understand how to help herself get over it.

So she learnt from others and started writing letters to Meng Lian Yu.

She clumsily expressed her liking for Meng Lian Yu in the letter, writing down her predicament in simple words, expressing her desire to become as carefree a person as Meng Lian Yu.

She wrote the letter, then edited it. Edited it, then wrote it again. When she came to a word she didn’t know how to write, she would use the pinyin[2] as a substitute, working hard to finish the letter.

After that, she scrimped and saved her allowance to mail out dozens of letters.

She had to watch the postman put every letter into the bag before she could force herself to relax a little.

She was scared it would get lost.

Scared the letters wouldn’t make it to Meng Lian Yu’s hands safely.

Scared the letters would be like her, thrown into the dark, shadowy corners of the world with nobody that cared about it.

So she chose to send out a large number of letters, hoping that at least one would have some good luck and make it to Meng Lian Yu’s hands.

After the letters were sent out, she waited and waited.

After waiting for exactly one month, there was no reply.

At that time, she was disappointed and at a loss.

She didn’t know if the letters didn’t make it to Meng Lian Yu, or if Meng Liang Yu had ignored her letters.

She still didn’t know where she would be forgotten, because no matter when and where, she was always the one who was the most easily left behind.

Thinking about her childhood, Lu Zhi Wei felt bitter.

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Bitter, yet she didn’t want to cry. She could only smile helplessly.

She said: “I was really quite pitiful then.”

Excluded by the world, forgotten by the people next to her, yet with no way to help herself.

She was like a small bird trapped in a cage, struggling until she was left with her last breath, but nobody cared.

If death came, she would certainly have succumbed without a fight.

Lao Wu pressed his lips together and looked away.

There was a hint of empathy in the eyes that were hidden under a pair of spectacles.

【And then?】 He asked.

Lu Zhi Wei’s voice suddenly picked up, as if she was a child showing off a lollipop: “Then teacher Meng replied to me, three letters at once!

“I still have those three letters with me to this day, even if I get lost, those letters can’t be lost.”

She was like a child who had been living in darkness, seeing light for the first time.

When those three rays of light landed on her hand, she finally realised: It turns out that outside of this dark world, it was warm and dazzling.

Lao Wu’s heart, which had been pinched, finally relaxed.

Even though so much time had passed by, he couldn’t help but sigh in relief for Lu Zhi Wei.

—— It was good that she got the letter, good that she saw it.

【What was written in the letter?】

Lao Wu couldn’t help but smile.

Lu Zhi Wei treated the letter like a treasure, speaking about it, it was like she was recollecting a treasure she had found.

“She told me to love myself and taught me how to be optimistic. She told me there was nobody in this world that was more important than ourselves.

“She even said I was a cute child, she said that my handwriting was cute.

“Heaven knows, my words then were really ugly, basically just scribbling.

“But I was so happy then. Happy until I hugged the letter and hid in my room, crying for a long time.”

It was really good, there was someone so warm in this world.

And such a warm person could see her and was willing to patiently and gently reply to her.

Even though after that, there was nobody who treated her like how Meng Lian Yu did. Those three letters seemed to have used up all her luck in life, but she didn’t mind.

Because she already learnt how to love herself. She understood that she could still live well even without others. How other people looked at her no longer mattered to her.

This was Lu Zhi Wei today.

Optimistic and forward-looking, always thinking about the good side of things.

In the control room.

Lao Wu took off his spectacles, kneading the space between his eyebrows, as if trying to rub away the sourness in his eyes.

It turns out that hidden under the transparent physique was an intense bitterness and suffering.

If she was still here, she would definitely hurt for Lu Zhi Wei and try to be as good to her as possible……

Lu Zhi Wei wouldn’t see Lao Wu, so she didn’t know what expression he had on, she just continued talking to herself: “So I must work hard, so that I have a chance to work together with teacher Meng.”

Perhaps Meng Lian Yu no longer remembered those three letters, and maybe she no longer remembered that child who wrote in an ugly scribble.

But that’s alright, as long as Lu Zhi Wei remembered.

—— There was a person who shone light into her world and illuminated her life.

【Mm.】 Lao Wu said, 【You can do it.】

His daughter was so hardworking, she definitely could do it.

His daughter was so cute and kind, she would have everything in the future.

He was thinking about it, then he saw Lu Zhi Wei’s mood change as she hugged her pillow and screamed at the television: “Ahhhhhh teacher Meng is so beautiful ——

“Jiejie doesn’t need a knife to kill people, she can use her face!

“Ah, this pair of legs, I’m done, please bury me and make sure my gravestone says ‘I’ll love teacher Meng for ten thousand years”.

“Wuwu, she’s so pretty, how can she be so good-looking……”

Lao Wu: 【……】

Seems like you’ve been acting quite conservatively in front of Sang Wan Ci previously.

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An City, A University.

South block 4, female dormitory.

It was half past six in the evening, and the sky was gradually darkening.

In the four-people dorm room, there sat a girl with a soft, delicate face. Her expressive eyes were filled with anxiety and irritation.

She kept feeling like something was wrong these few days.

—— Because she couldn’t recall something.

She could vaguely recall from the time her memory started, every time this time of year rolled around, she would become inexplicably frustrated.

Because every time this month came by, she would forget something she really wanted to remember.

She could never recall what it was.

But she would always remember it was very important.

It was important to the point that if she didn’t remember it, someone would be very upset.

But she couldn’t even really remember who that person was.

It felt as if there was a veil of mysterious fog in her brain.

It would get to work every January.

From the time she was young, she wouldn’t be able to remember it.

She irritatedly knocked her pen on the table, with a thock thock sound.

The short-haired girl lying on the bed stuck her head out and called out: “Lu Si Jiao.”

Lu Si Jiao raised her head and looked over, pouting: “What.”

Liu Ming Ming: “I know studying is frustrating, but please calm down and don’t drive yourself crazy.”

Lu Si Jiao: “Go away, I’m thinking about something.”

Liu Ming Ming saw her frustration and put away her phone, raising an eyebrow: “What’s got you so frustrated? Which suitor you should get together with?”

Lu Si Jiao’s looks made her extremely popular in their school department.

Being confessed to was a daily occurrence.

Lu Si Jiao raised her pen to point at her: “You, scram.”

Liu Ming Ming: “Aiya, I’m just concerned for you, you’re so fierce.”

Lu Si Jiao looked left and right: “Where’s my knife?”

Liu Ming Ming smiled at her, then got off her bed and patted Lu Si Jiao on the shoulder: “Let’s go and eat, you can only study after your stomach is filled, after all.”

Lu Si Jiao looked at the two empty beds and asked: “You’re not going to wait for the two of them?”

Liu Ming Ming: “Wait for what, did you forget? The two kids went to their hometown for their birthday, they’ll only be back at night.”

Lu Si Jiao “oh”-ed and nodded, then froze.

Birthday…… Birthday!

She looked at the diary on the table in fright and surprise.

She remembered!

She forgot jiejie‘s birthday!!

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Lu Zhi Wei sat by the window, wearing a pale green animal pyjama with a coat draped over, leaning on the window sill as she watched the snowflakes slowly float through the air.

It was the 9th of January today.

Tomorrow was the Laba festival[3], and it was also her birthday.

She was contemplating how she should celebrate her birthday tomorrow.

The main thing she was thinking about was what to eat.

She had just finished filming a show and earned a bit of money. Aside from rent, her daily expenses and what needed to be saved up, she had a bit that was more than enough to let her celebrate her birthday.

This was the moment that she was forever the most comfortable.

No need to consider what other people wanted to eat, no need to consider how many people would show up, no need to consider if she needed to reserve tables.

She just needed to consider herself.

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She flipped the phone in her hand a few times, the screen not lighting up at all.

Her parents didn’t send her any messages.

They didn’t ask if she was doing well lately, if she had been eating her meals on time.

Even if she had the male protagonist halo, in the hearts of her family members, she was still a transparent child.

The world was exceptionally quiet tonight, like the tacit understanding before being forgotten.

Nobody would remember this birthday either.

But that was fine, it wouldn’t stop her from being happy.

Her birthday this year fell on the same day as the Laba festival.

When everybody was celebrating the Laba festival, she could pretend everybody was celebrating her birthday.

Thinking about it, she was suddenly very happy, her face brightening up with a smile.

She looked at her phone, it was almost midnight already.

Time spent idling always went by the fastest.

Lao Wu saw her smiling and felt confused, feeling like this child was a bit silly and not too intelligent.

【Silly child, what are you smiling at?】

Lu Zhi Wei’s face was cold after being blown by the wind for so long, so she closed the window and took off the coat, burying herself under her blanket.

Her voice was light and quick: “Tomorrow is the Laba festival~”

Lao Wu suddenly found it funny: 【What about the Laba festival makes you so happy?

【Shouldn’t you be happy because it’s your birthday tomorrow?】

Lu Zhi Wei’s smile froze for a moment, as her voice suddenly suffused with contentment: “Wow, Lao Wu, you remember my birthday.”

Lao Wu’s voice was full of self-righteousness: 【Isn’t that what a mommy fan should do?】

Lu Zhi Wei laughed: “Alright, thank you Lao Wu mommy!”

She wasn’t greedy, one person remembering was good enough.

Even if this person and her were people from two different worlds.

Lao Wu said amusedly: 【So why were you so happy? Because tomorrow is Laba?】

Lu Zhi Wei nodded: “Yeah, it’s a coincidence that my birthday and the Laba festival are on the same day.”

“When other people are celebrating Laba, I can pretend that they’re celebrating my birthday.

“So many people in the country are celebrating my birthday with me, how can I not be happy?”

Lao Wu: 【???

【That counts too???】

Lu Zhi Wei said calmly: “Of course, you must think the best of everything.”

Lao Wu: 【What if Laba isn’t on the same day?】

Lu Zhi Wei’s expression was still calm: “Then the heavens were good to me, making sure that 10 January is a day that belongs only to me, that’s also worth being happy about!”

【……】

Lao Wu couldn’t help but laugh.

She sure had a way with words.

【Alright, you’re the birthday girl, whatever you say.】

Lu Zhi Wei nodded.

Lao Wu continued: 【Come guess who will be the first person to wish you a happy birthday.】

“You.” Lu Zhi Wei didn’t even have to think about it.

【Aside from me.】

“Then I won’t guess.”

【Why?】

Lu Zhi Wei moved around under her blanket, clearly not interested in this game: “It’s normal to not remember, I can’t give myself hope.

“Once there’s hope, there’s expectation. Once there are expectations, there will be disappointment and I’ll inevitably be sad.”

She had never expected anybody to remember her birthday.

Without expectations, there won’t be any hurt.

No matter how optimistic she was, she was still a human. She could be hurt, she could feel sad, she could cry.

Besides, what was she to other people?

Even her blood relatives couldn’t remember her birthday, what right did she have to expect others to remember?

She was still very self-aware.

But thinking about it, she still couldn’t help but feel a bit sad.

So she buried her face in her blanket, not saying a word.

At this moment, time slowly slipped to midnight.

At that moment, her phone sudenly rang.

Scaring the person in the blanket.

—— It was her birthday reminder that she had set.

She stuck her head out and turned it off.

This alarm was probably the only person who could remember her birthday so accurately.

She locked the screen and was about to put the phone down and go to sleep when the screen lit up.

A phone call came in.

It was Sang Wan Ci.

Lu Zhi Wei looked at the name incredulously, then rubbed her eyes.

Finally, she had a “I’m not dreaming am I” expression as she answered the call and carefully said: “…… Hello?”

Sang Wan Ci’s voice came from the other side, inexplicably gentle: “You haven’t slept?”

Hearing it, Lu Zhi Wei’s ears itched, as if there was a feather rubbing against her ear: “Not yet……”

“It’s good that I didn’t disturb your rest.” Her voice sounded relieved.

“What’s wrong?” Lu Zhi Wei asked.

“There’s something I wanted to say to you.”

“What?”

Then Lu Zhi Wei heard a gentle voice saying: “I’m thankful our teacher Lu has grown a year older safe and sound, I hope you will forever be happy.”

Lu Zhi Wei froze.

“Happy birthday, Lu Zhi Wei.”

Sang Wan Ci’s voice became incredibly warm and gentle.

Warm and gentle until it felt like a dream.

“Thank you.”

Her nose suddenly prickled as she lowered her head and rubbed away the tears in her eyes. Lu Zhi Wei repeated in a hoarse voice.

“Thank you……”

Although it was two simple lines of well wishes…… But she was really so happy.

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