Chapter 2: Chapter 2 – God is Not What I Expected

6 months earlier

The bell rang, and I watched the kids file into my 7th grade class, same as yesterday, same as tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I like teaching, and I’m damn good at it. Yet, it’s just like any other job. It starts out exciting but eventually gives way to monotony. There are only so many times you can teach the Pythagorean theorem before you want to rip the whiteboard off the wall.

I surveyed the room, watching my students take their seats. ‘Eh, at least the kids are worth it.’ What little job satisfaction I had left was tied up in them: Jessie who needed support while her parents had a nasty divorce, Anna who was now writing at grade level, even that little shit Jacob who finally learned that bullying would not be tolerated in my class ’I suppose I should be more charitable to him; his home situation is awful, not that that makes it okay.’ I just really despised bullies... definitely unrelated to my own school experience. Anyway, I think the kids were the only reason I still came in everyday.

“Okay kids, today we are going to start with everyone's favorite: Math!” A chorus of groans filled the room. “Woo! Now, that’s the enthusiasm that I’ve come to expect from you fine young people. Time to divide with negative numbers.” I worked through a few examples on the board, then asked for some volunteers. Jesse’s hand shot up so fast she almost came out of her seat. “Okay, Miss Goldblum, let’s see what you can do.” I handed off the marker as she marched past. Seconds later she wrote a big “-3” on the board and turned back to me tentatively, holding her breath. Her auburn hair and pleading face were impossibly cute. I smiled. “Great job Jessie. That’s exactly correct.” She beamed on her way back to the seat. “Anna, come to the board and you take the next one.”

As I began to write out a new problem, the dry erase marker shook back and forth. Ceiling panels started to fall. The ground under me shifted hard. “EVERYONE UNDER YOUR DESKS NOW.” The kids were startled and slow to move. Jessie and Anna were both frozen in the aisle. I saw, horrified and in slow motion, the ceiling above Anna and Jesse began to give. I had a split second. Anna was closer. So, I dove and threw her forward. I turned my head just fast enough to see debris land on Jessie. A split second later, the air was knocked out of me and pain shot through my entire body. My vision went blurry and the last thing I saw was Jessie lying next to me--our blood pooling on the ground between us. Then all was black.

 

*********************

When my eyes reopened, I was lying on a tiled floor surrounded by an endless sea of perfect white emptiness. In front of me stood an old man dressed in a long flowing robe, a white beard obscuring most of his face.

“Ah, Mr. Jackson, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

I pulled myself off the floor and clutched my chest. The pain was gone. ‘I died, right?’ Thinking back to the last few moments, ‘Yeah, I definitely died.’ I studied the figure before me, and a feeling of dread and awe welled in the pit of my stomach. “Umm… God?”

The old man chuckled. “I suppose you could say that. I do watch over this world, but not in the way that most of you seem to think.” He smiled. “You surprised me. I would not have expected you to end up here, but that was quite a way to go out.”

“Wait, was I going to hell?!?!?”

“Oh, no, sorry. That was a poor choice of words. Hell doesn't exist. Well, I guess there is technically a hell dimension, but you have to be so preposterously evil to end up there that it almost never happens.” He paused. “You’ve been chosen for a second chance in a new world. I know your life wasn’t exactly what you hoped it would be. In your mid thirties, no wife, no kids, and in deep denial about a drinking problem. So now you get a do-over.

“Hey! That’s… entirely fair.” I admitted as my gaze fell down to my shoes. “So, I’m getting isekai’d?” I asked, sheepishly. “I can’t believe that that is a real thing..”

God sighed, “Yeah, I get that a lot. You know, explaining this has gotten both easier and harder since that one Japanese guy got revived mid conversation.”

“What?”

“Defibrillators. A guy without a heart beat suddenly had one again. Don’t worry, we wait longer now, You’re definitely dead. But yes, you're getting Isekai’d. Ugh, I hate using that as a verb.”

“So… do I have a mission or something? Do I need to save the world?”

“Absolutely not. It’s not much of a reward if I toss you into an apocalypse. Unless… is that what you want?”

“Please no.”

“Yeah, You’re not exactly save the world material.”

I could hear the air quotes around the phrase “save the world.” While true, I still felt more than a little hurt.“Well, you’re not exactly what I expected from God.”

“And whose fault is that?” God said, clearly annoyed.

A sudden wave of fear crashed down on me. ‘Why did I just antagonize god. That's a special kind of stupid.’ I swallowed hard and asked a more direct question “When you say tailored to my preferences, are you creating a world for me?”

“No. There are infinite dimensions and infinite worlds. I just selected a universe and planet that I think will be to your liking.” God said with an increasingly dismissive look on his face. “Leveling up, skill progression, fantastic powers, labyrinths, adventures, ancient secrets, all the trash you spend your nights reading.”

“Hey, that’s not--”

God cut me off. “Anyway, you'll be assigned some special abilities based on your primary activities in this life, which are…" He consulted something I couldn't see. "Reading, teaching, and playing video games. Well, I'm sure those skills will be very helpful to you in your new life. Anyway, I have to run, whole world to monitor and whatnot. That dimension uses a game interface so even you can understand it, and there will be a starter kit in your inventory. I’m sure you’ll figure out the rest when you get there.”

“Seriou-?” I blurted out. Not letting me finish, God placed his hands on my shoulders, spun me around, and hurled me into the void.

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“Sir, did you really have to do that?” asked a small winged cherub with a clipboard hovering just behind God's shoulder.

“Pretending that I can stand them is exhausting. More to the point, he was annoying.”

“You find them all annoying, Sir. Yet, you don't typically hurl them through the dimensional membrane at multiples of the speed of light.”

Nonplussed, God waved his hand, summoning a plush couch and big screen TV.

“This one was particularly annoying. Can you imagine having the gall to tell a god ‘You’re not what I expected.’”

“Sir,” the cherub said with pure exasperation, “You’re not what anyone expects... perhaps, if you want to set the record straight, you could take a more active role with the mortals.”

“Absolutely not, the last time I answered a prayer, Joan led the French to victory, and then was betrayed and burned at the stake. The last time I went personally, they nailed me to a fucking cross. It took three heralds to stop me from blasting that rock into pieces, right then and there. I am done helping humanity.” Seeing the cherub frown, he continued, “I get it, you're brand new and still buy into the whole ‘making the world a better place’ thing. Give it a few centuries with these monkeys, and you’ll feel the same as me. I do the bare minimum required by the home office: keep the world running, the extra-dimensional entities out, and shepherd the dead to whatever is their next destination.”

“I’m not sure what you did qualifies as shepherding. You could have teleported Mr. Jackson directly to his new life AS PER PROTOCOL instead of flinging him through the cosmos. What If something happens?”

“He’ll be fine. The trajectory is correct, and I gave him invulnerability until he touches down. Furthermore, I sent him to the same weird dimension that I sent all the gamers. The planet I chose is so weak and welcoming of migrators that a toddler could thrive there.”

“But sir--”

“Quiet,” God said as he picked up the remote. “The Bachelorette is starting and if I miss any of it, you’re taking the next trip.”

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‘Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuck.’ That was about as eloquent as I was able to muster as I shot through space. At least I think it was space. It was black, endless and punctuated by streaks of light zooming past me. I started to scream.

Eventually, a long while later, my terror subsided and I recovered enough to assess my situation. ‘God is kind of a dick.’ Not an immediately helpful thought, however. Now, What is happening? The streaks of light moving around me… stars? But how fast would I need to be going for them to pass them?

Then. I saw… it. My eyes had to be deceiving me. I lacked the words to describe its shape. It was as though an entirely new geometry had been invented. It pulsated, writhed, and swung impossibly large tentacle-like limbs. Even in the distance, it began to fill my entire field of view, but I wasn’t hitting it. Ten seconds later, Twenty seconds later. How big was-

I slammed into it and felt the universe explode. It didn’t hurt, at least it didn’t hurt me, but pieces of that… thing were all around me, gushing red, black, and another color that I’ve never seen. My mouth had been open. ‘Oh God, I swallowed some of it.’

I began to heave, but couldn’t expel any. It spread throughout my body, burning every inch of me. Agony, as pure as it can be felt. I wanted to rip my skin off and organs out. Anything to make it stop. A translucent text box appeared in front of me, as though painted onto the universe itself.

Congratulations, You have gained Poison Resistance Level 100/100.

Congratulations, You have gained Eldritch Infusion 1/100.

The pain passed. ‘What the hell just happened? What was that text? Poison resistance?’ Again, before having time to fully process anything, another insane occurrence distracted me. A cloud had separated from the things… parts and flew towards me. I watched in horror as it seeped through my skin: a nearly endless amount rushing into me. The mist was… electric. Power coursed through me. I was alive. I had never felt this good. My brain was enraptured with a manic glee.

Congratulations, You have defeated “He who Hungers in the Darkness” - Rank - SSS+ Cosmic Entity.
Congratulations, You have gained enough experience to reach level 2.
Congratulations, You have gained enough experience to reach level 3.
Congratulations, You have gained enough experience to reach level 4.
Congratulations, You have gained enough experience to reach level 5.
Congratulations, You have gained enough experience to reach level 6.
Congratulations, You have gained…
Congratulations, You have gained…
Congratulations, You have gained…
Congratulations, You…
Congratulations…

The text continued to zoom in my field of vision, too fast to read. However, my previous elation was overtaken by a renewed wave of pain, feeling like a nail was being driven through my head. It was as though my body ripped itself apart, reformed, then ripped itself apart again. Time ceased to have meaning. It could have gone on for minutes, hours, years… who knows. Then, for the second time today, my vision went black.

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Lydia tripped as her captor yanked the chain around her neck to pull her forwards. The wrist irons stopped her from catching herself, so she landed face first on the ground. The Abyssal soldiers escorting her stopped only to drag her back to her feet before continuing to march forward. Her fate was in front of her, an abyssal fortress. Tears wet her eyes, but she held back without making a sound. She wouldn’t degrade herself in front of her captors. Lydia’s order was dead, their monastery burnt, and she was all that remained. Turmoil raged inside of her.

‘Goddess, why didn’t you protect us? Was our devotion not enough for you? We lived to serve you, but you lifted not one finger in our defense.’ Uncharacteristic anger rose in Lydia’s normally gentle heart. The image of her friends and mentor’s bodies being torn apart plagued her… `We were taught that you defended this world and the just, but look how we have fallen: invasion, corruption, and greed multiply like rats. To hell with you.’

Lydia’s heart grew cold as she offered a bargain up to the universe. ‘If anyone up there is listening, I offer myself to you. Get me out of this and you have my will, my life and my very soul!’

Suddenly, A boom was heard and blinding white light appeared in the sky at the horizon. The light streaked in her directions, losing altitude. As it got closer, it became apparent that it was headed towards her. ‘Could it be…’ Her thought was cut off as the light hit the outpost, blowing it into a million fragments.

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