Chapter 25: 25

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After Ji-eun and Yoon-woo washed their faces in turn, white rice, bugeoguk soup with bean sprouts, and fried egg were laid out on the table.

Tl/n:[ bugeoguk: dried pollack soup ]

“I’m sorry for getting angry, eat this and satiate your hunger.”

Nobody could tell Hye-rim was angry just a moment ago by the way she said this.

Yoon-woo and Ji-eun thanked Hye-rim for preparing breakfast and sat down at the table.

The bean sprouts soup that Hye-rim cooked tasted completely different from the bean sprouts soup that Yoon-woo used to cook alone at home when he was in high school.

As the food, which was a little spicy, entered my stomach, the headache and dizziness seemed to subside a little.

While eating breakfast, the three of them repeatedly apologised to each other.

Hye-rim apologized for getting angry, and Ji-eun apologized for sleeping on Yoon-woo’s arm.

And Yoon-woo… … .

Yoon-woo was very shy and guilty, and he did not know how to say an apology, so he was at a loss of words.

He must have done something wrong. But, he had no memory of what he did wrong.

He owed the breakfast he’s eating now, but he couldn’t figure out how much he owed to whom.

It was said that the value of the handwritten notes Yoon-woo handed over to Ji-eun was between 30,000 won to 50,000 won.

Still, Yoon-woo owes 15 thousand won to Ji-eun, so if he ate food which costs in the range of 15k to 35k won after offsetting it, that will increase his debt rather than settling.

But I couldn’t remember anything. I didn’t even know how I got out of the lamb skewer house.

He even slept in Ji-eun’s bed.

He wouldn’t have come here for no reason.

There must have been something wrong with him… … . If so, maybe he has to calculate the cost of accommodation as well?

After eating bean sprout soup, he felt a little more comfortable, but the more he regained his senses, the more he felt the mental discomfort. .

Yoon-woo bowed his head in a sense of humiliation, and repeated the foolish words that he was sorry because he couldn’t remember.

But Ji-eun said, ‘Yoon-woo did nothing wrong, it’s okay. I didn’t pay any attention either.’ Ji-eun continued to console Yoon-woo like that.

If I haven’t done anything wrong, why did I sleep on the bed of noona rather than being at my house?

Even when he carefully asked Ji-eun what he did, she said,‘You didn’t do anything.

You were just taking a walk after getting drunk, and then somehow ended up sleeping at my house.’

I wanted to know what the hell was that ‘somehow’, and for him, who had not slept in someone else’s house for 20 years even once ended up sleeping at noona’s house was a big deal, but Ji-eun didn’t answer any more.

When Yoon-woo tried to bring up anything about last night, she blatantly turned around and didn’t give a clear answer.

Could it be that she was embarrassed to even put it in words?

Maybe I said something that shouldn’t be said or did that shouldn’t be done?

No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t remember; rather , it only intensified his headache.

Yoon-woo wanted to disappear from Ji-eun and Hye-rim’s sight.

“Yoon-woo, the truth is… … . I drank yesterday and made a lot of mistakes.So,.. … . I’m sorry, can I buy you some hangover soup for lunch? Go eat with Hye-rim.”

“No, it’s okay. I drank so much alcohol that I cannot eat anything now, and I was a nuisance to noona… … . for sleeping here… … . Besides, I even ate breakfast… … .”

“How many times do I have to say that nothing was your fault? You said you were going home but I insisted you sleep here.”

“I said I was going home and noona brought me here? That is a bit different from what I heard.”

“Uh?! uh… … . That’s a bit complicated. I’ll tell you later.”

“Yeah, tell me later.”

Seeing that she didn’t want to say it now, it seems that she had no intention of telling him. Yoon-woo was not in a position to keep on asking questions, so he was planning to go home quickly after tidying up.

It was Hye-rim who made breakfast, and that food was only for Ji-eun, so I wanted to at least take responsibility for cleaning up and do it alone, but Hye-rim and Ji-eun didn’t let me do that.

It was only a few plates, so I was able to wash quickly by myself.

After washing the dishes, Yoon-woo took his belongings and tried to leave Ji-eun’s house. Ji-eun was bored, so she told him to go watch a movie in the living room, but Yoon-woo was dizzy, so he replied that he would go home and rest up.

Even when Hye-rim said that she would come along with him,as they have to take the same road, he replied that he would walk because he couldn’t take the bus due to the dizziness.

But refusing Hye-rim’s words was more difficult than refusing Ji-eun’s words.

Then, when Hye-rim said that she would walk with him, he had no excuse to say no to.

He wants to stay away from Hye-rim right now so why would she want to walk with him?

In fact, Yoon-woo wanted to check his cell phone as soon as possible.

For that to happen, no one has to be around him.

Whether or not he received a call, it seemed that his relief or disappointment would definitely feel strange to the person next to him.

I couldn’t contact Bunny because he collapsed after drinking last night. Did Bunny contact Yoon-woo?

With the desire to check his cell phone, the unwillingness to look at his cell phone coexisted.

He’s lucky if Bunny contacted him, but if she didn’t… … .

Bad thoughts result in bad things happening.

Although Yoon-woo always feels subdued, if everything between him and Bunny was normal, he would have asked Ji-eun to stop drinking and left early.

He was ashamed of himself because he was still like a child, and was anxious that he would not be contacted by Bunny, so he could not stop drinking.

He thought that if he drank a little more, the alcohol would swallow up his shyness and anxiety, but the alcohol devoured not only his anxiety but everything about him.

As I wandered around the open chat rooms of people with mental problems, I wondered why people drink when the doctors say they shouldn’t, but now I know why.

It seemed as if people drank too much to get rid of their mental pain, but the things that happened after drinking caused them more pain.

How can they relieve the painful things caused by it so easily? Yoon-woo in that state was likely to do something similar to those people right away if he went home and had one more drink last night after drinking with Ji-eun.

Or, in that state of mind last night, I thought that if I had gone to my house instead of Ji-eun’s, I might have taken medicine right away. So, I was rest assured about that. But, who knew, it would turn out like that.

“Yoon-woo, I’m sorry I got angry earlier. When I found you lying that you had 1st class… … . At that time you promised me not to lie, and yet I thought you were lying to me again, so I suddenly got angry.. but … . you didn’t lie… … .”

“No, it’s reasonable to be angry. After all, Ji-eun noona and I were in the same bed… … . but it was only just an accident. I’m really sorry. I also drank and I don’t know what I did.”

“Ah… … . it’s ok. I need to fix this temper, but once my anger reaches a certain degree, I can’t see anything clearly… … . I don’t listen properly… … . I’m so embarrassed. I’m not gonna do that anymore.”

On the way back with Hye-rim, they once again apologized to each other. But actually, Hye-rim is a person who doesn’t need to apologize.

The feelings of a chosen one like Hye-rim is respected by many people, regardless of the person’s faults, whether it is justified or not.

She was just angry at this situation. Even if she was wrong, many people would have sympathized with her and supported her.

How many people in the world are free to get angry just because they are angry?

When Yoon-woo was in his fourth year of elementary school, he had never been angry with anyone.

Even when Yoon-woo was in the classroom and the children gathered in the middle of the classroom were talking about him loudly, Yoon-woo remained silent.

Even if Yoon-woo had gotten angry then, it would’ve meant nothing.

The world always seems to be divided into a set called Yoon-woo and a set of people other than Yoon-woo.

People in groups are cruel. Yoon-woo’s anger or his feelings are nothing but a ridicule to them.

‘Hye-rim, you don’t know that kind of life.’

Once again, Hye-rim feels far away. If Ji-eun and Hye-rim are caught up in their frantic chatter, even if they focus only on following their conversation, they will be too busy to think of anything else and will quickly forget about his existence.

When he and Hye-rim are together, he realizes they lead completely different lives.

So much so that I don’t even feel envious.

“Then, Yoon-woo, will you come to my house later in the evening?”

“I’m sorry Hye-rim, I’m not feeling well today, so I’ll just rest at home.”

“Then what about eating rice? If you don’t eat anything, you will be in your drunken state.”

“I just ate the breakfast you made for me. I ate well. And if I’m hungry, I’ll just buy something from the convenience store. I’ve got some money right now… … .”

“… … Then, take good care of yourself. Shall I see you for lunch tomorrow?”

“Okay. Thank you for today. See you tomorrow.”

After greeting Hye-rim at the intersection of Anam Station, Yoon-woo walked down the road beside the building and headed for his own room.

He’s been out since Friday’s first class, so he’s been away for over 24 hours.

Yoon-woo’s bedroom, where the room heater hadn’t been turned on for a day, was chilly.

Yoon-woo turned on the heater, fell on the bed, and finally checked his cell phone.

Did I get a call from Bunny?

When he turned on his phone screen, he saw an unread message… … . I opened the KakaoTalk app with anticipation, but it was a message from Hye-rim last night.

There was no message from Bunny.

It seems that Yoon-woo is deliberately trying to look pessimistically at everything. But reality always goes as badly as he thought, or worse than that.

Bunny did not contact Yoon-woo last night.

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I’m tired. Moving and dealing with your emotions is also a lot of work.

Thinking about different emotions like anxiety and sadness and to live with those emotions in the future made me tired.

After eating bean sprout soup, getting some air and walking for a bit, he thought he was all right, but when he checked his cell phone he was dizzy again, had a headache, had a stomach ache, and was nauseous.

Unable to stop nausea, Yoon-woo ran into the bathroom and put his finger in his throat.

He bowed his back to the toilet and vomited for a long time.

The delicious taste of the cool bean sprout soup disappeared from the mouth, leaving only the sour and bitter taste of the refluxed gastric juice.

The nausea didn’t stop, but when there was nothing left to fall over, Yoon-woo rinsed his mouth and cleaned the toilet.

Then, fearing that the bathroom would leave a stench on the glass partition, he vigorously sprayed the cleaner and cleaned it.

The smell of cleaner spread throughout the room made Yoon-woo more dizzy.

Yoon-woo, who came out of the bathroom, drank water and took the sleeping pills impulsively.

He was supposed to take them last night anyway, but he thought that there would be no problem if he took them now.

The happiest time of the day for Yoon-woo is when he sleeps.

A time when I can’t think of anything, and a time that I can’t even feel that I exist in this world.

It is 11 AM now, so if he falls asleep taking the pills and wakes up in the evening, he’ll have to take the pills again that time.

That way he will be able to sleep for close to a full day.

It would be icing on the cake if a serial killer or robber came in while I was sleeping and just killed me.

He didn’t even know that he was unconsciously wishing for quick death.

After thinking for a while, a comfortable drowsiness took over him.. … .

However, in Yoon-woo’s empty room, there is nothing a robber would covet, so he should expect a serial killer.

Yoon-woo, who fell asleep like that, did not wake up even after the sun went down.

Yoon-woo’s cell phone, which he had left on the desk, vibrated loudly, then went silent.

The room was dark because he hadn’t turned on the light since he slept in the morning.

Yoon-woo, who was drunk with medicine, checked the time, and it was night. So, he took another sleeping pill and reached out to his desk to go back to sleep.

Being able to grab the contents on the desk easily while laying down is one of the few advantages of this cramped dorm room.

But as he stretched out his hand, he suddenly realized something.

Didn’t the phone just vibrate more than three times?

The only application that sends notifications like that is the voice chat application among the applications installed on Yoon-woo’s cell phone… … .

There is only one person Yoon-woo contacts through the app.

Yoon-woo, who had gone crazy with his thoughts up to that point, turned on the app in a hurry.

“Hello? Are you Bunny? You’re Bunny, right?”

[Yes, I am. Why are you sounding so desperate?]

“I… … I thought Bunny wouldn’t call me back… … .”

[I said I will.]

“Yes you did… … . Thank God.”

[Tofu, you didn’t contact me yesterday because you were playing with a pretty and cute senior, right? I didn’t even contact you because I thought it would interrupt your fun for nothing.]

“Uh… … . I lost my mind while drinking… … . When I woke up, it was morning.”

[Did you stay out? With that senior?]

“… … .Somehow.”

[ … .]

“Still, nothing happened. I lost consciousness later.. … . And, I’m not the type of person who can’t control my sex drive after drinking, really. Rather, as a side effect of taking antidepressant drugs for a long time, sexual desire continues to decrease… … .”

Bunny said that she hates people who are crazy about sex.

Yoon-woo was afraid that Bunny would think of him as such a person.

[…… I believe you, so you don’t have to tell me anything like that, Tofu… … . It’s too much information. ]

“Huh… … . I’m sorry.”

[By the way, was it fun? Drinking with that senior… … .]

“Uh? What… … . The lamb skewers were delicious, and it’s amazing how the machine works… … . But I drank too much… … .”

[ Because it was fun to be with that senior, you drank that much, right? Until you lost control of yourself. ]

“More than that, I just drank because I was anxious… … .”

[What were you worried about?]

“That … .I thought- what if you won’t contact me again? … .”

[ I said that will not happen… … Was it that much of a concern? ]

“Yes. Because for me, that is the most important thing.”

[ … Is talking with me the most important to Tofu? A pretty friend feeds you food, and a pretty and cute senior buys you alcohol, weren’t they good?]

“Of course, they are good. But for me, talking to you is the most important thing.”

[…… You know Tofu, I thought about it a bit… … .]

“Huh?”

[The fact that I am with you is actually making you sicker.]

“Uh? No.”

[Isn’t it better for me to disappear? Wouldn’t Tofu be happier if you didn’t contact me? I keep thinking about it these days.]

“No, absolutely not. Why would you think so?”

[Tofu is so engrossed in the thought of dying with me, you can’t seem to see the surroundings at all. Maybe without me, you can also live happily while playing with pretty classmates and seniors?]

“I can’t.”

[ The day before yesterday, I was angry with you and regretted it, but I thought… … . I say that I won’t bind you with words, but I think I’m trying to hold you from others because of my greed. And, I can’t control my greed. ]

“You and those people are completely different. And all I need is you.”

[What is the difference between them and me? Wouldn’t I be uglier than those people and have a worse temper?]

“They will be happy to meet anyone. They look great too, so wouldn’t they be happy just looking at themselves in the mirror at home? People who want to eat together and people who want to drink are lining up to be with them everywhere… … . Even if I had fun meeting people like that, one day I would be a fool to them. But, you are not. I thought you were like me… … .”

[Why do you think you’re going to be a fool? If you continue being friends with them… …Those people probably are gonna be friendly to you… … .]

“I have a plan to die with you, so why do I have to lean on such an uncertain and vague prospect when I have someone who will be with me just for three years?”

[Look, that’s what you think, it’s better for you to be away from me.]

“No, it’s not. Those people are the people who know that even if I die, they will live happily ever after. They will talk about me just for a moment and then move on. I would be just one of the topic for them to discuss on like ‘Someone I know has committed suicide… … .’ ”

[Tofu… … . Only you think this way.]

“In their happy life, I am not a variable. I’m just hovering on the surface of their lives for a fleeting moment… … . But Bunny, you and I are different. Because we said we would die together, we were in a really deep relationship.”

[Really, even if you die, do you think those people will live happily ever after? If Tofu wants to die, some might say that they will die with you, can’t that also happen?]

“That can never happen.”

[Why? How do you know about those people? You might be the really important person in their lives.]

“Because it doesn’t make sense. Handsome and pretty people always have someone who likes to accompany them even if they are just breathing. Even if they fail in a relationship, a test, or in business , there will always be someone who comforts them and helps them. But why? Why are you insisting me to be away from you and not commit suicide?”

[… Because I love you that much.]

“But, I can’t do that.I can’t be part of their lives.”

[Why do you keep saying you can’t?]

“Well, it could happen what you are saying. Maybe I can buy a lottery ticket next Monday and win on Saturday evening. Do you want me to live like that? That’s even worse.”

[…… .]

“I’m so tired, Bunny… … . It’s too hard to expect. So, let’s stop talking about other people. It would make us happy to die, right? Dying together is love. Or, is it hard to wait 3 years? If that’s the case, I… … . Anytime you want… … .”

[Tofu, there you are. In fact… … .]

“Huh?”

[Actually, it is… … . I want you to not die. Not in 3 years, 30 years or 60 years. I want you to just live until you die of old age.]

“… … What are you talking about all of a sudden? Why are you saying that? What you said till now… … .”

[I’m telling the truth now. I really want you to live happily forever without committing suicide.]

“Why the hell? Why are you saying this now? Our relationship is… … .”

[Because I like tofu… … . Yoon-woo, I really like you.]

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