Chapter 2: Chapter 1: Crazy Raccoon Dog

When Lann pressed the link, the black cube vibrated slightly. 

“Error in request… pending… t-this isn’t what it looks like… it’s not my fault!”

The voice coming from the object was uncharacteristically monotone at first before it became flustered. 

“What happened?” Lann asked, a hint of amusement lingering in his voice. 

“Some rat bastard! I mean… it seems by clicking the link a foreign entity has become aware of your interest… I’m currently talking to the bitch… and it wants to… err… make contact… hold up, what did you just say?!”

“I didn’t—”

“No, your mother is a toaster!!! No, I’m not a spirit masquerading as an artificial intelligence system! What do you mean I’m a stalker! No, you’re a pervert! Oh, I’m going to… YES, I’m a verified and certified personality frame!”

Lann was surprised. The artificial system wasn’t the brightest, so he already figured some things out on his own. Its true identity didn’t surprise him. Instead, he couldn’t help but blink as he could hear the artificial intelligence quietly mumbling strings of incoherent expletives. It was quite amazing. The only one that it insulted this much was himself.

“Anyways… Do you wish to proceed, owner?”

“Ah, yes proceed.” 

Despite a mix of annoyance and apathy, the black cube carried out its job: “You have been invited to meet and enjoy tea with a self described ‘Crazy Raccoon Dog.’ The location will be at the sender’s discretion. Do you accept? It is within my parameters to advise my owner against accepting... The fucking creature is rabid… and quite rude!”

Yes

No

Lann moved his finger without any hesitation and accepted. A black door appeared in the middle of the white space. It opened automatically and through the opening another world could be seen. 

He could see a blue sky with several drifting clouds, and in the middle of those clouds was a picnic table of sorts. It was actually floating in the middle of the sky. 

Lann placed his foot through the door. There was no apparent floor, but there ended up being a hard surface. It wasn’t like there was just random glass there. It was more like a translucent barrier had been formed in the middle of the sky. Nonetheless, because of the phenomena he was able to practically walk through the sky. 

There was even a gentle breeze, which was most likely artificial. 

Take care, owner!

Lann was surprised that there was no tsun element to the message, but considering he could still hear the artificial intelligence muttering something about a toaster, it appeared its thoughts were preoccupied. 

The door closed behind him and with it silence greeted him. 

Lann didn’t wait for something to happen and immediately took a seat at the flying picnic table while kicking his feet up. 

Next to his foot, almost eye level, was the thing that invited him here. It wasn’t there a moment ago, but like it was nothing, it materialized the second Lann sat down. 

It took the form of a cute, lazy looking raccoon dog. It stood on its hindlegs, posturing itself like a human. The way it had its eyes closed made the creature look benign. It even appeared to have a subtle smile. 

It innocently licked its paws in a nonchalant manner. At the same time, it opened its eyes ever so slightly. But that was enough; it was like two apathetic voids were bearing through that gap.

It just happened that Lann was similar, and so a small staring contest began. The air seemed to grow heavy under their glares. 

Lann could tell that the creature was the guardian of this dimension; at least, it possessed the ultimate authority to govern this space. This meant it was a god-like existence that could manipulate the laws of this world. If it decreed that up was down and down was up then it would be so. Everything would flip just like that. 

That said, Lann was at the level of existence where he had multiple ways to handle the situation if a fight broke out. However, it seemed unlikely. He could tell that its authority was waning. It was practically leaking out of its body and spreading out in multiple directions. 

It was important to figure out why such a phenomena was happening and where it was going. Before Lann checked though, the raccoon broke eye contact. It seemed to be sweating. “Well, would you like some tea? Hahaha. I also have a wide variety of liquor. ”

Lann recalled the things that the black cube had said, and thus he continued the battle of nerves. “I’d prefer to have some toast.”

“Ahh. Did you hear all that… that toaster was ugh… making things difficult, but I—”

It scratched its neck, acting bashful, but Lann nonetheless interrupted. “Let me make this clear. You’re not allowed to bully something that belongs to me…”

Lann paused and leaned forward before continuing, wide with a smile, “Is what I would like to say, but honestly it was quite funny to watch? How did you make her so mad?”

The two of them had mostly finished appraising one another and the air lightened. 

“Thank you. Thank you. I pride myself in being a rightful bastard, but I don’t think you need any lessons from me.”

The two gave each other similar smiles. 

Lann stuck his hand out. “Pleasure to meet you.” 

‘A fellow sadist and a true bastard.’ Lann thought. 

“The pleasure is mine.”  

After shaking the raccoon’s paw, Lann snapped his fingers and a simple looking tea kettle along with two cups popped out of his pocket dimension. It floated in the air while a plethora of rare ingredients appeared. They were all treasures that Lann had obtained across a multitude of worlds. The energy filling the air was practically visible, but with a swipe of his hand the ingredients melted and entered the tea kettle.

With a simple motion of Lann's wrist, the floating tea kettle tilted and poured two cups.

Looking at the cup that was handed to him, the raccoon tilted its head while sniffing. “Coffee?”

Its face seemed to ask if he really just wasted a bunch of rare ingredients to create simple coffee.

“Instant.” Lann said with pride.

“Ah well.” The raccoon hesitated but eventually took a sip. It scrunched its nose. “Bitter…” 

“If you don’t…” Lann reached his hand out.

The raccoon smacked his hand away and shamelessly took another sip, scrunching its nose again in the process. “Hmph. Even if it's coffee…”

“Instant.” Lann’s smile was beaming.

“Even if it's instant coffee… I wouldn’t pass on something that's good for my complexion.” 

“...” 

Lann didn’t know if it would impact the creature’s complexion, but the authority leaking out of the raccoon had lessened—even if it was only slightly. 

There was momentarily silence. Unbothered, Lann continued drinking from his own cup. He admired the view below. A large city with large skyscrapers was directly under them.

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How amazing would it be to experience a zombie apocalypse in such an environment? Such thoughts filled Lann’s head. 

Noticing this gaze, “Capital One. With a population of ten million it is one of two largest cities that used to be under my domain.”

Lann had a preliminary understanding of how this world worked. Such information naturally flowed into his head when he crossed the boundary of his own soul dimension into this one. He could also infer things given the nature that the raccoon in front of him gave off. 

By the same logic, Lann could deduce the nuances of the raccoon’s temperament based on the state of the world. The two, the racoon and the world, were interconnected. That is how guardians usually worked. 

“You're doing quite the gamble.” Lann mused. “So, what exactly did you do? Sell your authority?”

“Hmm. It was just a measly application.” The raccoon leaned forward, “I’m sure you can understand that it is quite boring. So I might have opened the door to other dimensions… invited some challengers to spice things up.”

Although the creature described it as a measly application, Lann knew it had sold the world to another system.

A soul had its personal dimension where the individual had complete authority over that space. It was in a way the smallest form of what could be considered a system. Then there were worlds like Xing that had their own rules, independent of the larger universe. And it continued to get bigger from there to multidimensional systems of unimaginable size. 

Lann had operated in dozens of systems, but he spent most of his time in three: The Byakuren System managed by the White Phoenix, The Tower System managed by Shirou, and the Great Game System managed by Neos. 

The raccoon had sold his authority to the Great Games System. It was a place where not only did individuals compete amongst themselves but also countless worlds competed against one another. It was the ultimate war game designed for the true battle junkies of the universe. 

It was such a large system that it could be subdivided multiple times over. Even these smaller divisions could include hundreds of dimensions. 

“And you lost?” Lann assumed the raccoon opened the doors to other dimensions, lost control of the situation, and then gambled by throwing the world to the wolves by selling it to an even larger system. 

“Well, I might have reeled in some big fish~~~” It sipped some more of the coffee. “Ehh… bitter… anyways I’m going through an occupational change at the moment, but I can still give you a private tour before that~~~~”

“I’m just looking to have some fun.” Lann leaned back, still sipping his tea. 

“Me too.” The raccoon scratched his cheek. “Well, honestly, the situation is quite fucked. But I have some plans to create a lot of fun soon.” The raccoon jumped off the picnic table and gestured forward. A door appeared in the sky.  

“Lead the way. But may I ask…”

The raccoon tilted his head.  For some reason a pair of glasses appeared on his face. It even used his paw to adjust them. “Why did I want to meet you? Have you seen your own file? You're unaffiliated while possessing a rating of at least A-. What are you some bastard of some primordial being?”

‘Something like that.’ Of course, it was highly likely that the raccoon didn’t throw that comment out offhandedly. It was too close to the mark. Given its nature, it was a message meant to have vague implications. 

‘Is that how it reeled in those big fishes.’ 

“Your personality is real work.” Lann mumbled to himself.

“What?” The raccoon’s eyes narrowed, but it ignored Lann’s comment. “Here is some of what I found.”

It looked up and thousands of pop ups appeared. There were articles, blog posts, comments, awards, certifications, and more displayed across the sky. Lann wasn’t famous, but he had still left his mark here and there. 

He was honestly quite surprised. He never got involved in big affairs so he didn't know there was that much information about him. He was used to just getting a lot of hate mail in his inbox.

‘Small things add up, but was that tsundere spirit intentionally hiding this from me?’ Lann could feel an itch as he followed the raccoon. The glasses were gone, and it was now wearing a suit. 

‘Is it supposed to be a butler now?’ Filled with new doubts, Lann followed the creature through the door, where the two of them appeared in the middle of the city. 

None of the residents noticed them though. They continued on with their daily lives oblivious. 

While Lann was admiring the various vehicles and pedestrians, the raccoon began speaking. 

“To enter this world an examination or tutorial has been created. Of course, if you are part of the invading force then you can use other channels.”

It was relatively peaceful but he knew that was going to change soon. Just like how he and the raccoon were unnoticed, thousands of black orbs were flying around the city. Behind each orb were a pair of eyes watching this world from another dimension. The various games that took place weren’t just for participants; many were content observing. 

Some would use it for information gathering and others were simply there to enjoy the carnage. 

Furthermore, a newly listed world was practically free real estate for the larger powers that worked behind the scenes in the system. 

“You’ve done a lot of work haven’t you?” Lann muttered aloud. 

“No spoilers.” The raccoon gave a wide and ominous grin that went from one ear to the other. “Ah, but you might enjoy this sight.”

They turned the corner and the local residents could be seen walking as if everything was normal, but in the middle of the pedestrians was a zombie. 

“Do they not see it?.”

The raccoon coughed. “No… they can see the zombie unlike us. But… when I was in charge… I might have been quite the prankster. But that is besides the point, no?”

Lann examined the undead creature again. Not all zombies were the same.

“Wait, it's here?” Lann mumbled after recognizing the energy radiating from the zombie. It was like a signature. 

Lann, who had been having fun in post-apocalyptic settings for the last year, encountered a similar energy dozens of times. It belonged to a certain demonic general that controlled legions of undead warriors. It conquered hundreds, maybe thousands, of dimensions.

“Hmm. Not yet, but it’s beginning to encroach. Ah, by the way….” The raccoon’s voice trailed slightly, before continuing. “That is just one…”

“One?” Lann could feel his fingers tingling. 

“Of the invaders. I won’t spoil anymore than that~~~” 

“So what do you want from me?”

“Nothing. You can just run wild.” 

“I see.” Lann had his doubts, but there was no point worrying. 

At the same time, one of the local residents stabbed and killed the lone zombie with a knife. The resident then proceeded to kick the corpse before spitting on it. The resident appeared to be a  student.

The raccoon handed Lann an envelope. “It's an invitation. Once you open it, you will be transported to the tutorial.”

“Can’t you just send me there yourself?”

“Well, I put a lot of work into it?” It twiddled with its fingers and blushed.

‘Is this like a weird version of a love letter?’ Lann shook his head; he was perhaps spending too much time with a certain tsundere that his thought process had been affected. Whatever the case, he didn’t wait and grabbed the envelope.  

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