Chapter 182: Life Or Death? 1

When Ju Feng at last saw the buildings of Myria reveal themselves through the widening tunnel, he wanted to go to Chang Chang immediately. But the dwarven clerics had other ideas. They pushed and prodded him into following the wounded to Mystra's temple, where he accepted more healing and let them clean him up and give him fresh robe. He hadn't realized how filthy he was with dirt and caked blood until he caught one of the dwarves wrinkling his nose in disgust.

Amidst these ministrations, he asked for Chang Chang and learned that she'd gone out to the temple garden. He left to find her as soon as they let him. The temple garden was peaceful—not at all what Ju Feng would have expected from an ancestral divine who'd reveled in battle, but perhaps even Mystra needed peace and solitude sometimes. A waterfall spilled from channels in the upper balcony, enclosing the garden below on three sides with water and the fourth side with a wall of stone. The narrow footbridge Ju Feng stood upon provided the only access to the garden. The stone path gently parted the water curtain, revealing silvery blue lichen hanging from wire baskets on the far wall.

Through the entry, Ju Feng saw Chang Chang. She moved past the opening and then behind the water curtain to become a distorted shape, a play of shadows and light, not quite real but no phantom either. Ju Feng's silent steps carried him to the opening. His heart beat an aching rhythm in his chest. Her back was to him now. She faced the wall, her arms knotted around herself. The garden was made of stones. Beds of them ringed the base of the waterfall, the outermost stones dark with wet, and the inner ones silver from the light of the glowing lichen. Ju Feng allowed himself a small smile. He should have expected no less from the dwarves.

He stalled. Ju Feng wanted to speak, to make Chang Chang turn and look at him, but now that the moment had come, he continued to stare at her back while so many thoughts passed through his mind. How was he supposed to give voice to everything that was inside of him, the prophecies, the darkness and death that kept following him around. 

"It says on a plaque here that travelers used to visit this garden, bringing different forms of crystals." 

Chang Chang said, shattering the silence and startling Ju Feng so badly that he actually jumped.

"How did you know I was here?" 

He asked, trying to tamp down his incredulity.

She turned to face him. Her eyes were clear—clear, and so remote, so distant that he grew more frightened.

"She said travelers chose the rarest, most beautiful stones from their journeys in Wujin and brought them back to Mystra's temple to place in the gardens." 

Chang Chang walked along the stone beds, her eyes on the rocks. She seemed to be looking everywhere in the tiny garden except at him.

"The divine's memory is strong here." 

Ju Feng said. He could think of nothing else to say. The pain in his chest nearly overwhelmed him.

"There are crystals from Wazhu and Daji." 

Chang Chang went on.

"From Thau and Ribang and from Mulin—lands that have disappeared from the world. Magicaland precious stones. Can you imagine it? It made me wish I'd brought a stone from South Ward in Wujin. A flat rock, worn down by caravan wheels and caked with dust, though I doubt Mystra would have minded. So many divine lost." 

Chang Chang murmured, speaking as if to herself. The knowledge of the fall of many divines during the primordial wars was still fresh in her memory.

"Maybe, you've been in that damn library too long." 

Ju Feng said suddenly, harshly. 

"Surrounded by sorrow-filled lore and with that yaomo creature haunting your every move, it's no wonder that you're …"

"What?" 

She did look at him then, waiting for him to finish, but he just stared at her. He took a step toward her, unsteadily, his arm half-raised. She backed away from him. If she'd used magic to erect a barrier, it could not have been more effective. Ju Feng dropped his hand to his side and closed his fingers into a fist. Chang Chang closed her eyes, and a tear slid down her cheek. 

"I'm very sorry, Feng."

"Why? What have you got to be sorry for?"

"Because I couldn't do it." 

Her voice echoed in the small garden, swallowed up by the water. 

"The king's library was beautiful. All those tomes and scrolls filled with arcane knowledge from the time immemorial. Tomes that have gained sentience and have souls, living memories, stories that draw you in—literally!—to their secrets. So much that's been lost, and I remember it all now. I can't forget all the names I read or the people who used to inhabit the city and gave it life." 

She slid into a crouch, leaning against the temple wall. She continued so softly.

"I don't mind remembering it all. But Zollgarza is there too. He speaks, and I remember everything he says—"

"I knew it—that evil creature drove you out of there." 

Ju Feng lashed out, kicking the stone wall in frustration. A wave of pain shot up his leg. It was a stupid thing to do. 

"The king told me you stopped looking for the sphere."

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"That's right. I don't want the Arcane Script Sphere anymore. It's over."

Chang Chang stood shakily and faced him. Ju Feng again suppressed the urge to reach out and support her. Ju Feng heard the catch in his voice and despised himself for it. When had he become so weak?

"Don't say that. We can still find a cure elsewhere on this planet or elsewhere. The universe is a vast place."

"How long will we search?"

"What?" 

Ju Feng was absorbed in thoughts and plans. They would leave the city in the morning. Godsdamn the drow, Mith Barak, and all the rest. If they couldn't find what they were looking for here, it was time to move on. Why waste more time? Every second wasted was putting Chang Chang more at risk of death.

"Ju Feng, look at me."

"Chang Chang, it'll be all right. We'll find a way."

"I don't want to look for a cure anymore."

"What?" 

Ju Feng repeated. She wasn't making any sense. The yaomo had done more damage than he'd thought. 

"You're tired, and you don't know what you're saying."

She shook her head. She clasped her hands in front of her, but when she looked at him, she was no longer weeping. Clear-eyed, she stared him down. 

"I do know what I'm saying. I want to live my life on my own terms. I won't spend any more of it chasing down a cure for my bloodscar. What happened to me shaped who I am. I'm not ashamed of it, and I'm not afraid to die. Gallazza showed me that, if you can believe it. His existence is so empty, so utterly devoid of warmth—of anything, that isn't bitterness and hatred."

"You'll never be like him." 

Ju Feng said calmly.

"I know." 

Chang Chang took a step toward him. Ju Feng tensed, but it wasn't out of fear. His heart pounded in his chest. She lifted her hand and laid it gently against his cheek—the lightest touch, but within it a world of meaning. The pulse of Icelin's life beat against his skin, warmth and vibrancy radiating from each fingertip—but the whole was weaker than it should have been. The life force was brittle at the edges, cracks and seams running through it, flaws that would only spread until it ate away at all the warmth. All the memories of the past came rushing to him. The deaths, dreams and premonitions. Ju Feng gasped. The pain of it was a tangible force, like five needles in his skin.

"Don't run away from me. Please."

"If you only knew." 

Ju Feng closed his eyes tightly. He forced himself to focus only on her touch, the warmth of her fingers on his, the softness of her skin. The physical pain was all in his mind. He breathed deeply, pressing down the fear and hopelessness that always came with his gift. If he could find inner peace, the pain could go away. It was impossible to ignore the rest, but if only he could distract himself—

Chang Chang smiled as Ju Feng opened his eyes. Thoughts of Ongara's wedding led her to think about the Yellowhorn family and the battle ahead. Since they'd come together, a peace such as Chang Chang had never known had settled over her. It was as if the dwarves were of the same bloods as they were. It was as if they shared the same ancestral lineage. Her mind snapped out of the reverie. Their immediate future was still uncertain. 

"Where do we go from here?" she asked.

"We stay and fight or we leave the city after the wedding." 

"I don't want to run, Feng. But there's a good chance that if we stay to fight, we'll die."

"A very good chance," 

Ju Feng agreed, never taking his eyes from her face.

Chang Chang smiled at him wistfully. 

"Isn't this the kind of thing adventurers are supposed to do? Live on the edge of death and take on impossible causes for treasures?"

"Hmm, treasures to be taken or death to be had."

Ju Feng said as he shifted his view to the far distance.

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