Chapter 12: 12

t/n: hihi there wasn’t a chapter last week bc I got covid lolol I’m fine now though

also cw: coarse language and mature themes (?) 

To be honest, I wouldn’t even be surprised if he held a whip and trained a beast in that room. So even though the room was a messy office, I looked around carelessly. Office furniture, dark red carpet, along simple sofas and tables that did not match the old-fashioned wallpaper. It was a large room for one person, but on top of the table and chest of drawers, there were thick stacks of paper and documents piled high with barely any space, even on the floor.

I closed the door and stopped to look at the madman sitting at the large desk in front of me. He was wearing glasses and was alternately looking at the two monitors in front of him with the documents on the desk in a mess. As he worked, his expressionless face made him feel like a different person.

 

 

“Sit down.”

A brief command and a low voice confirmed that I was right. However, I had no choice but to frown at his command. Where was I going to sit? The only long sofa to sit on was already occupied by a bunch of papers and various other things. I looked at him as he worked and then at the sofa, then forcefully pushed the pile of paper to the side and sat down. 

This was a somewhat surprising situation for me. When I first came here, I expected him to bother me to drink leisurely. In the worst case, I even prepared it in my heart to be punched again, but what a hardworking atmosphere. I asked, looking around at the pile of papers that were half in English.

 

“Who are you?”

Even with Chief Park’s words, it was clear from this situation that he was not a celebrity. He answered the question that should have been asked in the first place without raising his head.

“A shareholder.”

 

Shareholder? I expected him to make a sarcastic retort, so I didn’t understand the words that came out of him right away. Fortunately, he added an explanation in a dry tone.

“To be precise, one of the major shareholders.”

I could tell without asking where. It was obvious that it was Dream. However, it was not easy to get a sense of it because I didn’t know in detail what the position of being a major shareholder was. Just because you own a lot of shares in the company, you can go in and out of the company at will, the actors in the company bow their heads, and you can discipline the employees… Come to think of it, the first time I tried to borrow a cigarette, he spoke as if I was deliberately flirting with him. Is the position of a major shareholder originally like that? This was somehow bothering me, but I thought it could be, so I moved on to the next question.

 

“Name?” 

He raised his head for the first time at this question. He took off his glasses and held them in one hand, staring at me with that characteristic smile on his lips.

“When asking for someone’s name, tell them your name first. Or do you like ‘Lee Baekwon’?”

“… Lee Yoohan.”

I thought it might surprise him since it was the same as Myeongshin’s stage name, but he said his name without much interest, while putting his glasses back on. 

“Jay.”

What? I frowned and looked at him. However, as if he finished his business by just saying his name, he turned to the documents and monitors again. Wasn’t Jay an English name? It wasn’t that the last name ‘Je’ and the first name ‘I’? I suddenly lost my energy. I thought I would feel like I knew a lot about him if I knew his name and identity, but instead, I was now full of things that I didn’t even know about.

I turned my body to look at him and leaned against the sofa. Then I looked at the TV hanging on the wall in front of him. A large screen that did not fit well in this room, was decorated like an office setting. Looking at the black screen, I counted to ten silently. I had decided to get up from my seat after I had finished counting, but just as I was just counting to nine, something fell next to me. A few round CDs. As I stared into his eyes, I heard his voice.

“Turn them on and see.” 

After giving the order, he went back to work. For some reason, it felt like I shouldn’t disturb him, so I listened to him without saying anything. The reason I didn’t leave was probably because of a small curiosity. The office in the corner of a hostess bar, his face wearing glasses and working without a smile, and even his name, all of this was unexpected. As I inserted the CD into the DVD player under the TV and played it, the title appeared on the screen and the movie started.

Five short films that were about 25 minutes long. In the last movie among them, when the subtitle ‘The End’ came out, I suddenly heard a voice behind me.

 

“How was it?”

As I was concentrating on the screen, I was startled, and I pulled myself off the sofa and turned my head. Who knows when he came over, he was standing with his arms crossed and leaning against the wall behind me. I asked sharply, a bit annoyed at myself for not noticing him. 

“How was what?”

“The movies.”

As someone who didn’t usually watch movies, what would I know? When I didn’t answer and stayed still, he changed the question.

“Which one did you like the most?” 

I thought of the five I had seen. To be honest, they were all boring. It wasn’t flashy and I just couldn’t understand some of the insignificant content that just seemed like the camera was capturing daily life. Still, there was something memorable.

“First and fourth.”

He slowly curled his lips in response to me. It looked like he was laughing not because he was offended, but because it was interesting, and that actually annoyed me even more.

“It’s surprising. How did you know?” 

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

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“I have to pick a movie to invest in. Rookie directors are risky, but if they are well-chosen, the return on investment is high. We have to consider the tastes of non-professionals like you.” 

He added, rubbing his neck with one hand, seemingly tired.

“This is one of my jobs. Choosing a movie to invest in, raising money, and making a profit.”

“…”

“What else are you curious about?” 

I had been looking at him with suspicious eyes, wondering why he was suddenly explaining kindly. Since he was showing some kindness, of course I should take advantage of it.

“Is this your store?”

 

“No.”

I didn’t understand why he was using an office on the side even though it wasn’t his own store. As if that was evident on my face, the guy smiled again. 

“I have a stake here.”

He puts his money everywhere.

“But, other than that, this store is very useful. Any other questions?”

“Why did you call me here? It can’t be just for watching movies.” 

“It could just be because of that. To use you, who is useless, for something like this.”

“…”

“But, yes, there are other reasons.”

“What?” 

“What were you expecting?”

He lifted his head and moved his hand away from his neck. The curved, smiling eyes met me, but they were also not smiling. So I couldn’t take his words as a joke. It was just that his voice was slightly low.

“Did you imagine me suddenly attacking you? Stuck my penis into you and thrust violently?”

Perhaps it was a bad personality trait. Even though I admit that the other person is stronger than me, I couldn’t hold back this choked up feeling. The best option was to ignore him, but I already responded to his provocation. 

“That’s right. How did you know? I was imagining sticking my dick in and thrusting violently.”

I threw the same smile towards the other’s smiling face and spit it out.

“And I’m the one doing it.”

I lowered my eyes and deliberately scanned his body from below upwards. A belt with gold buckles of the same color as black trousers that fit well, a waistline that revealed a flat stomach, and a dress shirt pulled into the trousers. Then, as I slowly raised my gaze along the thin fabric that hid his firm chest, I met his dark eyes. Contrary to smiling lips, for a moment, coldness flowed from the inside of the eyes that did not contain emotion. A little bit of regret came over me without realizing it, but my nature suppressed it all. When I see a strong person, I want to fight even with fear. 

“Well, it’s good enough for me to ”endure and give it a shot.”

I spit it out dryly on purpose to show that I wasn’t shaken. There was no sarcastic sarcasm, but I knew that this would provoke the other party even more. So, I purposely looked him straight into the eyes. And as soon as I felt the light slowly spread in his eyes, a voice was heard.

 

“It is such an honor. That I’m worth for you to fuck once. But for me, either way is fine.”

What is? I frowned subconsciously. The guy tilted his head to the side and smirked as if it was funny. 

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“It means that it doesn’t matter if I, who wants to thrust more than you who would endure and thrust, top. Don’t you think so?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Why? It’s fair. The person who wants to thrust can do it.”

His smile vanished and he added expressionlessly. 

“I can endure it and thrust into you tens of thousands of times.”

I stared at him for a while because I had to swallow the swear words that were about to pour out. However, I thought that the one whose emotions are disturbed loses, the rough way of speaking that came out could not be helped. To be honest, this was an unfamiliar situation for me. Since 5 years ago, there have been very few people who have provoked me to this extent.

I was able to suppress the anger that erupted even after knowing what Myeongshin had done, and I wondered why I reacted like this to every word of this person.

“It’s just your opinion.” 

“So I was just speaking my thoughts. You said you can only endure it once. You should be thankful that I want to do it in your stead.”

What kind of logic is that? I stared at him again, casually spitting nonsense, and remembered that he was the one who tried to rip me off 200 million won with cigarettes while smoking. Oh, yeah. I was dealing with a nutcase.

“Then take this thought into account. I don’t want you to thrust into me.”

“Why?” 

The innocent question revealed a surprised expression.

“Because I have no intention of fooling around with you in the first place. And also…”

I stopped talking and gave the most important reason.

“I’ve always been a top.” 

At my answer, the boredom vanished from his eyes and he straightened up.

“That’s interesting. Always huh…”

 

Mumbling the end of his words, he grinned as if he liked something.

“Then does that mean that no one has ever penetrated you?” 

His question of confirmation was strangely unpleasant, but I felt that I had to give a clear answer for my own self-esteem. So I nodded and opened my mouth.

“Of course. Not a single one…”

As I spoke till that point, something suddenly came to mind. It was like a colored scene in the middle of a black and white video, it had left an impression on me. Memories of sitting on top of someone in a dark motel and trembling.

Memories from about 5 years ago came to mind. Perhaps it was time when I was handing out flyers. When I went to a motel with a man I met by chance wearing an animal costume. It was the only moment in my life that I looked back on, but there was only one thing I remember clearly. The darkness inside the rabbit head, which was damp and stuffy because it had been worn for a long time, and the narrow field of vision from a small hole, and the feeling that the field of vision had become more blurry. 

It must have been because of the tears. As the dirty liquid that wet my entire face dripped down from my chin along with sweat I could barely see anything in front of me. Perhaps because of the fact that I cried, I couldn’t remember much about the other person. Maybe it was because I didn’t think it was important.

“Continue.”

I opened my eyes, startled by the sudden voice. With a smile, he urged me with his somewhat cold eyes.

“Not even one, then what?” 

“…”

“I asked you to continue?”

My mouth opened without realizing it at the firm imperative tone.

“There was… one.” 

Though, it was just once. I swallowed the words and thought of a question. But who was it really? The memory of crying at that time was so great that I couldn’t remember anything else around me, but there was a strange feeling in my heart. Unpleasant anxiety as if the other person was someone I knew. I think there was a distinct characteristic…

Without realizing it, I was preoccupied with trying to recall the memories of that time again, and suddenly I realized that it had become quiet. When I moved my gaze, he was looking down at me with an expressionless face that he had before when he was working. His silence was more uncomfortable than when he spoke harshly. When I confessed honestly, I was glad that he might have lost interest, but I opened my mouth bluntly.

“But it was just one person. I used to be a top, and in the future…”

“Who is it?” 

It was a monotonous voice, but strangely, I felt a certain pressure as though my flesh was being cut with a knife. Because of that, even though I knew what he was trying to ask, I asked as if I was a fool.

“Who is what?”

 

“Who is that one person? The one who could top you.”

“You don’t need to know.” 

“Why? Someone you loved enough to change your position, the original top?”

Perhaps if I had heard this question at a different time, I would have laughed while holding my stomach. However, when I saw his face that had lost his smile, my eyebrows furrowed.

“Are you kidding me right now?”

“I’ve told you before, I don’t joke. So answer me.” 

Resentment and rage rose in me again. Why do I have to give an answer? I was about to spit it out, but I stopped when I realized that he was seriously asking. He really was not joking, he was seriously asking. Why was that? I tried to come up with an answer to his question. If he really was serious, he seemed to plan to keep asking until I answered.

“It’s not because of love. Alright?”

“Then why did you do it?”

“…” 

“I really liked those eyes.”

He raised the corner of his lips and smiled at me as he stared at me.

“It seems that the reason you did it was more important to you than who your partner was. I’m getting more and more curious. Who is it? The one who thrusted into you.”

“Mind your business.” 

“Don’t want to.”

With a lazy reply, he took a step closer to the wall.

“I put a down payment on an item that is non-refundable, so of course I should pay attention.”

With that, he turned and headed towards the desk. 

“It’s only natural to wonder who would make you willing to let your personality be swayed.”

“What do you know about my personality?”

 

“I know that you’re not the type of person to take revenge like this on Song Myeongshin who ran away with your money five years ago.”

He stopped in front of the computer and threw those words carelessly, but I couldn’t take them lightly. How did he know about that? Hansoo? Manager? However, I remembered that I had never told the two of them the part about ‘5 years ago’. While I was stiff, he added, tapping his keyboard with one hand. 

“Of course, if it was 5 years ago when you were a high school dropout, and you were part of a biker gang and borrowed money from a loan company, you would be able to do it.”

“…”

“Ah, if you’re the type of person who spends the money they earned on entertainment, fights frequently, and brandishing knives while pretending to be cool, you would have just gone and started swinging your fists.”

As he finished typing on the keyboard, he raised his eyes and finished speaking. 

“Doesn’t it sound like someone’s story?”

“… How did you know?”

My past was not recorded. Even if I did bad things, those stories existed only in the memories of me and those who know me. Besides, in five years I was forgotten by everyone and had no contact with anyone.

Therefore, it was extremely difficult to find someone who could dig into the past. The blood in my body turned cold and my skin hardened with tension. His words evoked a sense of caution rather than surprise, to the extent that my body automatically recognized the other party as an enemy and turned into a state that was like just before I started fighting. But to my question, he opened his mouth. 

“Your work history started almost five years ago. So what changed you was something that happened 5 years ago. I saw your resume. I looked into family relationships with that.”

I opened my mouth to try to stop him. Otherwise, I was afraid that there would be words I didn’t want to hear. But he was faster. A languid voice asked casually.

“The death of your brother and mother is the reason why you changed?”

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