Chapter 13: 13: Hello Trauma, Goodbye Trauma

As soon as I logged out of Pellan I checked the time. It was seven in the morning, which meant mum and dad wouldn't be out of bed yet. I went into the kitchen and started the coffee brewing for them. I would have started breakfast too, but I was notoriously bad in the kitchen.

I stubbed my toe on a corner as a I set the water to boil. That really hurt. I sat on the cold tile floor of the kitchen and nursed it for a little while before I remembered I could just heal it with my crazy magic powers. Silly me!

Dad arrived in the kitchen before mum wearing his work suit. “Hey kiddo, I scanned through the unenrollment papers to your school last night. I’d like you to try and go to school today alright? Use your shapeshifting power or whatever it is. We have the unenrollment forms all written up and signed, but we think it would be best if you delivered them in person rather than emailing them like normal.”

“Dad, I really don’t want to… it’s really uncomfortable to be like that,” I whined.

“You said you can maintain it for up to eight hours right?” he asked sternly.

“Five hours til it gets uncomfortable, and eight is when it starts hurting,” I replied with a pout.

“Good, you should make the attempt at least. If things go badly you can always call us and we’ll pick you up,” he told me.

“Fine,” I grumbled.

“Don’t be a grump like that Sylanna Walker. You’ll be free to waltz around as your pointy eared little self in no time. Now, how did your search for the magic fixiwatsit spell thing go?” he asked.

“I got the guy making it now. It might be done by late tonight, I think,” I grumbled, still annoyed about having to go into school.

“Well done sprite! As soon as you get it we’ll go for a drive okay? Your mother and I figured out the best place for you to do your thing. It’s a government archive facility that handles storing all the digital data they collect,” he told me, ignoring my grumpy attitude.

“Okay sweet! Then we file my new enrollment papers tonight? I can go to school as Syl after that?” I asked, excitement shining through my pout.

“Yes, that’s the plan. You should be in school again as Syl by wednesday,” he said with a knowing smile.

“Yay!” I said with a grin.

“You know, just a few years ago and it would have taken a whole week or more to get you enrolled. Those admin AI that got released may have cost a lot of people their jobs, but they are very convenient,” he told me, moving in to his did you know? tone of voice. Time to GTFO.

“Wow that’s pretty great dad. I think I’ll go to my room now and get ready, see you later today!” I said escaping out the door as fast as I could.

Once dad starts off telling me about how things used to be and how they changed, it can go on for hours. I probably did him a favour by running, he might have been late for work.

Getting ready for school was strange, knowing it was my last day going in with at lase a male front. It was also strange because since my glamour took care of my clothing, I’d just be wearing normal clothes. I decided to put on the pleated skirt and a tank top this time, and I enjoyed the feeling of the skirt by doing little twirls. Skirts were fun!

I heard a knock on the door then, and mum called through, “Syl, we’re leaving now, please be safe at school alright?”

“Yes mum!” I called back.

I heard them leave, and sighed as I picked up my own bag for school. Time for me to leave too. Just needed to activate the glamour. Any time now. I took some deep breaths to calm my racing heart. Why was I so hung up on this? I was just going to school, same as always!

It took me a while, but in the end I changed my appearance to the version of myself I had been using thus far, and headed for the door. The spell description said it wouldn’t feel uncomfortable until five hours had passed, but I already felt a little weird as I closed and locked the door.

Walking to school was the strangest mundane thing I’d ever done. The sky was filled with clouds that periodically blocked out the sun and plunged the temperature down noticeably downward. My path to school took a variety of strange shortcuts through the winding streets of my city, but I knew them by heart and my mind became quickly bored.

Out of habit I pulled my phone our and began looking at all the spells people had found. I also looked up spell crafting. Apparently adventurers couldn't manipulate magical energy into the swirling lines of power needed to craft new spells. Damn. That was uncool. I sighed and went back to scrolling randomly through posts.

I browsed for a while longer before I found something that really caught my interest. People had started discovering ability trees. They weren't quite like ability trees in other games, because you had find or buy them. No one had found an ability tree that was the same as any other, and people were speculating that they were unique. Word was that each tree contained a bunch of synergistic spells and passives that you could spend your points on to upgrade. Some of the ability trees that people had found were downright overpowered, and people were calling for nerfs. I really wanted one of my own.

As I walked, I noticed something, this glamour was really not living up to the promises that the game had made. I felt crap. My arms and legs were too hairy, my body was too tall, the shape of my hands was too masculine. I cringed whenever I heard my voice. I just generally disliked my old body on a fundamental level… it was too male and it all culminated in a feeling of wrongness that was very slowly building within me.

When I arrived, school hadn’t changed one bit, which I guess isn’t all that surprising since it had only been a few days. I did notice a few people talking about Pellan as I trudged up the driveway, most of whom seemed to be very happy with the game as a whole. I learned that the game generally tended to place people from the same geographical real world location in similar ingame locations, which explained why Col and I had met up so quickly.

I didn’t see Jeremy on the way in this time, but I did see Kegan with his friends again. They were throwing a rugby ball around and talking about typical cool dude things.

“Hey Kegan!” one of them called as he threw the ball to him, “I heard you got dumped!”

“Yeah, what about it?” Kegan shot back with a dour expression.

“I heard you got dumped ‘cos you were playing that game, Pellan something, and you wouldn’t… per-form,” the dude laughed, miming the act of performing.

“Fuck you man! She was too clingy! Plus I heard she plays it too, all that Juliet crew play it,” Kegan yelled angrily, “Fucking hypocrite bitch.”

Okay, things were not going well for Kegan, but he played Pellan? That was interesting to know.

“What ice cold Juliet plays games? another boy asked incredulously.

“Yeah dude, I think Kegan here just couldn’t hold her attention! She was probably getting fucked in the game by some buff knight dude or whatever!” the guy laughed.

I was almost to them, and I thought I’d try and be nice to Kegan since he was so obviously upset by this. I’d hate to have friends like that, always being assholes and picking on your insecurities like it’s okay.

“Hey Kegan, I play Pellan too,” I said quietly.

He whirled around and glared at me, “Fuck off you little gay cunt!”

“Yeah fuck off Sam! Go hang out with your little pussy friends!” Kegan’s heckler friend laughed.

“Wha-what?” I asked in confusion. Why was Kegan being mean? My heart sank at the same rate my breathing sped up.

The heckler friend decided to take that moment to throw the ball as hard as he could at my face. My new game reflexes were the only things that saves me as I lurched to the side, letting the ball said past me and into some bushes. I didn’t wait to be the target of their games anymore, I ran into the nearest school building and kept going down the corridors.

Why had Kegan been so mean? He was nice to me on the launch day! I was just trying to be friendly. I sank down and sat in a nook that gave me some cover, and I tried desperately to keep my breathing under control. In… hold… out. In… hold… out. I repeated my half learned breathing exercises until I felt mostly calm, and tried to remember what class I had first. Oh right, Biology.

I still had time to get there if I hurried, so I leapt up and rushed towards my class. Getting into the packed science department was a challenge, all the other students clogging the always as they waited for class to begin. A lot of kids had sat down against the wall, their legs sticking out hazardously into the thoroughfare. I should have realised it would happen, being a scrawny looking guy that was known as a bit of an easy target, but my mind was already fighting itself by that point.

I was almost to class when out of the corner of my eye I saw the leg I had been stepping over rise to trip me. Unable to keep my balance, I stumbled forward, straight into the back of the person in front of me.

“I’m sorry!” I cried fearfully.

Looking up to see who I had bumped in to, none other than the infamous Juliet was glaring daggers a me.

“Watch where you’re going smegma stain,” she spat.

“I-I’m sorry!” I said again, stumbling over my words. How was this day going so badly already?

The teacher arrived before things could get any more out of hand, and the no-nonsense Mr Tavverin growled us all into his classroom.

I rushed straight to the back and sat down, fighting tears as the stress and anxiety of the incidents sapped away at my mind. I tried to pay attention as the lesson started, but it was no use. I focused on appearing to work while I fought the spectre of a panic attack.

I realised that, objectively, everything that had just happened to me was just normal shit that happened at this school. High school kids were like this, it wasn’t aimed at me because of who I was. Was it? The tripping thing was just a fact of walking down the hallway before class started. It happened to everyone. Everyone except people like Kegan and Juliet that is.

When class finished, I rushed out and towards my next class as fast as my legs could take me. My anxiety was pounding away at my mental state, trying over and over to crack me and break me down. I just needed to survive.

Next class was painting, and when I arrived Dana was already sitting down hard at work. I sat down next to her, causing her to jump in surprise.

“Sam!” she exclaimed, “You’re here!”

“Yeah,” I replied bluntly, unable to give her more than that. Talking was a slog I didn’t feel like getting into at the moment.

“What’s wrong?” she asked carefully.

“Nothing,” I said tersely.

“Okayyy then,” she muttered, and went back to drawing.

Painting continued without any more communication between us. I’m not sure if she was upset with my closed off attitude or just giving me space. I did know I’d be able to apologise to her later when I felt capable of it. My mind was not a friendly piece of organic mush that’s for sure, I swear the damn thing hated me.

I avoided going to the hangout spot during morning tea with Dana, instead finding myself in the library. I hid there, in the corner and picked a random book to read until the fifteen minutes was up, and I could go to my next class.

The next class I had also contained the ever pleasant Juliet, and I tried my best to avoid her. She did the opposite, talking one of the more impressionable boys in my class into kicking my seat from behind every time the teacher was turned around. The feeling that my body was wrongbuilt further and it took every ounce of my willpower not to break down in front of these jackals. Shit this was not a fun day.

During lunch time, I rushed to the school offices and handed my unenrollment papers to a very confused member of the staff. She placed the papers into the receptacle that would scan and input them into the automatic AI controller. I wished I could unenroll from this school for good, instead of coming back, even as my true self.

****

Getting home after that gruelling day should have felt relieving and safe, but that’s not how my mind works. The stress and ever present background of anxiety was augmented by a subtle directionless dread. Like an onion, on top of those feelings was the now urgent feeling of wrongness within my body. I dropped the glamour as soon as I had the door closed, and felt at least that awful feeling leave me as I was once again in my feminine body.

Being the small cute pointy eared girl with the long black hair just felt right on a fundamental level inside me. Reminded of my body and where I’d gotten it, I rushed to my room and logged in to Pellan Rise, hoping that the game would assuage the other awful feelings that gripped me.

It was mid morning when I appeared in my bed in the inn and I made my way cautiously down to the common room. When I asked for a meal, out came porridge. It was unflavored and gross but I ate it anyway. I missed my toast.

Since I had no money and nothing to sell, I guess it was time to go out of the city and take a look around. Leaving the inn, I walked quickly through the twisting and looping city streets towards the gate. Making sure my bind point was set in the city now, I left the gates and headed out into the gently rolling grassland and forest. It was nice to just wander my way around with no clear goal, and I felt the freedom of the game easing my anxieties somewhat.

My aimless wandering got the better of me a few times, but thankfully I had that ingame map or I would have been hopelessly lost. I spent my time taking on smaller monsters of various species and avoiding the larger angrier ones. I actually saw another stag being engaged by a party of adventurers so that was cool. They had it under a lot more control than we had, but they also had 2 more people so I still felt good about our kill.

I noted a few tumbled buildings and dark caves that may have been dungeons or contained loot, but I let them be for now. I was basically just killing time until later today when I could grab that spell.

You are reading story Pellan Rise at novel35.com

It was approaching mid afternoon when I decided to head back to town. I had gotten myself to level eight during the day and I was feeling a little better now. I’d managed to farm a lot of lower end crafting materials from the enemies I’d killed too. I hoped I could rope Col into selling them for me so I didn't have to talk to people. Talking to people was something I really didn’t want to do right now. Walking along the dirt road, I was still a ways out and I listened to the birds calling to each other ahead of me.

At least, what I had thought were bird calls. They began to resolve into something that caused my mind to go alert. Ahead of me I could hear screaming and faint pleas of mercy. And laughing.

I cautiously stepped off the road and into the sparse trees and shrubs that lined it. Using them as cover I tried to be as quiet as I could while I made my way forward. I had not built my character around the art of going places unnoticed but my tiny lithe body was still very light, and forest debris that should have snapped and given away my position would instead held firm.

It wasn't long until I found the source of the screams. On the road before me were several wagons loaded with goods, one of which was burning. The guards were all lying dead on the ground, their bodies had not disappeared which meant they were npcs and their deaths were permanent.

A group of adventurers that wore mismatched green and black armour were standing in a loose group and I could not make out what they were doing from this angle. I eased around the cart and took a peek. My stomach turned and I almost broke cover with a barely suppressed gasp of disgust and outrage. These were those Blackfeather guild people!

Gathered in a huddle was a group of terrified, weeping civilian npcs. Further out, in a rough line towards the city, was a trail of bodies with arrows protruding from their backs. I watched from behind the safety of the wagon as a woman in green and black roughly pulled a scared kid about my own age up out of the huddle and thrust him toward the city with a rough shove. The mother of the boy began screaming incoherently and tried to go after her son but she was kicked down by another man in green. He casually smashed her in the gut with the butt of his spear to end the altercation.

The kid stood there frozen with terror as everyone turned to him.

“Fuckin go, run as fast as your stupid little AI legs can take you,” yelled one green and black bandit.

The others laughed. The man who had spoken held a large warbow in his hands and was fingering the arrow he had in the nock.

“Alright then, I’ll give you some more distance. Make it easier eh?” he laughed again and walked down the road away from his friends.

He was facing me now and I could see he had made his character rather good looking. Dirty blond hair and dark eyes adorned a defined face of around 24 years of age. He wore a cocky grin as he strode back almost to my hiding spot. He was too busy messing with his bow to notice me but if he’d looked up for one moment we would have made eye contact. He turned when he’d reached an acceptable distance and drew the huge warbow back in one motion.

“Run boy or you’ll die slow. Pity you don't respawn. I love it when I make them remember my name,” he laughed again and it was a sickeningly lovely sound, like a wax fruit that held the decaying remains of a real one within.

“Please!” screamed the mother as she finally recovered.

The man just laughed again in that deceptively pleasant way, “Boy, if you do come back, remember the name Malcolm Blackfeather!”

Then he put an arrow between the scared kids legs, missing his groin by inches. The kid began to run then, shocked out of his frightened immobility. Run actually isn't really the right word, he stumbled and fell in a horizontal fashion, his terror propelling him more than his legs ever could.

Blackfeather raised another arrow to the nock and sighted down it toward the boy. His face had an almost feral grin on it now, his handsome dark eyes glowing with a manic light. A slight twitch of his fingers, and the arrow buzzed past the running boy’s shoulder with barely an inch to spare.

“Ho ho ho, a tricky one are we? Alright, let's end this kid,” Malcolm said to himself with a smile.

This whole time I had been frozen in horror, my mind unable to fully grasp that this was meant to be just a game. Instead I saw real people having their lives toyed with like a young child crushes bugs. Maybe it was the stress of the awful day I’d had that was affecting my mind, I don’t know. All I knew was that something awful was happening in front of me.

When he drew the next arrow, I wanted to stop him, to do something. My heart and soul screamed at me to do something. My mind, the part of me that actually controlled my actions, was a mess of anxiety and horror. When the arrow left his bow, I could not help but track it with my eyes.

It landed square in the boy’s back, severing his spinal column in a plume of spraying blood. His legs went dead instantly and he flopped to the ground in a heap, twitching, but not crying out.

Seeing the boy die like that caused a sudden white hot flash of emotion to flood through me. It wasn't just anger at this cruel man, it was anguish at the boy's death, anguish at my own cowardice for not acting to save him. The anxiety and dread, the humiliation and dysphoria all coalesced into a seething tide of emotion that swept me away.

Before I knew what was happening, I was stalking towards Blackfeather, my fist building up with roiling storm clouds. Dimly I noted that his friends were all looking down range towards the fallen boy, not towards us. No warning cry was given.

Turning to investigate the sound of my approach, Blackfeather had just enough time to register that he was under attack when I drove my fist into his stomach. The violent kick of energy that surged through him more than made up for the mediocre blow my tiny arm delivered. I felt his body seize and convulse as he began to lose balance, and my momentum carried me into him, throwing us both to the ground. Landing on top of him, I did not give him a chance to recover and summoned a shield of azure and gold light onto my left arm. With a cry of wordless emotion I began to drive it into his face over and over, leaving bloody bruises topped with peeling scorched skin.

He screamed as he felt my assault pummel into him and he tried to rise on shaking arms. I drove my charged fist into his mutilated face to keep him down. He was just whimpering after that.

His friends must have heard my cry of anger, because with a shudder and a flash of pain that rocked my small frame, I felt a crossbow bolt lodge itself in my side. I paused in my emotionally fueled assault to look up. All the bandits were sprinting to help their leader. They would be too late.

Tilting my right fist so it was pointing up from his stomach into the rest of his torso, I gathered a shard of light. As I felt it slam into his body, and I felt my own body rock as a second bolt found its mark in my chest. Slumping to the side in pain, I triggered the shard to detonate and watched it tear Blackfeather’s chest apart. I curled around my wounds and began to cry as his friends approached.

Steel toes leather boots trod into view and I caught the glint of a sword being raised. “Cunt,” was the only word I heard before they executed me.

****

I came back to consciousness still in a fetal position. My breath lurched back into my body and I shuddered, feeling fresh tears stream down my face. I was breathing too fast and too shallow, my anxiety having taken control of my lungs. It all stopped abruptly when I felt a soothing touch on my mind, like the promise of a bright new day and a mother's tender care laced together. It was not entirely gentle though, and I got the feeling it had been done hastily and in passing.

However she had done it, and whatever manner she had done it in, she had torn the mounting trauma from my mind leaving nothing but an echo.

“Thank you Feslia,” I croaked.

“Are you okay?” asked a raw but tender voice.

I looked up into the eyes of the mother whose child I had failed to save.

“I’m sorry,” I told her with a hollow voice.

“What are you sorry adventurer? You saved us. We would never have gotten away from those evil people if you had not sacrificed yourself for us,” she said earnestly.

I blinked and sat up properly, surveying my surroundings. I was back in the square that the city gate opened into, sitting near the respawn point. I could see the survivors of the cravan were huddled in a group and talking to a harried pair of city guards. Townsfolk and adventurers looked on with idle curiosity as they went about their business. The scene was made slightly surreal by the memory of the intense violence I had just participated in. The emotion of the event was mostly gone, but it felt wrong for things to be so calm and peaceful after I just beat a man half to death and then finished him off by exploding his chest. Speaking of Blackfeather, where was he, wouldn’t he respawn here too? I spun my head in alarm, searching for him among those around us. He was not here. Had he respawned at another point?

My spinning gaze found someone else though. The boy. He wasn’t dead. He was being tended to by one of the survivors of the caravan, his wounds haphazardly bandaged with torn clothing. I rushed over to him as fast as my stumbling legs would take me, his mother following behind in alarm. I placed my hand tenderly on his chest without preamble and sent a pulse of healing through him. It wasn’t enough to fix the damage, so I did it again, and again. The third one put him back to full health and his mother watched in awe as the boy began to move his legs with a truly enormous smile on his face.

“Did you just..?” the mother asked.

“I’m just glad he’s alive, I felt terrible for not being able to save him,” I told the mother in a rush before turning to the boy, “Are you okay? Does it hurt still?”

“N.. n.. no, it feels… amazing…” he stammered before his words failed him.

“Oh my,” the mother said as tears for her sons well being trailed down her cheeks, “You are amazing, thank you dear girl, thank you. It is not often that healers will stoop to healing our ilk.”

Suddenly I had a flash of inspiration, “I’m just doing my job as a priestess of Feslia, Goddess of the Bright Sky,” I told her with a shy smile.

“You are a priestess? I have heard of your patron I believe, but I do not recall her well.”

“Please make sure to put some of your time into seeking her out, she is a good and caring being who does right by all who follow her,” I told her, channeling the affection I felt for my lady in order to appear outgoing and confident.

I noted the time then, it was almost dusk. I needed to get my spell.

“I am sorry, I have somewhere I need to be, it was a pleasure meeting you, my name is Sylanna,” I hurried.

“It is a pleasure yes, my name is Fenillia.”

“Good evening Fenillia,” I said as I rushed to get to the shop.

The walk over to the shop was spent contemplating all that had just happened. It was already beginning to blur in my mind, the raw emotion I had felt at the time making it hard for coherent memory to form. My goddesses calming touch had spared me from a traumatic event, but I shouldn’t have felt like that. This was just a game right? Why did I get so upset over NPCs? Although I realised, I of all people should understand that there was more to this game than met the eye. I resolved to treat the NPCs of this world with as much respect as a normal person from reality. That would of course mean I would be speaking to them much less, but hey I was shy.

The old mage was waiting for me when I arrived, and he presented the spell to me with pride. It was a foot long cylinder of intricately carved dark stone.

“I believe you will be more than satisfied with the results this spell will give you. If I do say so myself of course,” he beamed.

“Thank you, thank you so much you’ve solved a huge problem for me!” I told him excitedly, “How do we brand it on me?

“That will be painful, are you up to that my girl?” he asked with gentle eyes.

“I don’t mean to be rude sir but I literally just died, I’ll be okay,” I told him with a smile to ease my blunt words.

“Ah.. well, you adventurers do that every now and then I guess don’t you. Right then. Please place your arm onto the counter,” he prompted.

I did so and he then began to heat the stone with a small flame he produced in his other hand. As the temperature of the cylinder rose, the carved patterns began to flow with a faint orange light. When the entire thing was aglow, he brought the end quickly down onto my hand. Just before it made contact I saw the lines on the surface change abruptly to a blue and gold glow. Then the spell brand made contact and the glow vanished instantly. The pain was intense but manageable and I gritted my teeth through it. When it subsided and I opened my eyes to look, there was a small circle of faint blue and gold light under the skin of my palm. The skin was unblemished and whole.

“Hmm, normally the area would react as though it had been burned, it should take months of natural healing for the skin to appear undamaged after a spell brand is applied,” the mage said with curiosity.

“Thank you sir, I’m sure it will work just as you say! I need to get going now, but thanks again!” I said as I leapt out of the shop and ran back to the inn to log off.

****

Nia stood atop the vast cliff face and gazed down into the valley below. Absently rolling her glaive in her hand she noted that this wasn't your typical valley with rolling hillsides of grass and shrub, maybe a stream trickling its way through the dips in the terrain. This valley was not pleasant.

Instead, warped and twisted features tracked intertwining paths along the valley floor, keeping somewhat parallel to the cliff she stood on. The usually hard lines of the Reality Disturbance had weathered and softened with age, losing their mind warping strangeness in the process. Looking up, she gazed out into the distance. She knew a similar cliff would mark the beginning of the next plateau far ahead of her, but it was lost to the haze and curve of the planet.

She waved her hand in the air and wove lines of magic together with the familiarity of a master. A floating screen of energy appeared before her and she made notes of what she saw.

For Orchid Command. 12/06/1059FD.

Reality disturbance appears to have been present on Shale623-88b some time in the past, but its advance was halted. Through some indeterminate means the land has risen to what I estimate to be about a kilometer above its previous position. Starved of food the RD seems to have died. Further investigation recommended. A more detailed analysis will be given during the day’s debriefing.

Knight Captain Nia Voidweaver.

With a last look at the ancient corruption before her, she turned and extended her hand. When her arm was fully extended, she tapped the air lightly with her index finger. The air rippled as though it were the surface of a calm pond, and then shattered. The broken pieces of reality quickly formed a portal before her and she stepped through.

You can find story with these keywords: Pellan Rise, Read Pellan Rise, Pellan Rise novel, Pellan Rise book, Pellan Rise story, Pellan Rise full, Pellan Rise Latest Chapter