Chapter 15: 15: Purpose and Resolve

I asked mum to stop off so we could grab some snacks and stuff, because I had promised to feed my friends when they came over.

“This is excessive. Why do you need so much junk food Syl?” she asked as we went through the self checkout at the supermarket.

I realised then that I hadn’t told her my plan regarding my friends. I don't think she even knew I’d made a new friend in Karen.

“Oh. I guess forgot to tell you! I invited everyone over so I can tell them what's happened to me. Well, what happened to us. I’m not the only one…” and as we put the snacks in the car and drove off, I told my mum about Karen and how she had been changed too. It was actually much more of a problem for her. She looked like a stereotypical demon from popular culture, which would send any religious zealot into a frenzy.

“I see. I’ll help you and your friends however I can, including making myself scarce when they arrive. I’m glad you’re finally telling your friends though, it wasn’t healthy hiding this from them,” she said, before throwing me a sly look, “This Karen girl seems to be a good new friend eh?”

“Yeees? She’s really cool, and super nice. She saved me from a crowd in Pellan today. It was so cool, she was like swearing at them and stuff,” I said, starting my little speech trying to be cautious and ending it almost gushing about my new friend.

“I see. I hope I can meet her,” she said, giving me a look I couldn’t interpret.

“She’s coming over early so we can set up and prepare ourselves,” I told her, unable to keep a smile from blooming on my face at the thought of seeing Karen again.

We pulled into our home and took everything inside. With all the snacks we’d bought we had to make two trips. I set everything out in bowls on the coffee table and then went to change out of the dress. I picked the diagonally cut skirt and a cute and flowy blouse. I didn’t bother with shoes. I went back out into the living room and waited. Mum came in and out of the living room doing random things I didn’t know about while I quietly died of anxiety on the couch. Karen needed to get here asap or I was going to explode. I almost went through the ceiling when I heard the tentative knock at the door.

I bolted to the door and yanked it open. There was Karen, standing in our school uniform and looking apprehensive. She was wearing the senior uniform though, which meant she was either a year 12 or a year 13. She was wearing the skirt, blouse and tie combo instead of the dress.

My mouth got away from me, “Are you year 12 or 13?”

“What, um, year 12,” she stammered.

“Oh, sorry, come in! Sorry. I’m a little nervous,” I apologised.

“Me too. I’m so worried,” she said with trepidation in her voice.

I took her hand. I wanted to help her be calm. I wanted myself to be calm. She obviously wasn’t expecting my touch, because she gave a little twitch but didn’t pull away. Showing her to the lounge, I had to let go of her hand so she could put her bag in the corner.

Sitting her down on a couch, I joined her and kneeled on the cushions facing her.

Quietly I said, “I’m super scared, but I think I’ll be fine with my friends. I’m actually a little more worried about you now. I love how you look, but bible thumpers might get violent if they saw you and… I don’t know… I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

She looked up into my eyes and said in the smallest voice, “You don’t think I’m scary or anything?”

“Nah. I really think you’re... “ I struggled to finish the sentence, what did I think she was? “You’re pretty. I think. Yeah, definitely pretty.”

Her face cracked into a little smile then and I responded with a bigger one of my own. At that moment my mum came through the door and stopped, looking at us. She looked Karen up and down, then took in the very familiar way we were sitting. Karen was sat normally on the couch, but I had my legs up under me and was facing her. We were somehow holding hands again. I started to let go but Karen held on tight. Guess she was more nervous than I thought.

“Hi mum,” I said hesitantly.

“Hey Sweetie, and you must be Karen. Sylanna has told me a lot about you. Including the problem you both share,” she said gently.

She came over and sat on the arm of the couch, “Karen I want you to know if you have any problems, that myself and my husband will help you okay dear? You kids shouldn’t have to be dealing with problems like this.”

“Thank you Mrs Walker,” Karen thanked her timidly, her eyes flicking from me to my mum.

Then there was another knock at the door.

“That’s my queue to go upstairs,” said mum with a smile, “Good luck girls.”

I followed her, but stopped in the middle of the room. I turned and looked into Karen's eyes, then changed into Sam. Her eyes widened. She’d only briefly seen me as Sam before, so I guess this was a bit strange.

“I’ll go get them,” my awful male voice said, and I shuddered a little.

She nodded.

I went to the door and opened it to find Liam, also in a senior uniform from our school.

“Uh. Hi, Karen told me to come here after school, so here I am,” he said, sizing me up.

“Yeah, um, come this way Liam,” I led him into the living room and he sat down on one of the other two couches.

I sat down next to Karen again. I didn’t take her hand or anything this time, I just sat there and stared at the carpet. It was getting harder and harder to put myself in this body. I’d swapped my genitals again, but that was only a small part of the problem really.

“How do you two know each other?” asked Liam with suspicion lacing his voice.

I didn’t say anything, but Karen spoke, “You’ll find out in a bit Liam. It’s best if everyone is here first.”

That just made him more suspicious and his eyes bored into me.

“Leave her alone Liam,” Karen said.

“Her?” he raised his eyebrow.

“Just shut up and wait dickbrain,” Karen said with a sigh, rolling her eyes.

“Shutting up,” he said raising his hands with a small smile.

We waited in silence for the others to arrive, which was almost ten excruciating minutes of silence later. When the knock came I ran to the door as fast as I could.

All three of my friends were standing there, and I waved them in, “Hi guys come in to the living room. Karen and Liam are already here.”

“How do you know them?” asked Jeremy in confusion.

I just shrugged.

Dana was staring at me really hard, trying to figure out what was going on. She was eyeing me like I was going to vanish in a puff of smoke or something. Greg was keen for the food.

I sat them down in the two couches that weren't the one that Karen and I had. I sat next to her.

“Can I…” asked Greg, motioning to the snacks on the table.

“Um yeah, everyone go ahead if you want,” I told them quietly, and they did, chowing down on chips and chocolate.

“Sam, what’s this about?” asked Dana.

I looked at Karen and I saw her dry swallow. Her breathing seemed very fast too. She looked at me and probably saw the same thing. Neither of us had the courage to speak.

Then we both started to speak at once, then we stopped to let the other speak.

“I’ll go,” I said to her with a smile, “So, um. Guys… We had something crazy happen to us in Pellan.”

“But you guys are on opposite ends of the map? How does that work?” asked Jeremy, his face scrunched in confusion.

Here goes. This was seriously nerve wracking, my pulse was beating so hard and loud that I could hear and feel my boob moving.

“Not together, but a similar thing happened to both of us. Um. I don’t really know how to describe this. The game isn’t totally just a game. It can mess with the real world too,” I told them slowly.

I could see the gears whirring in Dana’s head when she asked, “Mess with it how?”

“The game, um…” I faltered.

“The game changed us. Changed our bodies in the real world,” Karen said, picking up where I lost steam, “I found a stone in the game, it was glowing red, and when I touched it, I felt my body change. Not my game body, my real one.”

Nodding, I continued, “With me, when I spoke to my goddess for the first time, she changed me. It was the same, my game body didn’t change, but I could feel my real one changing.”

“That’s a little hard to believe, you both look the same,” said Liam, ever the pragmatist.

I gave a long sigh, “I guess it’s time for another magic trick?” I asked Karen.

She gulped and nodded to me, her face pale.

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I got up off the couch slowly and Karen followed me at a similar pace. We stood in front of our friends, fidgeting and shuffling our feet. I could hear Karen’s breathing quickening along with my own, almost in sync. I was terrified. When I looked away from Karen, I made eye contact with Dana, she’d figured it out I think. She was looking at me with compassion in her eyes and it gave me courage. My heart rate slowed, and I turned back to Karen.

“Ready?” I asked.

“No? Yeah...” she said with a quavering smile.

We dropped our illusions.

Where there had stood a moderately tall boy of 16, with dirty blond hair and blue eyes, wearing jeans and a tshirt, was now a very short petite girl of the same age. Her hair was long, dark, and flowing down her back. Her eyes were large sunbursts ringed by blue sky, her face was both adorable and gorgeous in a faintly alien way. She wore a dull red skirt that was cut at a slight slant and a white flowing blouse of cotton. She was me.

Karen’s form did not change like mine did, but she shimmered and suddenly her skin was the pink-red of her ingame avatar. On her head, her horns now sprung from her forehead before curving back and spiralling slightly. Her tail was poking out from under her skirt, and she brought it around to grab hold of it like she did when she was anxious or thoughtful.

We stood there on display for our friends, shifting nervously as they stared. All of them were gaping, their mouths wide with shock. Liam was staring at Karen in disbelief, Dana looked as though it all made sense now. Greg was… checking me out, and Jeremy… Jeremy’s face was white.

“Guys?” I squeaked.

“You’re Syl? All along, you were Syl?” said Jeremy, the first to speak.

“Y-yeah, I really didn't want to play a tank! I, uhm, I couldn’t make myself do it. I decided that since I was letting you guys down, I’d play a healer and still fill a role we needed,” I said in a rush, ashamed.

Dana wasn’t done figuring things out though, and she got up and walked to me. Close. I looked up at her. She was taller than me now.

“You… want this don’t you?” she asked, her eyes searching mine.

My eyes welled with tears, as they always did when I thought of how much I loved being Sylanna. I nodded shakily. Then I decided to finally put the label on it.

“I think I’m transgender. I mean I wanted to be a girl, or I always was one, I don’t know. When you guys wanted me to play tank again, I couldn’t do that... put myself into a role with so much inherent masculinity. I made Syl instead, and then my goddess made me become her,” my voice was rough and high with my emotion as I spoke my heart into the air.

All of a sudden she wrapped me in a hug, and I began to cry into her shoulder. Dana had always been the best, always been caring and kind. She’d also always been really pissed off when we hid things from her. She seemed to be suppressing that right now.

“I wish you’d told me.... Syl. I could have helped. Either before Pellan or after things changed,” She told me, her voice still gentle.

“I didn’t know what was wrong with me until after I changed, and then I was too scared,” I mumbled into her shoulder.

We stood there while she comforted me for a few seconds, before I heard Karen finally speak.

“Liam?” she asked plaintively.

I looked up. Liam had edged away from Karen a bit on the couch. He didn’t reply to her.

“Liam. Please say something,” she said, her voice cracking.

He croaked something that wasn’t audible, cleared his throat, and tried again, “The game is real.”

We all turned to him then.

“I mean, think about it guys. Computer code and a silly helmet don’t do this,” he said in a strained voice, motioning to the two inhuman girls before him.

“You don’t hate me or anything?” asked Karen hopefully.

Her small hope made my heart lurch, and I broke my hug with Dana to start one with Karen, which she eagerly accepted. She was so warm to hold, and I could feel her shaking faintly. I squeezed her tighter.

“Nah, you got screwed over. I can’t hate you for something you didn’t even intend,” he said and continued when he realised something, “and I wouldn’t hate you even if you did want this. I’m just pretty scared of what this means.”

Greg spoke now, and what he said made me reevaluate my understanding of him, “It means we have to go back into Pellan and take things seriously. I don’t know if you guys heard the NP-, the people of Dailsil talking, but Syl saved a bunch of civilians from being murdered by bandits. Player bandits.”

“So that means that the world of Pellan might actually be like, a world? And everyone doesn’t realise they are killing real people?” asked Jeremy with a note of horror in his voice

“Yeah, maybe, I mean, we don’t know that right? I know I’m backpedalling here, but all we know is there’s freaky shit going on and we need to find out why,” said Liam.

“Why us?” asked Jeremy.

“Because we know about it, and we have the power in Pellan to do something. We can stop people from earth who are killing what might be other real people,” said Dana with a voice of determination.

We all contemplated that in silence for a few sobre moments, before I cut in with a little grin, “ Annnd, It might be fun as well.”

I received 5 grins in return and I rested my head on Karen’s shoulder happily. It felt really nice to have her to lean on, with her arm resting around my waist.

I looked at them all now, judging their opinions and moods. Liam seemed worried but resolved, Greg had the Hero look on his nerdy face, Dana was looking at the people in the room with pride, and Jeremy… wasn’t meeting my eyes. Oh no. I opened my mouth to speak to him, but Dana touched my shoulder and shook her head no. Later then.

She strode back to her seat next to Greg and laid her feet in his lap, getting settled, and Karen dragged me back to our couch. I sat down first and Karen followed me. She seated herself right next to me, our hips lightly mashed together. We’d had so much physical contact recently, but every touch between us made me shiver slightly with happiness as sparks of delight danced along my nerves.

“So… what’s it like being a girl?” asked Dana with a slightly evil grin on her face.

“Um. Being short is different. It’s made people seem even scarier. But that’s the bad. The good is that I love it. I love how smooth my skin is, how flexible I am, how light I am, I just love everything about it. I even love my stupid untamable hair. Also, I like my boobs. They’re fun to play with,” I blushed.

“So what’s it like, you know… down there?” asked Greg. Oh, Goodbye Hero Greg, hello again teenaged boy Greg.

“It’s… well I don’t know. I haven’t…” I stopped and couldn’t continue, discussing that in front of all my friends was not something I wanted to do.

Dana wouldn’t let me back out so easily however, “You should, it’s great fun.”

Her smile was positively wicked and we all turned our heads to her.

“What? It is fun,” she said, then purred, “Really fun.”

“Dana please! Oh my fucking god!” I cried out in second hand embarrassment and hid my face.

She cackled. Greg was staring at her as though she was a visionary come to grant new gospel upon the world. Jeremy had an eye rolling smirk on his face.

Liam coughed, “Do we want to talk about plans?”

“Right, yeah! Plans!” I said a little too loudly.

“I think we should join a guild,” stated Karen.

“How come?” asked Greg and Liam at once.

“Because, if we find the right one, a good one, we can help make the area around Dailsil safe, for starters. There’s a ton of guilds out there fighting the Blackfeather Guild to stop them being assholes,” she explained.

I grimaced, “That guild are such a bunch of assholes. Are they run by the guy named Malcom Blackfeather?”

“Yup”

“I killed him yesterday. I beat him to death with my radiant shield after I thought he’d killed an innocent boy,” I said timidly.

“Wait what the fuck, that’s brutal. I heard you saved some people, but that’s just badass,” said Greg in approval.

“I didn’t really know what I was doing. I just kinda snapped,” I told the carpet at my feet.

“You might be targeted for that,” Karen said quietly in concern, “I’ll stay with you.”

“Okay, so are we agreed to join a guild? Find a good one?” asked Liam, bringing the conversation back on topic.

“Yup!” we all chorused.

“Before we go or stay and eat or whatever, I just wanna say I’m proud of you two, that was probably really hard to do,” Dana announced, “Any of you gives Syl or Karen shit will get my shoe up their ass,” She emphasised my new name. I love you Dana. In a friend way.

“What if I’m into that?” mumbled Greg, earning him a smack around the head.

We all laughed at Greg’s dirty mind. Then I felt something strange. When I looked down, I noticed Karen’s tail had curled around my arm like a living armband. I looked up at her with wide questioning eyes, but her face was beaming out at the group with a happy smile on her face. I don’t think she realised what she was doing.

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