Hard work won't get you anything. In time, I gave up everything was pointless.
Before turning ten, Devil threw away his life. It was filled with disgust and became a dead fish's eye to see the world.
That was when I was just in third grade.
As a result of the class change, the disgusting guy who was proud of being rich became the same class as Devil. Not only do I boast, but I luxury others well with my feathers, so many classmates appeared to sell to him hard.
Seeing that, Devil was filled with disgust for both. Of course, Devil doesn't imitate it in a flattering way.
Like Devil, there were several children who didn't try to flatter. The rich child did not care about it, and appealed to the child who mesmerized him to bully the child who did not.
The bullying became constant in the class, escalated it to you, the girl broke a bone and called an ambulance. It also became a PTA conference, but the school and the parents decided that there were no incidents and it was erased. Thanks to the fact that the rich bastard's parents were not just capitalists, but also deputies.
The rich kid, who grew up being allowed to do whatever he wanted, then more and more things to do escalated, but neither his parents nor his school seemed to understand that it was impossible, such as being able to do whatever the dickhead power wanted in this information society, and the incident spread lightly online, getting rid of it in newspapers, weekly magazines and news, and went on fire.
In the end, the rich kid is forced to transfer to school, until his parents are forced to quit the senator as well.
Devil sees the series of flows and thinks. It is not karma, etc. He said he just happened to overdo it, he just deserved it for being stupid.
He said if that rich kid did better - if he used his luck to the best of his ability, that he was born a rich kid, it wouldn't have suited him like this. That's what I thought then.
And Devil knows that there are a lot of smart, bad guys who are actually doing well. Certainly there are those who are getting happiness by feeding others. For example, yes - like Devil's parents.
"Happiness is built on corpses. I'm able to do that."
Devil's father had told Devil that since he was a little girl.
His father forced Devil to learn all sorts of things. English, swimming, time bang, martial arts, even plays. Before entering kindergarten, he also provided an English talent education.
"Only the strong and wise get the right to be happy. That's the world. I'm not making you stronger, thinking for you. It's for me. I can't believe my son is being exploited by other people to feed him, because worm spits run. So that you don't, so that you can satisfy me, you have to be good and strong. Try your best to do that. That's what I was born for, your duty."
Over and over again since he was a little girl, his father has told Devil that.
Devil's father was a resident of the back street. He is a man who lends so-called dark gold and is exactly what feeds others.
While his father pushed Devil with this, his mother was completely indifferent to Devil. She seems only interested in dressing herself in precious metals. Devil doesn't even remember being called out by his mother.
"Whatever you make me do, you only get halfway results, you"
One day, his father said away in an even colder voice as he showered a cold glance at Devil.
"I was the fool I expected. All my investment in you was in vain. It was pointless. You are incompetent. Was that woman's gene bad? He and you throw it away. I don't need it anymore. My genes are good, but you can't have one of them."
Sure enough, Devil couldn't get the results his father wanted. I tried my best to be Devil, but it didn't arrive exhausted.
Devil and his mother were really dumped. The mother committed suicide and Devil was taken over by her mother's grandparents.
Devil moaned and grieved at first too, but grief eventually turned to giving up.
Hard work won't get you anything. My parents were right, that I was incompetent, that everything I did was pointless, and Devil gave up everything. He gave up more than half his life.
That's just bad luck that I was born to such a parent. Devil realizes that his life is over as soon as possible.
On the other hand, I remember that rich kid. I thought I deserved that, but that was bad luck, too. My parents were rich but stupid, so I grew up with a stupid kid. I was wondering if it was more a parental responsibility than a child's, and it turned out to be a miserable upside. I mean, he said he was unlucky. He said he was a pathetic victim of God's deceit.
Everything in this world is a vain substitute for luck alone. Personal effort? That's luck, too. It is because of the environment in which we can strive and the talent to strive, in the name of guts. If you're unlucky where you tried in the first place, that won't do either. Because if you die in an accident, it's the end of a roll. Everyone is just being danced to by a bottomless piece of shit named God. That was Devil's view of life, which I came to as a young man.
My grandparents, who were taken from me, were perfectly opposite poles, both to their antisocial and selfish fathers and to their mothers, who had a fierce wasting habit of being my chunk. They were strict, disciplined, law-abiding and moral, socialist people.
Until then and from Devil, whose environment had changed, I honestly felt that life at my grandparents' house was harder than the life that had been pressed against my father until then. Anyway, the values don't fit.
God always makes me dance unnecessarily on stage by poking my unexpectedly mean script at myself. It is also true that my grandparents were a race totally incompatible with me.
My grandparents were also grandparents, silent and had no idea what they were thinking, and they had extra devils who didn't follow what they said.
It was undoubtedly the influence of grandparents that anti-sociality grew in Devil. Due to previous gaps and rebellion against grandparents, Devil, a boy who was more full of disgust than he was before, becomes more of a denial of the world than ever before.
"If you don't be the right person to follow the rules, you won't be able to live a happy life as an adult."
That dialogue, which my grandfather had spoken of every time, creeps into Devil's head like a dirty, uncomfortable hedron.
What is happiness in the first place? Devil at a young age, from which he could not understand.
Devil understood what it meant when he saw the news of a massive disaster one day.
"All dead guys are losers. I won't be able to do anything."
Reminds me that my father was talking about that.
A dead human must have thought he didn't want to die. The dead human family must be grieving. That means they're losers.
Everything in the world is only luck. Both unlucky losers. Everything you've ever built alive has been ruined, losers. Fun to think so.
"My happiness is built on the misfortunes of others"
Reminds me of my father's dialogue again. By looking at the misfortunes of others, Devil discovered that knowing makes him feel good. And I understood that this was the time for happiness.
I may have been unhappy. But thanks to that misfortune, I found a way to have fun in my unfortunate life. What a happy thing that is, Devil sincerely thinks. On that, that unprecedented bastard - I want to thank God.
Devil used to feel strongly jealous of the happiness of others, but that feeling disappeared. I began to think that misfortune was one of the pleasures of life, and that it was those who could not experience misfortune who came to the idea that they were pathetic and truly unhappy.
And the order that seems crappy to Devil - I seriously envisioned those who dared strip society of their teeth as heroes the vicious criminals who mass-produced so many misfortunes. No, I just felt like I was.
Devil got the power.
Without losing to society, Devil was able to present those who nest in society with the flavor of life in the name of misfortune.
That is a very happy time for Devil. Looks like it's become Santa Claus, not limited to Christmas.
Before such a devil, from the next to the next, appear those who stand in the way of their activities.
Devil even welcomes that. I'm looking forward to the disorder again. Their emergence and defeat are seriously annoying and seriously regrettable. That's why it's worth it.
The whole idea of luck in this world, too, is always gone. It became a different idea. Everything in this world has come to believe in God as He pleases.
This is a game with a mean god. This crappy world created by God and the boring destiny that God sets up. A game to taste how you resist them and find them interesting. How to defy them and make them interesting, the game that creates them.
If I scatter misfortune and tragedy, I'm sure God will enjoy it too. Devil believes that and doesn't doubt it. The game is not something you enjoy alone. It's something we all enjoy.
Especially this time. I am sincerely grateful to God, and I am sincerely cursed. He gave himself a wonderful gift, and took it from me. God. Woohoo, God...... The evil of the bottom line is not as good as you are. Really great. Despise and admire. The boulder is God.
Devil is not going to lose. Keep fighting that shithead who is more insidious and brutal than the devil. Keep playing. I named myself Devil because I'm the one who keeps being relative to that almighty filth.
The devil keeps fighting God, even though he knows it is a battle with no winnings. The devil keeps playing with God, even though he knows he will just be unilaterally humbled. Even if you know you're being danced by God, when you're dancing of your own free will, the devil keeps believing.