Chapter 464: 464 4.

Apparently, I've been abused ever since I got my mind on it.

I didn't recognize it as abuse, and I'm not traumatized. But from the public's point of view, that's probably like abuse.

"I'm not your father. You are alive and raised by me. You are the same as a person in appearance, but you are not treated as a person. It's a lot worse than us. A livestock that looks like a human being."

Since I was four or five years old, the man who gave me clothes and shelter kept telling me that dialogue over and over again.

"Humans are not equal. I am a man of character. You're just being kept, a bottom-line being. Less than people. He's a pathetic, miserable creature who can barely live because I'll keep him in mercy. Always turn that thing around."

I was young enough to recognize that he wasn't my real father.

He cursed me like a maggot every once in a while, and sometimes he acted violent.

You know, I wish you'd let me just eat rice and really treat me like a pet, but when you do, you're gonna plant me a study and send me to a famous private elementary school. I'm gonna soak you up, and you're gonna treat me like a parent and kid while I treat you like trash. It didn't make sense to me at the time.

During the meal, he had a treat in front of me alone, and I had a crude meal that was clearly inferior to that one.

"It's delicious, this. Is it something like 80,000 yen a meal for me tonight? Is yours something like 10,000 yen a meal at most? For a different price, I would definitely taste better ~"

They say the same thing every time they eat. At first, I didn't think anything of it. That was the routine. I also felt sorry for this man. I wasn't even angry.

I couldn't tell at the time, but now I think that the dishes served to me were quite lavish, even if they were clearly inferior to his rice...

I was really pissed off after I found out why a man was abusing me and why. He was more pathetic and miserable than I thought.

Whether it was cancer or something, he was invaded by death anyway.

For the inheritance, the relatives, whom I had never seen, came to visit me from the next as if I were in shit, but he yelled at me and drove me back.

I quit going to school and spent every day in the hospital. He wouldn't go to school. He scolded me hard, but I defied him for the first time then. No matter how yelled at, beaten, disobeyed, I slept in the hospital. I didn't leave that side. The doctors and nurses were worried about that, but I didn't follow.

I didn't like it when I was away. I wanted to be with you until the end of the day.

"You really... irritate me... you suck"

In a voice lacking hegemony, the one who lost weight and discolored his skin in dos black called out to me, always sitting still on the side of the bed.

"Before you die... you should tell me everything. You have a right to know…"

He always looked me in the eye and talked, but then he didn't try to look me in the eye, but he spoke in a sincere tone.

"I was the second son. But he nominated me to succeed him, as his father was young and suddenly died, and his eldest son, who suddenly became a toad, could not be entrusted with a clan-run company. I had a dream of being a football player, and I had come to a pretty good place, but my father's last favor made me take it on. I feel sorry for my brother."

It was surprising to hear that he had a brother. I didn't have a brother or anything in the Heritage Pursuit.

"I had inherited a company that I didn't want to inherit, did a job that I didn't want to do, dragged on the remorse of giving up my dreams, but I married a woman I was dating at the time, and I had happiness in my hands. She was the only one who was more than his heart and salvation. I loved you. But you, the one she was born into, you weren't my child. He was my brother's son who devoured my dreams."

So much so that I understood why my uncle hated and abused me. I meant to understand. But the real understanding came after that.

"She gave birth to you and died. My brother can't raise a child. I wasn't sure I'd abandon you for much longer, but I decided to raise you. I'm going to raise you up in revenge for those who betrayed me and took everything from me. After that... as you know. Phew."

So far I talked, with the groan, his face distorted in a way I had never seen, and the clear liquid fell from my eyes zero.

"You may resent me. Curse me. I was beating all my depression on you. By making you unhappy, I was trying to distract you. But it's over. It's the hilarious end of my unrequited life of repentance alone. Beat me back, curse me, spit. Now I'm gonna take you..."

His words stopped on the way.

I was almost unconsciously squeezing his hand hard and leaking a whimper.

He cried too. There was nothing more to say, in the hospital room, and the two of us cried all the time.

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That's when, for the first time in me, hatred and anger broke out. I almost ripped my chest open with remorse. My bowels were boiling back.

Not against him. I remembered my anger at the guy who tasted his life regrettably miserable. And hatred arose against him who hated his destiny. I cursed a guy named God.

The anger, the sadness, the remorse, the misery of that guy who cursed me but raised me properly, it was all then that I took over.

I don't think many people can understand how I feel about this.

I've only seen him since I was born, and I've always been aware of him. There is no hatred, and why did you continue to have a sense of pity?

Perhaps I noticed instinctively.

He's a very pure, childish man who's been crying and sending me autographs. I realized somewhere that he was complaining to me about his grief, his pain, his remorse, his anger in a very distorted way.

Even an adult looks like a kid younger than me, and I've always comforted him with crying.

"My life may have ended with an unmatched loser, but you don't lose. Whatever happens, don't lose. Good luck no matter what. Don't be frustrated. Don't give up. Don't lose."

At the end of the day, he left me with a nasty word that I would never forget.

I was out of the house the next day. After that, he lived a real life at the bottom. No house, fishing garbage, begging life. How long would it have lasted?

I'm not sure myself, even if they ask me why I did that. Maybe I was in the mood to bully myself then. My principles of action, my thoughts, my sensibilities, are so strange that I wonder about them myself.

It was the old man - Takegoro Inaguchi, the boss of Uber of Four Leaves - who picked me up like that.

I didn't obey either at first. But...

"With that youthfulness, you know, garbage fishing life. - Oh, that's too pathetic. I don't know why that happened, but I can't leave you alone. What's so fun about such a life? No matter how much you refuse, I can't help but take you."

The old man was right, he forced me into the organization's office.

I was mean at first, and I refused, but it also seemed kind of awfully bad to have pity on me for a stranger, and to let down the generosity of the super crazy old man I said I'd take care of, and I...

He became a member of the Ubar of Four Leaves, gained a dwelling house, and returned to a human life.

It hasn't been such a bad day since, but I can't forget my memories of the past and I'm filled with anger every day. I learn fierce anger at this world itself. I am always aware of God and them who created such a shitty world and spit in my heart.

"God, die"

That was my cliché.

Hands on gambling, losing all the time. I keep up most of my income. I live a shitty life. I also think vaguely that there may still be a desire to abuse myself. Well, there's a reason I like gambling purely to compete with people.

"You've won gambling if you want to risk your life. Of course, just because you won this bet doesn't mean you can win next time. Hey. Life's always like gambling. Come on."

A woman's spoken out dialogue is creeping up behind her brain.

That woman had a bright smile that was completely out of line with the dialogue when she uttered it. I don't care about that. God's intention, I thought he was the one who looked down on everything and lived.

He's grateful, but he doesn't want to remember. I hate guys who can afford it. Weirdly bright guys are more annoying.

Even though there are piles of guys in this world who are miserably cold and rolling without ever being free and without a happy bright smile. And yet what, on the other hand, is there a guy who can soak up happiness while in the same world?

Death to God. Were we born to be ridiculed by happy people? To be used by them, to feed them, to satisfy them for just a moment, we were born?

Life's always gambling? It all depends on just luck? Okay, sure, this world is made that way. If you're lucky, any scraps are reversed by a single shot at the lottery. No matter how much effort and achievements you build up if you're unlucky, accidents are all-lost with a single death. What the hell? The world like this shit.

Imagine what God is like. I'm sure he's got an ugly twat. No, it's not about appearance. I have no doubt that its sexual roots are twisted and bent.

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