Chapter 37: 18.2

If Tol really looked up to her with all his heart and grasped the situation properly, he wouldn’t have dared to have such a delusion. Every night, he was so bothered imagining her coming to kiss him, calling his name in a sweet voice, disheveled beneath him. As he knew there was no lock on her door, it was even more difficult to bear.
Now it was something only he could permit. If it was hard for him to speak first, it was okay for him to just nod or quietly leave his body to her to do whatever she wanted.
However, the logic behind flogging him all of a sudden always puts the brakes on, saying it shouldn’t be. Tol closed his eyes tightly as he recalled the marquis, who had gladly accepted him without asking why he had run away despite risking his relationship with the count.
On top of that, she was the only daughter and heir of the marquis. Though there was no status difference between her and a knight, can he dare to look over his daughter ungratefully? With that thought, even if he managed to escape from Sherri, he struggled and suffered again at night.
Rather he had hoped that she wouldn’t give him a choice by giving orders or pressing his body to where he couldn’t move. But the kind young woman always opened a space for him to run away. He hadn’t expected that to be so resentful and unfortunate.
He’d learned something new when he bolded out of the bedroom a few days ago. The butler, who had found Tol walking across the lobby soaking wet, sucked his teeth and quietly advised him:
“That young woman may be mischievous, but forcing a man to say no isn’t one of her hobbies.”
He had folded clothes while telling him that if he couldn’t accept the princess, frankly he wasn’t the one.
It also occurred to him that purity was not very important in the world these days, and that if you get too old with no experience, you will be suspected of being strange. At that time, he only thought it was the criticism of those who were frustrated with him, who was guarding his virginity too seriously.
Come to think of it, weren’t there situations where even married couples agreed to have their respective side partners because their marriage had gone south?

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Although she had called off a marriage once, it hadn’t been because there was a problem with her or the prince; but since it was related to the title, it hadn’t been a big flaw for one another. On top of that, her marriage was one of the concerns of the marquis, so she would be married in at least a few years.
No matter how naive Sherri may have thought he was, Tol desperately realized that he was not prepared to accept casual s*x, even in cases like just before.
In fact, to be frank, if he had s*x with her, he wasn’t confident of ending it as a one-time thing. Just the thought of an escort knight becoming something else made his heart cold and his chest tight. But if they had a deeper relationship here, he knew more than anyone else that he wouldn’t be able to break it off.
In the end, my greed was the problem.
He would gradually become greedier for her, and in the end, his greed might even require a government position. Oh, a politician. How could he—someone who’d grown up treated like the son of a concubine—become a politician? That was a different issue from the ‘illegitimate child’ he thought he had recovered from.
The situation was completely different from her mother who had met his father and had given birth to him when his father’s ex-wife had already died a long time ago. He probably wouldn’t be able to have Sherri for the rest of his life. If he couldn’t have her, it would be better to give up anyway.
He had lived that way. So, he didn’t know why he had been refusing the impossible relationship with Sherri with various excuses despite being conscious of it. But he kept wanting to hold her when he saw her turning her back on him and silently moving forward.
Should he appeal by saying “I’ll do what you want, just don’t throw me away.”? Will she accept him again if he says he is willing to endure even if she considers him just a moment’s play? His mind moved here and there dozens of times in a split second.
Before long, Sherri was standing at the end of the passageway. As soon as Tol grabbed Sherri’s arm and tried to tell her to go back to the room because he had done something wrong, she burst open the door and slipped out. Unable to catch her with a moment’s hesitation, Tol’s arm fell helplessly out of the air.

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