Chapter 10: Chapter 9: my reflection

Moving the mirror farther away from me, I see my entire reflection. The typical slender frame and sharp ears of the elves, though shorter than typical height. Shoulder length green hair that is slightly messier than last time I saw it, nestled in the hood of my green hoodie. 

I really should go through my two distinct sets of memories, one from the human named George and the other from the elf Zena, before doing anything else. Pretty much all memories from Zena’s perspective have a corresponding memory from George’s perspective, but the reverse is not true. George’s memories vastly outnumber Zena’s. At the very least, both of them agree that I am currently in Zena’s body. This pretty much confirms that I am George, or at the very least, I was George, before I was put in this body. I remember creating Zena with the explicit intent of beating the first mission, and once I started playing, the memory from Zena’s perspective continues alongside it. If this was the first of Zena’s memories, it would make perfect sense that I have simply been transferred to her body, but it’s not the first. The first memory is when I ran away from the life as a princess. The visceral frustration of the stifling life of royalty, the anxiety as I ran away from the only life I knew, the sadness of how much I had to give up for my freedom and finally the boundless joy of being free from responsibilities. Forging myself a new identity as a traveling mage and getting caught up in a skirmish in a neighboring country. This is one of the few memories that George had no knowledge about, aside from how to operate this body. I remember the king and queen as nice, if not overprotective parents, but nothing specific. On the other hand, I remember George’s parents perfectly clear. Maybe there is more to David’s claim than I am both, though George is very much the dominant one.

How should I continue on? Should I just continue on as Zena, or should I look for a way back to earth? Do I even want to go back if given the chance? Yes, I think so. George’s life was pretty good, no need to fight, a few good friend, a lovely family that doesn’t try to control my life. While Zena is wealthier than George was, he had a home, Zena does not. Zena has powerful magic, which George did not. Honestly, the thing I would like most is probably resuming George’s life, but with the powerful and beautiful body of Zena. But what is this body truly like? Zena’s memories lack a lot of details and George only ever saw it through the screen. I have inhabited it for nearly two days, but I have not thought about it at all. It’s odd remembering the specifics of a different body than the one you are using, but because a lot of habits and muscle memories came with the body, it hasn’t felt unnatural in any way. If I hadn’t had two sets of memories, that is if George was just stuffed into this body, I might not have noticed the change for a while. Not being consciously aware of your body is still weird and something I need to rectify.

Thinking that the floating mirror is a bit small, even though it is nearly as tall as me, I look through my inventory and find a triple dressing mirror. Taking it out, it stands almost two meters tall, with each mirror being almost a meter wide, the center one being slightly wider than the others. The wooden borders are beautifully decorated with carvings of leaves, but unlike my new favorite mirror, it does not hover, forcing me to physically move it to a decent spot. Using the angles reflection to get a view of my backside, I notice some dirt on my backside from when the mana thruster threw me to the ground. Casting cleanse on myself, and observing the process with my eyes, I see that first my ear-rings glow green then the dirt evaporates into a green mist. 

Deciding to undress to get more aware of my body, I take off my hoodie and pants without using magic. Standing there I see that my body is covered with a lot of black tattoos, contrasting nicely with my pale skin. You could decide the color in the game, but going with the whole green and black color scheme, George made them black. Seeing all the tattoos, I enumerate them all, thinking of the magical effect associated with each of them, fall damage reduction, resistances to poison and most other negative status effects, passive mana barrier, perception increase and a whole slew of other passive buffs. I continue until I get to the right shoulder, which has a black butterfly. Zena never had that, George did. I don’t know why it is on this body, but I am glad. It had meant a lot to George, and now me by transference. It symbolizes the all too short life of my childhood friend.

Feeling a tear forming in my eye as I bring my hand to it. Seeing that tattoo has solidified my connection to George in a very material way, suddenly it is no longer just in my head, I have proof. I can’t help but smile and shed a tear or two. 

After calming down after a bit, I continue the process of becoming consciously aware of my body. Feeling the limits on my range of motions, finding out that I am a lot more flexible than George ever was. Having breasts is a new experience for George, but being relatively small, they don’t really change anything. Being without a penis, almost feels relieving. I mean I have never had anything against it, but never really anything for it either. George had it since birth and never really got a choice in the matter. I will see if a vagina is any better as time passes, but at least it’s not an external tangly bit that needs protecting. Being referred to as a woman hasn’t bothered me so far, but the only one to really do that is the innkeeper. I doubt I will feel anything negative about it, since strangers often did so when we played in groups, probably because of the voice changer and the fact that I played as Zena.

So where do I go from here? Do I live on as George? No, it is not really possible. Then, do I continue the life of Zena? Again no. Seeing as my mind is mostly George, I don’t think I can continue strictly as Zena, even if I know how she behaves. Then again, why do I have to choose one or the other? I think I will just do what I want from here. I don’t need to conform to either person, though I will stick with the name Zena, since it is attached to this body, and both George and Zena are quite fond of it. I think I will continue fiddling with magic and I might try to make some electronics. It will probably be significantly harder without earth’s infrastructure, but I have freaking MAGIC! So at the very least, it should be doable, unless this world physics doesn't allow for it, which would be fun to figure out.

Taking me out of my musing over the future that now looks infinitely less bleak, is the sound of a door handle coming down and a door opening. Turning my head, I see a slightly wobbling Jools standing in the open door.

 

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