Book One is now on Amazon and Audible!

 

OK! So! Book is now live! (Might take an hour or two to become live from when this chapter is posted depending on your time zone) Please check it out! I am so very stressed but also excited and if you read it please please please remember that books on amazon live and die by their reviews. Just be aware that amazon will slap an author if it's not a 5 star review, even though 4 stars is also good! It makes no sense, but there you go.

It's free on KU (although if you flick through too fast the page reads don't count so be aware professional speed readers) and if you have Audible it's a free credit. If you order a physical book direct from amazon I can't sign it but in October I will be in America and can sign and send books/merch in bundles so if you want a signed book just DM me so I can build a pre-order list. I should have done this earlier but it turns out sometimes your best ain't good enough when it comes to getting all the things done.

I will also be doing some book readings/launch events in Sydney and Melbourne Australia (I'll be speaking at a panel at PAX AUS! Will give more detail later on this week) and will be doing book stuff in America late October/November, locations TBA. Any advice on that, lemme know.

My brain is scrambled but hopefully that all made sense lesgoooo.

 

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Chapter time!

 

After that strange, but obviously meaningful, exchange between Sencha Bard and Definitely Bad Guy, the group set off across the hills.

 

“Right,” the Chosen One said, halting just before they reached the treeline. “We’ve got one last Temple, the big showdown with the big bad, and then we’re done. Was there anything that anyone wanted to finish up before we hit up the final Temple?”

 

“Let me check what my book says,” Qube said, pulling out “A Gentleman’s Guide to the Seven Temples” and opening it to the passage on the seventh Temple. With a pang, she realised that she’d never gotten the chance to buy those new books from Mr. Igma’s store and, with the Evil Emperor being in the plaza, she didn’t want to return until they were sure he was gone.

 

The true gentleman must take care when entering this tangled Temple, the guide read. Time turns back upon itself, so that an intrepid explorer may find he runs into himself far too often!

 

Qube had a sudden, vivid mental image of herself as a child running into her adult self. It would be so amazing to see how impressed her younger self was with her! Not only had her potential Chosen One actually become the real Chosen One, but she’d been practically all over the kingdom and met hundreds of interesting people! Why, she’d been too busy having adventures to eat in months!

 

Granted, her younger self might be upset about the death of not only her entire village, but the fact that her Prophecy-assigned best friend was being puppeted by an outsider, however, the rest of the stuff was still exciting enough that Qube hoped her younger version wouldn’t be too upset.

 

Or maybe she just wouldn’t tell herself about all the death. As soon as that thought occurred to her she pulled herself up. The Chosen One really was having an influence on her.

 

No, if her child self asked about the village, she would tell herself the truth, no matter what, and then help herself deal with the emotions. That was what true support was. She just hoped she didn’t make herself cry.

 

“I would, if possible, like to continue gathering materials for my epic saga,” Sencha Bard said.

 

“I need to think of a name for myself,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady added.

 

“I have nothing I can accomplish without my tower,” Definitely Bad Guy finished.

 

Squiggles just danced.

 

“I’d like to go back to Construct Crossroads,” Qube said suddenly.

 

The Chosen One blinked slightly. “Oh yeah, that place. I forgot about that quest,” he said.

 

The party had left Construct Crossroads on the brink of civil war, brought about by the automatons’ creator, the Constructor, refusing to take any kind of responsibility towards his offspring. All the constructs he’d made had become convinced that Zincy, a metal construct, and Slate, a rock construct, were dead, despite the fact the two annoying lovers were standing in the middle of the town sighing at each other.

 

At the time, Qube hadn’t understood why they’d been doing that, but after the last few Temples she’d started to form vague theories about what had caused their behaviour.

 

She hadn’t meant to make the request to go back to Construct Crossroads, not until after they’d defeated the Evil Emperor, but it had just popped out of her mouth. She had been thinking about them increasingly, she supposed.

 

“I would understand if we don’t have time for that, though,” she added to ease her guiding light side. “If the situation hasn’t exploded by now, it might well be able to wait until after.”

 

She didn’t feel great about saying that, but the quest to restore peace to the kingdom did take precedence. 

 

“While I respect your desire to help out those unfortunate constructs, I would prefer if we went to the final Temple first,” Sencha Bard said. “I have a feeling—” he broke off, glancing at Definitely Bad Guy. “I hope to have a new song by then that should help us in dealing with the Constructor.”

 

Qube looked at Definitely Bad Guy, who seemed just as confused as she was. The Chosen One gave Sencha Bard a pleased smile.

 

“Yeah, it’ll be cool to have you finish your personal quest stuff, as long as it doesn’t wreck your ability to make new songs,” he said. “As long as it’s not creepy mind control [snacks], that is.”

 

“No, no,” Sencha Bard reassured the Hero. “I promise, this will only be physical.”

 

“I bet you say that to all the ladies,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said huskily. The Bard turned to her, his eyes lighting up, and Qube hurriedly intervened before they could start flirt-training with each other.

 

“Time Temple works for me!” she said, quickly setting off to the East. “Come on, time to go!” The Chosen One loped after her, and gently nudged her with his shoulder so she turned more to the right.

 

“I thought you didn’t want to lead,” he teased her. “But if you're going to, at least lead us in the right direction!”

 

Qube flushed, but didn’t slow down.

 

“Sencha Bard,” she called over her shoulder, “what do you know about this Temple?”

 

The Bard broke off from his back and forth with the Hunter and a very excited Squiggles. Qube hoped they weren’t teaching the young sharktopus the wrong sort of thing.

 

“Little is known about the place,” he said. “Even less than the other Temples. I have heard tell of a giant black hole that lurks somewhere between the impenetrable woods that houses your village, and the desert of the SandBright people. None who have set off to travel from the village to the desert or back have ever returned from it to tell its tale, though rumours abound of creatures emerging in the night to feast upon the unsuspecting.”

 

“Who would be travelling from our village to the desert?” Qube asked sceptically. “Our village had a protective seal around it so that the only person who could ever leave was Mr. Clockwork. I know people said that they went to Cobbletown all the time, even if I never noticed them actually going, but none of them ever said anything about coming from or going to a desert, and we never had anyone visit from the desert.”

 

“Perhaps anyone from the desert who tried to visit you got consumed by the blackhole,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady suggested. “Or there are lands beyond our own that they visit from. We aren’t the only people in the world, my sweet.”

 

Well that didn’t sound right to Qube at all. Sure, there was room in her mind for the theoretical existence of other kingdoms, but the idea that they not only were nearby, but would try coming into their kingdom just felt wrong. After all, if there were other kingdoms, why hadn’t they come to help when the Evil Emperor had staged his coup?

 

Unless the Evil Emperor was keeping everyone else out. Maybe once they saved the kingdom they could visit the other kingdoms and see what they were like! And, while their own kings and queens would naturally be inferior to her kingdom’s king and queen, they would still be Royalty, which was exciting.

 

Her regard for the Devs who stood as gods to her might be tarnished, but she would never allow Royals to be anything other than amazing.

 

It was at this point that the Chosen One summoned Scaley-waley and mounted the wyvern. The beast seemed oddly twitchy — perhaps he was agitated because he’d spent too long cooped up in the Royal Bestiary while the party had been in Cobbletown dealing with a whole slew of problems.

 

He snapped at nothing a few times, and attempted to charge at a giant that was briefly visible off in the distance. The Chosen One kept pulling at his reins, trying to keep him under control.

 

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“Easy, boy, easy,” he said, turning the snapping reptile away from a group of red-eyed rabbits. “No murdering things without permission. Permission from me, to be clear; no giving yourself permission.”

 

The wyvern snorted, but settled down. The party was making good time, skirting around all potentially hostile animals and sticking to the main road. They were walking almost parallel to the path leading to the village, and occasionally Qube would see glimpses of the woods she’d spent her entire life surrounded by on one side, and the vast grasslands that lead to the desert on the other side of her.

 

In a way it was really quite convenient that the biomes were so delineated. It meant that there was very little chance of them getting lost and accidentally backtracking to another Temple. As long as they stuck to the path, there was no chance of them getting turned around, and it was wide enough that they could avoid any animals attempting to attack them, thus causing their Hero to bravely flee for ethical reasons.

 

That was when the Bandits attacked.

 

Although “attacked” may have been too strong a word for what occurred.

 

“Well, well, well,” the first Bandit said, stepping out from behind a tiny bush. “Looks like we got some people trying to get into our hole. You wanna get in our hole, you gotta pay the toll.”

 

“Hur, hur. Hole toll,” the big one mumbled.

 

“Yeah! Yeah! Or we’ll cut you!” the small one jabbed at them.

 

It was the exact same trio of bandits they’d run off from outside the Forbidden Forest, all those months ago! They hadn’t changed a bit. The leader stepped forward with an unearned confidence, his black leathers looking just as tattered as before.

 

“Oh, not these guys again,” the Chosen One groaned. “I thought they were a one-off.”

 

“And don’t you be thinking you can trick us again with some broad,” the head Bandit said. “We got our own now!”

 

“Oh!” Qube said. “These are those Grease people!”

 

She’d never actually found their country in the library, so this was a good chance to find out more about them directly from the source. But first, she had to have an important question answered.

 

“Ask them if they ever found their Bear Mage!” she said, eagerly tugging at the Chosen One’s clothes.

 

“It wasn’t—ah, fine. Did you ever find your Bear Mage?” the Chosen One relayed. The Bandits stopped gesturing for a second and just stared at him. The Chosen One sighed, and looked at Qube.

 

“See?” he said, shrugging. “That’s what I keep telling you. It’s not a Bear Mage, or their pet, it was just a random bear in a cave. So you don’t need to—”

 

And that was when the bear attacked them.

 

It rushed out from behind the same tiny bush the bandits had been in and swiped one massive claw at the Chosen One.

 

“[Lesser Shield],” Qube cast, only to have the spell immediately destroyed by a paw the size of her face smashing into the shield.

 

“Get ‘em, Edwina!” the main Bandit shouted, jumping back and forth.

 

“Yeah! Slice ‘em up! Slice ‘em up good!” the small one screeched, vibrating with excitement.

 

“Good girl,” the big one rumbled.

 

“[Lesser Shield]!” Qube cast again as the Chosen One rolled off of Scaley-waley, pulling out his own shield and Sacred Sword.

 

“[By the Prophecy] the [fiddling] thing was a Bear Mage!” the Chosen One shouted. The bear roared and swiped again, choosing a more physical attack than one would expect a Mage to use.

 

But then, who needed fireballs when you were a bear? A bear with very big claws, and massive teeth.

 

Scaly-waley, rather than joining in the fight, ran, leaving the whole group behind as he bolted back towards Cobbletown. Squiggles, showing up her younger brother, launched herself at the Bear Mage, wrapping herself around the bear’s muzzle and clamping it shut.

 

“Call it off!” the Chosen One shouted, as he rolled out of the way of another attack, jabbing his sword and cutting along the creature’s forearm. Sencha Bard had already started singing, his green mana wrapping around the party, while Definitely Bad Guy and Sexy Screamy Spider Lady both launched their attacks at the same time.

 

“[Double Shot],” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady called at the same time Definitely Bad Guy cried “[Fireball]!”

 

A powerful fireball hit the Bear Mage at the same time as two bolts thumped into its side. The bear gave a bellow filled with pain and rage.

 

“Stop!” the big Bandit shouted.

 

“What’s wrong with you?” the lead Bandit yelled, dashing up to the bear. “Can’t you see she’s a lady? How could you hit a girl like that?”

 

The giant bear, towering over the trio of Bandits that had rushed to her side, roared again. The trees shook as she slammed a massive paw into the ground.

 

“Yeah, yeah, down girl,” the small Bandit said. “Easy, easy. You’re all cut up!”

 

The party stopped fighting as the Bandits fussed over the Bear Mage, giving her what they said was their only health potion and reassuring her that her fur would grow back quickly.

 

“You’re real sick, pal, hurting Edwina like that,” the lead Bandit scolded a dumbstruck Hero. “Why, she found us when we were in a real spot of trouble after we taught youse lot a lesson last time.”

 

Qube seemed to remember the Bandits running away in terror from Sexy Screamy Spider Lady flirting with them, so she wasn’t sure what lesson that had been meant to be.

 

“And we nursed her back to health, and she’s been with us ever since. She’s a real swell dame, and you go and hurt her like that! Your mother would be ashamed of you!”

 

“I’m…sorry?” the Chosen One offered, dropping his sword so it pointed at the ground.

Edwina the Bear Mage snorted at him, and licked the big Bandit who’d just pried an unresisting Squiggles off of her muzzle.

 

“I don’t know if it’s this place, or me,” the Hero said, staring at the Bandits cooing over the massive Bear Mage. “But one of us has definitely gone mad.”

 

“It could be both,” Qube said helpfully. “I think it’s probably both.”

 

“I think,” the Hero said faintly, “you might just be right.”

 

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