Chapter 29: Chapter Twenty Nine: Giant Lava Slime Party

The Giant Lava Slime opened its mouth, revealing a perfect circle of teeth, and screamed. The smaller lava slimes also started screaming, their tea-kettle screeches nearly lost beneath the boiling-cauldron booming screech of the royal slime. Everyone clapped their hands over their ears to try and block out the cacophony, except for the Chosen One. While he did grimace, instead he was focused on the treasure they’d gotten in the previous room. The string between the two metal rods was going insane, and the machine itself was making a (much quieter) squealing sound.

 

Glancing at the slimes, he pushed a button on the machine, and the screaming instantly stopped. Instead, a deep, smooth voice issued from the box.

 

“WELCOME, TRAVELLERS. YOU HAVE OVERCOME MUCH TO MAKE IT TO MY DOMAIN.”

 

“Welcome, welcome! We gladly greet you!” a chorus came.

 

The Chosen One turned a knob on the metal box, and the voices quieted somewhat.

 

“No doubt you have come to defeat the evil reptiles, and help restore me to my rightful throne,” the deep smooth voice continued. Qube looked from the box, to the crown-wearing giant lava slime, then back to the box.

 

Was this some kind of… translation device? But then why weren’t they still hearing the slimes screaming? Was it stealing their voices somehow?

 

“We lava slime had long lived within the volcano. It is our mother,” the crowned slime continued to speak through the box. “Our father was a meteor that fell from the sky many moons ago, and became embedded deep within our mother.”

 

“Ew,” the Chosen One said.

 

The slime ignored him.

 

“The power of their union was so strong, that it created the True Fire. It is from this True Fire that we draw our strength, and this flame which first gave us sentience. Without it, we would surely return to the mindless blobs of magma that we were before.”

 

The Chosen One, possibly put off by the story of volcano/flame birth, but more likely just bored by the lore-dump, handed the metal box over to Sewer Bard.

 

“Here,” he said casually, shoving Sewer Bard in front of the slimes, “you take care of this.”

 

“Definitely Bad Guy,” Qube said, stepping to the Mage Advisor's side, “how is that metal box working?” 

 

“And that is what those reptiles seek to take from us! Our mother’s egg! They claim it is the First Breath of some dragon, but no dragon abides here!” The Giant Lava Slime was wriggling in its agitation, causing waves of magma that sent the smaller slimes bobbing up and down. “Everyone knows dragons live in mountains, not volcanoes!”

 

“Your majesty, we understand that this must be quite difficult for you,” Sewer Bard said, bowing. However, like with the King Salamander, the slime ignored him, its boulder eyes following the Chosen One. The Chosen One was carefully pushing a giant rock off the little island the party was standing on, and watching it bob in the magma. 

 

“It is a vibration sensor,” Definitely Bad Guy quietly explained to Qube, ignoring the monologuing occurring in front of him. “It detects their frequency, and translates it so we can understand it.”

 

Qube nodded thoughtfully, still staring at the box. 

 

“Why was it in the treasure chest?” she asked.

 

Definitely Bad Guy froze in place.

 

“So we must take back the True Fire from the monster those slimy reptiles have summoned, before we starve to death!” The Giant Lava Slime had a tiny tail that it was thrashing in anger. It accidentally whacked a few of its subjects, sending them spinning away with little cries of distress.

 

Qube wondered why a lava slime would use the word slimy as an insult. Surely that would be a compliment? She looked at Definitely Bad Guy, who was still staring straight ahead. He hadn’t blinked in quite some time.

 

He must have been thinking about her question very hard.

 

Best she leave him to it, then.

 

Sewer Bard was also staring. No, wait, Qube realised as she looked closer at him, actually, he was glaring at the Giant Lava Slime. Sewer Bard bowed again.

 

“We would be happy to assist you, your majesty,” he said, still frowning. It was the closest to angry Qube had ever seen him. Meanwhile, Sexy Screamy Spider Lady was shifting and stretching in place, her four arms above her head as she reached up, thrusting her thorax out and distorting several of her children’s faces. It also meant that her body was continuously covering and revealing her clothes. She seemed totally disconnected from what was happening before them.

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“So we leave it to you, Light Bringer, to overthrow these self-appointed rulers, and leave our mother volcano to us, her children!”

 

The Chosen One stopped throwing the boulders into the magma long enough to look at the giant slime and its tiny crown.

 

“So who made you the ruler then?” he asked. Qube beamed at him for taking an interest in the lore of the world.

 

The Giant Lava Slime closed its mouth. Interestingly, even though its mouth was a perfect circle when open, when closed its mouth formed a little triangle. It peered at its relatively tiny lava slime subjects, then pivoted its eyes to look at its own crown. It seemed to be thinking.

 

“We held a vote,” the giant slime said eventually. “Whoever was the biggest got to be the ruler first.” It fell silent as it continued pondering this. “Yes,” it said after another few moments. “Because this was an emergency. But I will give back the crown when this is done.” It nodded with its eyestalks. “And then we will rule ourselves, until the next crisis.”

 

To Qube, that sounded like total chaos. You couldn’t vote for rulers! A ruler ruled because they were born better than you! It was like trying to elect a mayor! No one ever decided who was king, or emperor, or mayor; they just were. What would the world be like, if everyone went around just deciding who was in charge? Total anarchy! 

 

Qube did not approve of the lava slime’s governing methods one bit! 

 

“And then I have to give back the throne, too,” the Giant Lava Slime continued, sounding a little less happy about that. “But that is fine, for what does a slime need with a throne? We have no spines. Maybe we can make golden cushions.” The smaller slimes sang their enthusiasm for this plan. “Yes!” the Giant Lava Slime bellowed, suddenly totally confident again. “Cushions for all slime!”

 

The Chosen One had once again lost interest in the political landscape of the volcano’s creatures, and had instead resumed throwing boulders into the magma. He appeared to be working his way towards a small platform next to the wall, where a small golden coin was. As he jumped on the boulders, they would sink under his weight, then bob back up to the surface. If it had been water, Qube would have called it impossible, but, not knowing the properties of magma, she figured that was just how magma and rocks worked.

 

“So, go forth, Light Bringer, and defeat that evil beast summoned by the lizard folk!” the Giant (royal?) Lava Slime said, continuing its monologue. “And bring us back our food!”

 

At the slime’s words, another section of the floor slid back, and the party moved on.

 

---

 

“Do you wish for this back, Chosen One?” Sewer Bard offered the metal box to the Hero. Qube looked at Sewer Bard; he had sounded rather subdued ever since the King Salamander. Maybe it was the fact that all the royalty they’d met had been ignoring him? But surely he would expect that — after all, who would want to speak to a companion, or other normal person, when they had the chance to speak to the Chosen One of the Golden Prophecy? Maybe having come from the sewers, Sewer Bard wasn’t used to being ignored — after all, he had been the most attractive person they had met in the sewers by far and, coupled with his ability to see the true beauty in people, he was probably used to being treated better.

 

For a moment Qube felt mildly annoyed at Sewer Bard — she never got upset by people ignoring her, and she was the Prophecy Approved Companion! Granted, she had been invisible ever since they’d left the village, but still! The fact it had taken her so long to figure out that she was invisible just showed how good she was at not hogging the limelight!

 

But then her throb of annoyance faded away. While Sewer Bard couldn’t hope to ever achieve her level of Companion expertise, he did seem to sincerely want to help the Chosen One in his quests, and if he was getting down about literally everyone ignoring him, it was her job to cheer him up, and make him a productive member of the party. Once they got out of this volcano, and were in a secure and spacious location, she would [Heal] him, and have a quiet chat about the importance of not letting your ego get in the way of the Chosen One’s specialness.

 

It had, admittedly, been one of the hardest lessons for her to learn, back when the Chosen One was just a Potential Chosen One. Even though she’d known since birth that she was destined to remain in someone else’s shadow, it had still taken a lot of effort to not accidentally put her own desires before the Potential Chosen One’s. Even simple things such as not entering a room before him, or not speaking to someone until they had first engaged with the Potential Chosen One had required training, and it had taken several years to learn how to be happy tagging along, doing whatever the Potential Chosen One wanted to do, with only verbal reminders of what she felt he should be doing as the only way she had to influence him.

 

Thinking of the village made her feel a rush of homesickness. She wondered how they were progressing with rebuilding everything — the Chosen One had said that the Evil Emperor had destroyed all the buildings, and everyone had fled to safety. Hopefully Mr. Clockwork would be able to bring them all the building supplies they needed, and Mr. Igma wasn’t being too stingy. 

 

She couldn’t remember exactly how long it had been since the Chosen One and she had left the village, but she couldn’t wait to get back and tell everyone about all the crazy adventures they’d had! Then they’d have a big spontaneous celebration, like the Forest Folk had, with lots of barrels, and they would dance and tell stories and then… and then…

 

Qube wasn’t entirely sure what one did, after they saved the world. Retire? The Golden Prophecy never mentioned what happened after they saved the world, given it was just about defeating evil. To be honest, Qube had been so wrapped up in whether or not her Potential Chosen One would become the Chosen One (or they would be forced to follow along one of the other pairs), then had been so busy actually saving the world that she’d never stopped to think about what they would do afterwards. Maybe they would get a job in court with the Exiled Prince and Princess? She looked at Definitely Bad Guy, a blush skating across her cheeks.

 

Maybe… if he was also still working as the Mage Advisor, he would expect her to give some thought to his dramatic declaration of protection/very blatant being in love with her-ness, and that would just be… not something she should be thinking about right now!

 

Saving the world; that’s what she should be thinking about! They were in the heart of an active volcano! Shaking herself, she looked around the room they were in, only to realise that while she’d been lost in thought, the party had somehow managed to murder a bunch of moving rocks. Golems, that was the word!

 

The Chosen One was holding his magical bent stick — there’d been some kind of gem on the back of the golems he’d needed to hit with it? Suddenly remembering that the magical bent stick had been split into twins when she’d grabbed it in the Forest Temple, Qube pulled the twin out of her backpack and offered it to the Chosen One.

 

“Your magical bent stick!” she explained, as he stared at it in confusion. “It made a double, back when we fought the boss of the tree.” The Chosen One’s look of bewilderment changed to one of unholy glee.

 

“Wait a minute…” he grabbed her shoulders, and Qube felt a shiver run down her spine, “you mean you can replicate stuff?” His eyes were positively burning.

 

“Oh we are going to [Fiddle]. Things. Up!” he crowed.

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