Chapter 53: Chapter Fifty Three: Otter Nonsense

Definitely Bad Guy started flinging fireballs at the falling sharks. Sexy Screamy Spider Lady was ready and firing, and music whipped around the room as Sewer Bard started strumming. Qube instantly cast [Lesser Shield] on the Chosen One, who calmly flicked the lever back into position.

 

As soon as he did, the water stopped flowing and the sharks slammed into the ground, flopping around in the shallow water. The Chosen One drew his Sacred Sword and plunged it into the floundering fish.

 

Watching the Chosen One kill the sharks was … well, it was like shooting fish in a barrel. Which, if Qube thought about it, seemed a pointless thing to do. The water would do damage to the arrows, and it would be easier to just stab them with a spear. Or a Sacred Sword granted to him to help defeat an otherwise unstoppable evil. Like the Chosen One was.

 

“I don’t think that’s how the trap was supposed to go,” Sewer Bard said, as the sharks turned into loot. 

 

“Yeah they really need to lock the lever once it springs,” the Chosen One shrugged as he finished collecting the sharks’ remains. “I’ll make a note of it.”

 

“Do you think it’s because the Temple is quite new and learning how to make traps?” Qube asked, as the Chosen One reactivated the switch. “It seems like the mermaids haven’t been here long. Otherwise the lady on the rock would have passed away by now.” Qube frowned as her sense of logic caught up.

 

“Wait, the Golden Prophecy hasn’t changed since we were kids. How were we supposed to make the water cry if not by defeating the Deep Ones and using their tears to restore the mermaid’s homes? And the fishing folk said that they would starve soon, so it can’t have been terribly long that the Temple’s existed.”

 

The Chosen One went and stood before Qube, turning his back to her. Qube shifted his backpack so it wouldn’t hit her before climbing onto his back, but continued talking.

 

“Is it possible that she’s mistaken? It seems unlikely that the Deep Ones would have explained their weakness to her, and she didn’t give us any of her credentials. She didn’t seem like a Mage. She also doesn’t know that we need to defeat the Water Temple, rather than just restore her city. So it’s entirely plausible that we would need some other method to actually complete the Water Temple and get what we need.”

 

As the water flooded the room, the party started rising with it. The Chosen One sighed wistfully as Qube pulled against his neck.

 

“I could have saved a hundred gold,” he said to himself. “Why did I buy you an outfit?”

 

“Chosen One, you can’t refuse to buy me clothes just because I haven’t quite figured out how to wear them properly,” Qube scolded as they reached the entrance halfway up the wall. “Who knows what would have happened to me if I hadn’t been kind of wearing the clothes. I could have drowned!”

 

“I don’t think you can?” Chosen One seemed uncertain. He shrugged her off as they stepped through the entrance. “I have no idea what would happen if I was wrong though, and I kinda don’t want to test it. That is starting to feel like it would be actually wrong.”

 

The entrance turned out to be more of a portal. The water overflowed through, pouring out into a churning river that seemed to have once been a corridor.

 

“Chosen One…” Qube said. The Chosen One turned to look at her. “What do you mean actually wrong?” She narrowed her eyes at him as he suddenly looked mildly guilty. “It’s wrong to test drowning on anyone!” she said.

 

Before they could continue their discussion on the ethics of seeing whether or not you could drown your childhood companion, a giant tentacle lashed out from the foaming water and wrapped itself around the Chosen One’s waist.

 

He looked at the tentacle in confusion, then at Qube, before the tentacle yanked him into the water.

 

“Chosen One!” Qube screamed, as he disappeared under the waves. She couldn’t see him! How was she supposed to shield him if she couldn’t see him? Without another thought, she jumped into the river.

 

It was deeper than she’d imagined, taking precious seconds to get through the foam caused by the rapids so she could see clearly. From above, muffled only by the thundering of the river, she heard the others spring into action. Sewer Bard’s music reached her as she hit the floor of the once-corridor, and, as Qube spotted the tentacled abomination holding her dearest friend hostage, Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s bolt thudded into its body.

 

“Be careful!” Qube yelled, before casting [Lesser Shield] on the Chosen One. There was no way the Hunter had been able to see through the white waves, she must be firing blindly. The Chosen One was turned away from Qube, trying to stab the giant octopus-looking thing in the head while it wildly flailed him about.

 

“[Lesser Blight]!”

 

Qube watched in horror as the tentacle holding the Chosen One bubbled. A line of large sores burst open, racing towards the creature’s body.  The octopus screamed as it dropped the Chosen One, its tentacles curling in on themselves as it tried in vain to shield itself from the attack. Qube felt sick as she watched it wither before her eyes.

 

Suddenly she wasn’t sure if she actually wanted to learn how to curse people.

 

As soon as the Chosen One was released, he started spinning in place, grabbing at water as if trying to anchor himself.

 

“Chosen One, grab my hand!” Qube cried as she ran across the floor towards him. He couldn’t seem to hear her, though, as he tumbled down the river. Several more bolts punched through the attacker’s slippery skin before it abruptly exploded into several small tentacles that were immediately whipped away by the current. Qube didn’t wait to see if the other party members followed, instead racing after where the Chosen One had been taken. 

 

Keeping her eyes trained upwards, she saw several entrances and switches flash by, but no sign of the Chosen One. There was no way she could get up out of the water to investigate the branching routes, at least not until she found some of her teammates. Instead, all she could do was run, and hope.

 

She was so busy looking up that she missed the corridor ending. She blindly stepped into the air, before dropping into watery nothingness.

 

Tumbling down the waterfall she hit the bottom of it with a jarring thud that rattled her teeth. Taking a second to orient herself, she heard three separate splashes as her fellow party members hit the surface above her. The stone beneath her was covered in mud, and she scrambled up to find herself on the edge of a mud-made pool.

 

The sound of vomiting alerted her as to where the Chosen One was. She followed it to find the Chosen One retching into the slightly muddy water. It looked like he had been trying to make it to the shining blue Save Point before his nausea overcame him.

 

“[Heal],” Qube said, her mana soaking into him.

 

“Thanks,” the Chosen One mumbled, as his vomit dissipated. Qube tried very hard not to look at it. She really didn’t want to know what the Chosen One had been eating in the Royal Kitchen. The Chosen One one looked up at her. Even after her {Heal]ing, he still looked almost… haggard. He rubbed his eyes and winced.

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“Was that not enough?” Qube asked worriedly.

 

“No, you’re fine,” he dismissed her. “This has nothing to do with you. For once.”

 

Qube frowned at him.

 

“Chosen One, you musn’t allow your fondness for me to blind you to reality. There are many things that have nothing whatsoever to do with me,” she said, much more gently than she normally would. Something about the Chosen One was making her feel uneasy.

 

“They were supposed to have fixed this,” the Chosen One knelt down and washed his face in the pool. “The fact that they either weren’t able to, or forgot, makes me a lot less excited about the mermaid potential. In fact —”

 

Before he could continue his no doubt brilliant plans to help make everyone happy using the happiness powers of mermaids (a plan Qube was still dubious about, given she was pretty sure mind altering spells were at least somewhat Evil) the Chosen One was interrupted. As he bathed his face, the water in the pool rippled, and a giant furry animal shot out of the water. It somersaulted in the air, and at the top of its arc struck a teapot-like pose, its little pink tongue sticking out, before landing back in the pool with an obnoxiously large splash.

 

“Hi, hi!” it said, as it bobbed up, floating on its back. “It me! Otto the otter!” It patted its little potbelly with its tiny paws. It looked like a cross between a mini-bear and a cat. It was the single most adorable thing Qube had ever seen. It shot them a look so sweet Qube felt like her teeth were about to rot.

 

“Oh boy,” the Chosen One said.

 

“Me help you! You has clams?” the otter chirruped. The Chosen One scowled and started to speak.

 

“Indeed we do, Brave Beast of the Water Temple,” Sewer Bard said, cutting off whatever the Chosen One had been about to say. The Chosen One blinked rapidly and shot Sewer Bard a strange look.

 

“Put clams on tummy!” Otto said, patting said tummy.

 

The Chosen One’s attention was diverted back to the otter.

 

“No,” he said, baldly. The otter patted his potbelly harder, flattening the wet fur.

 

“Clams on me! Clams on belly! If enough clams, you get a sur~priiiise~!” he sing-songed, using his tail to spin himself in place. The Chosen One screwed his eyes shut. He still looked concerningly pale, Qube noted.

 

“[Lesser Heal],” she whispered, and watched with satisfaction as the Chosen One stood just a little straighter.

 

“Thanks,” he said, looking over his shoulder at her. “But don’t waste your magic; we’ll probably need it soon.”

 

“Belly clams for a prize!” Otto cut in on their conversation. He was now practically drumming his stomach. “Bell~y~, pri~ze!”

 

“Oh for [fiddles] sake, take the [dreaded] things,” Chosen One snapped as he pulled the half a dozen clams out of his backpack and slapped them onto the creature’s stomach. Otto sank slightly with the force of it, and grabbed onto the Chosen One’s hand before he could withdraw it.

 

“Let go of me!” the Chosen One cried, trying to shake him off.

 

“Otter hold hands to feel secure! You make me secure! Thank you, thank you! You’re pawsome!” The clams appeared to have disappeared, either swept away by the otter’s movement or … otters could use pocket magic, despite having no clothes. Which was not exactly impossible. Qube snuck a glance at Sexy Screamy Spider Lady, thinking of her various body cavities, and was startled to see Sexy Screamy Spider Lady practically squeezing herself into a ball.

 

“It’s so cuuuuuute!” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady practically screeched. “I want to take him with us!”

 

“Pretty lady, me love you!” Otto replied, giving himself another spin, somehow still clutching the increasingly-angry Chosen One’s hand. “But me need more clams before me can give you true prize!”

 

“What?” 

 

“Me speak total and otter truth! Me no tell you a tall tail!”

 

The Chosen One stared at Otto in horror.

 

“No,” he said. “Not puns. Come on, man. No.”

 

“Well, me otter here! Bye bye!” Otto said and, with a flip of his tail, disappeared into the water. The Chosen One was left watching as the ripples slowly disappeared.

 

“I hate this,” the Chosen One said gloomily. “We’re going to end up with that little [fiddlesticker] in our group, aren’t we?”

 

“Probably, Chosen One,” Qube said, putting her hand on his shoulder comfortingly. “But don’t worry; I’m sure we’ll grow used to him.” After a pause, she added, “Or we could just destroy any clams we find. Either/or.”

 

“Thanks, man,” Chosen One said, and reached out to touch the Save Point.

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