Chapter 58: Chapter Fifty Eight: Mascot Acquired

It turned out the maximum weapon capacity of the alcove was about a dozen. After Qube had pulled out the thirteenth spear-like item, it caused a catastrophic failure in the various other weapon-children that Qube had stacked around the place. They jittered in place for a moment, then started throwing themselves around the enclosed space.

 

Qube quickly fled the alcove, the twin/offspring instruments of death pinging around the place, chasing her as she ran outside.

 

“Chosen One!” she called as metal, wood, and rope exploded everywhere. “Chosen One, I overbred the treasure! [Lesser Shield]!” Her shield snapped into place around her just in time to turn aside a particularly angry bouncing spear.

 

“Why are there harpoons everywhere?” the Chosen One asked her casually as she ran full tilt across the room. “Also, how are you breeding treasure? Wait, you can breed treasure?” his eyes gleamed with avarice.

 

“The ‘harpoon’ was the treasure!” Qube yelled, hiding behind a block as the remaining escaped twins spent the last of their energy.

 

“Oh,” the Chosen One was momentarily disappointed, before rallying. “That’s right; you can duplicate things. I should really take advantage of that more often.” He looked at the harpoons precariously strewn about the place. “In a more controlled environment, maybe,” he added.

 

Qube reached up to the Chosen One. He looked at her outstretched hand, then to the loose harpoons. Qube followed his gaze, then gave a defeated sigh.

 

“You know, Squiggles probably wouldn’t attack you just for going into her room,” she said, already moving to pick up the harpoons.

 

“I wouldn’t want to risk hurting your pet,” the Chosen One said piously. Squiggles, ignoring him, slorped down into the room and picked up one of the harpoons in her mouth, following Qube around until Qube took it off of her.

 

“Thank you, Squiggles,” Qube said approvingly. “You are a good pet, aren’t you?” Squiggles wagged her tail, causing a nearby harpoon to restart its riot of bouncing. “Careful, Squiggles!” Qube admonished the sharktopus, who instantly subsided. “I wouldn’t want you to get hurt. Although you are a very strong girl, aren’t you? Yes you are!”

 

A part of Qube wondered about the wisdom of baby-talking the giant abomination that could easily bite her in half, but Squiggles seemed to appreciate it, her little black button eyes shining. A thought struck Qube.

 

“Chosen One,” she said leadingly, handing him an armful of harpoons. “Squiggles is being very helpful, isn’t she?”

 

The Chosen One pocket-magiced the harpoons into his backpack. “...Yes,” he agreed, cautiously.

 

“And she is very strong. With good, tough skin!” Qube roughly patted Squiggle’s side to emphasise her point. “And she can bite really well!”

 

“Because she’s designed to eat people,” the Chosen One said, even more cautiously.

 

“Exactly!” Qube beamed. “Who could be more perfect for our party? Some tiny little otter that requires bribes to even join us, or a big, beautiful natural killer who joins out of the goodness of her heart?”

 

“You want to keep the monster as a pet,” the Chosen One stated flatly.

 

“She’s not a monster!” Qube protested. “No more so than certain other members of our party!” Qube very deliberately avoided looking at Sexy Screamy Spider Lady. However, she could still see her out of the corner of her eye and she was surprised to note that the giant arachnid was looking at Definitely Bad Guy and nodding along. Definitely Bad Guy, on the other hand, was looking at Sexy Screamy Spider Lady and nodding.

Sewer Bard was looking directly at Qube.

 

“Sure, you can keep it —”

 

“Her.” 

 

“—her as a pet.”

 

“Team mascot,” Qube firmly corrected him.

 

“Sure, why not,” the Chosen One conceded. “Why not have the team mascot be a horrifying murder machine. It makes as much sense as anything else.”

 

“Do you hear that, Squiggles?” Qube asked the newly-anointed team mascot. “You get to be our mascot! And people will love you! Especially children!”

Squiggles, perhaps only excited by Qube’s enthusiasm, began rapidly slorping around the room. After a few laps, she returned to Qube, the final harpoon in her mouth.

 

“Are you sure she’ll follow us?” the Chosen One asked rather dubiously as he reached down and hauled Qube up out of the room.

 

“Of course!” Qube chirruped, as Squiggles tentacled up the wall behind her. She noticed that the other party members had retreated as far down the corridor as they could while remaining within eyesight.

 

“So there was just the harpoon in that hidden room?” the Chosen One asked as the trio walked towards their steadily-back pedalling companions.

 

“And some glowing mushrooms,” Qube said, watching the others move away. “I couldn’t get the original harpoon away from the chest, though.” She felt a stab of guilt at leaving the parent harpoon behind, after making it have so many babies. Would it miss its twins?

 

“Eh, I think we’re set,” the Chosen One said. “We’re probably near the Boss, so having all of these harpoons will be interesting.”

 

“Are these the Bosses of the Temples that we’ve been fighting?” Qube asked as the Chosen One used a harpoon to fire at a lever they hadn’t been able to reach before.

 

“I think so?” the Chosen One said, using the harpoon’s handle to furiously wind the rope back before the water got too high. Qube pushed his backpack aside, grabbing onto his neck as the room flooded. “I don’t actually know why they’re called Bosses. I mean, they’re kinda in charge of the place? Or, like, the top dog?”

 

“Only one of them has been a dog,” Qube thoughtfully reminded the Chosen One. “And I believe he would prefer to be called a wolf. Although… he was after the Boss.”

 

The Chosen One reached the next corridor and pulled a switch, instantly emptying the room before them.

 

“You know what I mean,” he said. “Or maybe you don’t. It’s always hard to tell…” He trailed off as the other party members walked up to them. Or, to be more accurate, Squiggles slorped, the two men walked, and Sexy Screamy Spider Lady appeared to be swimming through the air. Not in the “super happy” sense, but rather in the very physical, all eight legs paddling way.

 

Qube squinted at her friend, before noticing that neither Sewer Bard nor Definitely Bad Guy were paying any attention to her hovering. Possibly it was a result of a spell? It would make sense that Sexy Screamy Spider Lady wouldn’t find swimming comfortable. Maybe it was some sort of bubble spell, to keep her from actually getting wet. While water only ever affected anyone for half a minute, it was still something the more fashion-focused would probably prefer to avoid.

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With the tact and delicacy that was integral to the arsenal of any childhood companion, Qube forbore to mention the obvious spell usage. Such a thing would be far too close to actually asking someone what spell they had cast.

 

Instinctively, Qube turned to look at the Chosen One, waiting for him to demand an answer.

 

Just because she had to be diplomatic, didn’t mean she couldn’t benefit from others less socially inclined. However, to her surprise, the Chosen One seemed utterly uninterested in Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s sudden and unexplained ability to fly! After looking over the airborne Hunter once, he snorted, and then resumed his journey!

 

What was going on here?

 

Could it be… did the Chosen One already know what spell Sexy Screamy Spider Lady was using? Maybe this was part of the whole “romance” thing that Sexy Screamy Spider Lady had been talking about. They could have discussed such intimate things on their date to the Royal Kitchen. Or maybe during the love interrogations. Not that Qube had ever actually witnessed one of these apparently commonplace love interrogations, but Sexy Screamy Spider Lady was the expert on all things romantic.

 

Qube supposed she was just going to have to get used to not always knowing everything that was happening in the Chosen One’s life.

 

Huh. That thought hurt a bit. Qube put her hand on her chest, startled. She wouldn’t expect the Chosen One to be upset by her having had some private conversations with Definitely Bad Guy, as a totally random example, so why did it hurt when she thought about him learning things without her?

 

Qune stopped in place and slapped her cheeks slightly to pull herself back in the moment. No. Even if she and the Chosen One had experiences without each other, nothing could ever change the fact that they had been best friends since childhood. They had a bond that could never be replaced.

 

They were childhood companions, bound together by magic and circumstance, and nothing could ever change that.

 

And yet a shiver of unease still danced down her spine as she looked at the Chosen One, surrounded by the eclectic group of sworn followers. Then his eyes caught hers, and he smiled. It had changed, from when they were kids, but it was still warm, and friendly, and filled her with joy.

 

She smiled back, at peace. Before she could say anything, though, the corridor opened up, and they arrived at another mud-filled room.

 

“Hi hi!” came a far too loud voice. Qube narrowed her eyes in displeasure. The Chosen One turned, watching as Otto the Otter finished his showy sumersault with a splash.

 

“Chosen One, could I have any clam shells you’ve collected, please?” Qube asked him in an urgent undertone.

 

“Sure,” the Chosen One said, slightly surprised, but pulled the clam shells out and handed them to her without hesitation. “I thought you didn’t want him joining us though?”

 

“I don’t,” Qube said darkly. “I just don’t want you giving in to its adorable attempts to induce bribery.”

 

“Hey!” the Chosen One protested. “I’m not that weak-willed!”

“Better to be safe than sorry,” Qube replied primly. “Also, Squiggles might get hungry later on.”

 

Qube didn't know what sharktopi ate, and wanted to make sure that she had plenty of confirmed snacks on hand. She would have to try and collect as much food as possible from the Water Temple, just to vary her diet. And check the library when they got back into Cobbletown to see what other food she would need.

 

“More clams for me?” Otto asked, bouncing on his tail on the surface of the water.

 

The Chosen One looked from Otto to Squiggles. Squiggles was staring at the otter with the endless hunger of a predator. She had started drooling again. The Hero rubbed his chin contemplatively.

 

“Chosen One,” Qube said, warningly.

 

“It was just a thought!” the Chosen One yelped guiltily. “Just, you know, if you were worried about Squiggles going hungry.”

 

“Clams on belly!” Otto yelled, splashing onto his back and patting his stomach with his little paws. “Clams on belly, I give you pri~ze!”

 

“I really want that prize,” the Chosen One said longingly.

 

“Chosen One, you’re not feeding him to Squiggles.”

 

“I thought you didn’t like him!” the Chosen One exclaimed. “You thought he would be on the side of the Evil Emperor just because he wants food!”

 

“That doesn’t mean I want him to become food!” Qube replied hotly. “We can just tell him we don’t require anyone whose services must be bought and continue on our way!”

 

“But the prize, what about the prize?” the Chosen One almost whined.

 

“You said the prize would just be Otto joining us! You were very definite on that!”

 

“I know,” the Chosen One said, “but what if I was wrong? What about the stupid mascot quest that always appears?”

 

“Squiggles can do any mascot quest we come across,” Qube sniffed. “And she would be much better at it than any otter.” 

“Fine,” the Chosen One almost growled in frustration. “But if she can’t do the quest, we come back here and get the annoying cute mascot, agreed?”

 

“Of course, Chosen One,” Qube replied with the utmost calm. “I would never dream of stopping you from doing what you want. After all, you are the one chosen by the Golden Prophecy.”

 

“I — you — argh!” the Chosen One threw his hands up in the air and stalked past Otto, still loudly drumming on his stomach.

 

“Clam me? Tummy-tum?” Otto called to the Chosen One as he led his party out of the room.

 

“Shut up!” the Saviour of all Human and Human Adjacent Beings shouted at the adorable talking otter, and continued stomping away.

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