Chapter 74: Chapter Seventy Three: Guidebook Acquired

Qube had accomplished a very rare thing indeed. She had rendered the Chosen One speechless. He just stood there, staring at her, opening and closing his mouth with no sound coming out. Eventually, he closed his mouth, swallowed hard, and croaked out:

 

“What?”

“Well,” Qube started, “there was this quest for gold and I took it to buy a book and the thieves had stolen it and so I went into the guild but the rats that you lied about killing were in there attacking them so of course I had to help them out and so some of the thieves can now kind of see me and thought I wanted to join them but I told them that I couldn’t.” The Chosen One was looking rather dazed, but Qube continued. “I thought that would mean they would be grateful and so I took the sword but then they started running around trying to capture whoever took it, even though the leader knew I was the one to.”

 

She took a deep breath and plunged on with her tale.

 

“Then I went and got Sexy Screamy Spider Lady and Squiggles because they were arguing with an alchemist and got the wings and the people working at the Royal Observatory were —” she paused, trying to think of a polite way to say “creepy” — “not very nice at all and so we just took a bunch of the wings.”

 

The Chosen One had wandered into the house that he now owned, and had sat down on one of the chairs, watching her in awe. The rest of the party were still out on the street, being drunk and/or dancing.

 

“But then when I went to give the golden sword back to the old lady who had given us the quest she’d lied and there was no gold at all! She just said we now had the deed to the house and then she died and became a ghost and disappeared! Or maybe she was always a ghost? She didn’t leave a coin purse so she might not have existed at all.”

The Chosen One had covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking. Qube looked at him worriedly. 

 

“You’re not mad, are you?” she asked, almost timidly. While being a good Childhood Companion did involve a degree of low-level massaging the truth to her friend, she’d never kept anything this big from him before. She’d also never been away from him for this long. Even her time at the Royal Library had only been a few hours, as opposed to nearly half a day.

 

“I didn’t really enjoy the quest without you,” she hurriedly reassured him. “It wasn’t fun, like when we quest together. I much prefer questing with you. It was just an experiment!”

 

The Chosen One looked up, nearly crying with laughter.

 

“[By the Words] you are too, too —” he broke off, laughing. “I don’t even know the word for what you are! Unique, maybe?”

 

Relieved that he didn’t seem upset at her, Qube beamed at him.

 

“Why did you take the quest in the first place, though?” he asked. “Something about a book?”

 

Qube flushed. “There was a book at Mr. Igma’s store that I really wanted,” she confessed. “But I couldn’t afford it, and so I decided to make a bit of gold and buy it myself. I won’t do it again, though, even though I didn’t make any money! I will just find some other way to make money.”

 

“We have plenty of money,” the Chosen One said, still smiling at her bemusedly. “Why didn’t you ask me?”

 

“Oh, I could never do that!” Qube exclaimed, shocked. “Money is far too important to you. I could never ask you to spend some of your money for something I wanted!” Especially something that she only needed because she wasn’t a knowledgeable enough companion, she added mentally.

 

The last traces of a smile were wiped from the Chosen One’s face. He jumped up so fast that Qube, startled, instinctively took a step back. He reached out and grabbed her by the shoulers, looking her directly in the eyes.

 

“No,” he said, softly. 

 

“I know no, that’s why I would never ask!” she protested. He sighed.

 

“No, I mean, money is just… a way of keeping score. And we earned it together,” he emphasised. He let go of her shoulders, breaking the tension. He ran his hand through his hair, and gave a shaky laugh. 

 

“Sorry about that intensity. I just. The money I have here, I can get as much of that as I want. But you going off on your own, risking your life fighting rats and thieves just because you feel like you don’t deserve to even ask me… I don’t know who taught you to feel that way.” 

 

Qube looked at him, her eyes wide.

 

“But in the future, if you want to take on a quest for whatever reason, that’s fine. Just let me know, and we’ll do it together. Even if you want to do one alone, for yourself, that’s also fine, but not because of such a stupid reason like not being able to ask me for money.”

 

Qube swallowed through the sudden lump in her throat.

 

“Of course,” she said huskily. The Chosen One cleared his throat, seemingly embarrassed by his display of emotion.

 

“Anyway, enough about that,” he said, dusting himself off. “This place seems like a money sink, so let’s just go buy your book and then head off to the Air Temple. We can deal with the rest of the stuff here later.”

 

As they stepped outside, Sewer Bard finished his butchering of “Fire Solves Everything” with a flourish, Sexy Screamy Spider Lady and Squiggles bowed to the disapproving audience, and Definitely Bad Guy turned, looked at Qube and the Chosen One, and very slowly fell face first onto the street.

 

The Chosen One looked at his party, then back at Qube.

 

“I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t expect the drunk state to last this long,” he said. “But this is priceless.”

 

Qube looked at the group charged with saving the world, and briefly closed her eyes.

 

“[Lesser Cleanse],” she said, casting the spell first on Sewer Bard and then on the still face planted Definitely Bad Guy. The Chosen One pouted. She gave him a stern look, making him grin.

 

“Come on,” he said, grabbing her by the wrist. “Let’s go face that weirdo shopkeeper!”

 

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While the other books were, by their very nature of being books, exciting, none of the other tomes seemed particularly informational. One of them, a slim book called “Conflict and Placidity,'' seemed to be about the various adventures of a female lizard, and the other two, “Kingdom Soup I” and “Kingdom Soup II,” dealt more with some kind of political conflict that had happened exactly a hundred years ago.

 

The Chosen One had insisted on buying them all anyway.

 

When Qube at last held “A Gentleman’s Guide to the Seven Temples” she finally felt as if she could understand the mad gleam in the Chosen One’s eyes when loot was about. It was as if there had been a hole in her heart she hadn’t even known existed, and acquiring this book helped ease it.

 

Taking quests for money, desiring loot, getting distracted when people were telling her things… she really was becoming like the Chosen One, wasn’t she? She would have to double her focus on being the best guiding light she could be, before the allure of being special drove her to such terrible deeds as shoplifting… on purpose.

 

She didn’t count the unknowing shoplifting.

Even though she really should have guessed something strange was going on and investigated further. Looking back, she couldn’t figure out why she hadn’t even thought to question the situation. She had been so naive and young, all those… weeks? Months? Days? ago.

 

What would they think of her back in the village, once word got out that she’d engaged in unscheduled stealing? Sure, stealing from someone who was Evil was fine, but if Mr. Igma reported back to them that she and the Chosen One had engaged in a crime spree… 

 

Speaking of the village! Qube pulled out the letter she had been painstakingly writing over the past however long. She had poured her heart and soul into it, and it was finally ready. All three lines of it.

 

“Chosen One, could you please ask Mr. Igma when Mr. Clockwork comes around?” Qube asked her best friend since childhood.

 

“Who?” he asked. Qube laughed.

 

“Oh, Chosen One, you’re so silly! Mr. Clockwork is the merchant who restocks our village every night, of course! And he’s always on time! How do you think our shop keeps resupplied, teehee?” Qube chirruped in a bubbly manner. The Chosen One grimaced.

 

“Ah, it’s so creepy when you switch to a script like that,” he complained.

 

“It’s not a script, Chosen One!” Qube pouted, dropping back into a more natural tone of speaking.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” the Chosen One said, waving away her protests. “So, egg-head, when does this clock worker guy show up?”

 

Mr. Igma glared at the Chosen One, who, in contrast to all conventional wisdom, did not look at all chastised or even singed by the power of Mr. Igma’s disapproval.

 

“Mr. Clockwork,” Mr. Igma said with unsubtle emphasis, “comes around every night and resupplies all stores. He is generally in the area from 8:PM to 8:AM. If your preferred shop is closed, you can purchase items from him directly during those times. Assuming you can find him.”

 

That was the longest speech Qube had ever heard Mr. Igma give. It was so helpful, too! But, given he looked like he’d just bitten down on a lemon, he didn’t seem terribly pleased by having given it.

 

Qube’s heart melted a little. Even someone as grouchy as Mr. Igma couldn’t resist helping someone in some small way when directly asked. She carefully placed her letter on the counter.

 

“Could you please ask him to — Chosen One don’t just pick up and read someone’s letters like that!” she snatched at her letter, which the Chosen One had just taken and scanned.

 

“Dear village,” the Chosen One held the letter higher, outside of Qube’s reach, and started reading out loud. “I hope you are all well —”

 

“Chosen One that’s private!” Qube squeaked indignantly.

 

“Well, it’s for the village. Aren’t we part of the village?” the Chosen One teased her laughingly.

 

“Stop,” Qube whined. “That’s for Alderman to read to everyone! I want to know how the repair work is going, and how everyone is getting along!”

 

The Chosen One lowered the letter, Qube snatching it off of him and slamming it on the counter before he could take it back.

 

“Hey,” the Hero started saying, before one of the corners of the store caught fire. The duo swivelled around to see Definitely Bad Guy once again lurking in a shadowy corner, only now he (and the items around him) were engulfed in flame.

 

“Get out of my shop!” Mr. Igma yelled, pulling a giant blue bomb out from behind the counter. “Get out!”

 

“The letter!” Qube gasped as the Chosen One pulled her towards the exit. With a sigh, the Chosen One turned back and grabbed the letter off the counter, shoving it into Qube’s hands.

 

“Come on intoxi-spark,” he called to the Mage Advisor, before bundling Qube out of the store and onto the street. Definitely Bad Guy, looking decidedly embarrassed, followed them.

 

“I am no longer intoxicated,” he explained to a supremely disinterested Chosen One. “The [Lesser Cleanse] removed all such toxins from my bloodstream. I merely… it distressed me to see a fellow party member being mistreated, and I momentarily lost focus on the great and cosmic forces within me.”

 

He very carefully kept his eyes on the Chosen One during his entire speech, jogging to keep up and the Hero swept up the rest of his party members, breaking up the impromptu performance Sewer Bard and Sexy Screamy Spider Lady were putting on for the delighted public.

 

The Chosen One gave Definitely Bad Guy a look combining pity and disgust. He glanced over at Qube, who was trying her best not to look too uncomfortable, then back at the Mage.

 

“This is going in the report,” he said at last, shaking his head. “But for now, we’re going to the Air Temple. Try not to set fire to any more shops unless I tell you to, or it’s really funny.” After a beat he added under his breath, “weirdo.”

 

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