Chapter 19: Why is Bleach named Bleach? Isn’t that detergent or something?

Hilda frowned as she asked.

"What happened? Why have we stopped?"

I looked at her and put a finger on her lips. I had to admit it, her lips were soft and supple. I couldn't wait to kiss them but for now, that wasn't important.

Tilting my head I looked downwards where the four people were battling. 

Ichigo. His most distinguishing feature was his spiky orange hair, a trait he has been ridiculed about for years on end. A fairly tall, lean-built young man with peach skin and brown eyes.

Currently, he was in the standard Shinigami attire, with the addition of a strap across his chest and a wide zanpaktou in his hand.

Rukia on the other hand was short and petite. She had light skin and purple eyes. Her hair was black, with several strands of hair hanging between her eyes.

Byakuya had slate gray eyes and long black hair, which he keeps up in intricate white headpieces. He was wearing a white something.

Finally, there was a weird long red-haired wanker with black markings on his face that made him look like a wanker who wanks to other wankers that wank to wanker who wank to wankers.

Hmm... I put a finger on my chin as I observed the pathetic fight between Ichigo and Byakuya. To be honest, it wasn't even a fight... just a one-sided massacre.

This probably was one of the only weak moments of Ichigo in the entire anime.

As for why I didn't obstruct their battle.... well... I wanted to see him get beaten up.

Just as the three were about to leave with Ichigo grunting on the ground begging like a dog with his hand out reaching Rukia... I stepped in.

*Crunch...crunch...*

Why do I feel that I crushed something? Looking downwards I saw the hand of Ichigo that was trying to outreach to Rukia.

Then I tilted my head to look at his face. It was completely red, snot coming out from his nose while tears from his eyes.

A smile of ecstasy came on my face. His face is so f*cking funny hahaha hahaha.

However, I didn't laugh out loud. After all, I have to keep an innocent and kind act. I am more of a snake that camps and steals kills.

I asked him with a warm smile.

"Do you want me to remove my leg?"

He cried and groaned in a painful voice that seemed more like music to my ears.

"Yh-hes."

My eyes turned crescent as I gave another kind smile.

"Okay."

At that moment Baby Beel and Hilda landed, jumping straight onto his crushed palm.

*Crunch....*

"Ahhhhhhhhrghhhh!!!!!"

Ignoring the wannabe opera wanker I turned to look at Rukia, Byakuya, and red-haired bonker.

I smiled at them and waved.

"Yo."

"...."

"....."

"....."

Byakuya turned around to enter the portal, Renji did the same but not before looking at me weirdly.... damn bro... that hurts.

Rukia stared longer and her gaze then lingered at Ichigo.

A sigh escaped my mouth. Wow. These days everyone has become so impolite. A broad-minded person like me is astounded at this.

Anyway as a humble and polite person I should probably teach them some manners. Especially Byakuya. However, this is not the time for that.

I was not going to do this but... I have to... this is what happens when you mess with the great me.

Rukia. Loved by red-haired wanker, Ichigo and tsundere brother..... she will be mine.

I looked at the leaving group of people with an amiable smile. None parties had offended each other... well if you exclude the fact that they didn't greet me back.

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"Bye-bye wankers."

A shocked expression came on their faces, I met their gazes. The red-handed guy tried to reach out for me but it was too late. The portal swallowed all of them.

I can't wait for our reunion. Normally I would have interfered for not greeting me back but I don't want to come into Aizen's eyes... at least not yet until I am sure I can crush him.

Plus I have an inkling that the Shinigamis can help me to awaken my own Soul Weapon.

Tilting my head I looked at Ichigo who was unconscious.

I held Lil Zoro by my hands and asked him in a jolly voice.

"Do you want to wake this wanker up?"

A star symbol came into his eyes as he nodded. Baby beel strolled towards Ichigo and tried to wake him up by shaking his body.

I shook my head. I smiled and pinched Lil Zoro's cheeks.

"That is not how you wake wankers. This is how you wake them up."

Those who don't deserve to be kicked deserve to be kicked.

*Phatak!*

I kicked the unconscious Ichigo, he flew towards the pole and slightly opened his eyes.

Turning to look at Baby Beel I smiled.

"See. This is how you do it."

Sparkles radiated from his eyes, I think I am taking a liking to this kid. He finds everything I do cool.

Genuinely smiling I spoke.

"Now your turn."

He instantly got overjoyed and nodded. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at the half-awake with a fire burning in his eyes.

He looked damn cute with that concentrated expression on his baby face.

Ichigo instantly woke up and he instantly paled.

....

...

"Aaaaarghhhh!!!!"

"Aaaarghgggghhh!!!"

"Fuggin devil!!!! Aahhh some1 shave meh from this bich!!!"

..

.

I nodded to myself as I saw the work of art that Baby Beel made out of Ichigo. 

"Wow. I really am the best father."

I was immensely proud of my green-haired weird child. The kid crawled towards me, I patted his head which made him giggle.

"Huehuehue abu jabuu hihi."

Meanwhile, Hilda next to me nodded too. As a demon, she had tortured many before and couldn't help but think that Baby Beel had a lot of potential for torturing others.

We are both probably the best parents to ever be graced on in this world.

I soon noticed a figure in front of me. A homeless weirdo with a fan in front of his face

I smiled and waved at him.

"Bye-bye."

Placing Lil Zoro on my head and taking Hilda near my shoulders I jumped and vanished into mid-air.

Urahara stared in my direction and then tilted to look at Ichigo.

His fan instantly fell to the ground.

"Just.... what happened here..?"

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