Chapter 1: Chapter 1: God-rolls, just god-rolls

“Huh.”

I looked around, suspiciously. Where on earth am I? I didn’t understand anything, I couldn’t understand anything except that this definitely wasn’t earth. Ouch. Memories I didn’t know I had poured into my head, literally pounding against any mental walls I might have, before I knew who I was.

Who I was. But, not how I died.

“Jesus,” I muttered. “That’s gotta be one of the worst ways to die. I hope I didn’t die to something stupid.” I looked around my surroundings again. 

“I died. No wonder everything’s white.”

If it weren’t for the lack of angels, gold or the ringing of heavenly bells, I’d think I was at, well, heaven. But there was nothing around. Nothingness, Limbo would be the correct term to describe my surroundings. I’d poke and probe at it if I had limbs, or anything at all. 

I didn’t even know how I looked right now. Perhaps, I was completely naked. Perhaps, I was in my pure, baby form as suggested by biblical tales of the afterlife.

But seriously, there’s nothing at all. Nothing to do around here except stare at the ungodly amount of whiteness in here. Wait, was that racist?

“This can’t be right,” I said. “Hello? Is anybody there? God? Devil?. .. Buddha?” Still nothing. “Hey, I know I wasn’t that nice of a dude but don’t you think it’s a little mean of you guys to give me the silent treatment?”

Again, still nothing. “Oh for fuc-”

Then, there was something; something appeared in front of me. It looked like a touch screen, floating in the air, disembodied. I reached out to touch it with an experimental finger, but remembered I had no sense of touch nor fingers for that matter. But mysteriously enough, the touch screen thing shimmered as if it knew what I wanted to do.

There was text on the screen, which I started reading.

 

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