Raga of the Dry Branch 42: The story between and after (2)
Seeing their faces filled with shock, I smiled awkwardly.
“As I was being chased, my heart was beating loudly. All I wanted to do was live. Of course, I know that I can’t die anymore. But then, in that situation, I thought I was going to die.”
If things got a little painful, I would let myself go in the past. Because back then, there was no reason to be desperate to live, nor energy to survive, no reason to struggle.
It was a time when I thought that letting go of life would make things easy for me- that things would be convenient for me.
“I thought I was lucky to be alive. And I found that the regrets I had kept accumulating, so I guess I did give up in the past. But now, I think I know a bit of how precious time is.”
“The past seems like nothing much these days, but looking back, at that time, they were the most difficult times. But now, I want to spend more days like this. Thank you for rejecting my request to put me into eternal slumber.”
When I lifted my bowed head, all of them were looking at me with complicated eyes.
“I lost.”
Fay uttered a single word and smiled in dismay. Shang-di sighed and then touched my cheek as she said.
“If you say it like that, I can’t say anything more. Instead, I will say this. Never get yourself into anything dangerous.”
“Yes, this time it was a special case, but in the future, if anything happens, you should call for us right away. If you do it like you did this time and suffer alone again, I will scold you!”
“I am going to hit you!”
I kept nodding my head when I listened to Shang-di, Ren, Heli, Heli, and Juli.
I am a happy person now. The moment I whispered that to myself, I slowly was aware of the consciousness swelling up inside me.