T/N: This is double update. If you haven’t read chapter 44 yet, please read it first.
Lu Ming was deeply impressed with the suit; it seemed to be a gulf dividing Lu Ming from his happy life.
He remembered that he had once, on one occasion, gone mad about it.
It was on a cloudy day after Lu You’s death, and many people from Lu Rongtian came to attend the funeral. Lu Ming stood in the shade of a tree, motionless. He was so thin and he stared blankly at the ground. His face was gloomy and his bangs had not been cut for a long time, covering his hollow eyes.
“Lu Ming.”
His uncle, Lu Fengshen, who was eight years older than him, called him and led him forward. His voice was tired: “Go say goodbye to your mother.”
Lu Ming followed blankly, every step of the way was an infinitely long ordeal. He had been unable to eat for many days, and every time he ate, he had to endure the nausea before he could swallow a little.
There was cold sweat on his forehead, and on a hot day, he felt cold all over. He stumbled and sat down on his knees.
Lu Fengshen’s voice sounded vague in Lu Ming’s ears: “What’s wrong with you? Are you alright, Lu Ming? Lu Ming?”
The cemetery was cold, and there was a wind blowing past his ears.
Lu Ming shook his head, his own breathing was heavy and echoed in his head. He struggled to lift his head and saw that among the relatives attending the funeral, there was a man who was wearing the suit made by his mother.
This person was not Lu Rongtian.
Seventeen-year-old Lu Ming suddenly stood up. Not knowing where he got the strength, he rushed over like a mad dog, and without a warning, he punched the relative in the face.
There were screams around him. Everyone didn’t know what was wrong with him and avoided a few steps in horror.
Only Lu Fengshen was not afraid of him, hugging him from behind and shouting, “Lu Ming what are you doing?”
Lu Ming seemed to be crazy; he bumped away from Lu Fengshen and pulled the man’s collar with a deadly grip. He was panting like a wolf with red eyes. His throat was hoarse, like it was filled with blood and sand: “Don’t touch my mother’s things.”
The man was dumbfounded and explained tremblingly, “I-I didn’t touch…”
Lu Ming didn’t want to listen to his nonsense, so he shouted, “Take it off!”
Only then did the other party know that this dress was made by Lu You. With a pale look, he took off his jacket and was so scared that his legs were weak: “This, this your father gave it to me before. I said the suits looked good and he gave it to me! It’s not my fault, who knows it’s Lu You’s stuff!”
There was a thunderstorm in the sky, and the rain poured down.
Lu Ming hugged the suit that the man took off, hunched his back, turned around and stared at Lu Rongtian. Those eyes seemed to swallow Lu Rongtian alive.
…
This was not a good memory, and Lu Ming would never lose control like this again.
Lu Ming said to Lu Fengshen, “No one will cherish her heart.” He also didn’t want to see anyone trample on her heart again.
“Lu Ming…”
“She’s dead.”
“…”
“She’s dead, uncle.”
Lu You was dead, and her things should be buried in the dust with her, rather than being ridiculed by others for her past infatuation with a wrong person.
The tea on the coffee table had been cold. Chi Qiu looked at the spring tea in the porcelain cup and slowly sighed.
Marriage was no better than love. The interpersonal relationship between the two families was difficult to deal with, and the relationship between the Lu family and the Chi family was even more difficult to deal with. Although Lu Ming often told him not to care about these things, Chi Qiu still didn’t want to neglect those relatives who had cared for Lu Ming.
Lu Ming’s emotional indifference was a fact that couldn’t be changed for a while. But Chi Qiu’s emotions were normal. He thought that as Lu Ming’s partner, some things needed to be shared together.
He turned around, and through the floor-to-ceiling window, he saw Lu Ming, who had his back to him, saying something to Lu Fengshen.
Lu Fengshen’s expression was no longer gentle, and the two seemed to be arguing, but it was only a few words. Chi Qiu saw Lu Fengshen trying to suppress his emotions and pressed Lu Ming’s shoulder helplessly.
Chi Qiu understood Lu Fengshen’s mouth shape: You have to come out.
Chi Qiu pursed his lips, feeling depressed. He probably knew why Lu Fengshen said this, and also knew that Lu Ming did not want to be honest with himself about the past.
He did not doubt Lu Ming’s love for him, but he understood that he had not yet become the person Lu Ming could rely on to talk to. He should give Lu Ming more love. Just like what the psychiatrist said, Lu Ming’s heart had been frozen into ice, and those who warmed him would inevitably encounter the cold winter first.
Chi Qiu was willing.
Gradually, Chi Qiu turned sideways and stopped staring at them. Aunt Zhang had already walked up to Chi Qiu, she bent down and gathered the extra tea cups: “Sir, what’s wrong with you, are you in a bad mood?”
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Chi Qiu said casually, “No, I’m just a little tired.”
“I guess it’s because you didn’t rest well in the hospital these few days. Later you go take a nap and have a good rest.”
Chi Qiu thanked Aunt Zhang for her concern. Remembering the roses in his bedroom, he suddenly said: “I’m not sleepy. Aunt Zhang, if you have time, can you teach me how to make dried flowers?”
Aunt Zhang saw the bouquet of roses one step earlier than Chi Qiu. She smiled and said, “I just said that Mr. Lu will send you new roses soon.” She asked, “Do you have to make such a big bouquet into dried flowers?”
“Just make a few to try.” Chi Qiu smiled a little shyly, “Lu Ming said he would send me flowers often in the future, and I might have to buy more vases at home.”
As soon as he finished speaking, Lu Ming had already walked in from outside.
His face was not very good; the conversation just now seemed to end unhappily.
Aunt Zhang was a clever person. Seeing that Lu Ming was not in a good mood, she casually said a few words and then walked away with the tea cups. Only Chi Qiu was left alone and silently stood up, “Lu Ming?”
Lu Ming walked over and passed in front of Chi Qiu. His tone was indifferent, and he didn’t even glance at Chi Qiu: “I’m going to take a shower.”
Chi Qiu immediately followed, walking in a hurry and tripping over himself. Fortunately, no one saw him. He patted his knee and entered the bedroom despite the pain.
But as soon as he entered, the bathroom door closed.
Chi Qiu was given a cold-shoulder and stood in place at a loss.
The sound of water soon came, and it drowned Lu Ming’s chaotic thoughts.
Lu Ming kept rubbing his face, trying to wake himself up. The accident in City C was a fuse, and recently he had been thinking about the past a lot, making himself very uncomfortable.
Lu You was a nightmare for him and a bomb he buried in his heart.
He loved her, hated her, and pitied her even more.
Lu Ming stood under the shower, the warm water seemed to become cold. Lu You’s funeral, Lu You’s death, Lu You’s smile, everything was vividly visible. He saw his hands covered with blood. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, they were still full of blood.
At some point, Lu You’s voice bit him in the ear, pulling him to raw pain.
“Why are we mother and son so unfortunate?” She whispered while covering her face and crying, “What’s the use of just taking their property? Do they suffer a thousandth of what we suffer?”
Lu You’s shadow ‘appeared’ in front of Lu Ming, complaining endlessly.
“No, they didn’t!” She grabbed her long hair and sat crouching under the shower, the warm bath water wetting Lu You’s entire body. Gradually, Lu You stood up, and just like the day she died, she was covered in blood, and the smell spread silently.
Lu Ming had difficulty breathing and gritted his teeth. He was silent, leaning against the wall in pain.
Time began to walk slowly, and Lu Ming did not know how long it took for him to regain his composure. He only knew that Lu You had disappeared again, and the bathroom was still noisy with the sound of water.
He looked at the clear water in his palm for a long time.
Long enough for Chi Qiu to shout outside a few times, but he didn’t hear it.
The bathroom door was opened, and Lu Ming turned back alertly. At this moment, his eyes became surly and incomparably unfamiliar. He saw Chi Qiu standing anxiously at the door, and between hesitation, Chi Qiu’s lips and teeth moved: “Are you alright?”
The warm tone was like good medicine, suddenly shouting to wake Lu Ming up.
Lu Ming lost his voice and stood frozen in place, then he turned his back on Chi Qiu.
Seeing that he didn’t speak, Chi Qiu wanted to take a step inside: “You have been showering for a long time, I am worried about you.”
And Lu Ming turned off the shower all of a sudden, his tone was cold: “Get out.” He was not used to showing his weak and incompetent side to others when his brain was awake; it would make him very insecure.
His voice was not too heavy, and Chi Qiu clasped his two hands together nervously in a sincere manner, “Lu Ming, I want to help you.”
“…”
“Lu Ming, I’m coming in.” Chi Qiu touched the wet wall and faintly moved closer to Lu Ming.
But then what he got was an annoyed low roar from Lu Ming: “Get out!”
Chi Qiu was startled, shaken, and nearly fell over.
Lu Ming quickly realized his gaffe. He covered his face and rubbed it hard, “Can you leave me alone for now?” He didn’t turn back, “Chi Qiu, I need to be by myself for a while.”
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Chi Qiu, who was rejected twice, had to take a step back and closed the bathroom door with trembling fingertips.
This was the first time Lu Ming had lost his temper with him.
The author has something to say: Get well soon, Lu Ming!