Chapter 32: [Vol 1] Chapter 30

Ruru ∇

My name is Ruru. 

My mother gave me that name when I was born, it means “Courage” in our language. 

But I grew up quite the opposite, I had a timid personality growing up. Us wolf-kin hunt our own food in the mountains, but I could never bring myself to lay a hand on another living creature. 

I was a pacifist. So I always ended up relying on others; it made me feel like a hypocrite, but I could never bear to hurt anyone.

Probably due to my mother’s devoted encouragement telling me to embrace who I am instead of forcing myself to be like the other children, it had led to my belief that the innocence within me was not a bad thing. Instead, mother says that it is okay to be different, that the light in my heart is something to be protected, treasured in this world filled with unnecessary conflict.

I believed her. Mother is always correct. Mother taught me many things as I grew up listening to her stories before she settled in the tribe. Things about the factions, races in this world, the scary Demon king, yuusha-sama-tachi, monsters, and even about the never-ending strife between humans and demihumans like us. To justify our superior physical traits and the ability to use 'racial skills', the humans called us beast-kins; offsprings of demons and monsters. But despite sharing a similar kind of abilities, I knew that nothing else about us demihumans resembled that of a monster.

In fact, I feared monsters. Because they had always threatened the villagers' lives whenever they went out to look for food. Monsters were irrational, and creatures that were harmful by nature. I had once almost lost my life against a monster boar when I was little, and ever since then, I never got too far away from the village for fear of getting hurt.

I knew mother was worried about me... but, I couldn't pull up the courage to take a step forward on my own.

Towards that kind of child, mother told me something shocking one day...

...Father died from a monster when he was out hunting one day.

When I learnt of it, I realized immediately. I had always thought it was strange why I was the only child in the village without a father. 

My feelings were a mess then.

It had been sad, a bit lonely even… 

Had it not been the other villagers who came to comfort me at that time, I might have never come to terms with it.

When I finally calmed down, I didn't resent mother or anything. In fact, I appreciated her for telling me the truth.

I understood that she was looking out for me. As I was old enough to learn the truth, she also took the chance to teach me something important. And that was I had to overcome this fear someday. I wouldn't be a child forever.

Resolved to become more courageous, I started to come out of my comfort zone. I began to tackle things that I thought I couldn't before. 

Since then, she has taught me various magic to protect myself, and also magic that could protect others. I realized then, even for someone of an aggressive-natured race, there were ways for me to become useful even without violence. I believed that one day, even someone like me... could make a difference against the strife in this world.

I used the healing magic that I’d learnt to heal the injured adults whenever they came back from a hunt, and I would be praised. "Ruru is so talented with healing magic!" “Thank you as always, Ruru-chan.” “Your healing is as marvellous as ever!" "...What a good child you are." Jii-chan-tachi would say.

It felt really good, not just because I was doing a good deed, but because I felt like I was carrying on a legacy, something I did to honor my father. 

I began to do more than just healing after that. I started to help out around the village. I became a big sister for the other children whom I learnt had lost their parents...

Finally, I felt like I had a place in this village again. 

I reminisced the times when I grew up with bliss. The carefree days of mother and I, along with everyone else in the village. I was happy then, very happy living with mother.

...But then, those peaceful times did not last.

—I still recall the roaring flames, and the suffocating, grey smoke that dried out my lungs. In the night sky, the flames fanned mercilessly, burning everything to the ground.

My mind was blank, and all I could see around me were straw-houses lit ablaze, the home that mother and I shared had too, drowning out in a sea of orange and red.

Our village was torched in flames, a scene of hell so vivid in my mind as if it had happened just yesterday. 

“...Mother…”

With dry eyes that weren’t even able to tear up, I looked around helplessly with a face covered in soot.

I couldn’t see anything. I couldn’t feel anything.

Everyone was running around in fear and panic. The courageous adults who weren’t, had tried to face them with makeshift weapons, dying brutally without a chance. 

The village had been invaded, by the humans that mother had warned me about.

But I was a pacifist. I didn’t think of repelling the invaders away, only using my mana to heal those on the verge of their deaths. They died in my arms, looking at me with a painful smile.

"...Ruru...-chan... You're... kind, aren't you..."

Leaving behind those words, their bodies turned stiff. Under their burnt tunics were a growing coldness that no amount of healing could remedy.

...I was left alone again.

I wasn't able to save them.

The humans were too strong.

Or was I the one that was weak?

...Have I gotten complacent in an illusion of peace? Was this the inevitability of strife? 

Why... Why can't everyone live in peace. Why?! WHY?!

—I was unable to move, neither a step forward nor backward. Trapped and rooted to the ground, I watched as everyone around me died in a slow torturous way, and the humans who had committed such heinous acts smirked as if they were enjoying some kind of show.

I couldn’t believe people like this exist in this world, but they did. And they ravaged whatever they could to our village, in the most cruelest of ways imaginable.

Aunt Cateya, who would always give me a pat on the head whenever I came to visit—Her ears were cut off, and she was violated in a half-conscious state. Even after she had fainted, the human males continued taking turns until her eyes turned lifeless from asphyxiation.

Uncle Samia. I would always massage his back after a long day of plowing the fields. He would tell me dirty jokes, and mother would chastise him when she found out each time—His head was impaled onto a wooden stake, displaying his lifeless whites of his eyes, and hair that had been peeled off along with his scalp that left behind bloodied blotches of dead skin.

Shea-chan who was five years younger than me, much braver than me even though she was an orphan, was made an example of those who tried to resist. Her head was twisted at an unnatural degree, and one of the human males went along with his perverted desires, raping that small child who already stopped breathing, over and over again. 

And mother, whom I had always, always respected and loved, she was…

...At the end of it, not even her bones remained. 

"N-No... NOOOO!!!"

When mother died, the hope that I had been clinging on to so desperately had too, been extinguished without a trace.

The females were all thrown into a big metal cage to become slaves, and the males were all killed without question.

Witnessing the atrocities that befell everyone around me, I vomited. For the first time in my life, the illusion of peace had shattered. I realized that mother had told me this before, that throughout history, mankind always defaulted to war and conflict. Humans sin due to human nature.

At that time, I didn’t really know what it meant. But as the atrocities happened one after another before my eyes, that preconception of ‘evil’ became increasingly clearer to me.

One of the humans noticed me then. It had been obvious how it would end. It didn’t matter whether I was captured alive, or humiliated before I was killed, a grim fate surely awaited me.

What should I do?

No, I couldn't do anything...!

My body trembled, it trembled, it trembled and trembled and trembled. I was unable to fight back, unable to resist, unable to be useful. 

The man sauntered up and stood before me grinning, a spear held in his right hand. 

The ones who could save me, had all died. 

And I was left alone, next in line.

——Just then. A jolt of electricity brought me back to my senses, and a strangling sensation on my neck made me experience an extreme degree of pain. It was as if every inch of my body, every cell was being burnt. Just like that fire. 

I realized that I had been in a trance all this time. 

I had already lived my life as a slave for years, my dignity as a person dragged through the mud, treated like filth, treated like waste. Thinking back on the kind of life I’d led till now, tears started to form in my eyes.

Mother… ...Everyone...

Were those simply memories flashing before my death? 

I knew. That right now, I was dying. This was the effect of the Slave Collar, the object that bound my life, my obedience to the one who had bought me.

Because my master had died, the death penalty had been invoked.

But it wasn’t by accident.

That man who had abused me just like the others before him. 

I had secretly hoped that he would die from his own greed. I thought that the humans who had insatiable and dark desires, should receive their karma for their sins.

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"Since goddess-sama wouldn't do it..."

When I had an opportunity to do so, my body moved on its own.

I did something I wasn’t supposed to do. I intentionally lured the monsters down to where my master was. It wasn’t a surprise that he had died. I heard it clearly after all, the sound of his agonizing cries and the bones that crunched under the weight of the swarm of rabbits. 

Finally, I had taken revenge. I had just killed a person. I had committed a taboo, broken my beliefs with my own hands.

But what is this... sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Every inch of my body was crying out, as if regretting the decision I just made.

I came to my senses then, that I had actually killed a person.

...I'm a murderer.

Rather than happiness, or satisfaction from being freed, I felt—Remorse. Guilt, and many other emotions strung together, hitting me all at once. 

I felt like I had betrayed my mother’s teachings.

I started to laugh softly, tears falling down my cheeks.

...It’s funny.

I had never thought that I would ever think of the word “revenge” in my life.

It was such a… suffocating word. A concept that breeds even more hate.

And yet… I did it.

I took revenge.

For everyone in the village. For mother. I had become the "Ruru" that was once expected of me. I had become the monster the humans had claimed us to be.

Or maybe, it was just an excuse.

For the peace-loving girl, she finally found out that she too,  had a limit to what she could take.

Exhausted of her remaining dregs of willpower, the girl had reached the end of the line.

...I could no longer live this kind of life anymore.

My life as a slave, my life as Ruru, the ‘courageous’ girl… would end here...

... ... ... ...No…

In the abyss, I turned back on that thought. 

I didn’t want to die after all. How could everything end just like this?

I was frustrated. I was unwilling. I felt that the world was unfair to me.

I desperately swam up in this deep, dark ocean, but no matter how much I swam, the distance to the surface never closed.

My movements became sluggish, and I finally stopped after a few more flails.

It felt as if the current was pushing its weight onto me like quicksand, and it was impossible to escape from this fate.

Goddesses, why? Why do I have to suffer so? I cried out.

Goddesses, please. If you are there, please…!

“...Save… me.” Those words came out of my mouth unconsciously. 

Even though I knew no one would come, just like that night, I offered a prayer to the heavens.

—At the next moment, ...I saw him.

A human male who had dark red eyes, a strikingly charming appearance that captivated me and even made me forget about the pain for a brief moment. Who? Why was someone else down here? In this kind of place?

Many questions raced through my head, but they were all left unanswered as the collar tightened even more around my neck.

The human probably understood that I was suffering from my expression, so he extended his hand to me, attempting to dismantle the slave collar. His palpitations were all over the place, and he didn’t seem to have a solution in mind, yet the human never gave up. 

Why? Why was he going so far to save me? I was confused.

A demihuman like me. I thought humans hated us. 

But he didn’t look at me the entire time; the human was incredibly focused, his eyes staring down at the collar. 

“Break! Break!” He screamed suddenly, startling me. 

...To think someone would care for me to this extent.

In that brief moment, mother’s figure superimposed onto his image, and I felt my heart skip a beat.

...No. It was too late anyway. 

I closed my eyes, and smiled. For some reason, my head felt free of worries, reminiscent of how it was like when I was still a child. That innocence that I had lost had returned to me during my final moments. How fitting, I laughed in self-derision.

After all, it took only a single gesture of kindness in this drought, for me to finally come to terms with my inevitable death.

‘This part of me, still hasn’t changed it seems.’

I gathered my remaining mana into one final protection spell.

Even though he was a human, I no longer wanted anyone else to get hurt because of me.

I had seen the kind of explosion the collar can create. If he was caught in it, he might probably die with me. I continued to channel my mana, but the only way to use my restricted mana circuits was to force it through the collar. It would cause me insurmountable pain, but at this point I thought that nothing could really hurt me anymore. 

I grit my teeth, and injected one last burst of mana. Memories of the past flooded into my mind again. I thought that I could see mother in front of me. She was patting my head with an unwavering smile.

‘You’ve done well all this time…’ I thought I heard her say.

‘Now, it’s time to come home, my child—’

“—BREAKKKKKKKKKK!”

The vision of mother was torn to shreds, and my eyes widened in shock at the human male who had pulled me back from the land of the dead. 

The slave collar broke, and something else latched onto my heart at that very moment.

I finally understood...

That this human, was different from the rest.

He was someone who held not a single blemish on his being. The light that I had given up.

If it was him... if I were to be by his side... Would I shine brightly again, just like before?

The dreams that I had discarded gradually filled my chest to the brim, and my eyes became glued to that human who was losing consciousness.

It seemed like he had used up all his mana.

"...Hold on tight."

I smiled down at him, just like how mother would for me when I was afraid.

After that...

He had returned me my freedom. Even though I was reluctant to leave, I knew that it was impossible for us to be together.

I left him, my heart felt heavy.. But I could never get him out of my mind.

...It was most likely since then, that that human had begun appearing in my dreams... every night—

Sinpathy

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