Chapter 3: Three: Nice To Meet You (Again)

I dumbly stared at the spot Jack had disappeared from for a few seconds, then shook myself. I quickly pulled up the menu, and pushed the ‘disconnect’ button; the bright, sunny plaza faded away, and was replaced by the ceiling of my room.

I quickly removed my helmet and pulled myself up to a seated position – too quickly, my head started spinning and I had to stop for a moment. Then I grabbed my phone, and pulled up the messaging app.

Jack, I wrote. Are you okay?

I kept staring at the screen, my eyes glued to it, until a check mark appeared below the message I’d sent.

But then, nothing happened. Jack had read the message, but she wasn’t answering it.

Talk to me, I wrote. I just wanna make sure. It’s okay if you don’t wanna speak to me from now on. I just wanna know if you’re alright.

Once again, the check mark appeared, this time almost immediately: she clearly had the app open. But once again, no reply.

Jack. Jack. Please. Don’t just leave me on read like this.

No reply.

I’m sorry.

No reply.

I frowned down at my phone.

I’m gonna call you now, Jack, I typed. If you don’t wanna talk to me, don’t answer. But I’m gonna call.

I sent the message, waited for the check mark to appear, and then after a few seconds pulled up Jack’s contact and pushed the call button.

The phone rang for a long time, at least a minute. It was the longest minute of my life. But then, just as I thought the call was about to go to voicemail, Jack picked up.

“Jack,” I said.

There was silence on the other side of the line.

“Jack, please. We’re friends. Talk to me.”

The only sound that came across was a half-choked sob.

I took a deep breath. “Jack, I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have–”

“It’s not you!” she said. “It’s not you at all, it’s me!”

I hesitated. “What–”

“It’s me, I’m… wrong. That’s what I am. It’s this… this thing, I just kept ignoring it, but now…”

She started sobbing.

I listened to her for a few moments, then I came to a decision.

“Where are you, Jack? You’re home, right?” I asked.

“What?” she replied, between sobs. “Yeah, but–”

“I’ll be right there.”

I hung up the phone, then stood up; I looked down at myself – I was wearing a tracksuit, it wasn’t really appropriate for going out, but screw that, my friend needed help. I quickly threw on a jacket, opened the door to my room, and ran downstairs.

“I’m going out, Mom!” I shouted. “I’m taking the car!”

I grabbed the keys from the hook they were hanging from, beside the front door, and headed out.

“Eddie, what–” my mom shouted after me.

“Sorry, no time to explain! I’ll tell you everything later!” I shouted back. In seconds I was in the car, speeding across town towards Jack’s house.

I definitely broke several speed limits getting there; I was careful, however, not to run any red lights. I was still there in record time, my car screeching to a halt in front of Jack’s apartment.

I took a few moments to compose myself before knocking: Jack was already upset enough, while my feelings were in a turmoil I had to avoid showing it.

Jack had been waiting for me, apparently; I only had to wait a few moments before the door opened, to reveal my friend.

She had clearly been crying, and hard: her face was streaked with tears, and she had a heartbreaking expression in her eyes.

“Ed… I–” she began, but then broke out crying again.

“Oh, come here, you,” I said, pulling her in a tight embrace as I moved into the house and shut the door; I gently guided her to the couch and we sat down, still hugging each other, as she cried her eyes out.

It took a while for Jack to calm down; very slowly her sobbing subsided, and her breathing normalised. Some time after that I heard her shift, and she said, in a small voice, “It’s… okay. You can let go now.”

I nodded, and released the almost-death grip I had on her. I reached up with my hand and touched my shoulder, finding it was very wet. “You had a lot to let out, didn’t you?” I asked with a chuckle.

“Yeah, guess I did,” she replied.

A moment’s pause, and then I said: “So how do you feel?”

She grimaced before answering. “Like my whole world has been turned upside-down, and I’m looking at it through a very blurry filter.”

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“Yeah, it’ll take a while to adjust,” I said.

“This isn’t a joke, right?” she said, looking up at me. “Swear to God, if you say something to the effect of ‘Psych, bro, it was just a prank!’ I will put you in the ground.” She paused. “Even if a big part of me wishes it really were a joke.”

I smiled sadly. “No, sorry. No joke here, this is really happening.” I sighed deeply. “Welcome to my world. Like I said, it sucks.”

She smiled back. “So what are we gonna do now?”

I looked at her. “I don’t know about you, but this whole thing has got me thinking: life’s too short to keep hesitating. I’m going to call a trans clinic first thing tomorrow – I have had the number for a really long time, actually, but always chickened out – and get the ball rolling on transition. Then I’ll have to come out to everyone, I’ve been putting it off for too long.”

“Wait, so this isn’t just a today thing? It has been going on for a while?”

I nodded.

“When did you figure it out?”

“Oh, I was ten. Or thereabouts,” I replied, leaning back into the couch’s cushions. “I was just watching TV and saw something in the news about trans people, and it just clicked. Then I searched the Internet for the term, and I realised hey, this is me.”

Jack frowned. “That young?”

“That young,” I nodded.

“And you’ve been holding it in since then,” she said. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve noticed.”

I shrugged. “There’s nothing you could’ve done about it, even if you knew. Rather, I’m the one who has to apologise.”

“What for?” she asked, her eyebrows rising in surprise.

“For not telling you before,” I answered. “If I had, maybe you would’ve figured yourself out earlier. And also, I have to apologise for breaking the news to you so… Well, harshly.”

“There’s nothing you could’ve done about it,” she said with a smile, echoing my words. “In fact, you’ve been very kind. I don’t think anyone would’ve put in the effort of properly explaining things like you did, they probably would’ve been like ‘Hey, girl, you’re trans, deal with it’ instead.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I considered doing that, but in the end I couldn’t. Not to someone I care so deeply about.”

Again, she seemed surprised. “You… You care about me?”

“I do,” I replied with a nod. “We’re best friends, aren’t we?”

Her face seemed to fall a bit, but she nodded back. “Yeah, that we are,” she said.

I tilted my head to the side and looked at her, puzzled. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “You seem a bit disappointed.”

“It’s nothing, I…” she began to say, and then her eyes met mine. She paused. “No, you know what? Fuck this. Today I learned two things about myself, so I’m just going to do it.”

“Two things?” I said. “What two things?”

“I thought I was a man up until now, but I’m actually a girl,” she answered. “That’s one. You with me so far?”

I nodded. “And the second one?”

“The second one is that for a long time I thought I was gay, but actually I’m straight.”

I frowned. “Wait, how did you figure that out?”

Jack sat up straight on the couch and looked directly at me. She took a deep breath.

“I like you, Ed– Sorry, Ellen. I like you, Ellen. I have liked you for a long time.”

My frown deepened. “You… like me?”

She nodded. “I do. And since you’re not a boy, but you’re actually a girl, that makes me straight.”

I just looked at her, turning what she’d just said over into my mind. I had to give her an answer, and right away. But what could I say, really?

In the end I just opened my mouth and said the first thing that popped into my brain.

“But you’re a girl too. Wouldn’t that still make you gay? Gay with extra steps, sort of?”

Jack blinked at me in surprise. “You’re right,” she said. “I hadn’t considered that.” She paused, and then laughed. “Is that all you’re going to say?”

I laughed too. “Yeah, sorry, I think I should answer you properly, right?”

I took her hands into mine. “Jack, I… I care very deeply about you. You’re my best friend, and I will always be here for you. And…” I took a deep breath. “Well, screw this. I don’t know if this is going to work. Maybe, maybe not, but I’m willing to try. After all, we only have ourselves to rely on.”

I looked up at her: she was looking at me, a blank expression on her face. “I’m sorry, you kinda lost me here. Is this a yes, or is this a no?”

I chuckled, leaned over, and kissed her on the cheek. “It’s a yes, you dumbass,” I said, leaning back. “Yes, we can start dating, and see where this takes us. If it works, it works; otherwise, at least we tried.”

Jack smiled, the most wonderful smile I’d ever seen on her face.

And at that moment, the world seemed a bit brighter.