Chapter 38: Interlude Ten – Nothing Absolute

“What are you doing here?” Kittany asked, appearing behind Ashvallen with a whisper.

“Holy fuck!” Ashvallen exclaimed, jumping in fear, and nearly falling off the roof of the fortified building they were staying in.

“You shouldn’t be so twitchy,” Kittany grinned, steadying her easily with a hand before sitting next to her. “It’s bad for your heart.”

“You shouldn’t just pop in on people,” Ashvallen snapped back, heart thudding uncomfortably in her chest.

“So…” Kittany swung her legs easily, looking down at the sheer drop to the ground some twenty meters below them.

“So what?” Ashvallen narrowed her eyes.

“What are you doing here?”

“Why do you care? Am I not free to at least roam the cage?”

“Is that what you think this is?”

“Isn’t it?” Ashvallen challenged the smaller girl. “I tried to leave and was stopped by armed guards. You can call it whatever you like, but it’s still a cage.”

“I suppose you’re not completely wrong. But it’s designed to keep things out.”

“Yet I’m being kept in. I’ve seen enough bars to know them.”

“For your and Moon’s safety,” Kittany pointed out.

“I find that hard to believe,” Ashvallen shook her head.

“Oh?” Kittany cocked an eyebrow quizzically. “Why’s that?”

“That Bailey person said so,” Ashvallen shot her a venomous look. “I wasn’t supposed to wake up. Now I’m awake and none of you know what to do with me.”

“What’s that have to do with keeping you safe?”

“I’m not here because you want to keep me safe. I’m here because you want to keep that other lady, your client, safe. All I’ve done is cause problems. Moon nearly died because of me, you all are holed up in some weird fortress thing just to keep your client alive all because of me.”

“There you’re wrong,” Kittany shook her head.

“In what way am I wrong?”

“Like it or not you’ve become important to a lot of people.”

“Pfft,” Ashvallen chuckled mirthlessly. “I seriously doubt that.”

“We lost people,” Kittany fixed her with a steely gaze. “Good people. We lost five wonderful women. Women whose family will never see them again. Not because of you. Because of the Golden Coven. Even if any of this was your fault, which it isn’t, it’s become personal, now. We’re holed up here because its easier to fight with our backs to the wall. You and everyone else is being kept from leaving because magic can do some terrible things. Believe me, I know. I’ve done terrible things with it.”

“You wouldn’t have lost those people if I hadn’t been brought into this world.”

“Can you fix it?”

“What?” Ashvallen cocked her head to the side.

“Can you make it so you never got dragged here in the first place?”

“No,” Ashvallen admitted.

“Then ignore the past. It’s a tough thing to do, but if you ever want a better present and future you have to learn what you can from what happened and then let it go.”

“Heh,” Ashvallen chuckled mirthlessly. “You don’t know anything about me or my past.”

“You’re right,” Kittany nodded with a shrug. “But I know about me. I was the witch in residence for the last Empress of Korea. I was 12 years old and was vital to the entire Imperial court. I had the living embodiment of the gods coming to me for advice. I used my powers to stare into the hearts of advisors and soldiers. I kept courtiers and courtesans from the machinations of those who would do them harm. I was important.”

“At least one of us was,” Ashvallen sighed.

“You have to ask yourself what’s worse; being important and loved and having it taken away or never knowing love or importance in the first place,” Kittany shook her head ruefully.

“What happened?”

“The Japanese happened,” Kittany shrugged, swinging her feet as she sat on the wall, the cold wind rustling her hair. “Queen Min never trusted the Japanese, despite their honeyed words and grandiose promises and offers, preferring to throw her lot in with China and Russia to bring Korea into the modern era. The Japanese had designs on Korea but, then again, so did every other country on our borders. Queen Min knew that for Korea to stand any chance they would need a proper army and weapons. My magic and the traditions we held would do little against guns and cannons.

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“Unable to bring the Queen into their fold the Japanese first tried to foment discontent and uprisings. Failing to bring Min to heel they finally took to brute force. In early October they sent assassins. Dozens of them stormed the Imperial Palace. I was taken early on, learning only later she had been assassinated.

“They tied and beat me when I wasn’t passed around for the soldiers’ use but never enough to grant me the death I wanted so badly. Finally on what was to be my last day they broke all of my fingers first, then my arms and legs and dragged me to the block. Taunting me as I was dragged with tales of how Min screamed as they killed her and asking what noises a worthless little witch would make. I had just turned 16 and they’d taken everything from me and would soon take my life, too. I was ready.”

“What happened?” Ashvallen felt tears drip down her cheeks but was unable to stop them.

“The old fox came to me. Time stood still. I could move as well as my shattered body would allow me but the soldiers holding me and those taunting and screaming and throwing things at me were frozen in place. She asked if I wanted a future. In that moment I had a choice. I could live in the past and die like the broken, beaten, humiliated wretch they had made me, or I could look to tomorrow. It was, honestly, a harder decision than some might think. Finally I told her that I did want a future. I was swept away from the pit of my demise and have lived ever since. Remembering the past but looking forward to the future I wanted.”

“It’s not fair,” Ashvallen shook her head.

“Not much ever is. It’s weirdly ironic in some ways,” Kittany mused.

“What is?”

“Well, I spent decades hating the Japanese. After all, it took me months to recover. My bones still ache when it gets cold like this. I hated the soldiers for what they to me. Both physically and emotionally. They stripped away my humanity, my dignity, my worth as a person and left me what I was certain would be a hate-filled husk. I hated them for what they did to Queen Min and all the court ladies they tortured and killed needlessly. But now, I thank them every single day.”

“Huh?” Ashvallen stared at her quizzically.

“They gave me Ai,” Kittany smiled at her, a genuine smile that came from the bright side of her life where the little swordswoman lived. “I hated her. I wanted her to die. I tried to kill her myself a few times, actually. But the reality is the sins of some can’t be borne by the whole.”

“I…” Ashvallen hung her head for a moment. “I don’t want to go back.”

“Is it Moon?” Kittany asked. “I’ve seen how you look at her.” Ashvallen’s face blushed slightly and she shrugged.

“Part of it is. Probably. I don’t have anything to go back to, either. I live in a hole in the attic of an abandoned building. I have nothing but my weapons and my body and weapons rust and bodies grow tired. I want something more.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t want to go back to what and who I was. A lowly street rat with nothing. I want to learn about this world and be better. I want to spend more time with Moon. I want to hear her stories and support her. I want to learn things like mathematics and science and reading and writing. I want a chance to be more.”

“Then do that,” Kittany encouraged her.

“How?” Ashvallen asked, not bothering to stop the burning tears in her eyes. “If I stay, I can never love Moon the way you love Ai! I’m in her sister’s body. Even if my feelings were ever someday returned, I could never physically be with her in any meaningful way. Not to mention if I stay Moon’s sister can’t return. It’s worthless.”

“Korea used to be one nation,” Kittany looked toward the darkness in the north as if searching for something. “In Queen Min’s time we were one people. As time went on and outside forces wrenched Korea first one way, then the other we grew apart until my homeland split. North and South. I don’t know if we’ll ever be whole again. You and Moon’s sister are very much like that, now. You are one, yet different. You’ll never be the same, as you are two different people. But that difference doesn’t have to define you like it defines my Korea.

“You may find a moment. A split second where you can make the decision to split forever or hold on to what you want and who you are and make the world pay attention to you. I don’t know how the magic works. But I know that, just like in life, there is no absolutes in magic. Nothing is pre-defined. Look for your moment and grab hold of it with both hands, and you just might find there is a place for you where you most want it but least expect it to be.”

“Do you think so?” Ashvallen asked, a look of desperation on her face. Kittany smiled and patted her hands gently.

“I think it’s at least a possibility.” Ashvallen stared at her for a long moment before smiling. “Now go take care of Moon. She needs you.”

“Ok!” Ashvallen enthused, clambering to her feet, and rushing back toward the door leading to the compound.

“You’re a big softie,” A quiet voice came from the darkness behind Kittany as she sat on the wall and stared into the darkness.

“You shouldn’t eavesdrop on other people’s conversation, my love,” Kittany sighed and shook her head.

“I wasn’t intending to. I was asked to find the girl and was quite surprised when I found you both,” Ai stepped from the shadows and put her hand lightly on Kittany’s shoulder.

“Let me guess,” Kittany grinned. “It seemed rude to interrupt.”

“Something like that,” Ai admitted.

“Well, you owe me something,” Kittany covered the hand on her shoulder gently with hers, marveling at the girl’s warmth.

“Oh?” Ai asked.

“I expect a proper fucking.”

“How uncouth!” Ai gasped in shock.

“I want toys this time, too. I’ve been patient for months. I’m calling in the debt.”

“Well,” Ai grinned broadly, face beaming red with a mix of embarrassment and excitement,” a debt’s a debt.”

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