Chapter 74: Special (Joke) Chapter – The Goddess Cossimeri 

Note: I noticed really late that today was my account's 1 year anniversary on Scribblehub. To celebrate I wrote this joke chapter, which is honestly probably not very good. Hopefully, you get a chuckle out of it at least. 

Characters from all my stories show up in this one, but I'm posting it on Barista because Barista is the oldest story that is still updating. (Unless you count Half-Elf: R as an extension of the original Half-Elf... but, that is splitting hairs.) 

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Special (Joke) Chapter - The Goddess Cossimeri 

 

Seated upon a plush pink and white throne, a ginger-haired woman with pale freckled skin gazed upon the floor with a smile. Today a handful of key universes would be in alignment, allowing her to summon her favored creations. 

Off in the distance a grandfather clock began to chime, signaling midnight, and the start of a new day. Light from an ethereal moon shimmered through a crystalline roof onto an intricate pattern of magical circles and runes. 

As the runes began to glow ghostly figures started to emerge. Their vaguely imperceptible forms slowly solidifying into flesh and blood. First among them were a trio of women. One a ginger-haired woman with elf-like ears, another with silver hair and wolf ears, the last with green hair and cat ears. 

Shortly thereafter came a young ginger-haired woman with oversized bunny ears draped on either side of her head, accompanying her was a young girl with fox-like features. 

Lastly came a blonde-haired girl of short stature, with mouse-ears, and deep ruby red eyes. Though she wore a look of confusion, she was the first to bow to the woman on the throne. Recognizing the divinity of her summoner thanks to her history as the chosen hero of a goddess. 

“Welcome, everyone,” The woman on the throne said with a smile. “I am Cossimeri. I will return each of you to your own worlds, shortly, I only wish to steal a moment of your time. Each of you bear a unifying factor, it wouldn’t be false to say we’re all practically family.” 

“How are we family?” The wolf-eared woman questioned Cossimeri, her tone a half-snarl. With a motion of her hand she guided the red-haired half-elf she’d arrived with behind her.

“Well, Cairah,” Cossmeri smiled. “It is because I created each of you. I created your worlds, your families, even the gods you worship are my creations. You are all favored by me, and I have brought you here so that I may look upon the faces of my chosen. With that said, how about introductions, Bernice, how about you and Eskame start.” 

The bunny-eared woman, Bernice, gazed wearily at Cossimeri, nervously petting the fox-eared girl’s hair. “I am Bernice Edelberg, and this is my younger sister Eskame.” 

“I am Eskame! Super witch of Ciriczar,” Eskame grinned as she struck a pose. “And don’t you forget it.”

Cossimeri chuckled before turning to the short mouse-eared woman, “Caelan, you next.” 

Taking a deep breath Caelan stood and gazed at the collection of women before her, “I am Caelan Kubarev, former hero of the goddess Eynhilda. If I may, Goddess Cossimeri, may I ask a question?” 

“Of course, Caelan.” 

“Why was I the only one who was summoned alone?”

“Oh that,” Cossimeri chuckled. “When I wrote the summoning section of this chapter I said the ghostly figures became flesh and blood. You see I really wanted Kaphis to be summoned at your side, but since they are not made of flesh, and I didn’t want to rewrite the section, I couldn’t do it.” 

“That… You’re lazier than I imagined a supreme goddess to be.” 

“And you’re cuter than I imagined you’d be,” Cossimeri winked causing Caelan to turn scarlet and hide her face. “Now then, last but not least, you three.” 

“You’ve said my name already,” The wolf-eared woman huffed. “But I’m Cairah, a Fenrir.” 

“I’m Emi,” The green-haired catgirl remarked before possessively grabbing the red-haired half-elf beside her. “And this is Welsie. She doesn’t do too well around strangers, so I’ll be speaking on her behalf.” 

“And that’s everyone,” Cossimeri cheered clapping her hands. “Now for the real meat and potatoes of this year’s encounter, a Cossimeri Q and A!!” 

“Q and A?” Eskame parroted looking confused. 

“It means question and answer,” Bernice whispered. 

“Correct you are my dear beloved bun!” Cossimeri grinned. “Each of you will get a chance to ask me one question, and as long as it isn’t a spoiler I’ll answer.” 

“Alright, I’ll go first,” Bernice sighed. “Why are most of your protagonists redheaded?” 

“Wonderful question Bernice. You’re already tapping into the meta-information of this realm to gain knowledge you shouldn’t have. Most of my protagonists are gingers because I am a ginger. Growing up I paid attention to the hair colors of the protagonists of every story I read, and found that my hair color was rarely represented. I wished to change that.” 

“Oh, oh, me next!” Eskame chanted, bouncing up and down with her hand raised.

“Yes, Eskame?” 

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“When are you going to post more chapters of my spin-off? It’s been forever!!” 

“Eventually?” Cossimeri shrugged. “I made it clear in the synopsis that your spin-off was just something I was writing for fun, and that it would update irregularly.” 

“That’s not fair, update me now, please! I’ll never get to show Big Sis and Sister Otrea my harem if you keep delaying.” 

“Alright, I’m planning to sequester myself and catch up on some writing this weekend, I’ll attempt to release updates for you then.” 

“Yay!” 

“I guess I’m next,” Caelan said gazing into Cossimeri’s eyes. “Why do you make us suffer?! My heart can’t take anymore, why are we not born into worlds full of kindness and cute things?” 

“Worlds without conflict aren’t interesting,” Cossimeri shrugged. “Boring worlds don’t get created, you do not exist despite your suffering, you exist because of your suffering. That said, I do have a reputation of having lots of cute moments in my stories, there are far worse creators you could’ve had.” 

“You erased me from existence once,” Caelan sighed. “That’s a pretty bad thing.” 

“You got erased sure, but I brought you back even cuter than before. I even gave you Mira, she wasn’t with you the first time around.” 

“I guess.” 

“Wonderful, next, Cairah?” 

“You’re not planning to kill my mom in the rewrite are you?” 

“Ah, straight to the point, umm… no comment?”

“Please don’t… I already lost her once.” 

“I haven’t planned out the fate of every character, so I just don’t know what’s going to happen yet. Besides, even if I had planned out her fate, I said no spoilers!” 

“My turn,” Emi grinned. “Will you ever release the naughty chapter you posted on Patreon for the original half-elf? I really want to read Welsie’s first time.”

“Emi,” Welsie squeaked in distress. “No!” 

Cossimeri shrugged. “It’s not a very good chapter, and I did consider releasing it, as a farewell to the original. But, after polling the people on my discord I found that nobody wanted it, so I dropped any plans for it.” 

“Aww… fine. Last question is Welsie’s right?” 

“Yep, I’m fine with you asking on her behalf.” 

Pulling Emi close to her Welsie whispered into the catgirl’s ear before hiding behind Cairah. “Alright, Welsie’s question is… can she have cat ears too? She would also be okay with wolf ears like Cairah, or bunny ears like Bernice.” 

“Aww, half-elf girls are just as cute as kemonomimi girls,” Cossimeri giggled. “You shouldn’t want for anything my dear Welsie. You were my first protagonist and you will always hold a special place in my heart because of it.” 

The low chime of a grandfather clock drew Cossimeri’s attention to the moon shining down upon the chamber. “Time really flies, huh. Sorry girls, you’ve all got to go home now.” 

“Wait, I have more questions,” Emi said panicked. “The longer I stay here, the more I know, why’d you make me a moody dragon in the original Half-Elf?!” 

“I thought it would be cool to have an antagonist who was gender-bent like the protagonist. I still think it could work, but I was too heavy-handed back then.” Cossimeri answered with a motherly smile. “But that’s two questions Emi, I said you could only have one, such a greedy kitten. Farewell everyone, see you next year.” 

“I’d better have at least two hundred chapters before next time,” Eskame shouted and shook her fist as the room began to crumble. “If I don’t I’ll have to spank you.” 

“Eskame!” Bernice hissed grabbing the little girl by the ear. “Don’t antagonize a supreme goddess, what if she doesn’t finish either of our stories?” 

“Who wants to be finished?  I want my story to go on forever!” 

“Goodbye, Eskame,” Cossimeri laughed as the room and everyone in it vanished. Cossimeri reappeared in a living room, standing before a pink and white gaming chair, and a desk upon which a laptop rested. 

“I guess I should get started then,” Cossimeri smiled sitting down in her chair. “Writing what comes next.” 

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