Chapter 10: [Volume I] Acceptance (3)

Realizing that, after the short nap she's taken, she knows much more about this current world, about her clan and everything else, is startling. It's as if the original Ren's memories were somewhere in there and waiting for an occasion to settle in, like a medicine or illness alike.

Unsettling, like many things that happened today.

Unsettling, like many things that were bound to happen.

Worst of all, her actual memories are still perfectly intact in there. And, whatever personality Ren's memories want to force unto her, they just slide off like water on the glass.

She might be wearing her skin now, but she isn't becoming her. She despises herself, but she will not be anybody else. She can't be anybody else.

It feels wrong.

---

Genma is nowhere to be found – but he was there're, surely, judging by the pile of books seated on pathetic imitation of a nightstand usually found in hospitals. Stack of four, for a good start, she thinks, and all of them are either folktales or legends, and Renee feels like hugging the lungs out of the tokujo, because anything keeping her from boredom is more than welcome.

And from her dream. That one was… Odd.

No, stop, she slaps herself mentally. That territory is wrong to explore.

So, instead, she just takes the first book, opens it (and don't find opening it backwards weird) and starts reading. She knows many kanji, she realizes, but some she also doesn't. She will have to learn, surely.

---

She's working her way through the last story of the first book, and chewing on what's supposed to be dinner that weary nurse brought her, when there's a knock on her door for the second time this day. She feels rather at ease, and she doesn't answer right away, stubbornly burying her nose in the book up until she reaches the end of the page. She will not bother to try to find where she ended if she can help it. And she can.

She finishes just when someone knocks for the second time.

"It's open!" she calls, annoyance vibrant in her voice, and door slide open- And Renee stops, fixing her gaze on elderly man in red-and-white robes that elderly man wears, and she knows it can't be good, because Yamanaka Inoichi is trailing right behind him with awfully sweet smile on his lips-

"Hello, Ren-chan," Sarutobi Hiruzen greets her, and her eyes narrow, as someone else tries to get into the room and she isn't having it. But then she sees that it's Genma, with one of his smug smiles, chewing on a senbon as always and she instantly feels her body relax.

"Do me a favor and don't use honorifics towards me, old man," she addresses Hokage, who doesn't even bother to hide his surprise at the statement. "They make me feel weird, especially those who soften the name. My mom was the only one who used to soften my name," she says, and something akin to compassion flickers through Village Head's face.

"Apologies, I hadn't known," Hiruzen answers, and she just shrugs in answer, saying nothing as Genma sits on the bed next to her feet.

"Happens," Renee nods, crossing her arms on her chest. "So, what do you want? If to say what I seen then… I've seen nothing. I haven't even seen Itachi, let alone bodies, and I heard nothing. Next thing I remember is waking up here."

"Oh," is what Hokage says in answer.

"So, I neither mind nor am capable of answering questions about massacre. To me, somebody could have been sent to assassinate only me just as well."

"It's good you're coping with it so well," Genma cuts in. "Same can't be said about Sasuke…"

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Because, you idiot, Sasuke was confronted by his brother and put under goddamn Tsukiyomi for gods know how long, Renee wants to and can't tell. Because I'm from another world and I know it all, but it wasn't my family, my clan…

(Would I even care, had my family suffered the same fate?)

"What about Sasuke?" she asks, and finds herself surprised that she means it. She always disliked Sasuke, more and more with every next episode that featured him, and now… Thought of tiny, eight-year-old boy whose world just crumbled down, who has absolutely no one but his murderous, moronic brother…

No. Wait. She's an Uchiha now.

•••

She is the only family left in Leaf that Sasuke has. Weird, that she hadn't realized it up until now, but it's true. Maybe not for herself, but for them she's a living, breathing survivor of the massacre. Sasuke's only family.

I wonder, would he turn into such asshole had there been anyone to actually take care of him? Of Sasuke, I mean, somebody asked her once.

I don't know, she answered truthfully then. To me he was always asshole, masking his fear and loneliness with anger and cold, refusing any help.

But right now, she wasn't some random stranger that boy could just tell to flip off.

(She hated children. She hated responsibility.)

"He's been very quiet, for last three days," Hiruzen says, and she snaps her head up to look at the man. "He speaks to no one, barely sleeps, and he has to be force-feed, lest he will starve. Now as I think of it, he doesn't speak at all."

"Does he even know, that he isn't the only one left alive?" she asks, and Hiruzen hums, patting his chin.

"I don't think anybody told him yet," Hokage answers. "Your state was severe enough that we were waiting for you to stabilize. For the first day you weren't in most promising condition. Even now you're risking a heart attack."

"Because my heart was damaged?" she asks, but she knows the answer.

Because heart attack happens when cells in muscle tissue of the heart don't receive enough ATP in time, tissue gets paralyzed and it stops pupping blood. But honestly, she doubts she would've even realized, since her chest hurts no matter what.

"That's why your earlier hysteria attack was such a big deal," Genma adds, clicking the senbon against his teeth. "Don't scare us like that anymore, 'kay?"

Renee just smiles and nods. Genma is really awesome person, and she knows it just fine. And she really respects him, too. He was, after all, in team with Ebisu and Guy of all people. That is respect-inducing, since he didn't become neither a neat freak nor over-exuberant youthful Beast of Leaf.

"I'm glad to see you are well," Hiruzen says, and Renee knows just fine that he's lying. In rough translation he means; I don't trust you with yourself and I'm most worried for your well-being, so there will always be one or two ANBU around just in a case, until I deem you stable enough.

Renee feels like snapping at him for that, but… That would be more trouble than it's worth. So she just shrugs and lets it pass.

He is right, she realizes. She doesn't feel good with herself. With wearing somebody else's skin, with living somebody else's life.

It feels wrong. Renee is a worthless person. Ren, on the other hand, had a future.

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