Chapter 390: ARC 6-Winter War-84

Out of consideration for the much more fragile bunny asking for a bit of my time, we move, standing under one of the arched entrances to the Witness Circle. It does nothing for the cold of course, but snow is no longer gently raining onto her head and that must count for something. I get a grateful smile for the effort but there’s no way to tell if she’s just being polite.

“Then? What was it you wanted to say?” Being close to where the slaughter took place and in unapproved company makes me anxious. Almost anxious enough to shuffle my feet.

“I wanted to talk about today.” Her blue eyes, like her father’s, so similar but so different from the gaze I fell in love with, and her pursed lips speak of sympathy but I don’t understand why she’d turn such a look on me. I’m not the one she needs to be concerned about. “In Victory, they are only concerned about winning and losing. The victors are celebrated. The losers are forgotten. That is all. But I… know it is not so simple. That victory does not equate to happiness. That there is a price to be paid, even by the victors.”

She sighs. “Look at me, rambling. There’s only one thing I wanted to ask. Are you okay?”

I stare at her, waiting for the real question. Or the trick. But as she holds my stare, I realize that she’s serious. That’s her question. And it baffles me. “Yes? I’m perfectly fine.” A hand waves at my body. “No injuries.”

“Not physically, Lou. I know you’re strong. I meant your heart. War wounds more than the body. Is your heart okay?”

“What…”

A hand touches my shoulder. I freeze under her touch but she seems unbothered, her fingers trailing down arm before grabbing my own. “Warm. You really are a marvel,” she mutters. “But all the strength in the world can’t protect us from the horror of death. You witnessed it. You took part in it. Death touched you and its touch is always unsettling. It can rattle the toughest knights, even after years of campaigns.”

She squeezes my fingers. Her hand is cold but not uncomfortable. I still pull away. She doesn’t seem at all bothered, her expression full of sympathy. “I noticed you were upset. Earlier, after the battle. Before the battle too. You…you didn’t want to kill them, did you? But my…family didn’t give you much choice.”

“Your brother is a stupid selfish donkey,” I hiss.

“He is what Victory has forged him to be. It may not make sense to you now but there was no way he could have retreated. Maybe he could have chosen a different direction at the start but the moment he decided to challenge Alana, he could no more change his direction than a charging bull. The same goes for my sister.”

“Don’t compare her to him,” I snap reflexively.

“Is she so different? She could have bargained for the hunters’ lives. She could have stopped what could be a war with Quest, a conflict that could blossom into a war with the crown. All it would have cost her was her reputation. Hundreds, maybe thousands of lives in exchange for losing a bit of Father’s favor. But she didn’t do it.”

Yulia raises her hands. “Don’t misunderstand. Truly, she had as much choice as my brother. After all, she is a James as well. She only did what was natural. What she was raised for. What she was trained for.”

“Then why mention it?”

She hesitates. I don’t know if she’s truly reticent or if she’s purposely building the tension of the moment. I don’t know what she wants or why she’s here. I’m this close to simply walking away but I really can’t stand anyone insulting Alana. I’m forced to stay and defend her, despite not quite knowing what I’m defending her from. Or if I can. Or if I should. The eldest James daughter hasn’t exactly spoken any lies.

“I just want you to understand. Many people come to Victory with a dream. Dreams built on stories and songs and what they imagine this place is. Those dreams are always crushed by the reality. I won’t wait for you to ask me why. The answer is because the stories and the songs say that those dreams lie beyond the Peaks, in the blood of the Lords of Winter. But they don’t. Our happiness is here. With our families. Working together to make the north a better place.”

She sighs heavily, breath fogging. “We can be more than what we’ve been. And maybe, if we focused on ourselves, we would finally be in a position of strength to conquer the Peaks. There are so many other things we can be doing. Securing new mines. Establishing more villages. Forging alliances with other houses. But because of tradition, we throw ourselves at the Peaks year after year. Wasting countless resources and lives. My brother would have us do the same. So would Alana.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I ask. “Why do you think I care?”

“You obviously care. Though I don’t think you enjoy me pointing that out. I suppose that’s enough. It’s getting late and my husband will be wondering where I am. Goodnight, Lou. Please, don’t hesitate to call on me if you need help. Or if you just want to talk.”

I stare at her as if I’m watching a strange beast as she leaves the safety of the arch, stepping out into the cold night with confidence.

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“Hey!”

She looks over her shoulder at me.

“I don’t care what she is,” I shout. “I don’t care if she’s the worst of the lot. I’ll still follow her.” I’m not stupid and her bunny-like facade doesn’t fool me. She might be hard to read but I know a recruitment offer when I hear one. I showed what I can do and now the enemy is trying to poach me.

Her response is a gentle smile. “That makes me happy to hear. I’m glad she met you.”

It’s words like that which make me doubt my opinions of her. Is Yulia just a gentle soul in a rough land? A loving but misunderstood sister? A competent and exceptionally well disguised schemer? Or is she all the above? There’s nothing to say she couldn’t be a peaceful soul who wants the best for her family and is willing to scheme for the benefit of all.

I don’t like using my succubi unnecessarily. Flagrant use of the mental affinity is offensive. Worse, it reminds me of the Grimoires and I refuse to be anything like them. Hopefully, Geneva won’t need to probe her mind to figure her out. Understanding Yulia grows more important by the day. It’s not that I don’t trust Alana but experience has shown that her judgment is compromised when it comes to her family.

Shaking my head, I head back to the estate. A young servant is waiting by the front door to let me in, giving me a sharp nod as I pass. Given the mentality of the James family, I’m surprised there aren’t more guards. You’d think they’d have armed men and women patrolling every hall but the only sign of force I’ve seen is the guard on Kalise’s door. Huh, wonder why she’s the only one with protection.

It’s funny. Ever since I stormed out of Alana’s room, I’ve been dreading talking to my loved ones. Yet the closer I get, the faster my feet carry me. Awkward air or not, I still long to be near them. I can handle what promises to be an uncomfortable talk as long as I don’t sleep alone.

“Coo~”

Standing sentry to the side of the door is an adorable imp. I reach down and briefly nuzzle Bell. “How about it? Am I walking into a monster den?”

“Coo!” [There is no need to worry, Master Lou.]

“Mm.” I set the succubus down, leaving her to resume her guard duties, and face the door. I almost knock but that’s not the impression I want to give. I have to take a stand here or the next time, it won’t be something I can forgive. Taking a deep breath, I open the door.

A single candle lights the room. Sprawled on the bed is Kierra, beautiful as always and completely relaxed. Though…maybe a bit forlorn. It’s nothing overt but I notice how her fingers idly trace the space beside her. Not used to being alone, huh? Guess I wasn’t the only one dreading the thought of me not coming back.

Alana is the exact opposite. She is standing in front of her mounted sword, brooding. A familiar sight that doesn’t surprise me in the least. She’s always been the worrier.

She’s the first of the two to react to my entrance, even though I know Kierra had to have heard me coming. I’m immediately distracted by the sight of my future’s saint red eyes. Has she been crying?!

Regret. Endless regret. Not about what I said but there had to be a better way to say it.

I don’t think about the words still unsaid as I quickly cross the room and pull her into a hug. “It’s okay.” And I mean it. Things need to be said and changes have to be made but it’s nothing to fear. I wouldn’t hurt her. I could never.

As always, Alana melts at the first sign of affection. Her arms go around my waist as she lays her head on my shoulder. “Lou…” She trails off, holding me tighter.

There’s a rustling and I turn my head to see Kierra sitting up. I didn’t expect any signs of tears, I’ve never seen her cry outside of that single time in the Enchanted Forest, but her gaze is intense.

“Once again, we must offer our hearts to one another, my love,” Kierra whispers.

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